TBBM XLIX. Concert

"I take you seriously," Red embraced me so I would stop---that kind of very tight embrace that I'd grown accustomed with; that kind of embrace that always shut me quiet and made me feel comfortable.

"I'm scared, Red."

"I know. But, I won't let them hurt you," he assured. "We will launch Project Jopet."

"Project what?" I pulled away to see his face. He was grinning mischievously.

"Hey, come over," he called someone on the phone. "She's ready."

Not too long after his phone call, Lorraine, Cliffy and Mar arrived. They were all looking at me, determined.

"You successfully convinced her?" Mar questioned Red, wondrously. "Jopet swore she'd never be up there ever again."

"Right!" Cliffy raised his right hand. "If you only saw her that day. She looked like she was going to drop out of school."

"The PAC girls should be," Lorraine added.

"I embraced her," Red declared confidently, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "She changed her mind because I embraced her---"

"What?" I vehemently declined. "No! I wasn't! I wasn't going to do it."

"Whoa! Again?" Red countered. "Are you being like this again because you wanted me to embrace you? Alright. Alright---"

"Wh-What are you doing?" I flinched as he tried to embrace me again.

"She even said, 'Don't let me go, Red. I want your embrace, Red.'"

"Hey! Stop making up stories. I didn't---"

"If Jopet doesn't want your embrace, I'd rather," Cliffy cut me.

+++

I wondered to the deepest depths of me how they could be friends with Red. I totally missed that part. I remembered the first day Red came to our class. He was completely disagreeable and hostile. But I looked at them this time and that seemed to have been long gone and erased from memory.

Every day at four, my torment began. If I were to be more descriptive, it began with Red's baneful-looking smile, seeing through it that I don't run away from them.

A part of me wasn't sure about of this. But honestly, I just relied on Red. I believed him when he said he wouldn't let anyone hurt me.

"This is Project Jopet," he announced as we gathered at the empty lot by the grandstand. "By the end of this training, Hickey will be able to: A. Walk straight, without stumbling upon herself waiting for some not-really-handsome basketball player to pick her up---"

"Can you not deride James?" I cut him.

"B. Stand firmly and confidently, without being too jumpy and hiding behind me every time she got scared---"

"When did I hide behind you?---"

"C. Speak in a well-modulated voice, instead of being always the shy type afraid of drawing attention towards her---"

"Am I really that bad?" I complained.

"Yes, Miss," he closed his eyes. "So, it'd be better if you don't resist anything I say---we say, and you just listen, okay?"

Monday.

Tuesday.

Wednesday.

Thursday.

Lorraine acted as the manager. She coordinated most of our venue. She wanted me to practice in crowded places to make me crowd-proof.

Cliffy taught me how to walk like a model. It helped that he had a background in pageantry so he knew so well how to walk gracefully on stage.

Mar was no less as strict. He brought with him different snacks, most of which were either powdered or spicy, that I should eat while I did my speech. The longer it took me to deliver my speech properly, the more of the food I had to endure.

Red looked particularly delighted watching me suffer. They made me walk through staircases to strengthen my balance. They also made me walk a straight line with books on top of my head. We did pool exercises to practice my breathing. They made me walk on rocky paths while not making it show on my face. They made me wear skates and glide on uneven surfaces. Once, Red drew on my face and made me speak in public without ever ducking my face in embarrassment. He brought me to a gym to do the thread mill and ultimately, they tied me up to a wheel that I hauled across the field to practice muscle strength and endurance.

Lorraine carried with her a stick which she used to hit me with every time I relaxed or did something wrong.

Friday.

It was the last day of my struggle. Red talked to my mother and made me stay with him over the night as he practiced my speaking. It was ten in the evening and I was unquestionably exhausted.

"I don't want to be here anymore!" I cried. "I want to be with James!"

"I want to be with James!" he copied me, annoyed.

"Why? What else do you want me to do? I don't speak that bad---"

"Hicks, are you being serious?" he covered his mouth. "Do you hear yourself when you talk to that basketball player? You sound so annoying."

Dear Saint,

I'm really scared. I surrender everything up to you now.

+++

PERFORMANCE DAY.

Huge throngs occupied the auditorium with each group sporting their team banners. Professors and advisers joined their respective teams. It was all bright and noisy---almost turning my stomach upside down.

On the preliminaries, each conductor was called on stage to introduce their teams and attend to a quick question and answer.

Angie was there, too. She and the entire PAC girls were members of the musical choir. I couldn't help but get flashbacks of the first time we were here. I wanted to avoid her but I couldn't.

"Do you remember two years ago when you tripped and fell off the stage?" Angie cruelly reminded me. "If it weren't for your little show, we could've won at least the third place. It's because of you."

"You girls tripped me..." I murmured.

"That was a joke," Cecie remarked. "You shouldn't have fallen off like that."

"Why did she even volunteer for this again?" Phao complained. "It'd better be Angie, like last year."

I never won arguing against the PAC girls so I just aimed past them at the waiting area backstage.

There were so many people, so many cameras. I sat in one corner and buried my face in my folded arms, praying not to mess up like I did two years ago.

My hands were sweating as I was called for a re-touch. I probably looked beautiful in that uniform and make-up that looked like a cheerer's. But, none of it gave me confidence enough to sit back relaxed. I still felt nauseated.

James showed up backstage with Roma and my mother.

"Go, Sis," Roma cheered me on. "Do well."

James did not say anything, seeing me all worked up. He just embraced me and tapped the back of my head, trying to calm me down.

"My daughter," my mother said, almost in tears, cupping my face in her palms. "You've grown beautifully."

"Mother," I embraced her.

"Do your best. Be mindful of your steps. Don't fall off that platform again and off the stage. Don't stare at James too long or might slobber again."

I normally would argue with her but I was too nervous to do so. Instead, I just nodded. These people meant so much to me. But something felt missing. I couldn't tell what.

The team before ours just started their performance. I was so nervous that I started having hiccups.

"Jopet," Hugo who was also part of the team, called me. "We're lining up now."

"Y-yeah," I bit my lip, my hiccup starting to get even more uncontrollable. I kept praying inside my head that I calmed down a little.

"Hicks," Red appeared out of nowhere as I was about to turn around and held me by the wrist. "Honestly, I'm bloody nervous so I couldn't earlier. But I thought you---"

"Red," I pinned my finger on his lips. He was abnormally pale. "You make me even more nervous."

"Come here," he stopped talking and embraced me. That embrace. That tight embrace. The Red embrace.

+++

I had no full recollection of what happened next. I remembered walking ahead of the team trying to be as welcoming as possible for the judges and spectators but it didn't feel much like me---instead it felt like the shy and nervous me watching as the confident me took over the front. I saw my classmates in one corner of the grand auditorium. I saw Roma, my mother and James, too. I couldn't see Red so I thought he took off until I heard his voice on the side of the stage cheering me on. It felt like I was on auto pilot or something.

When I got back to my senses, our performance had ended and we were walking out of the stage. Everyone was cheering so loud that I couldn't even hear Red but I could see him cheering.

He looked so proud.

I hoped he really was.

Every time I looked at him, I calmed down a little. Each time he smiled, it felt like I fulfilled my purpose. Was I staring at him the whole time? I hoped not.

SECOND PLACE.