Chapter 20

End of January 1943.

Shin tapped his foot while waiting in the reception hall of the imposing building in the center of the barracks. He was nervous, it was so unusual to be called before his superiors that he was surprised. Had he done anything? Had he ever let his discontent escape?

"Sakamoto-san? " a big man, wearing a handsome black uniform and impeccable appearance approached. " Please come in."

The room in question was that of Major Yasuko. The place, immaculate in all its details, emitted a powerful aura of the strong presence of the other. At a nod, Sakamoto sat on the chair, crossed his legs, and waited.

"I heard you had a birthday last week," the man commented. " Congratulations."

Shin nodded, unwillingly. The truth was, it had been a bad birthday. After the problem with Aiko at Christmas, he was no longer a regular member of Ai. He appeared there just a week before his birthday, and Mamoru received him coldly, without showing that he remembered the important date. Then he saw Shiro, who whispered to him about Mamoru being in an arduous struggle to forget him, and that Jiro was taking the opportunity to flirt.

Shin wanted to hate Saito with all my might, and he even tried not to receive the hug he gave him on that January day that celebrated one more year of life, but eventually, he realized that he also loved him, differently, but not ignored.

" Our beginning of the year was not very good, Sakamoto " Yasuko leaned back, propping his back on the high chair. " The 6th German army surrendered at Stalingrad. And in the Barents Sea, the German navy was severely humiliated " its voice was dry and heartless. " Rumor has it that Hertler went crazy and ordered the destruction of all German surface ships."

Shin had heard something about it.

" So, it is a complicated moment, but we must not let discouraging words feed fear in the heart of the Japanese people. So, under Hirohito's direct orders, we want you to stay in Japan observing any kind of demonstration that looks like treachery to the motherland."

Shin almost laughed. That request was a clear demonstration that the family no longer believed in their abilities. Probably, even the mother was already thinking that he had gone crazy. Any idiot would do that job, and he had far superior training to get involved in nitpicking.

"They had commented earlier this month that I would go to Japan's Expeditionary Forces in Nanjing. Have you changed your mind?"

Yasuko's gaze measured him. It was not common for a young man, even from the imperial family, to question the army's orders. The man then got up, went to the door and opened it. He seemed to peer out as if he didn't want anyone to overhear the conversation that would take place there. Then he closed it again, going back to his place. Shin was immediately interested.

"You are not going to China was requested personally by Prince Mikasa."

Takahito, also affectionately called Shin's uncle, had he waived his services? Why?

"As you know, Prince Mikasa is in China," the major explained.

" Yes."

" When our beloved Prince learned that you would be sent there, he spoke to his brother and asked for his dismissal. Then we talked on the phone. Takahito said that honor and dignity were lost within the units. He said " he closed his eyes as if the words were very difficult " that things are not as planned ... That he did not want his dear nephew about such an impact ..."

Yasuko held his head in his hands. Faced with an impassive Shin, he sighed for a long time, and then looked back at the young man, like a father in front of his son.

"My guard served on Unit 731," Sakamoto said as if this explained everything.

" So you know..."

" Yes."

" Don't think I'm a traitor " Yasuko stepped forward. " I love my country, I love my Emperor. I would die for Hirohito without thinking twice."

" I don't think anything."

The other nodded, relieved.

"So I wish you well in the search for traitors," he stood up, bowing.

Regardless, Sakamoto repeated the gesture and walked away.

***

The only good news that the newspapers printed at the beginning of the year was in March, with the resumption of Kharkov by the Germans. Furthermore, just defeat and retreat, one after the other. Torn between loyalty to the family and the bitterness of feeling betrayed for following a false and cruel ideology for so many years, Shin remained discreet for such months.

As ordered, he suppressed thoughts against the war. However, he did not hand over to the authorities those who murmured against the Empire, just beat them up and told them to shut up.

"If they speak again, I will kill them myself" he threatened, not so sure to keep his words.

Along with some discontents, such pacifists emerged. Imbeciles who thought they could change the world in non-violent resistance. Shin hated them! How to restrain someone who did not even think of turning against the aggressor?

One night, Saito and he were after a family who was passing messages against the war, through leaflets left in the houses. It was not difficult to find them. Amateurs spread their tracks as if on a crumb road.

He entered the poor wooden house and found the pamphlets on the table. In the environment, had a young and three boys. He grabbed the woman by the hair, rubbing the paper across her face. Jiro, behind him, did not move a muscle.

"You're in luck today, bitch," he said coldly. " I'll let you live, but even before dawn, you 'll burn all those papers, understand?"

She nodded. Shin threw it against the table. Then he observed the environment well. There were no men there (he learned later that her husband had died in the Korean take), but the children looked at him with distress.

" We must love our other as ourselves," she whispered. " We are all equal before God. Chinese, Koreans, Japanese, Americans ... It doesn't matter. We're all the same."

Sakamoto slapped her, shutting her up. Then he pulled her by the hair.

" I'll just repeat it once: if you don't want your children up dead, try to get rid of those papers. Tomorrow, at sunrise, Kempeitai will invade your home. Your orders will be to kill you, as well as the children if they find anything that condemns you as a traitor to the motherland."

After that, he walked away. Outside the house, the rain thickened a little, and Sakamoto swore at not being able to smoke. He walked through the mire towards the car, hiding his body inside the thick leather coat.

" I wonder if one day she will understand that you just saved her life " Jiro mused, entering the vehicle.

But Shin didn't seem to hear him. He huddled in the car, eyes straight ahead.

" Love our other? " laughed. " What a foolish thought."

" It is a Christian thought " Saito corrected. " She must have heard something. Religious thoughts often thrive on fertile soil. And this Japan, divided between the certainty of victory at the hands of its leader, and also its disbelief due to the recent failures, is great terrain for religion." After, he took a deep breath and started the car. When the vehicle had been moving for about five minutes, he spoke again. "Will Kempeitai go to her house tomorrow?"

" Yes " Shin stated. " I heard they'll be at six o'clock sharp. If she has not yet burned the papers, she will be arrested and who knows what they will do with the children."

"You are a hero, Shin," Jiro whispered, his right hand coming out of the vehicle's gear and sliding gently over the other's manly thigh.

Shin received the affection with a smile on his face.

" I thought I was in love with Mamoru."

"Maybe I want them both," he joked.

" Really? " it was serious.

Jiro laughed, withdrawing his hand.

"I love you, Shin," he admitted. " I love you so much, and if Mamoru can't forget you, I'll accept it and support you in any way I can. Your attitude towards Aiko irritates me, but do not consider that I wish you harm."

"I know you don't." He looked away, looking out the window.

"So why are you so depressed? When will I see the person they claimed to be Sakamoto? Everyone commented that you was crude, liked the night, sex, drinking, and having fun. Was it me who brought so much bitterness to your life? Since we met, you have become listless and aimless."

"You were the only reason I didn't destroy myself, Jiro," he confessed. " Don't ever think that the fault of my unhappiness is yours."

Saito nodded.

" Why don't we go to Ai? It must still be open. We could have a drink and laugh. Mamoru misses him, he doesn't speak, but I can tell by his look."

" If you want to go, go. I want to go home."

Jiro did not reply. He just nodded and went to the palace that lived Sakamoto. He went in after the man into the house, willing to stay by his side, faithful and loyal as he should be, even in the face of the young man's shaky mood.

"Sir," one of the servants prostrated herself in front of Shin.

"It is already dawn," Shin observed. " Why haven't you gone to sleep yet?"

"A friend of yours has been waiting for you since the beginning of the night," she explained.

" Friend? It's almost two in the morning! Who would be stupid ..."

A gentle, male voice interrupted him.

" The stupid in question is me, Shin " Ryo appeared at the door of the other's office. " I know it's late, but we need to talk."

***

" Almost a year? " Sakamoto was surprised, raising his eyebrows. " Have you seen a doctor?"

Ryo shifted and in the chair. Sakamoto's office was bright, but in Ryo's eyes, everything looked pitch black.

" I already looked for everything you can imagine. My last attempt was in December last year with a boy."

" A boy?"

" I thought it would work with a man, after all, it all started because of Shiromiya!"

Sakamoto laughed heartily before speaking again.

" I never thought to hear you talk like that. You have always abhorred men and never wanted to enjoy the bed of one."

Ryo closed his eyes, throwing his head back.

"I'm so ashamed of myself," he admitted. " I do not know what to do..."

" I already said that you worry too much about bullshit. Now, since antiquity, men have slept with men to share pleasure and masculinity. Why do you think the samurai were so strong and powerful? They knew that sleeping with women made them weak and feminine " poured prejudice. " But when they slept with men, they shared with them the essence of honor and manhood."

Ryo didn't even think to reply. He never had the slightest interest in men, and he was always proud of that fact. He didn't think like Shin, even though the samurai stories are true. He knew that samurai used to relate, almost always between teacher and pupil, sharing much more than wisdom. The belief that those actions were dirty and impure, entered the country more recently, with the English. As he disowned them, Shin would never refuse pleasure with a man.

But Ryo ...

" How was it with the boy? " interrupted his thoughts.

"It wasn't," he said frankly. " I couldn't even try."

"Maybe you're just nervous," he tried to get his hopes up. " Maybe, you're just giving Shiro importance that doesn't exist."

Ryo denied it. He approached the table that separated them. Shin's office seemed too big and he wanted proximity.

"When I think of Shiro ..." he looked down, his eyes suggestive.

Shin opened his mouth, amazed.

" Are you in love with him?"

" Please, Sakamoto! We are talking about a street whore!"

" But this street whore doesn't prostitute himself anymore, and Aiko won't give him to you."

"I know that," he went back to sit back. " Shiro talks about me?"

" He never mentioned your name to me. He's very close to Jiro, but I never knew told him about you. Which does not surprise me, after all, you treated him very badly."

Ryo was furious at the sergeant's name.

" What does this guy do at your house? "

He had seen Jiro enter with Shin in the residence, but the other one was gone as soon as Sakamoto took he to the office.

" Sergeant Saito is my guard."

Ryo shrugged.

"He wants Shiro," said the reason for his hurt.

" Shiro? He wants Aiko!"

" Aiko? " he felt such relief in himself that he almost smiled.

" Yes, Aiko. We are in conflict over this, but Jiro is honest and I find myself divided."

Ryo didn't care. The only thing he wanted to know was about what was taking the peace out of him.

" How am I going to approach Shiro now?"

" Give him a gift. Poor people usually rejoice over any crap. He will forgive you. " Shin suggested. However, something happened next. "Ah, it can't hurt him," he said.

" Why?"

" I'm protecting him. If you hurt him, you'll have to see me."

" I do not want to do anything that many have already done" defended himself. " Including you."

"Don't hurt the boy," he said firmly. " Shiro is loyal to me and always helps me when he can. Besides, I grew fond of those abandoned dog eyes."

Ryo got angry. Even Shin?

" Think of me, I'm your friend before we even have a beard! And I am desperate!"

" Then do what I said. Try to become your friend again, the boy likes you."

The "likes you" made Ryo step back, feeling a sudden warmth in his chest. Did Shiro like him? And he? How did he feel about Shiro?

"Tomorrow I will go to Ai," he decided.

" Great. Now that you've made your decision, can I go to sleep?" He asked.

" No, we have to talk about what I will give as a gift."

Sighing, Sakamoto blasphemed again that day.

***

Shiromiya was sweeping the hall when Midori appeared. She greeted him briefly and then warned him that Mamoru wanted to see him. Shiro nodded, dropping the broom and running towards the tea room, where he knew Aiko was having breakfast at that moment.

" Wanted to see me?" He asked, quickly entering the room.

At the same moment, his eyes met Ryo's. The other stared at him, a gentle smile on his lips, he seemed simply thrilled to see him, which made Shiro take two steps back, nervous.

He felt his legs fail and his heartache. He realized that he might cry, even though the tears - he believed - were long gone.

Ryo was thinner and sunburned. Her black hair, which was a little longer, was neatly combed back. His dark brown eyes shone, as if in mischief. Shiro was frightened.

" Shiro, how long have I not seen you?"

The question was so homesick that Shiromiya wondered if all the past offenses had been just a sad nightmare, a daydream that never existed. But Aiko's dead stare at Ryo was proof that everything had happened.

Well, they say that whoever gets beaten never forgets. Ryo, the one who knocked, might not remember everything he said, but Shiro was still pressing the pillow against his face at night when he remembered things that had been said.

" I asked Mamoru to see you because I wanted to give a gift.

His cheerful tone irritated him. Why did Ryo address him so freely?

" I've been traveling on business, you know? And look at what I bought " he held up a bottle. " It's Shochu[35] done in the old style, " he said as if it mattered to Shiro. "I know you're still a minor, but keep it for when you're of legal age to drink. It won't be long, will it?"

" It will " Mamoru interjected. " Shiro will be only seventeen in June.

Ryo nodded.

" Ah, so " he took Shiromiya's fingers and placed the bottle between them. " Keep it. They say the drink gets tastier over time. "

To his surprise, Shiro held the bottle. He took the label seriously and then opened it. In a fraction of a second, Ryo felt all the liquid spill over his head, running down his neck, soaking his clothes and making him smell.

He only believed what happened when he heard Mamoru's hysterical laugh. He held on to keep from hitting the brat right there, only feeling an unbearable rage taking over his heart.

" Excuse."

Shiromiya turned away and left. His firmness was so visible that Ryo realized that it would not be easy to regain his friendship and trust. He despaired.

"Wait," Ryo reached the door and took his arm. He felt behind him that Aiko was getting up, as if ready to protect the youngest. " I know you're hurt, but I want to have your friendship again."

" I don't want to be your friend again " Shiro went straight.

What? How did someone without a family or rights dare to refuse yours friendship?

"I can protect you when the war ..." started, but Shiro interrupted him.

" I don't mind dying, Ryo-san. I spent most of my life suffering and being humiliated. If I have little time left, I will live it with dignity.

The words shocked him. He noticed Shiro pulling his arm away. His hands almost acted on their own, catching him again. But at the last moment, he managed to control himself. The sight of a small gold heart appeared, almost imperceptibly, through the opening of his shirt.

However, before sketching anything, Shiro left him.

"He's not like me," Aiko said proudly. " After that, I believe you will not return to Ai anymore, will you?"

Ryo laughed.

" You're wrong, I'll be back soon."

The smile did not disappear, even when he reached the street.

***

" Do you think he plans something? " Jiro brought a piece of the pie to his lips. After chewing, he spoke again. "If you want me to do something ..." he suggested. "You know I can call you to a duel."

If they weren't in a public place, a discreet patisserie in the center of the capital, Mamoru would surely laugh out loud.

"Dueling for a beautiful maiden? " Aiko joked. " Oops ... No ... the young man" corrected himself. Then he denied it. "Don't worry, Shiro has already put him to run. He may even try something, but Shiromiya will know how to protect himself."

" But he still loves Ryo " Saito didn't seem certain of the situation. " I can still see the sadness of platonic love in his eyes."

" Nonsense, he's still young. Soon he is fall in love with someone else and be happy."

"Say that, but you still love Shin," he said.

Mamoru bit his lip. He looked out, saw passersby pacing, carrying bags, and the weight of life on his shoulders. He looked at Jiro again, smiling.

"We are not going to talk about it," he asked. Then the conversation changed direction. " Did you know that you had never come to a pastry shop with someone? Sometimes I felt like eating a piece of cake, so I bought it and ate it on the street. I was afraid of people's eyes. But now, I feel safe with you."

Saito smiled, seductively.

"I will always protect you, love." He held his fingers.

For some reason, Aiko felt elusive with that romantic affection. Perhaps it was because it was not his custom to receive such a display of affection.

" Mamoru? " Jiro's tone seemed serious.

" Yes?"

Would Saito want to level up their relationship? Aiko was afraid of not knowing how to react.

" I need you to see Shin."

He never expected such a request. He imagined something like a dating request or something trivial, but nothing that involved Sakamoto. He was amazed.

" Why?"

" He's not well ..."

" You said that for months."

"But ..." he was silent for a few seconds. " Shin went crazy."

" He was always weird."

"He 's doing things ... They'll kill him if they find out," he said quietly.

Aiko was surprised by the words.

" Have you eaten? I want to talk in a discreet place."

They left there and went straight to a hotel often used by lovers. Jiro paid an hour for a lady who looked at them maliciously, took a key, and took Aiko to one of the rooms.

" What's happening? " Aiko asked, as soon as they were alone.

Saito went to one of the windows and closed the curtain. Then he turned on the lights and pointed the bed at Mamoru, who sat down immediately.

As much as the courtier said that he no longer loved Shin, Saito saw the love in his eyes and was mixed with concern. It didn't hurt, although it wasn't pleasant to see.

" Shin is discovering those who are quietly speaking against the Emperor."

" And...? " encouraged him to continue.

" And he is anticipating Kempeitai. Because of his surname and blood, he has access to police investigation papers. Whenever he knows that Kempeitai will go after someone, he goes a few hours before and causes the evidence to be destroyed."

" Is Shin helping civilians to escape?"

It seemed so unreal that Mamoru almost doubted it. He vaguely remembered Kenzo's death, which Shin himself ordered and performed. Now, did it the other way around? Why?

"Like that," Jiro laughed, "kicking everything in, throwing some slaps and punches, and threatening. People believe he is at the behest of the police themselves, without suspecting that he is giving them a chance to survive.

" Do you think that if the Army finds out ...?"

" Shin is smart. He can say that he is just following orders, as one of his uncles ordered him to hunt down traitors. But it is risky. And he is doing it in such a way ... " he searched for the best word " inconsequential ... He is not careful, he puts his own life at stake. Aiko, I know that one of the reasons why Shin is like this is because of you."

" My cause?"

" He was very shaken when he returned from Germany, but managed to calm down with you nearby. But now ... Now that you ignore him, it's like you have no reason to live."

Aiko lowered his forehead.

" He ignored me first. "

" I know that. But it's his way. A way that can change. Shin was created to be as it is, how do you expect it to change easily without support?

"I spent years supporting him," Aiko persevered. " He doesn't even look at my face outside Ai. He says he loves me, but he rejects me. I can't take it " he stood up. "Please do not insist."

He left Jiro and went to the exit, determined to end the discussion there. However, when opening the door, he was faced with the static image of Sakamoto. Open-mouthed, he turned to Saito, imagining that he had fallen into a trap. However he found him equally surprised.

" Why are you here? " Mamoru asked, nervous, irritated, and urgent.

Shin's heavy, guilty silence was the best answer.

" Did you send one of your men to follow me? " Aiko revolted.

Shin even tried to deny it. But in the end, he admitted.

" For your good. To protect you."

" Protect him from me? " it was Saito's turn to get angry.

"You brought him to such a place," he pointed out the dirty walls and the degrading environment. " What did you want me to think?"

" That I am your friend and would never do anything that could hurt you."

Jiro then excused himself and left. Aiko followed him, without just saying goodbye. Propped up on the wooden door, Shin felt even more diminished, more destroyed. Lost, he tried to think of a way out.

There was none.