Chapter 21

The girl and the teacher did not know each other. Not before the war. Shin knew this, although he did not hear them talking or commenting on it. The girl and the teacher were just two sad figures sitting on the icy concrete floor, tight and naked, trying to keep warm.

Shin was not aware if they were a girl and a teacher. The girl might already be a young woman, but her skeletal state was misleading. And the woman only looked as calm as the masters required. So, that's what Shin called them.

The girl and the teacher.

Shin did not know their names. He did n't know where they came from. Nothing that made them human was known to him. Her dreams, her illusions, her loved ones, were just fragments lost in some time or space.

Even so, he took pity. Not that he should, after all, and he was standing outside the bathroom where they waited for the showers to pour water. He was part of the monsters that would kill them just because they were Jewish.

He closed his eyes just as the bathroom door was locked.

The girl and the teacher took the last bath in their lives.

He heard screams shortly after. They were so desperate pleas that Shin was aware that he would never be able to forget them. And then the voices were mixed with the sound of breaking bones, of agonized moans before.

So it ended.

They opened the bathroom door a while later. Shin, catatonic, still stared at the girl and the teacher under other bodies, holding hands. His eyes remained open as if they did not believe what had happened.

***

Shin opened his eyes. The darkness of the room was broken by the light of a candle near the bed. Despite being cold, he was sweating. He raised a hand, trying to wipe his forehead.

The sound of a cry made his lookup. The girl and the teacher, two ghostly visions, were at the foot of the bed. Her big eyes looked at him in horror.

And Shin knew that, even though he was not a Nazi and did not personally put the gas in that chamber, he was guilty of his deaths.

He was guilty of omission.

***

Shin opened his eyes. There was no shock or fear. At his feet, unlike the nightmare, no women were charging him for cowardice. Everything was as always, a peace even sinful in the face of so many horrors that happened in the rest of the world.

He got up from the bed, breaking his pants. He found her tossed in one corner of the room. He dressed casually, putting the first shirt he found in the wardrobe. He left the bedroom, walking slowly through the mansion. He reached the corridor without being bothered by the sound of leather boots hitting the wooden floor. In seconds, he went down the stairs.

Shortly afterward, Shin was on the deserted street. In the distance, he could hear the night sounds of some crickets and an owl, nothing that could bother him. The moon in the sky seemed to leave only one path lit, and Shin headed there.

Over the Niju bridge, he looked carefully at the calm lake that cut across the imperial garden.

He climbed over the stone protector. He stayed there for a few seconds, balancing himself with open arms. Shortly after, he allowed himself to fall towards the veil.

***

Saito Jiro had not been able to sleep. Dejected that Shin had suspected his friendship during the afternoon, he sat in a pleasant armchair in the Sakamoto family room, while sipping sake. In front of him, a huge glass window overlooked a beautiful, well-kept garden. He was happy to be there, in a calm and protected place, but at the same time, he was bothered to know that so many fellow countrymen were dying in the trenches at that moment.

The sound of boots made him turn to the stairs. Shin went like a sleepwalker, oblivious to everything around him. Jiro stood up, preparing for a collision, meditating on the words they would exchange, but he was surprised by the other's total apathy.

Sakamoto crossed by him, left the house. It was as if Shin didn't see him.

It took less than a second to notice the intent of the Imperial family member. Without blinking, he followed him.

"Shin?" " called him when he spotted his broad back walking in the family garden.

Nothing, no answer.

Soon after, Sakamoto arrived at the bridge. He seemed to look ahead as if he saw the whole future before him. Jiro kept his distance, respecting his master. However, he could not remain impassive for a long time. Sakamoto quickly climbed onto the parapet and, before the sergeant had any reaction, threw himself out. Saito jumped after him, catching up with him shortly after they both fell into the icy waters.

"Shin-chan," he called as soon as he pulled him out of the lake.

Sakamoto was soaked, his eyes closed, and his body was completely immobile. However, his regular breathing was a relief.

" Why are you doing this? " Jiro murmured the question in an extremely painful way. "Why? Tell me why?"

Sakamoto opened his eyes. But the mouth remained closed. There were no answers, just an agony so profound that it seemed to kill him little by little.

***

The rain started shortly after the House of Love closed that night. The wind was beating hard on the windows, and the sound of drops on the roof seemed like an invitation to bed. Aiko lay down shortly afterward, curling up on the linen sheet and taking a deep breath, feeling the numbness of sleep take him.

But then raps caught his eye. At first, it sounded like a sound caused by the wind, but soon after, Saito's voice made him jump out of bed. He found Nana outside the room. The woman looked as astonished as him own and raised an umbrella.

"I heard the sergeant's voice," she explained.

Mamoru nodded and they both went to the gate. Upon opening it, they found Saito carrying the unconscious Sakamoto. For a few seconds, Aiko's heart stopped, and he couldn't move. Seeing him in shock, Jiro brought him to reason.

"He's not hurt," Saito explained, calming him down. "Please let us in."

The double quickly made its way. Jiro carried Sakamoto to Aiko's room and placed him on the bed. Shortly after, Nana went out to make tea and warm the wet man.

" What happened? " Mamoru asked, helping the other to remove the shoes of the Imperial family member. " Shin tried against his own life? " he asked, hitting.

" I saw him leaving home " Jiro confirmed, counting. " After following him, I found him near the lake. It was very fast, I couldn't stop him from playing."

Aiko felt the air missing. Wincing, he sat on the bed while his hand slid by Shin's face. In front of him, Saito began to dry himself with a towel that had previously been extended by the host.

" Ryo told me that when we were children, right after the family sent him to boarding school, Shin cut his wrists in the bedroom. The scandal was muffled and even the doctor who attended him at the time never spoke of it to anyone. Still, it is not the first time he has done this, and I fear it will not be the last."

Jiro nodded, understanding.

" I never thought Shin was the type of person to avoid reality."

"Maybe he scared," Aiko murmured. " Fear of the man he became. " The courtier turned to face Saito and smiled. " Did you know that when we were kids, Shin and I ran away? I remember until today that he appeared at my gate and said that the family had forbidden our friendship. Then, he said: "Let's go, Aiko!". He took me by the hand and we ran without direction, without money, without food, without anything. We slept one night in an abandoned hut, and the next morning, a policeman found us. After that, Shin was taken to boarding school and I did not see him for a few years. Ryo appeared at times, with the news. Each worse than the other. Shin was undisciplined, selfish, mean, he chased the weakest colleagues, he responded harshly to the teachers ... But his grades were good. So, even though he had an unbearable posture, he was kept in class."

He sighed. The smile remained on his face.

" I figured I would never see him again, after all, it was a few years apart. In the meantime, Mom passed away and I took over Ai. One day Ryo came to me to tell me that Sakamoto had finished his studies and that he wanted to see me. I prepared myself for a cold reunion since he never even wrote to me during that time. But when he entered the room, he ran up to me and hugged me so tightly ... It was as if he had been waiting for that moment for a long time."

"It sure was," Jiro agreed.

"I don't know," he shrugged. " I thought everything would be as before, but shortly after I realized that he was ashamed of me. Out of here, I never existed for him."

Saito returned the towel to Aiko. Then he put on a friend's shirt, as he was very wet. On the bed, Shin's clothes were removed. When he was completely naked, he was covered by both. They noticed then that he was so exhausted that he fell asleep even when they touched his body.

Nana appeared with a tea tray. Saito helped himself, trying to get that cold spirit out of him. With each passing day, he felt heavier, as if the whole universe was pressing him down.

" Why didn't you take him home? " Nana asked the man, clearly annoyed by Sakamoto's presence.

" I wanted to take him where he felt loved when he woke up," answered, looking at Mamoru, who looked away.

The old woman made a strange sound with her lips as if to ridicule the situation. Then she said he was going to sleep.

" If you want to rest, we have a spare room " Aiko commented. " Nana can show it to you."

"Please," Jiro bowed.

***

Sakamoto Shin woke up even before the sun came up on the horizon. The smell of flowers hit him and he realized he was in the only bed he always wanted to lay on. Shortly after, his eyes met Mamoru's.

Aiko was sitting by the window, his skin lit up by the streak of the moon that was already saying goodbye with the arrival of the day. Minikui slept on his lap, carefree.

"What happened?" He asked, his body ground, tired, even though he had just woken up.

Aiko looked at him. He got up from the chair and went to bed. Standing before him, he seemed to be measuring him. The cat meowed, annoyed that he was awake, so Mamoru put him to bed. Minikui went to him and received a simple affection on the muzzle.

" Don't you remember what you did?"

"I know what I did," he said. Then, his gaze became deeply apathetic. "Life is a big bathroom, Mamoru, where people like me are waiting in vain for God to flush the toilet," he blasphemed.

Aiko ignored the catchphrase.

"Jiro saved you," he said at last. " Don't you regret it?"

Sakamoto looked at him, holding back a hysterical laugh.

" Do you worry about my life?" He asked. " Or do you worry about what would happen to you if I missed ? Hiroshi is dead, but another ..."

His words were silenced by a hysterical Mamoru who threw himself at him, trying to slap him. Sakamoto just held him tightly, turning him on the bed, causing his body to be tightly trapped under him.

The cat watched the owner, uncomfortable with that whole swing, then jumped to the floor.

" I'm going crazy, Aiko ... " Shin murmured, seriously. " I'm afraid of what I can do ... I'm afraid to hurt you ..."

His face was held tightly by the other. Without blinking, Mamoru brought him to him, fusing his lips with Shin.

There was a kind of magic between them. Sakamoto did not shy away from the kiss, as he had done a few times in the past. He just let himself stay, receiving the only thing that seemed worthwhile in that wretched and cruel world. Realizing that he would not be rejected, Aiko circled his hands around his neck, bringing him into an awkward embrace.

" Let me take care of you, Shin-chan ..."

Sakamoto closed his eyes.

"I promise I won't let anything hurt you," he continued.

Suddenly, Aiko's body took on a life of its own. Perhaps, it was the other's sweet smell, his instinct that reacted to bodily contact, in short, it all resulted in an erotic and meticulous dance against Shin's muscles.

Sakamoto groaned, resting his forehead on Aiko's chest.

"Aiko," he murmured. " You have no idea of ​​the danger that this ..."

"I'm aware of everything that's going on, Shin," he said, against his ears. "And I want it anyway," he said. " Please love me ... Just once, give me everything you've given to others."

Sakamoto did not resist that call. Letting the boiling body guide him, he knelt on the bed, bringing Aiko against him. Pressing his lips against the other's skin, he tore off his kimono, tossing it away, causing the fabric to rest on the cat that slept on the floor.

The complaining meow made them laugh.

That breathtaking climate, so different from the one that surrounded them seconds ago, made Shin face Aiko like never before. In front of him, there was a man absorbed by passion and focused on every carnal element that united them. And what a body! Slim, generous in all his fullness. He looked down, watching the handsome member that rose before his eyes.

He spread Aiko's legs, bringing his thighs over his. Mamoru sat across from him.

He kissed him again, this time, more delicately.

" You know there will be no turning back, do you? " Sakamoto asked, overcome with desire.

" You say that to everyone? " Aiko asked, laughing.

" You know it's different with you ..."

" The only thing I know is that I want more than anything in the world."

They kissed again with longing. Shin pushed Aiko backward, causing him to lie down. He was so absorbed in the heat of his body that, suddenly, he didn't know what else to do, where to touch, what to kiss. Every piece of bare skin drove him crazy.

" Aiko!"

The door suddenly opened. Aware that it was already dawn and that he had stayed in the room just to watch over Shin, Mamoru remembered that he had not closed it. Nana appeared in the room, making them both jump, one on each side, with a guilty and feverish countenance.

" What were you doing?" The old woman asked, despite knowing the answer. "I brought tea," she warned, placing the tray on the table.

Shin covered his erect penis while trying to control his breathing. He saw, out of the corner of his eyes, Aiko waving Nana out. Despite clearly not wishing to do so, the old woman left them alone.

With his back to Mamoru, Shin noticed him approaching slowly, advancing on himself, and kissing his back.

" Shin-chan ... " called him, willing to continue exactly where they left off.

But Sakamoto had come out of the torpor of excitement that had overtaken him. Getting up, he went to the clothes carefully folded on a chair. They were still damp, but he put them on anyway.

" Please " Aiko whimpered still in bed.

He didn't look at him. If looked at him, Shin would go back and make that mistake. Then he left the room, running away from all the demons, even the most beautiful of them.

***

" What? " Shiro's eyes widened. " Can we see the story?"

" Yes, the characters walk, talk, cry, and smile. It is wonderful."

" So it's like a butai?"

"No, it isn't," Midori denied, moving his head from side to side. " A butai has only one environment, in a film you can see several places. Ah, it's so hard to explain."

Both were sitting in the kitchen, eating bread and drinking tea. It was still early, but when Shiromiya woke up in the morning, everyone was already up. He heard some whispers that Jiro and Shin spent the night there, but he didn't see them, so he didn't care.

" Sanshiro Sugata is the name of the movie you want to see? " Shiro asked her.

" My client from yesterday said it is fabulous!"

" I want to see it too! " Shiro whimpered. " I've never seen a movie, I don't even know what it's like ... I need to watch it!"

She shrugged.

"I can't go with you," Midori said. " I have to work every night because my little sister needs new books. So..."

" Does the cinema only open at night?"

" Yes. But ask Aiko or Jiro to take you."

Without blinking, Shiromiya accepted the idea. He ran towards Aiko, who, at that moment, was turning the garden soil with a stick.

" Aiko-san " called him cheerfully.

Aiko didn't look at him, looking absorbed.

" Aiko-san, can you release me tonight? I would like to go to the cinema."

Silence. Shiro muttered under his breath, realizing that the other was not paying any attention to him.

" Aiko-san " touched him. " Can I go to the Movie theater?"

Mamoru then turned to him. The dull look.

" Movie theater?"

" Yes, can I go?"

As much as Mamoru looked at him, he still didn't seem to understand him.

" Of course."

Shiromiya didn't even try to explain himself. Faced with this statement, he decided to disappear from Aiko's sight before he changed his mind.

***

Aiko and Jiro went for a walk in the afternoon. Saito liked to go around with Mamoru in the various sights of Tokyo, so normally Ai was silent without its owner during the afternoons. Shiro used the moments to be close to Nana, asking the old woman to tell her stories. However, that day, he was sitting on his bed, separating the money bills he would take with him at night to buy his ticket to the cinema.

" Are you going alone? " Midori appeared at the door.

" Why not?"

" The streets are not a good place for a handsome young man like you."

"Like I'm going to be deflowered," he laughed.

She shrugged.

"Ask the sergeant to take it," he suggested. " Saito doesn't seem bothered by going out with people like us."

Shiromiya shrugged, crazy for her to walk away. I didn't want to go with anyone, I wanted the freedom that any other man would have at that age.

"Nana wants you to go to the bakery to buy bread," warned the woman, only then seeming to remember.

Shiro nodded, putting the money box in the wardrobe. Then he headed for the kitchen, taking Nana some money. Within seconds, he was on the street. He walked for a few minutes in the bright sun when he noticed a vehicle walking slowly near him.

He turned to the car and saw Ryo inside, smiling.

" Do you want a ride?"

"I want you to go to hell," he replied rudely. However, when he saw Tadao at the wheel, he was ashamed. " I apologize, Tadao-san, my words did not come to you."

The man nodded, understanding.

" Was it for me? " Ryo scoffed.

Shiromiya decided not to answer. He turned his back and started walking in the opposite direction, trying to get the other to leave him alone. He heard the sound of the car door opening and then closing. Moments later, Ryo was at his side.

"I miss you," Ryo said, suddenly.

Kazue did not expect those words. His fright was clear. He stared at the other, amazed.

" Leave me alone."

" But, Shiro ..."

" I did very well while you were away. I don't miss of you!"

Ryo felt desperate at the words.

" No foul? I thought we were friends."

" We were, but you forgot that when you said you were disgusted with me."

It was true, and the fact silenced the merchant who saw him walking away again.

***

" And I'm sorry for what I said " Ryo seemed sincere. " I want your friendship again."

Kazue looked at him, the hurt was so clear that it shivered.

" I don't want to be your friend anymore, Ryo-san. How long will you insist?"

Ryo followed him to the bakery. Before the attendant's astonished gaze, he took Shiromiya's elbow.

" So why are you still wearing the cord I gave you?"

The shock was clear. Shiro lowered his face, suddenly realizing that he hadn't removed it from the neck since the first time he put it on.

" Because ... " sought an answer. He didn't find it. " What does it matter?"

" Said the cord would represent our friendship."

In the face of such a circumstance, he sighed.

"Okay," he said at last. " We can be friends again. But I have a condition."

" Which one?"

El and would do anything for Shiromiya.

" Have you heard of Sanshiro Sugata?"

" The book inspired by Miyamoto Musashi?"

" Yes, I heard that one Akira Kurosawa[36] made a movie about him."

" Movie?"

" Midori-san said it is a story told on a screen. That we can see the characters, hear their voices, and see their tears. I would love to see that."

The implication of Shiromiya's request did not go unnoticed by Ryo.

" Why don't you ask Aiko to take him?"

"Because he doesn't want my friendship again," he returned.

Ryo cleared his throat.

" Shiro, look, I can't ...���

" I knew I would say that " Shiromiya cut him off. " You want me to be to you what Aiko-san is to Sakamoto-san. Just an ornament that awaits you at Ai. Well, I don't accept that kind of relationship, so goodbye, Ryo-san."

Leaving no room for a reply, Shiromiya turned her back on him and started walking quickly towards the street. Faced with that, Ryo acted on impulse.

"Okay, Shiro," he took his arm. " I will do what you want, what you want from me."

When Shiro smiled, he knew he was lost.