TBBM XLII. Even The Boasty Cries

"Stay with me tonight," Red looked like he said it without much thought. It was as if he wanted to sound strong but in truth, he was just sad. "I'm lonely. My parents are leaving again today. And I need someone to take my instructional video."

"Nope," I dismissed him but I also took a step closer to him, in contrast. I should really work on syncing up my brain and body. "Not coming."

"My father bought you a lappy---"

"Huh? A laptop?"

"I told him about you waiting in line in the PC room, wasting your time until it's the turn of the clock. I told him how much you fancied my device when you did your assignment---"

Dub dub. Dub dub.

Dub dub. Dub dub.

+++

Red drove us to his place soon after I was discharged. Strangely, he hadn't been teasing me too much. He looked like his mind was occupied by something. His eyes focused on the road ahead of us as it was raining, but to me, his gaze was far-reaching and almost lost in space.

That day, the rain drops crashed against his car's glass panels powerfully, as if the Heavens were mourning someone's death---it was enough to make one shiver; enough to make one tear up.

I glanced at my left. Red's ears were turning red; his nostrils flushed red, too. I could see veins popping out of his hands as he gripped the steering wheel a little too tightly.

I could get lost if I counted every single instance I got annoyed by him. Admittedly, there were many times when I wished that he'd stay away and not come back. But lately, I noticed that my heart sank every time I saw him frail as this. I wanted to take some of his pain only so I could see him smile again. There were times even, when I preferred that he'd just annoy me instead of being like this.

I placed my hand on top of his, on the steering wheel, trying to calm him down. He looked at me and he started tearing up. For somebody really strong as him, to cry like that seemed to be almost unimaginable.

"Pull over," I smiled, feigning strength. "Let's watch the rain. Drive us home when it stopped pouring."

He couldn't look at me anymore. He parked his car on the roadside and soon as the machine died, he started punching the steering wheel, crying. I couldn't stand watching him like that so I stole the sunnies on his dashboard, wore it and closed my eyes.

He cried. He cried so bad. I wanted to ask him why but he couldn't even talk straight. His sighs were deep. His grunts were almost like muffled howls that no matter how much he tried not to make, came out loud, anyway. I wished I wasn't there beside him. It broke my heart listening to him.

After about half an hour, he brought the engine back to life and drove us to his place. I prayed deeply that God would heal him of his pain---I prayed for him more earnestly than my own personal wishes.

"I-I couldn't get my head straight," his voice cracked. "Can you wait for me in my room? I'll head to the gym first."

"Is that alright?" I asked politely. I wasn't looking at him.

"Yeah."

"Are you gonna be alright?"

"I won't kill myself. No wuckers," he forced a smile.

I was at a loss of words. It felt like I wanted to say more but I just didn't know how and whether it was the best timing. I unlocked the door on my side and poised to leave.

"Hicks," he called weakly. "Wait for me. Don't leave."

"Red," I paused then reached for his face. His eyes and nose were red and his cheeks were cold. I wiped his face clean with my hands. I fixed his hair. I didn't expect that could be so satisfying. My heart was pounding. I knew he could tell. But he just sat there and let me as he swallowed his own cries. He tried to look away but I pulled his face back so I could gaze at it. I wiped his tears away. "I thought the cruelest thing you can do was kick me out in the middle of nowhere on a rainy night. But no, making me watch you breakdown like this was actually worse. I feel like I---I wanted to share your pain. But now, I also feel like I shouldn't have said that."

He smirked. His brows were leveled. He wasn't arrogant.

"You were cool earlier," he said, almost breathless.

"Come back in one piece, Master."