The 3 days before Harvard (part. 2)

There was a way to escape Beyond.

L was watching the moldy ceiling attentively as this idea emerged in his mind, totally obvious, complex and terrifying. He wasn't even making an effort to come up with a plan. He was already entering that dark phase of acceptance.

But there it came, lightning before thunder.

The only way to stop Birthday is to give him what he wants. The best strategy for fighting distorted love is not to fight. It's ridiculously obvious, to the point of making Lawliet feel like the biggest idiot in the world for not thinking about it before. But this is quite common when your brain is so frozen in fear that the only thing your instinct wants is self-preservation. Only when that feeling passes, and your sadness and dread stabilize like ordinary feelings, is it possible to see things right in front of you.

It could even be rotting inside. Damn it if his skin was just rotting flesh or if all he has seen lately is the white wall of an old room, because if he wanted to escape, the only way out is to make Beyond believe it's working, and that English is really succumbing to his twin's desperate feeling.

Of course, it will be horribly destructive. But apparently there is no one else who can save him but himself.

Nobody

This theory of yours was based on facts. When they were small (at least what L can remember), he used a very similar method. He was able to get absolutely anything he wanted from Birthday if he just gave him signs of affection from time to time. And if in the last few months, where he didn't resist, the other was already much more tenuous in his actions, Lawliet would be able to manipulate him if he started to correspond.

He wanted to be deceived.

Come on, starting:

The boy entered the room only a long time later, and L closed his eyes, still not quite sure how to proceed with all that. He was still afraid of his brother, and extinguishing it to demonstrate not only the coldness, but also some kind of good feeling was to demand too much of the acting powers that he doesn't have.

Unlike certain people

When Beyond walked around the room, the wood creaked sharply, and L could map where he was just by hearing him. However, when the noise stopped, the restlessness was much more present. He could feel his brother's gaze, but he couldn't see what he was doing. Like a deer surrounded by a lion hidden in the bushes.

The boy stopped beside the bed, leaned against the wall, carefully analyzing all of Lawliet's features, forcibly relaxed to look like he was sleeping. Timidly, as if he were very aware of his brother's private space, he sat on the edge of the bed, making the wood shudder again, next to L.'s heart.

─ Lawli? He hissed. 'I didn't think the sleeping pill would last that long.

The boy left the room, but returned long before any thoughts crossed the wheelchair's mind. He carried the metallic noise in his hands. A key. It was paranoia for the other, of course, since L could barely sit without losing his balance, let alone run out the front door.

Funny.

The door closed and the light went out, Birthday lay back on his bed. It didn't take long for L to feel Beyond's hands wrapping around him, his head resting on his shoulder and a kiss on the cheek.

─ Then we have to sleep.

Sleep nothing. It was time to act.

He waited a few seconds, then shifted almost imperceptibly. The other was heavy and his muscles were still deciding whether to obey these crazy rules, this suicidal plan.

─ Beyond?

The pair of eyes opened like a robot's. Like two rubies igniting all the darkness in the room. He twisted his mouth, confused.

─ Lawli? What's it?

And L rubbed his eyes, rolled over, stretching. Beyond automatically released it. The agony was lust in his heart, several needles coming and going without ever killing him.

─ I'm still hungry. He declared.

It was the most blatant lie in the world. L's stomach was a tsunami, gastric acid seemed to be emerging up to his throat. I didn't even think about hunger.

The older one remained in silence for a while, digesting the words. This was the first time in some good months that L had addressed him directly. Beyond looked for the words, somewhat astonished.

─ Right. I'll get something. ─ He turned, but his arm was stopped.

Lawliet met those eyes again, waiting for his speech.

─ I want something sweet.

The Brit returned his gaze to Lawliet, even more wide-eyed. It was the dawn of such a cold Sunday. And yet everything was starting to get very heated for Beyond.

─ Then it is not hunger. It is a desire to eat. ─ He smiled, very slightly.

─ Yes ... I don't

I can sleep. ─

Birthday smiled a little more.

"It does ..." his voice cracked, as if the conversation wasn't real and he was talking to himself. ─ It's been a while since I bought something sweet. But I think there is still jam here ....

─ You know that I hate jelly.

Nobody said anything, and the mixture of silence and darkness was no longer so depressing when Lawliet saw that he could change all that, if he really wanted to.

─ Let it go. Come on, let's sleep. ─ He settled himself on the pillow, feeling the sweat running down his cotton-covered back. I couldn't go back.

B lay down for the third time that night, still hesitant and suspicious, his eyes very intent on L, and yet totally delighted. They were talking, really.

Huge progress.

Ah, but Beyond didn't expect anything. He stood, looking at the pitch above him. I couldn't explain the feeling when Lawliet (himself) put his hand around it. He nested himself gradually, almost coiling like a spiral.

Beyond could only correspond much later, when, once again, he checked if it was real.

L's hair brushed the tip of B's ​​nose. He laughed feeling the scratches on his skin. They breathed together, going down and up their lungs. He couldn't help himself, he was exploding. Lawliet looked up, his head making an effort to make eye contact.

Heavens, he was beautiful.

"Tomorrow I'm going to make a cake," he said in a whisper.

He was just a boy who was desperate for love.

False or not, whatever.

----O----

─ You are not serious. ─ He stated low and serious looking in the eyes in front of him.

Kyomi actually smiled. His smile rising, turning his sleepy expression into a small ray of sunshine.

─ I didn't think it would go this far. ─ He bit his lower lip. ─ But she said she was willing to learn Japanese for me, Light. Japanese. I didn't think she cared that much. I do not know what to say.

Light removed his shoes, crossed his legs on the seat and rubbed his eyes. He tried to focus on Takada, putting his talents to use to detect lies. It sounded a lot like a joke. But that voice was just too real, even comforting. And she didn't help. He kept his stupid smile, a little girl in love. It was harder to assimilate that than all high school physics formulas. A lot more.

─ You won't pass out, right? Not here, please. ─ She laughed.

He looked at her sideways, his tongue uncertain, with a totally idiotic expression.

─ Do you ... date?

─ But of course, right, Yagami. ─ He smiled even more, not even close to sounding thick enough.

Light looked ahead again, static on the dynamic road that passed under him. The weight of the information added to that of gravity, all on the Japanese man's back. Her eyes were starting to sting with dry, absurdly swollen tears. But, ironic or not, all he wanted to do now was laugh. Laugh a lot.

That flame spread through your lungs. I couldn't contain it anymore. Some noises were escaping, the need to laugh becoming as essential as breathing itself.

Kyomi in turn undid the curve of her lips, narrowing her eyes and possibly trying to understand the boy who was crying like crazy a few minutes ago.

─ You didn't pass the adolescent bipolar phase, apparently. What are you laughing at?

─ No, no ... ─ He breathed as if he had an asthma attack. ─ It's just funny to think that we once dated.

She made a face, squinted, trying to figure out where it would take them.

─ We can't call that dating, Yagami. Neither of us really liked the other.

He blinked, very offended.

─ I really thought you liked me.

─ Heavens, Yagami. I meant it was not reciprocal enough to last, you know?

Light's noises attacked from time to time, but his lungs eventually got tired, so all the sound was reduced to the air conditioning motor spinning like crazy. As crazy as Light felt.

─ You have to understand that not everyone is in love with you. The world does not revolve around you. ─ He articulated. Her hard tone denouncing how long she wanted to say that.

He looked away as if she were speaking directly to his subconscious. Takada was getting dangerously good at playing the role of her conscience.

The girl's bangs were behind her ear, the dark brown of her eyes trying to divide her attention between the steering wheel and Light's reactions.

─ Won't you say anything, Yagami?

The big problem is that there was so much to say that I didn't know if I should really start.

─ I ... Honestly, I don't know why you are telling me this.

She frowned, even more irritated than before.

─ Why? Why are you my best friend, maybe?

The words were like ice water. Her whole body shivered. Was he really friends with Takada? I mean ... Was he really someone's friend? Can anyone in this world be friends with a boy as hypocritical and superficial as he?

The girl continued:

─ Maybe I'm not your best friend and you're a complete idiot, but I never managed to dislike you. That must be why I'm missing a Thursday morning trying to help you solve your shit. ─ He laughed, but then he got serious. ─ Light Yagami, I promise you that you can trust me.

And again, silence.

Wants to know? Why keep secrets when Friday seems so amusingly ironic and conducive to telling them?

The Japanese man took a breath, his tongue swirled in the roof of his mouth before speaking.

─ How did you find out about Lawliet? ─ The name came tearing through the throat. It had been a while since Light had produced those phonemes.

The girl raised an eyebrow, passed a gear, then turned to the brown-haired one.

─ Who is Lawliet?

Light distorted his face, indignant.

─ Very funny, Takada. ─ He turned again towards the glass.

─ I don't know, really.

─ Go for shit, Kyomi.

She opened her eyes wide and smiled. He was watching the intersection, however unlikely it would be to find a car in that alley that was left behind every second.

─ Are you talking about Naomi's duo? I remember she said something about your conversation, but honestly she just cursed you all the time. ─ She stopped, wrinkles appearing on her forehead. ─ Ah, and she also said that it was absurd to put two Englishmen together if the purpose of the exchange was to learn

Japanese.

─ Didn't you say anything else? ─ He massaged his temples.

���� Nothing more. And what about this boy?

Light snorted, leaning against the seat, closing his eyes.

─ Nothing, forget it.

She frowned.

─ It seems. I told you a secret, you owe me one.

─ He told us why he wanted to. Besides, you came up with a sentimental chat about friendship, it's not my fault. ─ He smirked without emotion.

─ I ...

─ And by the way, stop acting as if you don't already know everything. I may be stupid, but not exactly stupid.

Her eyes trembled.

─ Did I know everything? She murmured, completely confused.

Yagami laughed dry enough to drain the sea.

─ "But I'm sure you like this boy there as much as I like Naomi." ─ He tried miserably to imitate the girl's voice.

Then a few seconds flew by, and Takada couldn't accept what his mind was saying.

─ Light Yagami! He shouted, stopping the car at once. They were propelled forward as if they wanted to get out and fly. Light was close to the bottom of the vehicle. The recent adrenaline in the veins only served to intensify Yagami's growing hatred and Takada's disbelief.

─ Are you crazy ?!

She didn't seem to care. He put one hand over his mouth and the other pulled the boy's arm again, trying to get rid of her stare and frightening gaze.

"Light ... Light," she repeated, incredulous. ─ You know I was kidding when I said you were like that because of a boy, right?

Yagami's eyes widened, at first perplexed, but then irritable.

─ What?

─ I don't believe there is really a boy in this story! ─ He unbuttoned his belt and crossed his legs, being completely parallel to Light.

Yagami held his gaze with hers, still clarifying what was happening.

─ We are in the middle of the track!

She didn't care. It didn't even seem like a rainy night with two people who should already be sleeping. Kyomi was pink, beaming as if she had made a scientific discovery.

─ I always knew! ─ She came close to screaming. ─ Holy shit, I always knew.

Light blinked again. He feared he was listening correctly.

─ So you really didn't know? ─ The question was obvious, but he needed to hear it again.

She took a deep breath, started to articulate, didactic like a teacher.

─ It was just a joke. I had no idea.

Even Misa's home looked a lot more emotionally comfortable now.

─ You son of a bitch. ─ He whispered, like a thought that slipped away.

She laughed even more.

─ So that's why you were so angry when Naomi came to talk to you. And you were his old pair.

She was amazed by the facts.

─ It doesn't matter anymore. I do not want to talk about that.

She tightened her five fingers around Light's bicep.

─ I don't want to know, Yagami. You will tell me everything.

The night began to cry again. A timid rain was scouring the car little by little. Light wanted to join the crying and run. He was not used to sharing anything with anyone. He was used to burying everything he felt. But of course if you put too much weight on top of a buried ground, it collapses.

Snorted.

─ The day after tomorrow I won't even be in Japan. Do you understand? It's useless. ─ He tried to sound explanatory, but the melancholy was much more present.

─ For that very reason. ─ She smiled in solidarity. ─ If you let me know, you will take that weight off your back. Light, you didn't see your state when I found you. I don't think anyone ever saw you cry like that.

─ Takada ...

─ No. I said, I don't want to know. It's raining and it's almost four in the morning. You don't have much choice but to stay here with me.

He snorted again.

─ Won't you leave me alone?

She nodded, smiling. Yagami agreed, settling himself in the chair.

─ Wait. Not here, let's go to my house.

The boy crossed his arms. Do what, don't you?

[...]

Her room was the ocean. All shades of blue possible. Light was accommodated in a soft and cozy puff. She arrived at the door carrying water, threw herself close to him.

─ Explain to me, how can you not know where he is?

Light took a few sips of water that blessed her throat.

─ When I changed my partner, he disappeared.

She curled a hair on her fingers.

─ Telephone? Internet? Letter? Carrier pigeon?

Light did his best to look offended, but all his features yielded once more to that passive guilt. He looked away, suddenly very interested in the glass in his hand.

─ You didn't go after him, did you? ─ He sighed. ─ You know, I could curse you, but I think your condition is enough, so I'll ask you the most obvious thing: why don't you do it now? Like, you don't even need to talk about any of that, but I think it would be nice to know how he's doing before he goes to Harvard, just to clear his conscience.

Light whirled his head back and forth. He rubbed the coat sleeves over his eyes,

irritating them even more. Clearing conscience was a very distant idea. His mind was a dump.

─ You don't understand. It wasn't just a crush or something ...

The voice was gone.

─ And then?

─ I had already spoken to him.

Takada's irises almost exploded.

─ How ?! Define "talk to him".

�� Hm ... I brought him home after we were stuck in the rain for thirty minutes ...

"Wait ..." She put a hand in the air, as if she were a traffic cop. ─ Has he ever been to your house?

Light growled impatiently at being interrupted.

─ Yes, it was. It was too late to go back alone. Also, I knew there was something wrong with him. I felt that I needed to do something.

She smiled, both proud and happy.

─ Feeling also known as "empathy". Go on, I want details. How long did he stay at your house?

─ Until the morning of the following day. ─ It blew.

─ What !? ─ He raged, leaning towards Light, inches from his face. ─ Did he sleep with you?

"Yes," he said in the monotone he was using. It was still very difficult to open a questioning session about his tangled feelings like that, but he felt, in a way, a satisfaction with every word he said.

Kyomi kept looking, waiting for any reaction other than this calm. Then Light looked at her, understanding.

─ I mean, you did sleep. Close your eyes, the act of sleeping. ─ He came close to smiling.

She returned to her puff, nestling in it, relieved.

─ I know. And after that my little brother went to persuade your head to change the pair, and you accepted without doubting?

He lay down a little more, his legs dangling to the floor and his eyes staring at the celestial blue lamp. He nodded slowly.

─ Light, you possibly already thought about it, but if you said you loved someone, I don't think it would be that easy to give up like that ...

─ Yes, I already thought about it. ─ He interrupted, knowing that his conscience was already in charge of the guilt and that he did not need Takada to repeat it in his ear.

─ It was very slutty not to have gone looking for him. You don't even know what happened ...

He looked at her ugly.

─ I already know.

Kyomi squeezed the foam over the fabric. There was something else in that story, she could feel the words congested in the boy's throat. It was such a natural behavior to hide things that Yagami didn't know how to release them when he wanted to. Hiding was automatic.

But she could help out.

─ And what is he like?

Light looked at her again, surprised enough to return the question. ─ What do you mean?

─ Ah, nothing. I'm just curious to know what kind of boy could make you say the word with "a" without even trying.

He raised an eyebrow.

─ What are you talking about?

─ Well ... I thought you had something against love. I literally never heard anything like that from you, so I don't know what to expect from him.

─ You don't have to wait for anything. ─ He turned to her, his eyes trembling. ─ Did you forget about Harvard, our deal that this conversation never happened from tomorrow?

─ I don't remember making a deal. And I thought you were going to look for him before I left. ─ She mulled over her nails, eventually looking at Light.

─ No, Takada. It ends here. ─ He connected with her eyes, his face rigid.

She sighed, both frowning. But Kyomi seemed especially touched by that speech, her eyebrows furrowing.

─ That's why I think you didn't like him. ─ She blew very softly, her lashes staring at the polished wood on the floor. ─ You don't care.

─ I do care, just ...

─ No. If you cared, you wouldn't be so afraid to go after him, sir. It's been like this forever, Light. It sucks. I've always tried to get close to you, but I never can, because you're always afraid. ─ He scolded.

─ Fear of what? ─ He laughed, but his voice shook dangerously.

─ You can play the poor guy, but it's your fault. You only walked with me after I fell in love with your friends. Before that, you only spoke in secret, as if it were a crime.

─ Kyomi ...

─ Do you happen to remember how devastated I was when you broke up with me just like being with Misa? I had to pretend to be very interested in Europe, because I couldn't bear to look at your face. ─ She stopped for a moment, checking the condition of the boy who was wearing every word, but then continued:

─ I thought ... I really thought I could help you. I thought that boy could be the solution. Only you are unable to love someone other than yourself and to think of something beyond your well-being. ─ The sound of his voice gradually dropped, until silence punished the room. She had crossed her arms. Light did not produce a word.

─ I can love, okay? ─ He spoke a long time later, almost a hiss.

The Japanese man looked like a five-year-old.

─ I don't know if you know, but "winning" and "loving" are different things.

Light rolled his teary eyes and at the same time

time, his head throbbing with rage. Worst of all is to know that every word of that was strictly true.

And despite everything, he had a growing hatred, of himself, of course. And interestingly, also of the girl. She was putting feelings inside him, like everyone else did. He was so, so tired.

He knelt as firmly as he could.

─ I loved him. ─ It began, announcing it as a speech: loud and vibrant ─ As hell. And I was terrified of that. I just couldn't handle the lack of control over myself, because the more I tried to get away, the more I felt like an idiot. I've been feeling like an idiot, actually. I never felt like I really needed anything until I met Lawliet. So don't say that I don't care, because for sure, yes, I do.

She ruffled her hair, smiled sadly and happily, if that was possible.

─ That is what I wanted to hear.

He got up, next to Light. She wrapped it around like electrical tape, her arms trying to support it as much as she could. He, on the other hand, collapsed. It fell on top of her like a bundle of clothing built into the closet.

─ I swear I will kill you. ─ It blew, almost as serious as a real threat.

─ Your parents are going to kill you. Did you say you were going to spend the night, big boy?

─ I said I was coming to sleep at your house.

Her smile opened.

─ And you still don't consider me your best friend. ─ He sighed. He released the boy and looked him in the eye. ─ You go after him, don't you?

[...]

It was almost seven in the morning the next day. Let's say that Light has never felt more manipulated in his life. And by the way, it was much better not to think about anything involving the previous night, even though she dug something there in the bottom of the Japanese myocardium.

But now was not the time to think how ridiculous he was, since Naomi and Takada were lying in the student council room with him, deliberately breaking the rules, planning how they were going to find Lawliet.

─ I just wanted to say that I already knew everything just by the face you made. ─ Misora ​​crossed her legs under the chair. His boots brushing and making a noise.

─ I explained the situation to her. ─ Takada started. ─ So you two can go together after class.

Light drummed his fingers on the table. ─ I just don't understand why you needed to come to this room to say that. We have almost the same time.

─ It's good to see you breaking the rules, for a change.

Naomi mentioned laughter, even though it was probably just because Takada looked quite adorable with the dark circles under her eyes. She probably didn't know Yagami well enough to understand.

The bell rang as usual, before Light managed to show his contempt. Who knew that that monotonous sound could make Yagami feel so absurdly anxious?

They moved as if on crutches. Lucky that the hall was empty and no one would question that suspicious meeting. Light unlocked the door, trying with all his heart not to look at the girls nestled behind him.

─ I am definitely the worst president ever.

- Yes. And apparently the worst boyfriend too. ─ Naomi kissed the girl's cheek. ─ I go first, my office is in the other building.

She walked away, showing off to everyone who was authorized not to wear the school uniform.

Light turned to Takada:

─ Why does she hate me?

─ I think it is nothing personal. Most Westerners hate you. You look like a robot. ─ She laughed, both of them starting to wander down the deserted corridor.

─ I thought it was because of our courtship.

─ Ah, that too. I had to swear you were gay, so she wouldn't suspect when I stole my mom's car and went around without a license behind you.

Light stopped, crossing his arms and letting his whole face turn into outrage.

─ Come on, I didn't even have to lie in the end. - Complemented, laughing.

The boy could feel his lips wanting to curve, but logically he would not waste the rest of his dignity by laughing at his own misfortune.

─ Honestly. Are you really Kyomi Takada?

She spun around from the front where she was. ─ Yes, Light Yagami. Nice to meet you.

[...]