Leaping the first steps

"You cast your first curse on yourself?". Peter Carter, the one who had held me down, curtly apologized and stood behind Julia: "It took me a few tries but I got the hang of it.". She seemed surprised yet her eyes were serene: "You must possess an innate constitution that prevents refined resentment from destabilizing, I'll inform the others about it.". She held her hands towards my chest, a glowing string of light coming out of it: "I'll probe your body for any possible lasting injuries, stay put.".

'Hey, letting her do as she pleases doesn't suit me.'. 'I don't care personally, she doesn't mean any harm.'. I said that but my body told the contrary, I was shaking like a leaf: "Mr. Carter, could you please hold my shoulders so I may stop moving.". His toothy grin was accompanied by a cheerful response: "Call me Peter, drop the formalities.". He looked older than me by a few years, his short curly hair indicating that he still had hints of youth on his body.

Although, his style of clothing wasn't to my state, his shoulder pads bumping into my face as he passed by me to hold my shoulders from behind: "Oops, sorry about that, I need to get used to these.". His voice shook a little, apparently he was embarrassed, I wondered what his blushing face looked like. My cheeks puffed up in laughter, I couldn't be serious while imagining such a guy making a cute face. 'What's his face like? Tell me.'. 'Ah, I don't remember... Well, now all the fun I had is gone thanks to you.'.

"Your organs are in good condition, so are your blood vessels.". Julia's frown contradicted the good news. 'I wonder if she'll ever smile in your presence.'. 'I hope so, sometimes I worry my existence bothers her.'. 'You do?'. 'No way.'. I grinned, my teeth clenched to block my laugh, I was on a spree. Peter released me and hit me on the back: "Haha, you're way nicer than I'd thought. I hope we'll be teaming together one of these days.". I didn't really know what to say, his words were too heartfelt for me to handle.

"You haven't followed the program I gave you.". I wanted to argue that I still accomplished something but backed down and apologized: "You've been giving me intense headaches and that's all you have to say?". She had a weird expression on her face, but I could understand she was frustrated. 'You didn't listen to her, that's a given.'. 'I know but being that angry over me is a waste of her time and health.'. I wanted to tell Julia that, but I knew this would only aggravate the situation.

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'How could he have changed so much in 3 days?'. Dimitri had tried looking for any information on Fan Yu on Earth and he hadn't dug up anything worthwhile so he asked me to contact the guy. What I hadn't expected was to be ignored for 2 consecutive days, at first I had thought the pressure had been too much for him but then remembered how expressive the guy had been when I had talked to him: 'I can't say I'm an expert but someone being thrown into Limit Sky and forced to compete would usually keep to themselves.'. It was what was recorded of the past times an Unwilling had appeared anyways.

But looking at him now, he's become too different. Firstly his eyes, they hadn't budged, even when Peter went behind him and talked with him, he kept staring at something behind me. Then when he asked Peter to hold him from moving, the guy in question could only react after a few seconds, after all, Fan Yu hadn't budged from the moment he'd appeared: 'Maybe berating him had been too much. No, he should be happy I didn't hit him too hard.'. I praised myself for holding back, though I had to try even harder when he apologized while not sounding the least bit apologetic.

'It's neither arrogance nor indifference, he just seems to be focused on something else.'. I wanted Pandore to check up on his mental state but she wasn't available. "He's putting up a front... I think?". Even Peter couldn't tell what was going on with him, the absence of facial expressions would usually mean protecting oneself from the world by feigning indifference, but the whole interaction hadn't seemed right.

I did my best not asking why he didn't question Peter murmuring to me, or why I looked younger by quite a few years, he simply wasn't registering it: "Dimitri, our Strategist, wants to find your family to accommodate them. Now that you're a challenger you'll be given some societal advantages.". His answer came abruptly, almost interrupting me: "I don't have any family. You'll be able to contact my friends through my workplace and my girlfriend is named Sally Cook.". I felt a bit guilty with him saying that he had no family left, I fidgeted a little before looking up at his gaze: 'Why the hell is he still looking behind me?!'. My curiosity got the better of me and I turned around, expecting to see a white chunk of space.

Coincidentally, Esteban returned the moment I turned around: "Julia? You knew I was coming back?". I clenched my fist in front of my face, prepared to punch this useless leader who left me to deal with Fan Yu on my own: "Do you know what's going on with this guy?". Esteban looked flustered, he took some time to respond: "What do you mean? Has he done something wrong?". I didn't want to explain myself and merely pointed towards Fan Yu, only to see the guy smiling like an idiot, also pointing towards his face: "Have I done something wrong, Julia?". He was fucking playing with me!

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Peter left with Julia over his shoulder, she was hitting and biting him while throwing insults I'd prefer to forget: "She looks younger.". "Hmm? Yeah, it's a part of her powers, you should get used to it.". "Huh? What? Who was I talking with? Did I just hear something?". "Hey, Yu, are you okay? You look quite pale, have you eaten anything? The Community Room prevents starvation and thirst but you should remember to eat three meals a day and drink regularly or else your mind will be a total mess once you're on a Mission.". Esteban continued on, asking me if I had bought enough furniture and slept well.

A feeling of uneasiness crept up on me, I was panicking, my head was splitting apart, telling me to close my eyes and rest: "Do I have to stay alive? Can't I just fake my efforts and give up?". I couldn't stop myself, I needed someone to talk to, anyone. The memories of my mangled body and the pain that came with failing came back like a flood, the dam that I had built had been breached: "I don't care if you want to die, but the people back on Earth need you and the people that know you won't be too happy to see you succumb to despair.".

I wanted to forget, my shoulders weren't wide enough for these expectations, who was I to be a part of this world: "If you're so scared for your life, just follow orders and don't do anything out of line. All the people on Earth's team are battle-hardened veterans, they know what they're doing.". Right, I should have guessed it'd come back to this, when did I ever begin thinking for myself. Independence isn't a right, the price varies but it all comes down to paying with your life. Freedom is born from subservience to power, constraining yourself to what the power dictates is true freedom.

My tears wouldn't come out, I was so happy to understand, for my worries to be unimportant: 'It doesn't matter what I do as long as I don't step out of line, consequences shouldn't bother me as I'll never have to shoulder them.'. My body began to relax, it had been tense since I had arrived: "Thank you, Esteban. I promise I'll do my best from here on out.". A trace of confidence came back to me, I held my head high up: "As long as you try your best everything will be okay. Even seeing your friends back on Earth will be possible in the near future!". He shook my hand with a business-like smile, it was a transaction after all: 'Your compliance for peace of mind'. 'Exactly.'.

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I came back to my quarters only to realize that it looked dreary with only 6 walls and a grey floor: 'Decorating isn't really your forte, leave it to me.'. 'When have you become able to talk without me acknowledging your existence?'. Sam's appearance with another cloth bag answered my suspicions: "Basic Earth furniture, the scenery of the 42nd Martial Palace, and a pass for a year-long feast. That'll be 50 Points.". The room began changing rapidly, becoming much vaster: 'Is that the Moon?'. 'Can't be, there are 5 of them.'. I had been brought to the edge of a sea, on a sandy beach, the smell of salt assaulting my nostrils. I plopped down on the sand, turning my head to take in the surrounding environment.

Palmtrees of varying stature stood tall, shadowing the ground from the moonlight's bright colors. Specks of light flew around the darkness created, resembling stars in the celestial vault. Meanwhile, the sea's rage was quiet, almost imperceptible, if I couldn't hear the rumbling that came from the depths of it, I would never have been able to fathom the dangerousness of it. "Is there something at the bottom?". Sam was sitting next to me, his eyes brighter than the moons. 'Are those really my eyes?'. I pondered in silence while listening to Sam.

"The 42nd Martial Palace, then the hammer of the Valiant Cataclysm and now home to one of the Stele Arts. Buried next to Gwashan Daiyu, in the tears of his beloved pet. Not that many challengers can enjoy this scenery at such a low price, you must have some destiny with this place.". So all the things around me were illusory in a sense. I scooped some sand, watching it trickle between my fingers, going back to its resting place. 'I feel so little.'. 'You only feel that way because you had never thought about it before. It didn't matter to you then, so why should it now?'.

It wasn't that simple, emotions couldn't be brought back to such a primitive concept such as logic. I wanted to start training the way I was told to, but somewhere deep inside me, something made me stay a few minutes longer on this beach. "Well then, let's start.". I took out the list Julia had given me, skimming through it made me understand I had tried to grasp something out of my reach. Julia had wanted me to buy Guidance, a book that could create an illusory copy of me that I'd be able to control. 'I was supposed to manipulate resentment with this other body to avoid injuring myself. It wouldn't have been as efficient but I'd have avoided nearing death's door.'.

'We're careless when we're scared, what can you do about it?'. I sighed, the past was such that I was powerless towards it and the future stood too high up for me to even think about gazing at the helm of its' robe. "Sam, bring me somewhere I can train my body.". His hand on my shoulder, he flew away towards the sea's horizon. 'Who'd ever have imagined I'd fly in the sky one day.'. The wind on my face blew away my regrets, building in my heart a yearning for tranquility.

We arrived not long after to a stone platform jutting out of the water, it was the size of about 4 football stadiums if I had to guess. Sam brought me down and left, a training attire being all that was left of his presence: 'A sweatshirt and shorts. Perfect'. 'They're your size too, Sam's awfully considerate.'. I took my time to change, sometimes letting my eyes wander towards the sea. Although that didn't last long, the moment came to begin training my body, something I hadn't done in quite some time.