Time & Death // Sulbi

It's been a month since I last received a text from Conan. I've seen him a handful of times around school because Bates is so small. But whenever he sees me, he looks away. I'll make subtle eye contact but always look down right after. Something doesn't feel right.

I think back to the time we hung out and how he kind of freaked out when I mentioned asexuality. I wanted him to know that he's not alone. I'm asexual too. I've accepted this part of me ever since high school when teens started getting into sex and I just never really "got it." It's not a bad thing though; I like to think of my identity being asexual as something that allows platonic relationships to flourish even more. The difficult part of asexuality is people misunderstanding. They'll doubt you and patronize you for something they can't understand. I've been called a freak virgin, "too young to understand," abnormal, and more. It's already hard enough to stick out like a sore thumb amongst my peers and this damn city for being Asian.

But maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it and lied about the stupid painting... anyway, I think my chances of getting closer to Conan have been completely cut off.

I was sitting in the library when someone tapped my shoulder. My body jumped and I pushed up the low hanging glasses on my nose bridge and turned around.

It was Conan. He wasn't with his usual friends/swim team guys. He was alone.

"Hey Sulbi…" Conan half-whispered. "I'm sorry for ghosting you. But I have a favor to ask."

What the... I am beyond flustered... He hasn't spoken to me in two months and he has a favor to ask? I don't know. I just want him to explain himself first rather than jumping into a favor... Does he really see me as that low to do anything for him?

"My grandma is dying. She got the news that she has a month tops. Her only wish is to see me happy with someone. And I know that my grandma loves you. She talks about you all the time even after she got the news about a month left in her life. So, my favor is, will you be my girlfriend for a month? Like not a real girlfriend or anything and we aren't in a 'real' relationship, but just for the sake of fulfilling my grandma's final wish for me?" Conan asked with desperation in his eyes.

"Conan.... I don't know what to say... This is so sudden. I'm so heartbroken that your grandma only has a month to live. She visited the coffee shop a month ago and stopped coming suddenly. I've missed her since..." I replied. "But uhm… I-I don't know what to say to your request."

"Well, it's not really my request, but my grandma's... She's always wanted to see me with someone. That was her greatest wish, to see her grandson in a relationship. But I totally understand if that would make you uncomfortable, being my "fake" girlfriend and all. I respect your decision," Conan said.

I just sat there for a few seconds. Puzzled. I didn't know what to do. I really did feel for his grandma though. It's a month, but it's also a chance to fulfill a life-time wish. "No wait... Conan. I'll do it. For a month though. You can text me the details later and what I need to do. Or we can meet up sometime soon too," I decided.

"Oh my gosh... Thank you Sulbi. My grandma will be very happy to hear. I don't know how I'll ever pay you back," Conan said relieved. His eyes lit up, but I could still see the pain and confusion in them.

"Yeah.... I mean she's really special to me too. But hey, take care of yourself. Even though I'm your 'pretend' girlfriend, I still think you're my friend and I'm always going to be there for my friends," I said with a soft smile.

"Thanks Sulbi. I appreciate it. I'll catch you soon and text you later tonight," he said as he waved goodbye.