24- Because It's You.

Tau slowly blinked to the warmth of her hands on his cheeks and the sincerity of her words. He didn't yet understand the reason behind why she had to be friends with Yechiel but knew that he didn't fully understand the complex nature of human society either. As aware as he was that he was now, in all appearance human, he was still uncertain of exactly what that meant. Despite the new emotions and feelings, he had been experiencing, he still felt separate and apart from the body he inhabited. Even in moments like this, with Quayleigh so close, her hands pressed to his borrowed skin, he was aware that it wasn't him she was touching. Yet, he still wanted to feel more. He enjoyed their contact, even if the way his body reacted was, at first, disconcerting.

Grabbing her, he pulled her close and buried his face against her neck. He felt her relax and slide into a more comfortable position against him, her arms draping over his shoulders, her fingers playing through the hair on the back of his head. He breathed her in, confining her scent to the deepest corner of his memory, a sacred place for the things most precious to be kept. He wondered if he returned to the realm of the dead, if this would be the last thing that would fade from him.

Memories for the dead were strange things. The essence of a person carries so little with it, as nearly all memories are imprinted directly in the mind from which they are now parted. Yet still, something of what the soul was remains and he often wondered what part it was. He had seen it many times, the final sliver being clung too by the soul, until it was washed away in the waters of the cleansing pools.

Now, as he breathed her in, he pondered if it would be the same for him. Once he left this body, how much of these memories would he leave behind with it? Unfamiliar emotions began to stir as he hugged her a bit tighter, and the sockets of his eyes began to ache, his face scrunching in reaction to the discomfort.

Quayleigh leaned back, and even the kindness of her smile seemed only to make it worse, causing water to seep from his eyes and trickle down his cheeks, much to her dismay.

"Tau, hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

He touched his cheek and then stared down at his dampened fingertips. "My thoughts made me feel something I didn't like and then this happened."

"Your thoughts made you sad?"

"Sad…," he paused, looking away in thought, "is that was this is?"

"Possibly, but why don't you tell me what you were thinking about?"

"Forgetting what it's like to be with you. Wondering how much I'm going to remember when I'm not a human anymore." His face scrunched again, speaking the very words caused his chest to hurt. "I don't like this feeling."

"Yes Tau, that's what sadness feels like. It's not a nice one. You've seen a lot of sadness doing your job though, haven't you?"

"I have, but I didn't know it felt so... raw. It's dark and empty. Hollow."

"Yeah, that sounds pretty accurate. Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?"

"I don't know. What do you do when you feel this way?"

"Depends on the circumstances, but in your situation, I would think about something else. Like instead of wondering what you might forget, try thinking about what you want to experience. Or think about the memories you have already. Maybe even think about earlier. I never did get a chance to ask you about it."

His cheeks warmed at the thought of the events that took place in the Escadaram. "I definitely like these memories better. But can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything."

"Would you really love me if I looked like myself?"

"Of course, I would," she replied, her fingers drifting down the back of his neck.

"No, I mean, I know you can love someone without wanting to be close to them. But wouldn't you prefer if I stayed like this? If I looked like me, like I used to look, would you still want to be this close?"

"Tau, I don't know how to answer you. My initial response is to say yes. Yes, I would still want to be right here, like this, with you. But if I am honest, I have no idea what you really look like. I've always envisioned you as a smaller version of Death, but I know that's not entirely accurate now. So, I can't say for certain how I would react to seeing you. I really want to see the real you though, so I can find out."

"I wonder if it's even possible," he muttered as she leaned closer.

"I have an idea for a way, but I'll need some time to work it out. For now, though, as honestly as I can, I'm telling you that I would still want to be like this with you, regardless of what form you take."

Her words warmed him from the inside. In a way he thought such a thing was impossible. However, he was willing to suspend his disbelief when it came to Quayleigh, because he much preferred the possibility of what she said being true.

"Even if you can't, I'm grateful that you imagined that you could."

"Tau, I don't have to imagine," she whispered as she closed her eyes, sweeping her nose against his cheek, as she rolled her brow against his. "I would rather be close to a creature of fur and bone, than any human of flesh and blood. Only because it is you, does being this close to a man, not make my stomach churn."

"I don't…" he couldn't finish his sentence as he found his lips enveloped by hers.

The warmth, the touch, the motion of her breath, the taste, the feel, the way she moved beneath his hands, the way she tilted her head, and parted her lips; fingers, hands, swelling chest, beating heart. Her soft, hot, wet tongue, pressing, playing against his; his mind was swimming, his core a thriving sun. He didn't understand what she had told him, nor could he grasp why this situation, felt so overwhelmingly perfect. He had never done anything like this before, yet it seemed to come almost naturally to him.

To him, this felt different from the Escadaram. Intense in a completely different way. The added taste, texture, and scents of her proximity, the knowledge that she was physically with him, cultivated thoughts and sensations beckoning exploration.

He wanted to hold tighter, so his strengthened his grip, and a small moan escaped her, causing his heart to skip, but she didn't yield her position. Even as he relaxed his hands, flattening them to her back, drawing her closer as he slid them upwards, she gasped and shifted pressing on him, as she sharply inhaled. He could see the way she was smiling, the apples of her cheeks plumped and pink; a lovely sight beheld with each time he dared to peak. This seemed at odds with what she had just confessed, but he wished this not to stop, for fear she would never allow him this delight again.

All the questions he had no longer mattered. He would find a different time to ask them, as in that moment, he could barely remember what they were, nor did he care to.

As she separated her lips from his, he found his focus stranded on the content curve of her mouth, and the way her lips moved to form words as she spoke.

"Even as you are, I don't mind being with you, and for me, that's even more unbelievable."

"But I look human," he whispered, his mind having yet come up for air.

"I know." She giggled. The sound of her joy played in his head as she reached up and her fingers danced over his cheek causing him to lift his eyes to hers. "Tau, the thought of being this close to any other man, repulses me. It took me so long before I could even be near a guy without flinching. Sometimes it still happens. I'm not yet, entirely, impervious to my damage. Even a guy like Yechiel, who is just so genuinely nice, and I still look at him through a tainted lens wondering what he's like behind closed doors."

"But I saw the way you smiled at him. I thought you liked him."

"Convincing, wasn't it? Years of practice have made it easy for me to hide my discomfort, but even he makes my skin crawl when he gets to close. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty certain he's being genuine. I don't think he would intentionally harm someone, at least that's not the vibe I get from him. I'm sure if he ever met someone, he could make them really happy. And I do like him, as a person. I honestly hope that he turns out to be a good friend to you, and less of a cop."

"He met you though. Why couldn't he make you happy? Can't you learn to be comfortable with him?"

She sighed and shook her head. "My dear, sweet, silly reaper," she whispered, pressing her brow against his. "I can never truly know what lurks in his depths. Besides, even if I could, what would be the point? At the end of the day, it's not him I'm interested in. He doesn't know how to see beyond my scars. He will always try to avoid looking at them; while you refuse to look away. With him there would always be an element of pity and mistrust. With you, those things just don't exist between us. I may never really understand what it is that keeps you with me, but I know it isn't pity."

"It's you!" he blurted out. "It's you. I'm fascinated by you."

"But why me? Now that you're here, why not someone else?"

"That's easy," he replied as he smiled, "you saw me, when no one else could. You reached out, when no one else ever did. You cared, even when I couldn't. You are beautiful, even when you aren't bathed in green. Even before you knew who I was, you spoke to me as if I mattered. You trust me, and all I want to do is be close to you. I want the warmth of your hand on this cheek and the sound of your voice in my ear. And I really, really want to kiss you again."

She smiled and laughed, and then leaned closer. He couldn't resist the way her nose brushed against his, beckoning him forward.

"If you want to, with me, then you probably should, but Tau, if that ever changes, you'll tell me, right?"

"I will, but I can't imagine that ever happening."

He was more aggressive than he'd been before, and he was stronger than he appeared. He wrapped her in his arms and pulled her closer. He kissed her as if nothing else mattered. He wanted to keep feeling what he was feeling; the joy, the excitement, the passion, the way she clung to him. He enjoyed this as much, if not more, than all he had experienced with her to that moment.

"Tau," she gasped as she forced some distance between them, "as enjoyable as this is, I've things to do before we get too carried away."

"But you enjoyed this?"

"Only because it's you Tau," she replied with a grin. "Now, I've got to go move the car before it gets any later, then dishes, then a much overdue shower, and then because all of our other plans for the evening have been derailed, thanks to Yechiel, I should probably let you paint my nails, so Shane doesn't freak out on you the next time you see him. Then, if you're up for it, more of this. Perhaps in a more comfortable position though."

"I would like more of this, with you," he said as she turned in his lap and leaned back against him. "Is this more comfortable for you?"

"A bit, but it makes it terribly difficult to kiss you."

"For you perhaps," he replied as he kissed her temple when she turned to look up at him.

"Ok, ok, seriously, stuff to do," she groaned as she smacked the top of his knee.

"Is there anything I can help with?"

"Dishes; I can always use help with dishes."

"Same as we did at the other place?"

"Yeah, and any chance you could get started while I move your car?" she asked as she stood from the couch and stretched.

"Yes," he replied as she headed into the kitchen, taking the keys from the counter.

"Sounds good. I'll be back in a few minutes."

As Quayleigh left the apartment, Tau pulled off his shirt and pants, before heading to the sink. He remembered how she had washed the dishes at the condo, and after fiddling with the plug for a minute, he opened up the tap and added the soap. He was amused by the way the soap foamed on the water and took a liking to the faint floral aroma it emitted as he watched the pillows grow to the top of the basin. Turning off the water, he began to clean the dishes when Quayleigh returned and locked the door, giggling, much to his delight.

"Not gone for ten minutes and you're already in your boxers."

"I'm only wearing them because you said I had to."

"Yeah well, for now, it's more appropriate than nothing at all," she replied as she joined him at the sink.

They worked together to finish the few dishes they had and then with a yawn, she headed for the bathroom. "Alright, shower time for me. I'll try not to be too long. My nail stuff is in the nightstand like Shane said. Feel free to dig it out while you wait," she said as he watched her disappear behind the door.

He waited for a moment to see if she was going to come back out and give him further instructions, but as he heard her turn on the vent fan and water, it seemed apparent that it wasn't going to happen. Heading to the nightstand, he sat on the bed and opened the drawer. He wasn't entirely certain of what he was supposed to be looking for. It wasn't that he was completely ignorant of everything to do with the living world, but he had never seen her nail kit before, and didn't know what it looked it. There were also three drawers in her nightstand, and he was uncertain of which one the nail kit would be in. Then there was the added confusion of the nail polish itself. He understood that a bottle of blue liquid was most likely the thing he was seeking, but as for the basecoat and topcoat, he could only hope that what he was looking for was labelled.

His search of the top drawer yielded no results, and then he moved to next one down. Upon sliding it open, he knew he had located the trove that he sought. The nail kit, along with a small selection of different polishes, was organized in a small plastic bin which he lifted out of the drawer and placed on the coffee table. Not knowing what else he was to do, he stretched out on the bed, keeping watch in the direction of the washroom, waiting silently for her to return.