TBBM LVII. Is There A Bear Out Here?

"Indeed," he pouted. "If you really like that basketball player---"

"James---" I corrected him.

"If you really like James---whatever," he spoke, face serious. "You have to effin' fight. Why do you always readily accept defeat? That's not the Hickey I know. Again, if you can be rude and unconcerned to me, you can do that to him, too."

"Wait," I backed up a little. "I thought you don't like him. Why are you suddenly shipping me and him together?"

"Do I look like I'm having fun?" he looked up the sky. "But I reckon that's much better than seeing you sulking around like this."

"What do you think should I do?"

"Use me if you want to make him jealous."

I watched Red gazed at me, unapologetic, sincere. I knew what that face entailed. That face was his determined version---the unstoppable one. I'd seen that face quite a bit---when he handed me an ice cream cone instead of saying sorry; when he asked me to come home with him because he was sad; when he suddenly popped up at the backstage during the competition. That face... it was that face that pushed me to be braver.

The wind blew on my hair gently, as if whirring all my worries away. I watched him stand a meter away from me, under the shade, as his beautiful face blended perfectly in the backdrop of yellow weeds dancing graciously in the air, as if a delicate scenery captured in lens at the right timing. I felt safe. I felt safe near him.

Somehow, I could smile.

<#.#>

Red made me wear his cap as we boarded our coach to the next destination---a two-hour hike to a famous tourist spot nearby.

James had been calling me since the first stop but I hadn't been responding to his calls or messages. He paused by our seat shortly as we boarded but I only gave him a gaunt smile.

"Jap," James modulated his voice. "Are we okay?"

I forced a smile, without looking at him. It felt as though wounds latched onto my heart every second I let him stare at me like that without entertaining him. He was the one I loved tenderly through the years. Avoiding him felt too cruel of me.

"She uhm," Red broke the awkward silence as he switched places with me. "She loves to sit next to the window."

As Red and I moved, I saw James' hand slowly dropped from the backrest of the seat in front of us. That hand used to take care of me but in that second, it felt like I caused it to weaken.

"He's gone," Red whispered. "You can cry now."

I hid under the curtains as I cried my eyes out on our way to the next stop. The sight of trees lining the road with the fog it homed was encouraging---I could cry without anyone watching me. I could be honest about how I really felt.

Just then, Red put one of his earphones on my ear as he played a good jam.

+++

Not everyone was very excited about this short hike on midday but we were greeted with site masters who told us that it was going to be worth it.

"Cheer up," Red put his arm on my shoulder. "You look like a butt when you go moping like that."

"I never said I'm pretty---"

"Come on, Hicks!" Red tried very hard to make me smile. "Do you want me to annoy you?"

I looked at him and fixed his hair. He usually wore caps when he didn't have time to groom his hair properly.

"I like your hair down like this," I smiled. "Makes you look more sympathetic."

"I am... sympathetic," he smiled, looking at me. That smile. It was very warm. "You just hardly ever look at me."

I put my hand down but he caught it mid-air.

"Shall I hold your hand?" he asked, without blinking.

I glanced to the side as other students locked their eyes on us. I could barely decipher their faces. I saw James, too, looking.

"You will give them the wrong impression," I tried to pull my arm away.

He shook his head and went on with the hike, still holding my hand. For some reasons, I found him very encouraging. I couldn't help but smile.

"You know what I imagined when we get here?" I recalled, trying to be cheerful.

"What?" he asked, not looking.

"I thought I'd trip and fall and he was going to catch me---"

"Stop right there, Miss. I don't want to hear it."

"You said you wanted me to cheer up---"

"You..." he stopped and looked at me. "You're really something."

"Hmmm..." I smiled a little.

"Hmmm..." he copied me.

The crowd was noisy so we deviated from them allot, taking alternate routes while making sure we didn't stray too far. It maybe a racer's instinct that he was able to find just the right way for us. So, I didn't argue much and just followed him. Well, I didn't really have much energy to argue.

"We're near that basketball player," he alerted me. "You should embrace me when he's looking."

"E-embrace?" I stuttered.

?

??

???

" Again, don't act like it's your loss, Hicks," he chimed.

I laughed a little. His arrogant side is back.

"I didn't say anything."

"Yeah, you didn't. You can say that I'm hearing your thoughts, then," Red pressed my hand.

I was a fan of this light version of him. He glowed even more handsomely when he could carry a conversation without being disrespectful.

"Hang on. Back up a little," he craned on the other side. "One group was headed up there. They're mostly seniors."

"And we're juniors," I reminded him.

"Hickey, in racing, even when you started from the middle, you have to aim forward---"

"Yeah. But, I'm no racer---"

"Well, I am."

I wondered what level of adventure ran in his blood but I followed him up the trail despite my hesitations. I thought it'd be better to stay next to him than follow the majority and keep on stealing glances at James and Roma. I thought that I had seen enough of them---scenes I probably would never be able to unsee.

"Here."

We ended up at the entrance of a tall wooden bridge, suspended through old ropeworks, overlooking a river. This was most probably the source of the famous waterfall on the other side of the mountain.

"W-what is... is this?" I asked, feeling acrophobic.

"What do you think? A bridge," he said, almost giddily.

"I mean..."

"What?" his eyebrow raised. "I'm thrilled. Let's cross it. Together."

"No way, McIntyre," I moved back, panicking. "Do you see how the ropes look frail and movey? One strong billow and it could turn upside down. I can't risk my life like that. I'm not even rich yet. I haven't given back to my mother. And besides, I can't die before my operation!"

"You can't die before your operation?" he pondered. "So, I'll do my best to prevent you from getting it done---"

"Why?"

"Come on!" he put his hand out. "Just trust me---"

"Stop coaxing me into doing it. I---"

"We'll do it this way," he put me to his front and wrapped his hands cross-sectioned to my waist so his left was holding the right ropework and the right was on the left. "When I say left, you step on your left. When I say right, you move the right."

"I'm scared. Do you know how tall this is?"

"Tall enough to get crippled if we fall---or die," he breathed on my ear. "Hicks, your heart's really pounding. You have to relax or you'll pass out."

"Okay, left---"

"Hang on, I've a question," I interrupted him.

"What again?" he breathed heavily.

"I mean if we fall, there's a surge in the river. Also... also, we can plummet and hit a rock and break our bones or die and then---"

"Hurry," his tone sounded displeased. "What exactly are you trying to point out now? You always go yapping around, not speaking directly---"

"Is there a bear out here?"