25- A Shower, A Manicure, And a Causal Conversation.

Touching her lips, Quayleigh's head was swarming with thoughts as she swallowed harshly and tried to convince herself that she was still doing just fine. Repeatedly telling herself, 'He's Tau. He's Tau. He's Tau,' as she turned on the vent fan and shower before disrobing.

It had been an exceedingly rare thing for her to find herself on the receiving end of someone else's desires, and despite the over-looming ethical nature of the situation, she was having difficulty ignoring her baser instincts when it came to him. Not only did she find him to be attractive, after all he was in physically great shape despite his recent dietary choices, but his sincere and open nature was endearing. She wanted to snuggle him more than her pillow on a lonely night. He was more than she had hoped for, and more than she thought she deserved. He made it easy for her to let her guard down; to put her tainted lens away. Around him, she wanted to believe that she could experience authentic love. Something she could carry with her, always.

Until now, she had resigned herself to being alone. Even her relationship with Tauluthet through cockroach induced rituals was preferable to being with the type of guy who would use and abuse her. The type she knew would think her desperate enough to stay regardless of how vile they would treat her. She had met plenty of those type over the years. Going as far back as her school days she could recall the first time she heard the words, 'You should be grateful that I would even…' like a haunting catch phrase that could be ended in a variety of ways, from the heart-wrenching to the flat out disgusting. And while she knew that not every man was abusive, grotesque, perverted, or violent, she carried a lot of baggage and deep-seeded mistrust for the male side of the species. And if that wasn't enough, there was always the dread of eventually having to reveal the rest of her scars and revealing the details of her story.

It was different with Tau. He already knew her story. He had heard her confessions, witnessed her pain, and inadvertently she had shown him her scars washed in a flattering green light.

As the warm water fell over her, she couldn't alleviate the sensation of the way he held her. It was comforting in an unexpected way as she continued to remind herself that he wasn't human. A straightforward ploy to drown out the voice in the back of her mind that insisted she should be ashamed for enjoying herself with him; that her desires and pleasure, should make her feel dirty, and that her actions, behaviors, and thoughts, were entirely inexcusable.

She told her inner naysayer to 'shut the fuck up', since it was dead wrong, and she knew it. She had known it for years, but every so often it would show its ugliness and would need to be returned to the pit from once it came.

Finished with her shower, she turned off the water, dried off, and wrapped herself in her towel. Turning off the fan, she gathered her cloths and opened the door. Heading to washer, she placed in her cloths, as was her habit before moving to her bedroom closet. The sight of Tau stretched out on her bed with his eyes closed, made her smile.

He appeared to be sleeping, thus, she attempted to be quiet as she opened the closet door and grabbed a fresh pair of panties from her underwear drawer. As she slid them on, she heard Tau shift on the bed behind her.

"I didn't mean to wake you," she whispered in case he was only moving in his sleep.

"I'm glad you did," he replied as he moved to the end of the bed.

"Yeah, well, I forgot to grab my cloths before taking my shower, so could you pretending like you're still sleeping until I'm done getting dressed?" she asked as she turned to face him, clutching tightly to the top of the towel to ensure that it stayed in place.

"I could," he replied as he stared at her, his head tilted in confusion. "Why do you seem uncomfortable?"

Relaxing her shoulders, she straightened herself up, taking a moment before sitting next to him on the bed, sighing, "oh Tau." Leaning against his shoulder, she wrapped her hands around his and admired the way their fingers intertwined as she spoke. "Even though I'm aware that you know what I look like under this towel, it still doesn't seem real to me. I haven't knowingly shown anyone what I look like, not in a really long time."

"You didn't know…" he gasped and harshly swallowed, his eyes growing wide, as his expression shifted to something pained. "You had no idea I was watching."

"No, I didn't."

"I wasn't supposed to see." His words a scant whisper as she slowly shook her head.

"I didn't know you could, so not really your fault. And, if I had known, it may have led to a bit more of a show. Besides the point though, you were there then, and now you're here. Right in front of me. And it's different."

"Because I look human."

"Yes, partially because you look human, and partly because I can see your reaction. And that, terrifies me. I can't hide what happened to my face. That's on display for the whole world to see, but these," she said as she set her hand against her chest, "these make me feel vulnerable." Standing up, she returned to her closet and pulled out a baggy white tank top.

"And you don't want to feel that way around me?"

Putting it on, she pulled the towel out from under it as she said, "Actually, that's not the case at all. When it comes to this, it's more to do with the timing. I'm still trying to get a grasp on this entire situation and figure out what the boundaries are." Taking her towel back to the bathroom, she spread it out over the top of the door to dry, before grabbing the cushions off of the couch and tossing them onto the floor. "I don't want this to go too far, too fast, and damage you in the process. And right now, I also need you focused on the task at hand," she continued to explain as she sat down on the cushion and held her hands up, wiggling her fingers at him.

"I'm not certain how you think you're going to damage me," he replied as he sat across the table from her, on the cushion she had left for him. "You do realize that you're smaller than me, don't you?"

"There are plenty of ways to damage someone Tau, and I was referring to the emotional kind," she explained as she set out the nail kit and necessary polishes before shifting the bin out of the way.

"Oh," he replied, his eyes shifting around as he thought the conversation through. "Quayleigh, there is so much that I don't understand about any of this. I know what I want, and I want you to be safe, and happy. I want you to be comfortable with me. I want you to know that I'm going to stay with you, for as long as can, because I want to be with you. Even if it is in a borrowed body." As he spoke, she took the time to shake the bottles of polish before opening the basecoat and starting to apply it. After painting a couple of her nails, he took the brush from her and continued to speak while focusing on his task. "I don't know if what I'm feeling is normal, I haven't a way to gauge it. I don't think anything is damaging me, but I don't know how to tell. I would think it would hurt, but sadness hurts, and it's a normal emotion for humans to feel. I think, I'm trying to grasp the situation too. Without you, I was completely lost. I was doing my best to act human, but I don't think I did a very good job. There is so much that is different, and I'm struggling, so thank you for being patient with me."

"You're welcome, but it's not exactly hard. You're pretty easy to get along with." She smirked as he picked up her other hand and continued covering her nails as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Strange, most people I've come across haven't seemed to like me very much," he remarked as she blew across the nails of her other hand.

"I think that had more to do with your appearance than your personality."

"How so?"

"Well, between your height, your build, the way you carry yourself, and the constant, somewhat angry looking scowl you wear, you're pretty intimidating. Then add the disheveled hair, dark clothing and hoodie, and you transform into something unapproachable."

"What do you mean I wear a scowl? Is this not how Dylan would normally look?"

Quayleigh shrugged and awkwardly grinned as she shook her head, "No, sorry Tau, I don't think so. Like, when you're sleeping, you don't look like that. At all. You should try and relax your face… a bit."

Finishing with her last finger, he set the brush back into the bottle and looked up at her, making a genuine effort to do as she had requested. "Like this?" he asked, his brow barely shifting from its position.

"It's a tiny bit better. Don't scrunch your brow so much. Trying to close your eyes, like you would when you're about to go to sleep."

Following her instructions, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as he normally did when he would lay down for the night, and as she had hoped his face relaxed.

"There, just like that, and you aren't scowling anymore," she remarked as she carefully closed up the bottle of basecoat returning it to the bin. "Now try opening your eyes without shifting your brow."

This was a much harder task that it should have been. For the moment he opened his eyes, his brow immediately scrunched back up, although not as severally as it had been previous.

"Is this any better?"

"It's an improvement. Now you just look like you're perpetually squinting. I'm starting to wonder if this doesn't have more to do with your perception of self. You said before that it doesn't feel as if that body fits right. Are you struggling with only having two eyes?"

"It hasn't been easy. I'm missing half of my normal field of vision."

"I can relate." She smiled sweetly as she pressed at her nails to see if the basecoat had dried. "Strange question, could you open and close your eyes separately?"

"Yes."

"What about moving them?"

"My front two were like these. They moved together. I could move the other two independently if I concentrated though," he explained as he picked up the bottle of blue nail polish and held it out towards her. "Is this the one Shane said to use?"

"He probably wants me to use the lighter shade, but he wasn't specific and out of the two I have, I like that one better."

"If he gets mad, I'm going to say it was your decision, because I didn't know any better," he remarked as he opened the bottle, and she stretched out her hands on the table.

"I take full responsibility," she replied as he picked up her hand refocusing his efforts. "One last question, does it feel like you're trying to keep your back eyes closed?"

Looking up at her, he blinked a couple of times and then returned to painting her nails, "yes."

"Tau, stop trying to keep them closed."

He paused once more, "Strange, I wasn't even aware that I was doing it until you asked," he said as his brow relaxed, his face taking on a gentler appearance. "It feels so unusual to open eyes I don't have. Do I look less angry now?"

"Yeah, actually you look good. More relaxed, and approachable."

"Then please, remind me to keep my eyes open. I don't want you to think I'm angry all the time."

"I'll do my best, but don't hold it against me if I let you scowl when we're public. I'd sort of like to keep you all to myself, while I can," she admitted as a delicate rose hue pigmented her cheeks.

"I've no complaints over that," he replied as he went back to work.

He was careful and precise as he painted each nail in succession with a solid covering of the ultramarine blue polish that shimmered with silver flecks. As they waited for the layer to dry, they conversed over the mundane, and once he began the topcoat, he drew serious, refocusing in a way that Quayleigh could only admire. He showed care in what he was doing, and that made her feel special.

Once Tau was finished with the topcoat, he closed up the bottle, set it into the bin which he then returned it to drawer where he had found it, while she leaned back against the couch and waited for the polish to dry.

"I have to admit, I wasn't expecting you to be so good at this," she said as he sat down beside her. "I can't help but wonder where you learned to paint so skillfully."

"I don't really know. It seems like such a simple task, yet even so, I wanted to do it well because I was doing it for you. I believe this is a sense of pride that I am feeling. It is vaguely familiar to me. My job has always been my purpose, and I never wavered or made mistakes. I was never careless. I did what was asked of me and respected the position I was given, as well as those who served with me. It seems that I have brought that same sense of work ethic here. Are you pleased with what I've done for you?"

"Very," she replied as she leaned against his shoulder. "As soon as they're dry, we can put the cushions back and stretch out for a bit before bed."

"Would it be alright if I hold you until you're ready to go to sleep?"

"I was actually going to ask if you wanted to share the bed with me tonight. I know it's small, but you seemed to sleep more soundly after you moved from the couch."

"I would like that," he replied as he kissed the top of her head.

"So would I." She giggled as he nuzzled the top of her head with his cheek.

Once she was certain that her nails were dry, she nudged Tau to get up, "Alright, go brush your teeth and then get ready for bed while I take care of the cushions."

With a nod, he stood up and made his way into the washroom while she set the cushions back into their place on the couch and turned down the covers before fluffing their pillows. When he reappeared, she took her turn, and came back to find him lying on the bed, holding the edge of the covers up for her. Turning off the lights, she eagerly crawled in and stretched out as he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer.

"This is nice," she remarked as she swept her hair off of the back of her neck and out of his way.

"Are you comfortable?"

"Very. How about you?"

"I'm perfect," he replied before kissing the back of her neck and snuggling down against her.

"Yes, you are," she mused relaxing to the warmth their proximity provided until she found herself struggling to stay awake, and within a few minutes, she drifted off to the comfortable silence that surrounded them.