Restless Interlude (22.4)

Whatever Bella was expecting, it certainly wasn't a knock on her door at 4 AM. She rubbed her eyes and turned on the lamp in her room, stepping out of the blanket and wrapping her robe around herself as she went towards the door. Opening it up, she was surprised to find herself face to face with a pretty and tired-looking blonde boy.

"Leon?"

"Can I…I'm sorry, maybe this was a bad idea," Leon looked quite embarrassed, blushing red, "I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you at four in the morning. Good night, Bella." He turned around and went to walk away when Bella quickly opened the door and stepped out, grabbing his wrist to stop him.

"Wait," She said, "Did you want to come inside?" She asked gently, trying not to scare the boy off.

Leon hesitated for a moment, before asking in a small voice, "Would that…Would that be alright?"

Bella smiled softly, "Of course. Come in, I'm not going to let you go anyway, you don't look like you've been sleeping."

"Is that your way of telling me I look like a mess?" Leon let out a small smile at this.

"A very beautiful mess, yes, but a mess nonetheless. You need sleep, and I'm going to make sure you get it," Bella pulled him into the room and closed the door behind her, "Here, you can sleep on the bed, I can take the couch in here, so I'll still be in the room either way."

Leon shook his head, "I can't kick you out of your bed," He protested, "It's fine, I can take the couch, really."

"Well, I doubt you're going to be able to fall asleep on the couch if you're unable to fall asleep in your own bed," Bella crossed her arms.

"W—Well," Leon spluttered, "I just didn't want to be alone! If we're in the same room, I'll be fine, I'm sure. I really can take the couch—"

"You're not taking the couch, Leon, that's final," Bella said firmly, and Leon shut up immediately. She sighed, "Alright, fine, what if we share the bed? We can put pillows in between if it will make it more comfortable." 

Leon looked concerned, "Um…Would Hyunwoo and Risá be okay with that?" He asked, "I don't want to do anything that would make you or them uncomfortable…"

Bella thought immediately about how Hyunwoo and Risále had both told her that if she didn't hurry up and kiss Leon, they'd both literally shove them together, "You know what, trust me, they really don't mind."

"...If you're sure…" Leon said slowly, "...Then, yeah, we can grab some of the extra pillows from the couch and use them in between."

The woman nodded and they both grabbed the pillows on the couch and placed them in a line down the middle of the queen-sized bed, Leon settled into the left side as Bella climbed into the right, "Are you feeling a bit better?" Bella asked softly, looking at him from over the pillows.

Leon nodded, his face in a relaxed smile, "Yeah, a lot better now that I'm not alone. Thank you, Bella."

"Anytime, Blondie," She smiled, "Do you…If you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen," She offered.

The blonde boy was quiet for a minute before he sighed, "I think you'd understand the most out of everyone. After all…The memories this place brings back…"

"You don't just mean what happened here, do you?" Bella said softly.

Leon nodded.

"I hate being here as well," She sighed, "I guess it's our turn to feel the overwhelming guilt, isn't it? First Risále, now us."

Leon shrugged, "It's always been there," He muttered, "I just didn't talk about it much. I never felt like I deserved to get over it, that I should just…Feel guilty forever."

Bella turned to face him, "Alright, so, I'm not going to let you do that to yourself. Talk to me. Tell me how you're feeling."

"...Bad. It sounds stupid but that's all I can really feel. I just feel terrible. I…I don't…Risá and I aren't the same. Even back then, she was always better than me," Leon said quietly, "She was like you, always wanting to break free of the White Lotus, wanting to save us all, wanting to pay them back for what they did. She is still like that, honestly, it's just that without all her memories, she lost some of her anger. But she was the one that always wanted to fight, to do what was right," He looked down, "I was happy with just being alive."

Bella tutted, "Can you blame yourself?" She asked, "You were a child, and from what I can tell, all you've ever known is the White Lotus. You said Risále was like me? Then, I can tell you that we both were overconfident. We overestimated our ability to fight back. We thought that we could change things when we could barely survive. You were stronger, you knew better. At that time, surviving was the only thing we could do. Maybe Risále kept the fighting spirit alive, but you were what kept everyone alive to begin with."

"...Maybe…" Leon said hesitantly, "But still. I didn't fight back as much, I was comfortable. I let them get away with everything because it meant I'd be alive, that Risá would be alive, Hyunwoo, Chaewon, Elliot…As long as they were okay, I didn't even bother thinking about fighting back."

"You were a child, Leon," Bella said softly, "It wasn't your job to fight back."

"So were you," He whispered, "You were only fifteen or so when you started commanding the rebellion, weren't you?"

"That's different—"

"Is it really, though?" Leon asked, pushing himself up a bit, resting his head on his hand, facing her, "You saw what they did, and you fought back. You did more than I did."

Bella held up a hand, "Okay, we're going to stop for a minute because we need to address some things. Firstly, you're saying it like I commanded the rebellion all on my own. That's not true, I have a lot of officers who help me lead. They just gave me the highest authority since I came up with the idea and because I was in the gifted child program, like you and Risále. Secondly, you grew up with no adults that you could trust other than your sister and Elliot, and they disappeared when you were still very young. I had multiple adults that I knew could look out for me, even if it wasn't my family. And that leads to my third point. If I tried to fight back, I had adults who could back me up and get me out of a bad situation. You didn't have that. So, yes, Leon, it is different."

Leon bit his lip, "I just…Feel like I could have done more. I should have done more," He said quietly.

Bella sighed, "You weren't at fault, Leon, you were the victim here. And just by how you see yourself, it's clear that they've succeeded in making you blame yourself for the things they've done. I'm not as innocent as you think," She admitted, "For as much as I fight against them, I also helped them before. You know that the three of us were special to them, there's a reason our capabilities are much stronger than any other cyborgs. Even if they've somehow managed to revoke a lot of my permissions, I still had them at one point. And I did things for them to keep Fenix, and eventually, Owen, alive. Nothing I'm proud of."

"How did you stop blaming yourself?" Leon asked.

The woman laughed a little, "You know, you and your sister really are alike. She once asked me that as well. I can't say I don't feel any guilt, but I think about it like this. If Fenix had been through exactly what I'd been through and done everything I had done, would I have blamed him as well? I know I wouldn't have. I would have seen him as the victim. That means that applied to my case, I'm a victim as well."

Leon looked amused, "That's a very…Logical way of looking at it," He giggled and Bella smiled reaching forward to tuck a piece of his hair behind his ear.

"It helps," She said softly.

Leon blushed lightly, "Can you…Um…"

"What is it?"

"Can I have a hug?" Leon blurted out, and his face turned fully red, "I just—Whenever I kind of spill my guts like this, normally Hyunwoo hugs me, and I just—If you're not comfortable, we don't have to—"

Bella cut him off by grabbing him and pulling him over the pillows, over to her side of the bed before wrapping her arms around his waist. When she looked at him, his eyes were wide, "A pretty boy asking me for a hug? How am I to refuse, hm?" She asked teasingly.

Leon blushed fully red, burying his face in her neck as she laughed, "...Thank you," He said shyly, barely loud enough for her to hear.

Bella's smile softened as she stroked his hair, "Anytime, Blondie."

Only about an hour or so later, in another room, Mina woke up to find the bed next to her empty, but still warm, suggesting that the person sleeping next to her had only just gotten up. She sat up, shivering as the blanket fell from her, the room feeling much colder than what she was used to in Sector 4.

Hearing the sound of something shifting from outside, Mina looked out towards the balcony to see a familiar silhouette leaning on the railing, looking out at the rising sun. Lumina's hair blew in the wind as she tightened the robe around her for a moment, letting out a cold breath of air.

Mina got out of bed, wrapping the blanket around herself as she slowly made her way to the balcony. Lumina seemed to hear the door open but didn't make any movements to turn around. The blue-haired woman joined her, "You okay?" She asked softly.

Lumina was quiet, before she said very quietly, "I have a bad feeling about this."

"About what? Us going into Sector 3?"

She shook her head, "Not just that. All of it. I have a bad feeling about this entire thing, this entire situation. It feels like something bad is about to happen."

"...We always knew it was going to be dangerous," Mina said softly, "But after that scare with the kids, and then losing Ariyasul…It feels much more real, doesn't it?"

"I'm scared," Lumina admitted, "I'm really worried about Leon, especially bringing him here. With his tendency to blame himself for things that don't even concern him…I don't know what he'd do in the heat of the moment to try and save us."

Mina hummed, leaning over to rest her head on Lumina's shoulder, "Then, we'll just have to keep a close eye on him."

"At least we can keep an eye on him…" Lumina trailed off.

"This is about Xander, isn't it?"

Lumina put her head in her hands, "I can't go through that again, Minnie. You know if we had been only a few minutes later, he really would have let them kill him. I can't get that close to losing him again, not while I'm not there to back him up."

"You won't," Mina said, determined, "He knows better, he knows what that would do to you. To all of us. He saw what it did back then, he'd never want to do that to us again. Besides," She smiled, "He has so much to live for now. And bold of you to assume that Kaedan wouldn't single-handedly fight Death and win to keep Xander here with us."

Lumina laughed softly, "You're right. Kaedan would absolutely win that fight," She wrapped an arm around Mina's waist and cuddled in towards the fuzzy blanket Mina was wearing, "I love you, you know that, right?"

"Of course," Mina leaned up to kiss her, tip-toeing to reach her, "I love you, too. We're going to get through this. I know we will."

As the sun rose, Mina wondered if she was trying to convince Lumina or herself.