I don't want this life

It was no secret to Zheng's circle of friends of how the Zheng's family treated and isolated Chen Ziyi from them. Sister Xing only found out about it when she was engaged to Zheng Haoze. It was obvious to her of how the Zheng's and their friends clearly expressed their hostility towards Chen Ziyi. Unable to comprehend of the reason they doing that, she was at a loss to do same thing to Chen Ziyi. She was even criticized by Zheng Haozu for not able to adapt with them.

It was a different thing that if she met them first but she only know them after she met Chen Ziyi. She was always torn between a kind girl that she met through her own flower shop and the friends of her fiance.

Hence, she herself was powerless to help Chen Ziyi whenever Chen Ziyi was pick on by their friends. She would just became like puppet in front them, smiled awkwardly at their bad jokes, and secretly comforted her and treated her to a good meal whenever they bumped into each other.

She felt pathetic towards herself for how helpless of her in the past and in present time. She was introduced to Zheng Haoze through Chen Ziyi as a florist. Zheng Haoze was attracted to a flower craft that Chen Ziyi once brought home. She was both a florist and blogger that known for her flower knowledge and crafts. Her customers were widely came from her blog audience. It was a coincidence that the flower's business customers came wide range of buyers from upper-class family to working-class family.

Both Xing's parents had passed away and there was only her flower shop in her life. Later, an uncle she was in-debt to introduced her to Zheng Haoze and not knowing what kind of Zheng Haoze and his circles like, she was deceived by his image and his capability. By her first impression and by what the uncle told her, she thought he might be not bad person. Later, when she knew the whole situation, she was dumbfounded of how she can enter into such circle.

She regretted for not asking Chen Ziyi first before agreeing to the engagement. She was someone from a small family. Her personality and lifestyle was totally contradict to Zheng Haoze's and Zheng Haoze was not that loving and soft in convincing her to adjust to his lifestyle. The sweet-talking was always a short one and sometimes Xing felt she was forced to things that she did not like.

Zheng Haoze made her signed a five year contract with his company and she could not accept any other collaboration offer during that period. She lost a few offers due to that one-sided contract. When she was hesitating to sign the contract, Zheng Haoze would questioned her commitment towards their relationship.

The hilarious part was that a year before the contract end, Zheng Haoze broke the engagement off. It was sure a joke to the upper society at that time. When Zheng Haoze decided to engage with her, it was already a topic among the talks of why Zheng's eldest son want to engage with a common girl despite of his lifestyle. So when the engagement was broken off, people were discussing of what reason could be to lead such thing happen.

'When you need me, you really use me. When you do not need me, you cut me off from your life. How could you do this to me. I wish you just go to hell, Zheng Haoze!' Xing could not helped but to curse Zheng Haoze whenever she was reminded of him. Having no parents, she could not complain to any one and be comforted.

Some of her ideas copyright was taken by Zheng Haoze and she could not do anything for that. She felt helpless and hopeless. She want somebody to help her but no one would come. Although she still has her loyal customers through her own connection, she could not forget all her efforts for those four years.

She lost few chances to collaborate with many other companies during those period and such opportunity would never come again for the second time. Every morning, she would woke up in cry and devastated, to the point there was no tears would flow out. When she found out that Zheng Haoze was instead had a good night date with a girl that she was accustomed too much, she could not let go of whatever he did to her.

Zheng Haoze made the breaking engagement like it was her fault to begin with. The news made her lost her reputation as a young lady. What kind of family who would want a daughter-in-law who came from a no name family. She even thought what would happen if the truth be revealed. However, although it was to be revealed, the society would only pitied her and made it like her position to be blamed for being inferior to a lady from a superior family.

After they got the flowers from the flower store, Chen Ziyi took her cab to the cemetery. When she arrived at her mother tombstones, she could assume she was the first person that pay visit to her mother for the day. There was nothing yet on the tombstone. She bend down her both leg and put the flowers she brought onto the tombstone. She knelt down in front of her mother's tombstone. She looked at the front of tombstone with apologetic expression.

"I truly do not know how to do this mother. Year by year, I am still like this. I am sorry. You must be embarrassing to have a daughter like me, right?" Chen Ziyi later laid her right cheek on the tomb, with her left covering as the pillow. "It's been five years, mom,"she said to the tomb acting like she was having conversation with her mother while laying down her head at her mother's lap.

"No. Is it ten years? After that fight?" Recalling back what happened ten years ago, made her regret for making such stupid choice.

"The Zheng's are very disgusting. All of them." Finding out the actual reason of why Zheng Haoze's engagement with Xing was broken off from Xing just a week after accidentally found out the true obnoxious thing happened in Zheng Shuyu's room at that night, made her puzzled of what was wrong with the Zheng's.

"I can't think of anything right now, mom. I somehow wishes that you are here," She cried out like her mother was still there. She did not wiped her tears away as she just want to let her frustration released at that time.

Both her mind and heart felt worn out. After all those efforts, her father yet never appreciate her. Her brothers never cared her like they cared for Zheng Shuyu. Zheng Haozu's friends still bullied her since she was in high school. Other people in Zheng's never care or concern about her life. Her cousins join the bullying. She was even accused involve in a bullying case which the issue caused her to miss the most important entrance exam to her most wanted university.

She barely had friends that she can rely on during the period living in the Zheng's. She spent most of her time to be on her father's good side and others was filled with bullying by Zheng Haozu's friends. Her high school classmates were aware of the bullying but they was unable to help her because the young master's identity.

No one was there for her. Even when she finally freed from high school and went to a university that had zero contact with the Zheng's or the 'rich young masters', they still bullied or spread bad rumors about her. She met few people later but no one that can be called as close friends. All those times, she sometimes read news and saw how her former classmates that tried to reach out to her, but she rejected mindlessly in the past, had living well and even have a good reunion once in a while.

She thought that as she had already entered into adult phase, she could just ignore all those bad events and deemed them as 'things in life'. She presumed that she could just view them as bad memories that she would somehow in the future forget and focus on her working life. But apparently, her mind could not deceive her soul.

She was puzzled and wondering, why she can't have a good life. All she wanted was her father to look at her. When she decided to give up and stay low-key, why they still get into her way. When those things lead to this date, she thought to herself, whether this life was the one she wanted?

"Regret?" she heard a voice asked in her mind. She fluttered her eyes that already filled with tears then stared straight to nowhere.

"Will you take it?" She subconsciously reminded of when the strange young girl gave that question to her.

"What do you desire most, Chen Ziyi?" At this time, Chen Ziyi only want one thing.

"I want to see mom again. I don't want this life," Chen Ziyi voice out her innermost desire to herself. Half-believe of what would happen later, she closed her eyes like she was going to have a nap after a tiring day.