I'm A Selfish Ass

I hate myself. I hate myself and my stupid thoughts and ideas. It's Alina's special day and I had the idiotic, selfish, horendous idea to go to her place right before Daniel goes to pick her up. What I was planning on asking her was even worse. I'm such a selfish asshole and I'm glad that I was late.

Jumping back into my bed, I grunt and sigh, smacking my face into my pillow and wrapping myself up in the covers, not wanting to move or do anything. I got her flowers too. Though the bouquet wasn't as big as the one Daniel got her and they were Daisies, not roses, but I did the best that I could. Instead of a heart-shaped box of chocolates I got her some of her favourite candies and a few energy drinks for us to down while playing video games and watching movies together.

"She has a boyfriend, and I'm such an asshole," I groan to myself, shoving my face further into my pillow and allowing my tears to flow. It's not long before I can feel my appearance turn ugly from the mixture of snot and tears.

I was going to ask her to not go on that date with Daniel and instead stay home with me and play video games. I was literally about to ask her to ditch her boyfriend and instead spend the night with me, a night that's meant for going out on dates with your partner and I was going to ask her to skip it. Her first year ever that she has a boyfriend on Valentine's Day and my dumb, selfish ass was about to ask her to stay home.

Her smile when she saw him; her laughter when he picked her up; her expression of pure joy once she saw his gifts for her, and I was about to ask her to leave it all behind.

Why am I acting like this? I've already decided that Daniel would be a far better match for Alina, definitely better than me, so why can't I just accept it and be happy for her?

I have the entire house to myself tonight, Afia and Keita are both out with friends, one of them is probably going to hook-up with one of their friends. Meanwhile, my parents are out on a date, and they nearly cancelled it after they felt the tension between all of us during dinner last night.

For the first time since fourth grade, I'm left all alone. I can't even text Alina and ask her to come over and hangout tonight because she's on that date. I should just cut everyone off, it'd be better for everyone and no one would have to worry about my selfish dumbass fucking anything up and asking people to ditch each other just so then I'm happy.