21. 'Always'

*Qin Shan POV

After starting my story to Song Meng, I can't stop. Talking to him is too easy and I start to gush. Before I know it, I'm talking about the dark things, the totally sad things, the things that nobody wants to think about. He is understanding of it all. What did I do to deserve him as even just a friend??

However, today, something seemed off. While I was telling my story, he got continuously paler and paler - for a second. I almost thought that he was going to pass out on me. His fists were clenched and while I wanted to ask him what was wrong, it seemed like it would be harmful to pry. I hope he can trust me enough one day to tell his story.

"Are you ready to head back to campus?" I ask. Song Meng snaps out of whatever daze he had been in and nods.

"Do you want me to drive, you look a little bit pale." I continue, but he shakes his head.

"I'm fine, thank you for caring about me." His voice is monotone and he seems to be in deep thought.

We get to the car and head off. The ride is dead silent. I can't help but keep glancing over at him. His calm facade has cracks in it. If I had known that telling him about my past would destroy him like this, I never would have done it. So I just tuck my chin into my knees and sit quietly.

"Are you okay?" His voice is gentle. I'm shocked.

"What do you mean? I'm fine...but are you okay? I-If I didn't tell you my story then you wouldn't be pale as - no - paler then death." His eyes widen slightly and he turns to look at me.

"It's not your fault. Your story just helped me understand some things about you and I felt bad that you had to go through all of that." He gushes a little bit and the tension starts to break a little bit.

"I'm doing fine." He says with a sly smile. "More than it, actually, seeing that you care about me so much." Sarcasm eminates. I can't help but roll my eyes and the rest of the tension dissapates.

We get back just as the sun starts to set. The sky is myriad of bright blues, purples, oranges and yellows. It's beautiful. Song Meng pulls up to my dorm and we both step out of the car. I embrace him.

"Thank you for spending the day with me. It really meant a lot!" I say excitedly, he seems amused before responding.

"I should be thanking you, I would have been bored out of my mind today if not for going out with you." We both smile before saying goodbye again.

Huan was watching through our dorm window and was waiting for me when I got inside. She looks slightly annoyed and I shoot her a confused glance.

"When the heck are you to going to start dating?" She says it like an accusation and I can't help but blush.

"I-I told him that, um, it was to early and he said that he would wait for me." I tell her the truth and her eyes widen.

"What? You said that and still went out and hugged him like that?" I drop my phone.

"Oh gosh, to him it must seem like I'm leading him on, only to break him like that. I mean, he said that he would always wait for me but someday, waiting is just not going to be good enough." I start to ramble on and Huan looks concerned.

"Shh Shh calm down. That boy is clearly going to keep with you through thick and thin. Just try to be ready sooner ShanShan!" Huan's feigned anger dissapates and I can't help but agree to her demand.

"Okay. I'll get right to that." I bite my nails. To be honest, I don't know where my emotions are. I want to be with him, then I think that he will be hurt, his reputation will be hurt by hanging out with someone like me. But what I do know is that he cares.

As if thinking of him has summoned him, the next moment, my phone dings with a text message from him.

"Good night." I reply quickly.

"Thank you, have a nice night as well." I can't help myself when texting him, my cheeks turn a little bit red and the pace of my heart starts to accelerate ever so slightly.

"See you tomorrow" is his reply.

"Mmm. You too." I am smiling now and immediately feel guilty about it. I sigh and put my phone down beside me on the table and fall into a sleep of complicated thoughts.

The next morning I get up early to go on a run. I hadn't gotten the opportunity to exercise or run after getting here for a month and it's honestly crazy that my body even remembers how to do so. Tch.

I'm running all throughout campus, the track, the garden and into the courtyard. I pause briefly at the gazebo and stare at the rising sun. It is beautiful. I continue on for another 10 minutes before going back to shower up and dress for the day.

First class is one I'm looking forward to. Song Meng is waiting for me at the door and I smile at him as we go in and take our seats in the backrow. Today's topic is about how the full moon has different psycological effects on different people. I look around and notice that Zhong Long isn't present today and neither is his normal clique. Nobody seems concerned about that so I just shrug it off.

Midway though class, Song Meng passes me a small note.

"After Third class, come to the gazebo, I need to tell you about my story." I glance at him in surprise.

"Okay." I scibble in my normal scrawl on the note and pass it back. He nods and smiles, but there is tension in his motion. What is he hiding?