Luke

I should have expected that our work in Heigou wouldn't be lasting much longer after everything that had been done, but already the next day, we were setting out.

The journey back to Heigou after the attack had been a quiet one. We'd lost a fair amount of people and, in the process, had brutally eliminated our enemy. That wasn't to say they hadn't deserved it, but notwithstanding, it was hard to walk away from that forest exactly feeling like heroes. We hadn't saved anybody. We had prevented future casualties, sure, but the damage had already been done. Heigou would never recover from what had happened to it.

Still, while we may not have felt like victors, I didn't doubt that there was a weight on all of our shoulders that had finally been lifted, and that much couldn't be denied. I think we all slept like rocks as opposed to how we had the nights before, no longer fearing an attack, no longer concerned that the next day would come with more disease, more poisonings, more death.

The next morning though, I woke up to Zek already packing up the camp. We're leaving already. I crawled out of my tent into the foggy summer day, having no idea what time it was, but figuring by the time I'd gone to sleep last night, it must have already been midday if not beyond.

"We're leaving?" I groggily asked, unsure if my question had been heard and was considering asking again until Zek turned, surprised to see me up by the look on his face.

"Ah, you're up."

I rubbed my eyes, crawling further out of the tent until I could properly stand, reaching back inside to grab my canteen, pouring what remained of the contents into my right hand to promptly splash onto my face in an effort to wake myself all the quicker. "So," I started again, water still dripping from my face as I blinked away the small amount that had worked itself into my eyes. "We leaving?"

"Guess so. Gordez told me to start getting things ready for us to go."

"Where'd Gordez get off to?"

"Think he's talking to the nuns. Finalizing stuff for us to leave along with Ka'lira. Ah, speak of the devil."

The sound of foots steps prompted me to turn. Gordez wasn't present. Ka'lira had just come into my line of sight with some food in tow. Guess the town had something to spare for us. Gordez's items were already packed. He was the first to be ready, it seemed.

"Ah," Ka'lira said. "You're up. Good. Break camp and when you're done, get to the town square. We got some more supplies to take back."

I nodded, familiar with the drill. If the army had taught me anything aside from killing, it was staying light on my feet, able to relocate at a moment's notice. I slipped on my pants over my underwear, lacing them together at the front. I grabbed my jacket, considering, but decided against it, the summer heat already bearing down on me, the chill of Spring certainly behind us now. From there, it was just a matter of packing loose items into my bag and rolling up my sleeping bag, ensuring all was prepped for departure. Such was accomplished soon enough, my tent brought down just as rapidly and left in a neatly tied together attached to my bag, the total weight proving burdensome, but nonetheless bearable.

I made my way from our contested alleyway to the city center that I'd grown more accustomed to than I'd care to admit. The last week watching more people than I could count die slow and agonizing deaths around me, even after everything I'd seen, I knew I would only take some much of it. Some part of me was glad to be leaving. Another part of me however was thinking on what I'd be leaving behind.

As much as I tried to push the thought aside, my brain couldn't help but drift over to Zare, still attempting to piece together the reality of the night before.

My train of thought was interrupted by Gordez catching sight of me and diverting my attention towards him with an exclamation of, "Hey Luke! You're awake. Over here! Help me with this cargo!"

I was at his position in time for a nun to hand me a crate of what appeared to be food, stacking another crate atop it, followed by another, to the point that nearly my entire line of sight was shrouded. "Mind getting that back to camp for me?" I barely heard Gordez say over my effort to not drop the heavy burden.

I simply nodded in acknowledgement, despite believing that the odds were there was no way he could see my affirmation, but regardless, I set off back towards camp.

The effort of balancing the crates was only half as precarious as every step I took, relying on chance as there was no earthly way I could see where I was going, never knowing if I was about to crash with a wall or possibly trample a nearby nun with what I imagined to be approximately a hundred pounds worth of cargo.

I had no idea how close I was to camp, or even if I was heading in the right direction when I heard a voice ask me, "Need a hand there?"

Zare. "Ah, well you chose the perfect time to show up now that I'm already back," I joked.

"You've been walking the wrong direction for the last 5 minutes."

"…Oh."

Her following chuckle accompanied the lightening of my load by a crate as she bore the weight of it on her own, allowing me an angle to finally see ahead, the first sight I noticed being her green eyes partly shadowed by auburn hair. With a sly smile adorning her face, she cocked her head to her right, prompting my head to turn and notice the proper direction back to our camp.

As we walked, I could notice the smile on her face begin to fade, eventually culminating in her asking, "So, you're leaving?"

"Looks like it," I admitted, knowing I wasn't able to hide some reservation in my voice.

"Oh," was all she managed to say at the moment. A quick glance at her was enough to tell that she wasn't exactly elated by the news. I couldn't help but feel flattered, and even grant that I felt in a similar way. After all, after a week of constant working to try and bring some life back to a devastated town, I imagined that one wouldn't help but learn to appreciate the company they had while doing so.

I considered telling her then that the feeling was mutual before she spoke up again, asking, "So, where are you and the others off to now?"

"Well, we're going to be heading to the coast to see what we can do to lend a hand there. We think that the Fire Nation's going to be attacking soon, so we'll be down there to try and help the people there." Even when trying to appease an Earth Kingdom native, I still couldn't bring myself to say that I'd be helping the Earth Kingdom. I'd been saying we were working with the Separatists through gritted teeth for the last half year, and to declare now I'd be working for the Earth Kingdom, I couldn't do that. Besides, I wanted to believe it true, that we wouldn't be there to truly declare our allegiance to the Earth Kingdom, but to do as we swore, to protect those caught in the crossfire.

"Sounds noble, actually helping people where and when it's needed most." There was something in her voice as she said this. Almost. Shame?

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged. "Just doesn't feel like I'm doing much real good here."

"You're working with doctors travelling to area that need your help most. That's some real good if you ask me."

"Guess I'd just rather be able to help people before it's groups like the nuns that they need. You get me?"

I did. Helping people before half of them were already did. Defending them before they got to Heigou's state, torn apart, disease-ridden, men, women, and children bleeding to death beneath the rubble of their own homes. "Yeah. I get you."

A fragile silence hung in the air. One I knew was going to be broken, but by whom, I couldn't tell who. Seeing her speak this way about what she did though, questioning her own good intentions, I hated to see it, and I think that's what had prompted me to speak first. "Still. There's something about saving a life without having to take one that carries a certain honor to it."

"What good is that honor if the refusal to take a life in order to save one only results in the death of who you're trying to save. I don't know. Any day of the week, I'd take the life of somebody who deserved it if it meant knowing for sure I could save the life of somebody who deserved to live. Do you disagree?"

Damnit. I didn't. Everything she had just said, it had been my own reasoning to turn things around. I was a soldier. Fighting, killing, it's what I knew, but here, with the others, knowing that by being a soldier, I could save others, it felt like it was finally where I really belonged. "No, I-I don't. My own reasons for doing what I do are pretty much exactly that."

"Hmm. Then I have to ask something." I turned to her in curiosity, not knowing where she was going with this. "Do you think I could join you?"

Now that, I had not been expecting. "You want-"

"-To join you," she finished.

I stood there, just considering the thought of it. I'd be lying if I said that the idea of having her along didn't appeal to me. She was a fun conversationalist, I found her interesting, and I still had a desire to extract the truth our of her in regard to just what she was capable of, but, with us? Ever since we'd gotten started, we'd only taken along people like Zadok and Kosah who knew of war, or people like Jadoh and Ka'lira who had nothing else, but, Zare, she did have more. She was with a group of good-meaning people, she was safe, she had a home, she had people. To take her away with that for the mere chance of 'doing more.' It didn't sit right.

"I-I don't know," I admitted.

"Why not?"

"Because, I-, well, us, for one, It-it can't just be me who decides."

"Naturally, I get that, but you seem hesitant to let me come along. Why?"

"You do realize what we do, right?"

"You help people."

"We're soldiers without a nation. We got all over the world, sticking our noses in combat zones to give those caught in the crossfire a fighting chance. Flowery language aside, we don't have many friends, and we have more than enough enemies. The friends we do have our the weak and powerless, those who already have a hard enough time defending themselves, and, let me guarantee you, would be powerless to help us in out time of need. We're alone in the world."

"I'm already pretty alone in the world as is."

"No, you're not. You have the nuns, you have Kala, Gehor, the others. You're less alone in the world than we are, that's for sure."

"Believe me, I'd hardly call that not being alone. What you have-each other-that's family."

I sighed. I wasn't winning this. Around this time, we had reached camp where Zek and Ka'lira said pretty much gotten all the rest ready to go.

"Look," she said as we set down the crates on the small cart we'd be pulling with us. "Just promise you'll consider it."

I hated to lie, didn't wish to make a habit of it if I didn't need to, especially with people like her.

What did I mean, 'people like her'? I shook that thought aside. I'd do what I'd have to do. The life we lived, that wasn't one for somebody who could make so much more of herself. I'd say what I needed to say. "I promise."

She nodded, turning back in the opposite direction away from what had used to be our campsite. I couldn't help but feel some sense of regret at what I'd done, but I'd get over it.

"What was that about?" Zek asked as I set the last crate down on the cart.

"Nothing," I said, ignoring the knot in my stomach. "We ready to get going?"

"Mhmm," Ka'lira responded. "All set. Just waiting for Gordez now."

"And you?" Zek asked. "All set?"

I nodded. "Good to go."

"You sure? You make sure you didn't forget a goodbye kiss?"

"Do you want me to burn you?"

His satisfied laughter was replaced by an "Ow" that emerged from Ka'lira punching his shoulder, cutting his reveling short. "What was that for?"

"For being a dick?"

"Okay, but I do that all the time. What's your point?"

Ka'lira didn't deign to dignify his question with a response, letting the amused silence hang for a small while. I would have loved to have been more a part of it, but an unyielding guilt still hung over me, constantly making me question just what I'd done, no satisfying answer destined to be reached anytime soon.

It was only a few minutes later that Gordez returned, burdened by 4 crates in tow, two under each arm, the beast that he was. Our offers to lend assistance fell on death ears as he single handedly went about loading the cart with the nuns' surplus supplies-enough to last us quite a good while. I myself wondered where they'd scrounged it all up, but figured it better not to ask. Notwithstanding, their donation had been more than generous with food, water, some spare medicine, and the like.

"They're giving us this much?" Ka'lria asked, posing the question I knew we likely add had.

"Not all for us. Good amount of it is for the troops at Xiahu. Not sure if it's good will or bribery," he shrugged, "But her choice, I guess. Everyone all set to go?"

We all responded in affirmation, myself shrugging the bag on my back into a more comfortable position before stating my own readiness.

"Good. It'll be around a 4-day journey, but we should hopefully get there in time before the Fire Nation tries anything."

And with that, it wasn't long before we made our way out of Heigou, through the now empty streets, fires having made way for ash, the carnage on the streets having finally subsided.

The memories of what had transpired were still fresh in my mind, wandering the streets with Zare, the two of us doing what we could to help others, making a difference. Far later than we should have, however.

Despite that, the two of us had worked as a team, and we did good, we worked together well, doing what we could to make things better. And I just left her like that, without a second's notice.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

In time, we had left the city's borders, leaving it well behind us. As we walked, listening to the others joking around me, chatting on our plans, exchanging friendly conversation, Zare's words came back running through my head. We're a family.

Had I just taken that away from her? Taken away a chance for her to find people with whom she could really feel at home? Taken away the chance they'd given me at Ba Sing Se.

How was what I did any different from what she was asking from me? In the Fire Nation at Ba Sing Se, I was safe, I was secure, I had a long life span, at least longer than roaming the world looking for warzones across the continent. I was protected, had people looking out for me, but I left it for something more, for people I could find family with. Zare had come to me looking for the same thing, for that same chance, and I just tore that away from her.

Damnit all.

We were around 30 minutes out from Heigou when movement along the trail could be heard behind us. Running by the sound of it.

Fire Nation? More mercenaries who'd been in hiding?

We'd all noticed it. By this point in time, none of us were prone to being snuck up on, and so we all turned, weapons drawn. I had my sword raised, Gordez, his newfound flail, Zek, his sword, and Ka'lira, her crossbow, all of us turning to see Zare, arms raised I surrender, exclaiming, "Woah, woah! It's just me!"

Son of a bitch.

"Wait," Gordez said, lowering his flail, prompting for the others to lower their weapons as well. "Zare?"

She revealed herself from behind the tree trunk she'd been huddled behind to take cover from a potential. She had a bag slung around her shoulder, visibly sweating from the running, summer heat in addition to her coat, and the weight of the bag on her back. "Yeah, sorry, should have warned you I was coming."

"What are you doing here?"

It was around this time that, as their conversation continued, Zek turned his head to me, a stupid grin on his face that I repelled with one simple glare. He got the message and with a quiet scoff, turned back to the encounter at hand.

"Kala sent me." Zare's eyes drifted to mine as she finished, saying, "Wants to have one of us go up to Xiahu and make sure that they'll be sending troops and supplies."

She's lying. Her eyes were on me. She knew that I knew. This was her last desperate attempt, relying solely on me. Why? Is this really worth that much to you?

"Kala already asked us to do just that," Gordez responded, something clearly doubtful about the way in which he responded. Gordez didn't believe her either. So it's not just all on me.

"She feels more comfortable sending somebody she knows."

"I find that hard to believe. She made no mention of having any doubts."

Why? Is this worth so much to you?

"I'm telling the truth. Luke was there when she told me." Her eyes were locked on me now.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

Everybody turned to me. Gordez, Zek, Ka'lira, and most of all, Zare, the desperation apparent, having no other options, relying on one last gamble, even after I'd already left her high and dry. Why? Why me?

"Well, Luke?" Gordez asked. "Is she telling the truth?"

She felt as though she had shrunk to the size of a helpless animal in that moment. Despite being the same height as me for the msot part, I felt as though, in that moment, I had all the power to crush her beneath a single step, and that terrified me. She was at my mercy, my next move the determining factor for what would happen to her.

Everything about her face was pleading, begging, green eyes helpless, her mouth, for a brief moment, mouthing the word, 'please' to me.

Is it worth this much? To risk everything? To leave everything? Why are we worth it?

Why was it worth it for me when I left? It wasn't, at least, it never could be from an outside perspective, but, I just knew I had nowhere else to family had saved me. Maybe, whatever it was she needed saving from, it could do the same for her. We could do the same for her. I could do the same for her. The power was all in my hands in this moment.

I didn't like making a habit of lying, but I'd already screwed that up earlier. Maybe, some times, two wrongs did make a right after all.

"Yeah," I said. "She's telling the truth."

Her eyes softened, everything about her stature relaxing, a relieved smile forming on her face, my focus from her features quickly torn away by Zek exclaiming, "Well what the fuck, Luke? You asshole! Kala sent her to join us and you just left her in the city?!"

"It-it slipped my mind."

"You don't just treat somebody like that!" added Ka'lira after her boyfriend had already laid into me. "Why would you do that?!"

The reprimands continued, but beyond them, ignoring the screaming for just a small moment, I saw Zare's mouth make the silent words of 'thank you,' and somehow, that did something to make it worth it.

"Enough!" Gordez called. "What's done is done. She's here now, but we have pace to keep. Luke, take her bags, it's the least you can do."

"Oh. I'm liking this," Zare said as she approached, shrugging off her bag and shoving it into my chest. "Consider this payback," she whispered.

"Well, for as long as you're with us," Gordez started, "figure you may as well get a proper introduction. I'm Gordez. This is Zek and Ka'lira,-"

"And the rude shit who stood you up is Luke," Zek finished.

Zare bowed her head in greeting to the 4 of us in turn, skipping over me, not that I could blame her. Well shit. I'm going to have to live this down for a good while.

"Welcome aboard," Ka'lira said, finishing off the series of introductions.

"Thank you," Zare said. "It's good to be aboard. Albeit temporarily," she added quietly at the end, myself possessing no doubt of its insincerity.

"Well, forever long you're here," Gordez said, "Welcome."

And so our small band of travelers found its newest misfit, and as we continued walking, friendly chatter among us, introductions being made and the like, myself trailing behind in silence as we marched towards yet another warzone, I wondered if I had just made a terrible mistake.