Cursing myself

"Hey, be careful with those, okay?". I did my best not to shiver every time I felt the cold metallic touch of a needle on my arm, not to run away when the needle burst open my skin to penetrate my flesh and inject its contents until it had been emptied. I didn't know what expression the room's spirit had when it helped me with those though I thought I heard the semblance of a laugh at one point.

It was 11 pm when I finished consuming all of the necessary doping substances, I took a look at my Status:

[Name: Fan Yu]

[Race: Human/Earth/Milky Way]

[Points: 5000]

[Health: 57/57]

[Stamina: 36/36]

[Strength: 22]

[Vitality: 24]

[Agility: 28]

[Intelligence: 30]

[Wisdom: 30]

[Charm: 10]

[Luck: 82]

[Perseverance: 3]

[Skills: Persevering Heart (LV 1), Sensory Boost (LV 3), E-Rank Observer (LV 1), Rapid Thinking (LV 2)]

'Am I really twice as strong as an average human male now?'. I doubted what my Status showed me: 'Get used to it, that's the only thing you can do.'. I knew that already, I was doing my best to not freak out over all of this. 'You'll check the improvements to your body tomorrow, what's up with the new things that appeared?'. I looked once again at my Status, more precisely at the new Skills I had acquired.

'Sensory Boost and Rapid Thinking are pretty straightforward, and the E-Rank Observer thing seems to be what the spirit's room talked about.'. It let me see my points and added a level to my Skills, I guessed the higher the level, the stronger the skill. 'Yeah sure but what's Perseverance?'. I scratched my head, I had an inkling as to what it was and logical reasoning would tell anyone that this sprung forth from the Persevering Heart Skill. 'Observing the Skill doesn't give you any information?'. I hadn't thought about that, I focused on Persevering Heart and surprisingly a panel did appear in front of my eyes.

[Persevering Heart (LV 1): Determination and efforts are rewarded accordingly. Power comes forth only in the most despairing moments.]

'Wow, I'm actually baffled at how useless this is.' I concurred and gave up on trying to find out what this meant. "I'll call you Sam, is that fine with you?". I politely asked the spirit's room, his body having become a bit translucent: "How come you are formal now? And why Sam?". I shrugged at both of his questions, finding the first a bit strange: "Wasn't I always polite? I mean I don't really know you thus basic etiquette is needed. And Sam is simply an easy name to remember.".

'You had quite the commanding tone not long ago.'. 'Did I? I hadn't paid attention. I'll apologize.'. Sam stopped me, wearing an embarrassed expression, seemingly not knowing what to do with me: "What will you do with the points you have left?". I turned my head towards the monitor displaying a list of categories, I tapped my finger on one of them, prompting the monitor to show me another list of categories, tapping again had the same reaction, so did the next time and the aftermath of the fourth attempt resulted in a tragic event of which I didn't want to talk about.

'It's still a list. Well, you're fucked if you want to find anything about Handlers.'. My blood was flowing in reverse and the connections between my meridians were slowly deteriorating at the realization of the impending doom that was coming my way, my tears wouldn't come out, though the pieces of my shattered heart pierced through my blackened soul: 'You're being a bit too theatrical, you should stop.'. 'It wasn't any good? I thought it would lighten the mood a bit.'. 'Having a guy that almost lost his shit saying such cringy stuff wouldn't put anyone in a good mood, let me tell you that.'.

I tapped on an icon titled [Return] a few times and the monitor once again displayed the initial list, that is when I noticed a small arrow on the lower-right corner, pointing downwards: 'Don't click on it, it won't do you any good.'. My hand was faster, and the result was the appearance of a new list and a series of numbers on the lower-left corner [2/648].

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"So nobody uses the monitor and everyone simply asks their Sam for the type of things they desire?". I had been given a short lecture on how the shop was commonly used, reassuring me: "Then I'd like to buy any information you might have on Handlers.". Sam nodded before merging with the wall behind him, a few minutes passed before he reappeared, a cloth bag in his hand: "This bag contains about 4000 books related to becoming a Handler and 14000 on Curse Mastery, bringing the price to a total of 4278 points.". I was baffled, not at the fact that such a small bag contained enormous amounts of books, moreso at how many books I'd have to read and that some books' cost was lower than a point.

"Reading all of these is all it takes to become a Handler? It's that easy?". It would be time-consuming, I had to admit, but if it was only a matter of reading a few books, I didn't understand why the other challengers made such a big deal out of it. 'I can answer for Sam. You know they're just books, right? I mean, when you learned arithmetics I don't think reading a lot of books was enough to become a full-fledged expert in the subject.'. Sam's short smile meant that was the truth of the matter.

"I'm really dreading the coming days if I have to study from scratch. Anyways, why did you bring books about Curse Mastery?". Sam registered my payment and my points dwindled down to a few hundreds: "Handlers' main study are curses, of course all of them take up a specialization at one point. I'd advise you to read the introductory books about Handlers and their relation with curses.". I held my palm towards him and he fished out four books from the bag in a matter of seconds then let go of the bag: "The bag isn't yours, it can't leave this room and if you wish to use it, you'll have to ask me first.".

I didn't respond, a quick look at the four books told me that they were by the same author and was luckily in Skylar. 'Were you worried that it'd be in an alien language?'. 'It might have been, Skylar is Limit Sky's standardized language but still, I can't expect it to be used everywhere I go.'. I delved into their contents, gradually coming to an understanding of the powers the others were expecting of me and why they thought I was suited for it.

Time passed, the pages I'd read accumulated at a faster pace, surely because I was mesmerized by Handlers. Beings that could garner the hostility of millions by existing, transforming lands and seas into inhospitable places, the author exaggerated what a Handler could really do but I was able to garner some precious bits of information: 'Handlers work with resentment, any other emotion is to be excluded from their job. Whether it is using the living or the dead, Handlers can channel the resentment emitted and transform them into a purer form of energy, Soul Qi, through multiple manners, all are called curses but have their different uses and applications.'.

"Soul Qi is extremely volatile and in an amateur's hands it may as well be a nuclear warhead if I refer to your homeland's weapons.". Sam's voice reached my ears, I didn't have to turn towards him to know that he had already assimilated with the room: 'So Soul Qi is dangerous, but I think you can practice here. I seem to recall someone saying that nobody could die inside of the Community Room.'. I clicked my tongue: 'How would you know that?'. 'I combed through your hazy memories and it popped up.'.

I propped myself up from the ground, I was eager to start, maybe a bit too much if I thought about it. The introductory books said that beginners should start out by creating their own curse, recipes and instructions would come after, and since there were too many types of curses, I should restrict myself to either a verbal one, a written one, or a curse using my will. 'It sounds too surreal, how are you supposed to start doing such things when you were a standard guy a day ago?'. 'I don't ask questions and take it all in like I used to back in the day. If it works, it works, that's all.'.

I began reminiscing about the past day, I wasn't tired even though I hadn't slept or eaten. I had been reading books explaining the best ways to torture someone, how to create resentment in people from a few words. A part of me was crying, scared to death, but most of my being felt alright, neither anger nor joy, just acceptance. 'I hate myself'. I resented who I was, if I had been just a tad bit different I could have become someone righteous, maybe even have a choice as to what I could do.

That was all wishful thinking, I wasn't in control and I hated that, my emotions were spiraling out of my control, my breath was heavier, my eyes bloodshot. 'You're going too fast. Use your resentment, say what you desire from it.'. I wanted to have control, control over something for once in my life, anything would do. I felt some sort of liquid stirring inside of my body, ready to come out at any given moment: "Curse the foolish practitioner, restrict his soul and give him control.". Words automatically poured out of my mouth, it was the resentment inside of me speaking, telling me what it desired to become.

'It's going to explode. Do you really want to continue?'. It was a failure, the Soul Qi I had manifested wasn't enough to do my bidding and the pent-up resentment was corroding it, destabilizing it. I vomited a massive amount of blood, my heart, liver, and lungs had imploded. 'Holy shit, that must hurt.'. My answer was groans of pain, I tried moving my neck as I was drowning in the pool of blood that came out of me but I only felt numbness.

"It'll take a few minutes to reconstruct your body, endure in the meantime.". Sam assured me that I was going to be okay, nevertheless, I felt scared. 'I don't want to do this again.'. I was crying, it had hurt too much, I had underestimated the result in case of failure. 'You'll forget about it soon enough.'. 'Ah, that's true, I should just forget I failed.'. The answer was that easy, I laughed in my mind while my brain deteriorated.

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It had been 3 days since my first attempt, I had succeeded after a few dozen tries resulting in a new line inside my Status: [Curses: Lowest Immobilize (Left Hand)], meaning I would be unable to move my left hand for 5 minutes every 3-hours interval. "Congratulations on completing your first curse, a celebratory cake will be given to you free of charge.". I declined, too much sugar would be bad for me: "Then, Miss Velini has called numerous times for your presence in the past few days.". I shuddered unconsciously: 'I'm actually a bit embarrassed now, I've made her wait all this time'.

'Take care of your clothing for now, apologizing will come once you see her.'. 'Who said I'll apologize?'. It felt good being haughty, I should do this more often: "Sam, can you pass me a change of clothes? Price under 50 Points.". The wall in front of me wobbled before spitting out a pair of pants and a shirt, I frowned at the absence of a pair of shoes but refrained from speaking out.

I came out of my quarters with a thought and was met with a fist to the gut and my legs being swept: "3 fucking days I've waited! You look like a damn beggar and can't respond to a simple attack! What could you have been doing this whole time?!". Julia's roars deafened my ears, I tried getting up but a hand gripped my shoulder, keeping me stuck to the ground: "Sorry Fan Yu, don't want you to retaliate.". A rough voice that I couldn't identify calmly told me to stay down.

'Why are they so worked up about restraining you, you're not even angry.'. It was true, I understood their intentions even if they were a bit forceful.