TBBM XLV. Out of Frame

"If they knew your name they'll start to look you up on social media. Didn't you notice how some guys there were checking you out? How can you let your guard down like that?" Red jeered.

"S-some guys were checking me out?"

"No! You're unbelievably unfaithful," he looked annoyed.

"Unfaithful? How is that unfaithful?"

"I mean..." he trailed off and looked away. "Don't go back there."

"Why? I'm just flattered. I want to---"

"I'm going racing with Seb. Join me."

Racing? He was going racing? He asked me to join him?

"I'd never seen one race before," I stepped closer to him.

+++

Red seemed excited as he drove us to the race track. He said that the one we were headed for wasn't the best for stock car racing but it was the one closest to us.

"Stock what?" I asked.

"It means cars that were formulated for racing," he winked.

"I see," I nodded. "You seemed to be in a good mood. You must have missed racing."

He was quiet for a while.

"Actually," he licked his lips. "I liked to drive when I feel lost. When you drive, you only focus on what's ahead of you. Somehow, it gives me a sense of direction."

"Yeah. You told me so," I smiled, reminiscing. "Why don't I see anything race-related in your room?"

"Threw them away when I got suspended---"

"I'm sorry---"

"No. You don't have to. I think I just might not pursue it professionally anymore."

"Why?" I almost jumped out of my seat. "Were you bad at it?"

"What!?" he breathed through the side of his mouth and ran his hand on his hair. "Nobody's ever bloody looked down on me like that! Come on, Hicks! Have faith in me."

"I do!" I fixed my hair. "You look like you do great in everything."

"I do?" he grinned widely.

I nodded, looking ahead of us.

"You see," he spoke fast. "You finally admitted that I'm better than that basketball player---"

"Eh?" I whined. "Know your place."

"This sucks."

We were quiet for a few minutes until he took a turn to the highway.

"How did you end up racing?" I broke the truce.

"He-hey!" he almost groaned, laughing. "Someone wants to get to know me. I'm flattered."

"Never mind. Don't tell me," I rolled my eyes. He was so full of himself.

"You-so-cute, Hicks!" he pinched my cheeks. "Few months after enrolling first year in college, I went to New York scouting other Universities but I ended up getting hooked to car racing after one of my cousins invited me to watch it live. My dad spent allot just to get me to try. There happened to be a NASCAR commissioned amateur race scheduled three months later. With my father's connections, of course, with my driving skills, too, I got in."

"I'm not sure I understand but, that sounds difficult yet liberating."

"Yeah. That's my Hicks."

"Hsssh!" I hissed. "Stop calling me like that. People think we're together or something because you kept doing that. Even our classmates, even Roms, even my mother think we... uh..."

"Mom thinks so?" he grinned even more widely.

"My mother! Not yours!"

"Right. Mom thinks so..." he ignored my correction.

We reached the race track in about thirty minutes. It was a clear road with markings and some grassland on the side.

"I feel really excited about this, Hicks," Red smiled as he unsnapped my seatbelt.

"Ouch!" I cried.

"Wh-what? What happened," he inspected my face. "Where does it hurt?"

Dub dub. Dub dub.

Dub dub. Dub dub.

He was looking at me intently. I could never get used to it. That stare of his made me nervous all the time.

"Hicks, you're heart's pounding..." he whispered. "I make you nervous, don't I?"

I moved away, fixing my hair.

There was an awkward silence between us. He fixed his alignment on the parking slot.

"What happened to you?" he leaned closer to me again.

"My chest..." I panted. "It's tender. I just got my injection."

"Hormone injection?" he was looking intently at me again. "Is it bad when it's tender?"

"Eh?" I cringed. How could I explain it to him. "No. It's actually good when it's tender. It means it's growing. Oh my! Why am I explaining this to a guy?"

"Growing?" he put his hands out in front of me, moving like he was squeezing something.

"Perv!" I screamed, hitting him in the head. I felt blood rushing to my head.

"Hicks, I didn't mean it! I was only trying to understand you. I swear!"

Nobody spoke for minutes. It helped me to calm down.

"Are you okay now?" he spoke childishly, leaning closer to me again. "You know I will never disrespect you like that, Hicks. Hicks, don't be mad at me..."

"I'm not mad."

+++

Nina and Seb were on the viewing deck. They had a chiller with them full of drinks. They offered us some. I looked around at the vastness of space around me. The air freely moved across the field like some free spirit roaming around in freedom.

I saw two cars by the race track and a handful of people working on them. There was an ambulance nearby.

"Allot of people down there," I gaped.

"Yeah," Nina agreed. "But that is nothing compared to when there's an actual event."

"You've been to one?"

"A few times," she smiled. "Seb's brother raced too, in the US. That's how he got to try stock cars. But Red's better, experiencewise."

"Did you rent this out?"

"No. They're preparing for an event next month. But the Manager wanted to see actual cars on the inner track now so he called up Seb. Then Seb called Red."

"I see."

Red and Seb came back wearing racing suits. It looked really expensive. Red wore a white jumpsuit while Seb wore a green one.

"You look like you both represent our school," I greeted them.

"Heck, no!" Seb whined. For some reasons, he always thought his University was better than ours.

"Competitive guy," Nina whispered to me. She then went to Seb to fix his uniform.

"Hicks," Red walked towards me. "I'll win this."

I knew nothing about racing except two things: first, was the fact that the one who reached the finish line first would win; and two, was that if the driver was ever careless, the car could tumble and he could get hurt.

"You're not gonna get hurt, are you?" I poked his arm, looking down.

"You have to pray for me---like you always do---if you want me to come back safely," he could hardly keep a serious topic going. "You should take a video of me at the finish line."

"Alright," I nodded obediently.

"Hicks," he looked at Seb and Nina and pulled me several steps further. "You flatter me when you worry about me like that. Hide your feelings or that guy will not stop bugging me---"

"You're so full of yourself," I gasped a lungful of air, then smiled despite my worry. "Do well."

+++

Nina and I stayed by the starting line while both of them got readied. She brought with her a cloth bag filled with electrolyte-infused drinks as we left the chiller at the deck.

"It's not that complicated, don't worry," Nina assured me. "It's just as simple as who arrives first wins."

"I'm honestly just really scared."

"Scared for your date?" Nina threw me a piercing stare. "Last time I saw you, you can't even bear hearing his name---"

"Definitely not a date," I shook my head. "We've a school activity later at around six. I only came because I was passing time."

"Passing time with some teeny bit of feelings," she teased. "You like him now?"

"Stop teasing," I exhaled. "It's really not like that."

I hated it that everybody thought that I and Red were going out. James would be hurt if he heard this. I didn't like to disappoint him even more.

"Okay. I won't tease if you at least acknowledge that you're his date today," Nina went further.

"Come on! You're friend, that guy is so full of himself. He won't like me. No."

"Doesn't your pulse race when you're with him?"

Pulse?

Don't be mad at me anymore.

When a guy---when I insult you---I don't mean it.

Don't cry because of me.

Dub dub. Dub dub.

Dub dub. Dub dub.

"P-pulse race, what?"

"There you go," she concluded. "You stuttered. You're blushing. I knew it."

I covered my face in embarrassment. I was really so bad in trying not to be nervous.

In about fifteen minutes, I heard the car engines revved to life. Red took seat in the white car while Seb got his hands on the blue one. There was a black car in front of them.

"It's a short racetrack, ready your cam," Nina steadied her hands on her phone as she hit record. "They will do five laps. The first half lap is the parade. That black car up there will lead them on the first half of the first lap. It's to warm them up."

"How long will each lap take?" I said, my hands were shaking. "I'm honestly really nervous."

"Fifty seconds, tops."

"S-seconds? That fast?"

"You'll get used to it," she cheered.

They did not disappoint. On the first lap, they showed up in about a minute and fifteen seconds. On the second lap, Red was leading at about fifty seconds. On the third, I stopped looking at the timer for the sound of the roaring engine made me anxious and jumpy, Red still led. I closed my eyes and prayed basically on the fourth and fifth lap. I was so scared that the thunderous howl of the engine might cause it to break or catch fire. I lost my mind.

Nina has been jumping up and down. I saw Seb's blue car parked and out he came. Red's car parked few seconds after. He looked really annoyed.

The technical group came to check on them and the car. After a few minutes of talking and congratulating. They both headed our way. Seb looked like he was teasing Red.

Nina ran towards Seb and gave him a big hug. Seb was all sweaty as he sang in their embrace. Nina wiped his face dry with a towel.

Red's face was crimson---I couldn't tell if it was of Adrenaline or of his defeat. He walked towards me, licking his lips. He looked really annoyed.

"Red," I handed over a bottle of water. "Don't worry, you did---"

"Stop," he closed his eyes, breathing heavily. "Just don't say it."

This part of Red, the part that hated defeat, seemed foreign to me; I knew competitive guys could be difficult like this but it was different live and in person.

A guy in vest called for them shortly. Nina said he was the manager. He seemed impressed by their performance but Red kept shaking his head in disbelief. They went off to change back to their clothes.

"Were you scared?" Nina sat next to me. "Give him time. He'll be back to normal in a bit. Just let him cool down first. Trust me, Seb was worse."

"How worse?"

"He'd keep ranting about it when everybody is gone. He'd be like that overnight. So, trust me, Red's quiet is better."

"Okay," I breathed deeply.

Red and Seb came back after thirty minutes. Red didn't look pissed anymore, just disappointed. He wore his face long until they walked up to us.

"Do you want to grab some snacks?" Nina offered.

"Not in the mood, Nins," Red turned his back on them.

"Oh! Come on, Brother," Seb cajoled. "Be a good sport."

"I am! I'm just... honestly disappointed in myself now, mate. You can take Hicks with you, if she likes to eat."

"No, uhm," I raised my hands up. "I'll stay with Red."

Nina and Seb exchanged looks then they started teasing.

"What? I just really need to go back to school in time. It was a good race, though---"

"Good race?" Red looked annoyed. "You don't really care about my feelings."

"I mean," I walked up closer to Red. "It was my first time and your speeds were disorienting to me. I'm amazed so..."

"Did you take a video of it?" he asked emotionlessly.

"Yes," I handed him my phone. "I was nervous, so it was shaky..."

"Crap! I'm out of frame. It looks as though you were only trying to capture Seb," he kept fastforwarding.

"I'm sorry. It must be my hands."

I felt bad watching him lose vigor like that. But what made it worse was that I displeased him even more with my video. I was sure that recording his event was far easier than to actually get in there and drive laps. But I failed even in that simple task.

"It's too out of focus," he sighed. He looked even more disappointed. "Okay. Let's just delete this now and move on."

"Nooo!" I tried to stop him. He paused and looked at me. "Don't delete it! It's my memory of you."

"Done," he said, without blinking as he looked at me.

I received my phone back, flustered. I checked my gallery for the file but it was gone. He really erased it. It would have been my only recorded memory of him.

"I asked you not to delete it," I murmured, fighting off tears.

"It's out of focus. It's out of frame. You won't enjoy watching it, anyway."

"Hey. Hey. Jopet," Nina intervened. "I'll send you the video I took. Sounds good?"

"Nins," Red shook his head. "Don't send it to her. She didn't take the video right, so, let her be without it---"

"Red, that's too much."