15- The Feast of Ezra

Quayleigh stiffened, her eyes growing wide as Tau's words played over again in her head.

"I don't… what…," she stuttered trying to form a complete thought, "what do you mean? What do you mean, he gave me his eye?"

"Exactly that. Death knew that yours was damaged, well beyond what humans could repair," he whispered as he delicately stroked his fingers down the side of her face. "He licked your wound clean, infusing it with energy from the realm of the dead, and then he reached into his skull, pulled out his fourth eye and set it into your socket. As your body accepted the gift, its energy was exchanged with your own, turning it white. It was how he saved you."

She was trembling as she slid her hand to her face, pressing her palm over the eye that had once belong to Death. For so long she had hated the look of it, despised its very appearance.

"How did I not know? How do I not remember?" she asked, trying to hold back the tears, an unpleasant ache growing in the corners of her eyes.

"Hush, you were unconscious when this happened," he replied, slipping his hand beneath hers, his palm feeling warmer against her eye as she turned into it. "He had waited, because he didn't want you to witness what he was doing. He thought it was going to hurt you, and he didn't want you to have to experience it."

"Even so, it's such a monumental gift. Why would a god give up something as precious as his own eye for someone like me? And in return, I spent years hating the way it looks," she confessed as he lifted her hand away. Holding the ends of her fingers, he moved their hands down until they came to rest on the bed between them.

"And now that you know, does it make you hate it less?"

"Yes. Yes, of course it does. It belonged to Death. I should have been treasuring it all this time. Instead, I had wished it gone. I thought that it would have been better if I had lost it completely. I thought that if I had a glass eye to mimic the appearance of my other that maybe people wouldn't look at me the way they did. If I had known, I never would have wanted to part with it."

"Did you want to part with it yesterday?"

"No," she smiled softly, "I accepted it as a part of me years ago. I had learned to live with the way people looked at me and came to realize that even with a glass eye, the stares were never going to stop. People see the scar before they see me, or the color of my eyes."

"Then you have been treasuring it. You kept it, didn't you?"

"I suppose I did, in a way, but it still means more to me now that it ever has before. Knowing where it came from, changes everything. And that, makes me happy." She smiled as she shifted her hand, wrapping her palm into his, and interlocking their fingers. "Can I ask you something else, about that night?"

"You can ask me anything."

"Why was he there with you?"

"He was there because the humans were trying to revive the man who nearly killed you. He was stubborn; he wanted to live. I had cleaved his soul, but it had refused to leave. The humans were still working on him, and he kept trying to get back into his body. Death had to step in and forced him to leave."

"I don't remember much from that night, but I have never been able to forget Death, the way he stood over me, and the comfort I felt by his presence. But if he was there for Ezra, why did he come over to where I was?"

"Because you saw him. It's rare for humans to be able to see us, at least until they are pulled from their bodies. But you, you could, and you were not afraid. We could smell your pain. So, I took care of your mother, while he went to comfort you. There were humans working on you also, trying to keep you alive, but you were in no danger. The moment you reached out towards him, he decided that you would live. You asked his name, showed him kindness even in the moment when you should have believed you were going to die. So, he gave you his eye, knowing that it would connect you to the realm of the dead.

"He told me that humans capable of seeing us were worth saving. That you deserved a chance to live, and that all who know death as you do, are meant for greater things. This eye, your eye, it connects you to our world, so when your time comes, he will be one to welcome you. Such, is rare honor."

"It feels like it," she replied, blushing at the thought. "I only wish I could thank him for all he's done."

"One day, you will have that chance."

"Yeah, I just wish I could do it sooner. I'd also like to ask him what he did with Ezra, my mother, and father."

"Your mother and father would have been cleansed in the Lasurian pools and then released back into the river, as all dead are. As for Ezra, his fate was an exception. Death stayed with you until the humans took you away, and then he dragged Ezra's soul, screaming and wailing into the land of the dead, where he imprisoned him for a thousand days. As is custom, each day his energy, or what you would call his soul, was sundered by the edge of oblivion, until all that remained was perfectly aged, and seasoned. It's rare for energy to not be returned to the river when it's perfectly healthy, but you had asked him to punish the man, and he did. Death hadn't held a feast for his Reapers in centuries. He took special care with that soul, and the flavor was divine."

"You ate his soul?"

"Yes. And it was a fitting end. The sundering processes is… torment, on a scale unfathomable by human standards. Each day would have felt endless. Eternity, then nothing, repeated one thousand times. And then skillfully divided by Death's own hand, and devoured at a feast, all while remaining conscious, and aware of every bite."

"Serves him right for what he did. Aren't all monsters treated like that? Turned into food for Reapers?"

"No. We aren't actually required to eat. Some of us don't even have stomachs, but that doesn't mean we can't savor the flavor of a properly prepared soul. Quays, we are not the judges of the dead as some would like to believe. Our jobs don't entail deciding who is worthy of what fate. There is no pit of endless suffering or a magical kingdom of eternal paradise. We simply bring the souls to the pools, the Yoialeu cleanse them, washing away the memories and consciousness that cling to the energy, separating the damage, the impurities, from the part that can be returned to the river. What can't be returned is discarded into oblivion."

"So how does Death decide who gets devoured?"

"Only those that are sent as sacrifices will ever be devoured. And the consciousness is washed away before they are ever seasoned. Human sacrifices are non-existent at this point. So, as I said, it has been centuries. But I think Death was happy for the occasion, at least now that I know what happiness feels like."

"So, you're happy?"

He smiled. "Yes, I think this is what happiness is. I feel light," he said as he pulled her hand to his chest, "here, when I'm with you."

Shifting forward, she pressed her brow against his, letting the tip of her nose touch his, "and now?"

"Now, it feels as if it's about to burst," he replied, releasing her hand and returning his to the side of her head, where he wrapped his fingers around the back of her neck, and she flattened her palm to his chest. "Why is it like this, only with you and no one else?"

"I don't know for certain, but I'd like to think, it's because you see me, and you know, I see you too."

"I see others though, and they have seen me. Why is it different with you?"

She giggled, her cheeks growing red, as she looked into his eyes, "Because they're only looking at what's in front of them, they aren't seeing what's underneath. We don't get to choose who we are attracted to, but we can decide if the person we see is someone we want to get to know better, be close to, or stay with."

"Can I stay…"

Before he could finish asking his question, she shifted her head slightly and pressed her lips to his, kissing him for the first time. For everything Shane had said, he had spoken truth, at least when it came to how she felt about Tau. Yet, as their lips parted, Tau hastily turned away, rolling off the bed and falling onto the floor with a loud thud.

"Oh, shit… I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" she exclaimed in a near panic as she pulled herself to the side of the bed reaching out to him as he sat up.

"I think so…" he replied as he rubbed at the side of his head.

Setting her hand on his shoulder, Tau looked backed at her as she apologized again, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that without asking. I didn't mean to startle you. It was my mistake."

"No, it wasn't that. I enjoyed that. I'm still just not used to this body moving on its own."

"I'm still so sorry. Did you hit your head?" she asked as she moved up behind him.

"Yeah, on the floor."

Pulling his hand away, she looked to make sure he wasn't bleeding. "I think you're going to be just fine."

"Probably, I didn't hit that hard. See, not even a dent on your floor."

"Good thing to, otherwise you would have had to have bought me a new one." She smirked as he looked back at her with a questioning expression. "I'm joking. Now, come back up on the bed. I think we should have a talk, about what just happened." Tau hesitated as Quayleigh moved further back to give him room, "Bit uncomfortable?"

"Yes."

"You can adjust yourself," she said in as gentle of a way as possible, "or just take off your pants."

"You don't mind?"

"No, it's fine. I know you don't like wearing them. Besides, I'm not expecting anyone to come over, and we don't have to go anywhere for a while."

Pulling himself up onto the side of the bed, Tau unfastened his pants before removing them, one leg at a time, and tossing them onto the arm of the couch.

"Better?" she asked as he returned to his previous position, laying on his side, facing her.

"Yes, certainly more comfortable. There's still a strange, unsettling ache though."

Quayleigh took a deep breath. She knew this was going to be an awkward conversation regardless of how she broached the subject. And despite the numerous scenarios she had played out in her mind about how this could possibly go, not one managed to make it through the first couple of sentences before being abandoned. Thus, making this moment nerve wracking, and extremely disconcerting.

"Tau, I think you need time, to get used to your new body, and what I did, kissing you, like that, it wasn't fair of me. I got caught up in the moment, and I should have made sure that it was something you wanted, and that you were prepared for."

"But I enjoyed it. Didn't you?"

"I did. I did enjoy it, but your reaction wasn't what I was expecting, and it tells me that you need to figure some things out. And that's fine. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. If anything, it can be really enjoyable for you."

"Then why do you look so concerned?"

"I'm concerned because there's boundaries that I can't cross with you."

"I don't understand?"

"I know, Tau. And that's the problem."