From the Ashes

I don't wait for the fires of the temple to climb up the ground to the side of the stairs I destroyed and run into the temple in search of Nobunaga. The smoke doesn't bother me as I search for dark hair, for carnelian eyes, for black and red clothes, for any sign of him while screaming his name.

Those eyes. The ones that saw my potential when I couldn't. The eyes that envision a better future for his people. The eyes that have seen so much betrayal and yet he loves and trusts us with everything. Those eyes I hope with everything that our child has. I cannot find them.

The building starts to collapse on itself as I begin to lose hope of finding him. I'm crushed way before the piece of the ceiling fell on me.

As each new piece of the building falls o. Top of me, burying me in the rubble I just lay there and let it happen. Blood begins to spill from my mouth as my body continues to be flattened. The last thought to run through my mind as my vision fades to black and I lose consciousness: "what happens to our child if I die?"

How long ago was it now since that trip to the hot springs? Since that day he confessed to me that he loved Hideyoshi too. How long since those lucky koi fish swam under my fingers that touched the top of that water while we laid near the edge to watch the various colored fish swim by. He had never looked so serene and peaceful than in that moment. "I should have you painted like this." I joked as I pulled my hand from the water.

He took a breath, his eyes still on the water as a smile spread across his lips and he spoke in a calm tone. " I will be remembered as a conqueror, warrior, cruel, and power hungry. Maybe I am all of those things... It's a shame I won't be remembered by history as the man who loved too much..."

I stroked his hair until he looked at me, still smiling as I spoke. "I will remember you that way, and our children will remember you that way." He rolled on to his back at my insisting nudge so I could climb on top of him. I leaned to kiss him and his hands glided up my thighs, over my hips and rested on my lower back.

When I sat up from our kiss and grind my hips against his stiffening desire he smirked before reaching between us to rub the pad of his thumb against the sensitive nub.I whined and moved faster against him as he spoke in a husky and wanting voice. "Who will remember me as I truly am?"

Between my panting and whining as my own desires began to spill and drip onto his readied weapon I spoke. "I will. I will remember you Nobunaga Oda the way you truly are."

When my eyes open now it takes time to adjust to the light that casts strange shadows on the roof of the tent. When did I get here? and why is this futon so empty? My voice cracks when I try to speak his name again.

"You're awake. Thank the gods."Hideyoshi's voice grows louder as he comes to me and collapses on the futon, he holds me to his chest and buries his face in my neck. "I thought I might lose you too." His voice is muffled in against my skin.

I gasp and my eyes go wide. What does he mean 'lose me too?' He lifts his head to see my face. He looks exhausted, he looks like he's been crying and fighting, and there is a gash on his cheek that will most certainly scar. Did he always have freckles? Or did they just appear because of the sun's effects on his skin? I suppose I knew he had them on his shoulders, but across his nose, I hadn't noticed those before now. I attempt to speak but it only comes out as a mangled sound that insights Hideyoshi to command one of the guards to get tea for me and turn back to me.

He summons a calm strength to his expression with a deep breath before speaking. "We searched, for days Rina, we searched for his body in the ashes of the temple. I found you late on the first night of searching, crushed. I feel certain that if you weren't the vessel for the phoenix you would be dead right now." He breathed again as he reached into the sleeves of his kimono. "He left these for us with Ranmaru…" He holds up two pieces of folded paper in his hand. "I can read yours to you if you want?" I nod my head once as I sit up from the futon. His voice shook only a few times as he read to me.

"Rina,

My songbird, my phoenix, my wife, the mother of my child. Please forgive me for not giving you warning for my choices for the future. Our people deserve to live in a unified nation, our child deserves that future, I cannot stand in the way. I love you. I will always love you.

Goodbye.

Yours always,

Nobunaga Oda"

When he finished reading and saw the tears flowing down my cheeks he gentle grabbed my face and wiped the water away with his thumbs before bringing our foreheads together and speaking in a low tone. "It's been a week since we left Honnoji. We never found his body amongst the ashes, only his katana. His last note to me—" He choked a little before continuing. "He put me in charge, and asked me to take you as my wife, and raise his child with you." I begin to shake more, it doesn't feel like rage, or anger, it feels so much more painful than that as he pulls me into an embrace.

It took another day for me to regain my voice and strength to be able to walk and ride my own horse. We stopped in one of the allied villages to be officially married before continuing North.

I hate that we have to stop, I am back to not needing rest. I am back to tirelessly training, there is only one reason for me to stay in a tent, and for so many reasons, I don't want to be touched in that way by Hideyoshi right now. He walks through every base camp, every rest, and checks on the men, and on me, and I cannot bring myself to welcome his embrace. I stay in the bed with him until he is asleep, bt once he is under the spell of slumber, sit at the small table. I reread the last note, I've even tried responding to it... but all that comes out is anger and that soon turns into me trying to barter for his soul to return. How am I supposed to do this without the man who stood by me, the man who helped me rise the first time, the man you brought the three of us together?

I am not in the tent when I should be, but after several hours of hopeless pleas for him to come back to me the tent began to feel to warm when anger flooded my entire body and whispy orange flames started eminating from me, I needed to feel the cool night air. I told the guards to stay back, and when they saw the flames, they let me go on my own to the nearby woods. I lay in the cold, soft grass, and run my hand through the damp blades, wishing it was Nobunaga's hair. "What do I have to do to get him back?" I sob into the grass, praying that the phoenix hears me, but all I can hear is a quiet echo of her voice from memory 'He knows what has to happen and he's agreed to trust me, do you?' I grip the grass and press my face hard against the earth. "I am trying to trust. I am trying to have faith."

I heard his steps approaching, and did not look up when he arrived at my side, not even when he crouched down and stroked my white hair. "Please come to the tent with me Rina." He whispers.

I roll to my back, staring up into the trees, still refusing to look him in the eye. "How can you not be as ripped apart by this as I am?" I ask bitterly. "You knew him... you loved him longer than I did." My eyes tighten into a glare into the trees. Will I envy him forever for know the man we love longer?

He lays down next to me, also staring up into the branches, resting a hand behind his head. "I had a week of mourning, of writhing in my tent unable to sleep, wondering if I lost both of you in one night. A week to read over his last words to me, to be angry with him for saying nothing to me and all I had to comfort myself were the few words from the phoenix. I probably had the least profound interaction with her… all she said was to prepare myself to be the face of a unified Japan at great cost. The only other thing she told me was to trust her and Nobunaga's choices." He turned to me and I finally met his warm honey colored eyes full of determination and pain as he spoke. "I'm in more pain than I thought possible. I would rather be branded a thousand times than this—" We both sharply inhale at the memories of our marks. "All that being said, I trust him, I trust him with everything I am that he would only make the choices he believes will bring his vision for Japan to fruition." He swallows hard when he is finished.

Silently I roll and place a hand on his chest our eyes still locked. "I'm sorry for not seeing your pain through your strength. I'm blinded by grief..." I climb on top of him. "I promise—" I lean forward and hover my lips over his, "to be a better wife for you." I push my lips to his before his hands even reach my neck to pull me close.

He moves his hands to untie my obi and slowly pull it away. Everything feels like it is happening in slow motion as we begin to unwrap each other until we are able to reach each others warm flesh and seek comfort and solace for the first time after losing the man we love and who loved us too much to save his own life. I slide down to take him into my mouth and he hisses as his tip reaches the back of my throat. His hands reach into my pale hair as I begin to pull him out and he assists me when I pull him back in.

His words are near whimpers between his gasps as I bring him to the edge of a release. "Rina— let me— taste— my wife." I have him inches away from climax and yet his need to serve first is still overpowering his need.

I climb up him and he pulls me forward until my thighs are on either side of his beautiful face as his tongue glides between the curtains and parts them so he can swirl around the sensitive apex. My head falls back and my back arches as he continues to suck and swirl before pushing his tongue up into me and I moan loudly for whatever spirits hide in this forest to hear. When he removes his tongue I am not left empty for long. Two fingers push into me and pull at a quick pace until I am crying out and spilling into his mouth.

Tears are falling from both of us. It's too bittersweet not to as we search each other's bodies for peace while mourning a great loss. How else are we going to honor him?

I climb off of him, when I've caught my breath he sits up and comes behind me. He bends to kiss my shoulder and gently caress a breast from behind while his other hand positions himself against the gates that only Nobunaga has entered before. His voice is tender and concerned against my ear. "I love you. I will love you both for as long as I live. I want this, but only if it is also what you want Rina." I respond my pushing back against him, bringing the beginning of him into me and he immediately pushes the rest of himself inside with a low grunt.

My face falls to the grass with an achy cry as I reach my hands back to grasp his forearms and pull him into me. The smell of earth and sweat fill my senses as my second husband claims the temple of my body with thrust after painfully pleasurable thrust.

They loved each other before ever knowing I existed, and yet both were willng to choose me or my happiness over their own. Willing to sacrifice time they could've had together, and ultimately Nobunaga sacrificed his life in order to save both Hideyoshi and I. I will not remember him the way the way the world will, a fierce warrior, but I will remember him the way we knew him, as a fierce lover.

Before Hideyoshi reaches release he lets go of my arms and pulls himself completely out. "I want to see your face." He admits gingerly. I roll onto my back and his hands rub my chilled thighs with his warm palms that spread my legs apart before he reenters. He presses further and faster when he leans forward to kiss me, and the weight of him is a comfort. His breath becomes ragged and his movements increase as he stifles his moans behind clenched teeth. I claw my hands into his hair as I speak. "Don't leave me." I whisper horsely and as he reaches his climax he groans his most beautiful promise. "Never."