Chapter 19

It shouldn't hurt. How long have things like these been happening? How many times have he dreamed of going to Shin's birthday or being by your side as they welcomed the new year? Whenever such things came up, he was gently put in his place. At that moment, more than ever, knew that nothing could change the relationship between them.

" Mamoru!"

The scream behind him stopped him. Aiko felt apprehensive, nervous, and inexplicable guilt in him. Why? He caused no harm, he just celebrated his birthday by attending something he wanted. Even so, a painful cry threatened to escape his throat and spread over his countenance.

" Shin?" He asked, turning around.

He found the look equally guilty of the other.

"You said you wouldn't come," Shin stammered, the words at odds. " I found..."

" I had already bought the tickets " Aiko explained. " But I'm leaving."

That was obvious, as it was on the street in front of the theater.

" Do you want me to pay for a rental car?"

Aiko bit his lower lip, suddenly aware that Shin had not come to apologize. He just wanted to see him as far away as possible, so that the uncomfortable presence would not don't clutch it close to your.

" It's not necessary " Aiko denied. He wanted the voice to come out firm and thick, but for some malice of fate, it sounded thin and tearful. " I'll walk."

" But Aiko ... " tried to intervene.

" Shin-san " Mamoru cut him off. " Do you know when I said I loved you?

He did not answer. Haunted and nervous look answered for him.

"Please pretend I never said such a thing," he asked. " Because I don't feel any feelings for you anymore."

And then he walked away from that nest of rich and arrogant people. When he reached the dirt road that led to the neighborhood of prostitution, he breathed a sigh of relief. Anyway, it was in its place.

***

" And Aiko?"

Shin sat next to Jiro. The sergeant looked at him questioningly, demanding explanations.

"He's gone," he replied simply.

" Why? Did You fight?"

" Not."

" Then why isn't he here with us? I thought you went to pick him up to join us."

Hell! Didn't Saito know how to shut up?

The sound of a small drum warned the public that the second act would begin. Shin shifted, indicating a focus on the stage, but Jiro kept the questioning look on him. He muttered under his breath, trying to stick to the passing butai, however, he realized that the companion was possessed and did not accept his brief justification.

" What the hell happened to Aiko? " Jiro whispered.

"Respect the artists," Shin said quietly. " Weren't you the one who wanted to see the presentation?"

" Answer me or I will make a scandal."

The threat took effect. Shin looked up at his friend, trying to notice any trace that Saito could deliver on. Seeing the determination in his eyes, he stood up.

" Let's talk outside."

It didn't take long and they both headed for the outer theater area. Sakamoto went ahead, in a mixture of apprehension and anger. He hated giving satisfactions of his actions, but the way Saito had put him against the wall left him no escape.

" Are we going to the end of the street?"

The place was full of street vendors and people who preferred to drink rather than watch the presentation. Realizing that they would have no privacy in front of the place, they walked until they were well apart. Only then did Shin turn to Jiro.

" What you want?"

" The truth."

" The truth? " Shin repeated. " Aiko saw us together and left."

"You explained that there is no ..."

"He wasn't angry to see us together," Shin interrupted. " Not in the way you imagine."

Jiro raised his eyebrows.

" Explain yourself."

" Today is his birthday."

For a few seconds, Jiro stopped breathing. Then, little by little, the air came back, like a light rain in a land devastated by drought.

" You're kidding?"

" Not."

"So why didn't you bring me instead of bringing him?"

Shin took a deep breath.

" This is no place for Mamoru."

The explanation had the opposite effect than expected.

" Aiko's place is just inside a wall, in a brothel, right? His place is in the shadows, hidden as if it were a mangy dog ​​that you like, but you are ashamed that other people know it."

" It's not like this."

" So how is it? How many times have you walked with him on the street?"

" I'm Hirohito's nephew! " Shin exclaimed, in a low but urgent tone.

" And he's just a poor boy raised by a prostitute, isn't he? Even if he accepted you as are, who welcomed you with open arms every time you went to him ... Even so, he is still just someone unworthy of your surname and the person you are. " Jiro kicked the floor in anger. " You don't deserve him, but you keep him attached to you, killing and overwhelming anyone who tries to get in your way. " He approached dangerously. "Draw your revolver and shoot me, Sakamoto," he said.

Shin kept his cool as he stared at him, amazed.

" What the hell are you talking about?"

"Shoot me in the head, " he repeated. " Kill me."

" Are you crazy?"

"If you don't do it now, you'll regret it in the future," he confirmed. " Because I will steal Aiko from you and teach him what true love is. I will be proud to be Aiko's companion, Aiko's friend. I will give Aiko my body, my heart, my protection."

After the explosion, Jiro walked away. However, he not took two steps, intercepted by Sakamoto.

" What are you saying? " demanded.

" I fell in love with him," he confessed without fear.

" When? As?"

" I already had some affection for the things you said to me. However, everything seemed to fall into place when I first saw him."

Shin shook his face in amazement.

" I can not understand..."

" When we met, he looked like an angel. It was sweet and kind. Pure in all ways. The devotion in his eyes when he mentioned your name made me understand that there could still be something beautiful in the world. I was delighted. While you locked yourself in the house and pretended that the world was over, I was close to him. We talked about several things, Aiko always had a smile to give, even when he was suffering. " Jiro smiled. " And the things he does ... Even though he owns a brothel, he treats girls with such generosity and courtesy. He is capable of dying for them."

Shin shook his face. Then he walked away, walking towards nothing.

" Face me, Sakamoto! " Jiro exclaimed. " Don't run like a coward!"

"This can't be happening." Shin went back to the sergeant again. "Aiko is my life, and you are my friend," he explained. " I can't kill you..."

Saito understood the conflict and respected it.

" Why did you do this to me, Jiro? He asked. " I love you, you're like a brother. I had never had such a ... an intense friendship."

" Are you going to hate me now?"

The question was coherent and well-posed. Shin answered it sincerely.

" No. However, I love Aiko and I won't let you steal him from me."

Jiro laughed, disgusted.

" If I believed in your feelings, I would drown mine."

Shin felt it.

" I understand. But as close as we have become, you still don't know what's going on in my heart."

Saito agreed.

" However, it will be a fair battle. I will be honest and I hope you are too."

" Ever."

" So the best man wins."

Shin laughed.

" You're wrong about that, Jiro. It is not a battle. There is no war. You can do what you want, you will never get Aiko's heart. It belongs to me."

Saito was irritated, but he didn't show it. He took two steps and pressed his lips. Shortly after, he whispered.

" We will see."

***

The day dawned mild, a light breeze coming from the north, refreshing the environment a little more. Mamoru spread a towel over Shiromiya's lap and placed a plate of fried fish and bread on it.

"Eat," he asked. " You need to eat to stay strong and healthy."

Shiromiya stared at the food and, after a brief blink, brought it to his mouth.

" How was your night?"

Aiko looked down. He seemed to think of a good answer, which made Shiro realize immediately that things had not gone well.

" You know, Shiro, " Mamoru said, after a brief silence. " One day, when we have more resources, we can sell Ai and move to the countryside, right? We could open a good business, like a store or a grocery store. What do you think?"

" Do you want to escape, Aiko-san?"

"I just want to stop being ashamed of who I am." he admitted.

Shiro seemed to meditate on the words.

"Perhaps in a few years, more grown-up, I will not be easily recognized," he hoped. " Wouldn't it be wonderful, Aiko-san? Get free, be able to walk on the street without fear that some of the men ..."

" One day, we will be free " Aiko promised, interrupting him. " Away from Tokyo, maybe after the war is over. Nana, you and me."

Shiromiya smiled, eyes bright. Aiko found herself smiling too, despite her heartbreaking.

" Even if it takes time, Aiko-san " Shiro caught his attention. " Even so, we are fortunate to be at Ai, protected from the outside world. I've been beaten so much in the streets, so many things have happened ...

" I failed to protect you at least twice, Shiro," he reminded him.

" Wrong, it's true. But you no longer made those mistakes. You have always tried to give me a home, Aiko-san."

Mamoru smiled.

" Do you know what relieves me the most? Nobody screams here, "said Kazue. " Tod speak them normally, and I feel more relaxed. When I was beaten, more than the beatings, it was the screams that made me nervous. My ears hurt and scared me. I was paralyzed with fear, so it was very easy prey. So I love Ai, Aiko-san."

He felt an urge to throw himself on the bed and hug Shiro tightly. Most of the girls who arrived there were traumatized by shouting and screaming. He briefly remembered Rika, who was found near a sewer, naked, raped and injured. She prostituted herself as a child and Aiko wanted to have enough to get her out of that life, just like Midori and all the others. But everything Ai provided was only for him to pay the bills and them. Only a small portion was retained, even so, to guarantee the maintenance of House of Love.

Aiko wanted so much to be able to do more ... To be able to support them financially, in case, one day, he closed the hole. He wanted to make sure that they were able to survive without having to return to the streets, the nightmare of any prostitute.

Unfortunately, his wishes did not correspond to his reality.

" Aiko-san " Nana appeared at the door, her eyes friendly. " The handsome sergeant wants to see you."

Aiko blushed. In his soul, a whirlwind of feelings that went from the embarrassment that Jiro had seen him the night before happiness with his friendly presence. Since they met, the time had brought a very powerful fraternal feeling between them. Jiro came almost every day. He was courteous to women, kissed Nana's hands as if she were a lady, and made promises to Shiro. But, of all, it was Aiko who treated with the greatest deference.

" Is he in the tea room? " Asked, already rising.

" No, in the garden."

Mamoru smiled and left the room.

***

The gentle, embarrassed smile hit him before Mamoru's even voice greeted him. Saito bowed to him, in a courteous and humble greeting. Aiko immediately realized that he blamed himself for the night before, but wanted to make it clear that he did not share the same opinion, even before Jiro started with the litany.

"If you came to talk about last night, I don't want to hear it," he said. " I know you did not know it was my birthday, I know you did not see the visit to the theater as a meeting of lovers, but only accompanied Shin because you are friends."

Jiro smiled at that vain attempt at pride.

"I came to make an invitation."

" An invitation?"

" Well, you didn't watch the end of the play. I think it's unfair, so ..."

"Thanks, but I don't want to," cut him off. " In one thing Shin was right, I didn't feel comfortable with so many looks on me. It seemed like everyone there hated me. I felt alone " he admitted. " I don't want to go through such an experience anymore."

" And who said you will be alone?"

" But ... " He stopped, understanding the meaning of the suggestion. " Jiro, would you go with me? Even at the risk of tarnishing your image?"

Saito approached. His hands held the others. Aiko look shocked at the confirmation of the question.

" Did you ever consider that I would be ashamed of your friendship?" He asked. "Aiko, if anyone here is unworthy, it is me."

The words touched the courtier's bruised heart. He then found himself moving forward and embracing the other. The act surprised both of them. However, Jiro did not act pleaded and readily accepted the gesture.

"No one has ever done that for me," Aiko whispered.

The action reached Jiro, who was then in a state of euphoria. Not that he was thinking of conquering Aiko anytime soon. But he felt that his dedication to the other could awaken in him the same thing that sprouted in his being.

" But we will go as friends, won't we? " Mamoru walked away as if reading his mind.

" As friends, Aiko, I promise."

***

The amphitheater was not as crowded as it had been the night before. Most of the male faces were unknown, which gave Aiko immense relief. He smiled at Jiro, who was wearing his pompous sergeant uniform as he walked beside him.

Aiko didn't have many new clothes, so he was dressed in the same beautiful kimono had worn earlier. But clothing was the only thing that remained the same in itself. Being there, without feeling diminished and out of place was a wonderful thing. He sat with Jiro to the right of the stage, and before the show started, Saito entertained him with a lively dialogue about Shiromiya and how Aiko tricked men into believing that the boy was a woman.

" They believe because they are fools " Aiko stated, without mercy. " I never told any client that they watched a lady dance."

" It is not a crime to have Taikomochi dancing, is it?" Saito laughed, shaking his head. " Your mother was geisha, wasn't she? Shin commented on this in Germany " it was explained. " Tell me, Aiko, why did you turn House of Love into a house of prostitution?"

Aiko felt encouraged to talk before the kind and friendly look. But he lied slightly when he answered.

" I was not able to receive the street girls in a geisha house."

"But some geishas are prostitutes," Jiro persevered.

Mamoru found himself speechless. How to explain that geishas used to keep under lock and key what they heard from men? His girls told him everything, so he was always prepared. If someone started to suspect him, he could run away.

" Sorry, " Saito said, realizing him nervous. " I don't want to question you, it was just a pointless question."

Aiko knew he had to say something so as not to raise suspicion, but his mouth didn't open. He didn't want to lie more than necessary to Jiro, not after everything he was doing lately to help him.

The sound of the whistle of the first act saved him. He turned forward, focused on the stage. Saito smiled and followed him.

***

" In between " Aiko held out her hands, as if time could be measured by the distance between her hands " we went to drink tea and talk. It was very different from yesterday, and it was so good!"

Shiromiya smiled, while Nana clapped her hands.

"The sergeant is a good guy," the old woman confirmed. " Someone who can certainly make you happy."

Aiko blushed, while Shiromiya's eyes widened.

" What the hell are you talking about, Nana?"

" Well, just saying that Saito Jiro is the ideal person to be your friend. "

At these words, Aiko was silent. The old woman then got up from the chair and left Shiro's room, laughing. Mamoru and Kazue faced each other.

" Do you think Sakamoto-san will accept... uh ... "he searched for the word" your close friendship with Saito-san?"

" And since when do I need an authorization from Shin to have friends?"

" But before, his opinion was very important to you."

" No more!"

God, he felt so ridiculous. Even Shiromiya considered him a slave to Shin?

" I don't love Shin anymore! " affirmed to the other, making Shiro burst out laughing.

He felt his core become unnerved by the other's disbelief.

" I don't love him anymore!" He repeated.

" Aiko-san, feelings are not things we can control. You can repeat it as many times as you want, but you know as well as I do that you will not forget it just because you are disappointed.

" Say that, why don't you forget Ryo?

The question caught the bedridden off guard. Shiro seemed to think for a while but ignored the question when he spoke again.

"Saito-san is a wonderful man. A unique person, he is kind and good. I adore him, believe me. Anyone would be happy to be loved by him. But just as Catherine did not love Edgar, no matter how good he was for her, you will also always have Shin in your heart. Sakamoto-san is your own Heathcliff."

" Are you talking about that book Ryo read to you? " Aiko asked. "Life is not like books," he said.

" So you're willing to love Jiro?"

The question was straightforward. But Mamoru was unable to answer.

" I would like..."

" But you can't? " tried to complete.

"I can try," he corrected.

Shiro shrugged, giving up the fight.

" So, good luck, Aiko-san " he wished with all his heart.

The conversation ended there.

***

The smell of tobacco irritated his nose. Ryo stamped his foot on the wooden floor, trying to get the attention of the matron in front of him, who was staring at him with clear disbelief.

" A guy? " The woman asked.

Ryo felt his head hurt. The music in the distance looked more like a pig being killed. He hated being there. Not that it was the worst place in the world - a thousand times there than anywhere in the world, next to a crowd of smelly men and holding mosquitoes over their shoulders - but what could he do?

"Yes, a boy," he nodded.

After months of visiting the whores, courting young ladies to the idlest street whores, and showing himself helpless with all of them, the man admitted to himself that perhaps the curiosity that Shiromiya had aroused in him had been too strong and probably it would be healed only if he tried sleeping with a man.

" Nobody in Hokkaido can know," he said, " I pay well for discretion."

The woman agreed.

" Yes, don't be worried about it. Nobody will know."

Ryo shifted in his chair. He wanted to get this over with.

" I have boys of various ages, even older men. Do you prefer the strongest or the most fragile?"

" I want a young boy, sixteen or seventeen. Dark hair cut close to the nape of the neck. I want you to have almond-shaped eyes and an upturned nose. My height, or close. Thin, handsome ... " He stopped when he realized that he was describing Shiromiya. " Do you have it for today?"

" Yes. Do you want to go up to a room? So, I'll send him there in a few minutes and nobody will suspect."

Ryo agreed. He got up and out of his chair and left the room. The best brothel in Hokkaido had the luxury and good looks, but it would take a long time to get close to the atmosphere that Ai displayed, apart from the women, all skinny as if in need. There was no spark in her eyes, no laughter. It was just a mechanical seduction that disgusted Ryo.

The man went up to the second floor of that wooden house in the city suburb. He went into the room the woman indicated he should use, and sat on the bed, waiting for the boy to enter.

He knew very little about sex between men. Some anecdotes told by Shin, and some comments he fished here and there. But in practice, he didn't know how to proceed. The only thing that reassured him was that the boy - an experienced prostitute, hoped - would help him.

Someone knocked on the door. Shortly after, he entered. As expected, a boy with the features he asked for entered the room. The meek and dejected look, as if it were a terrible effort to be there.

Despite having the same characteristics as Shiromiya, he didn't remember or look like him. Ryo was disappointed.

" Good night, sir."

Ryo did not answer.

" What is your name?"

By the time it took the boy to respond, Ryo realized that he was making up a name.

" Arai."

It was a common name, but it didn't suit him.

Ryo got up from the bed and walked around the room. Then he pointed the bed at the boy, who removed his kimono before going to bed. Ryo watched him closely, he had a medium limb, and his hip bones were visible.

He looked down, waiting for the damn penis to react to the sight. Anything.

" Some men need to be stimulated, Mr. Ryo " the boy explained when he noticed him nervous by the lack of reaction.

" How stimulated? " he was terrified.

Before Shiromiya entered his life, all he had to do was look at a beautiful pair of breasts and the stunning view of female nudity was enough to make him react. Now, as he humiliated like that? He hated Shiro more than ever!

"Excuse me," the boy asked, kneeling in front of him.

He unzipped his pants. Amazed, Ryo saw him taking his member and wrapping his hands around it. As soon as he started to put it in his mouth, the man jumped back, walking away.

"I don't want that," he said, embarrassed, putting it back in his pants. " I'll pay your, but I'm not willing."

When he got home, about half an hour later, he sat on the balcony that faced a beautiful garden. He trembled, dejected by the realization of the obvious.

"Ryo-san? " Tadao interrupted his thoughts. "I'm going home," he said. " Do you need anything else?"

" Do we have appointments scheduled in Hokkaido?" He asked suddenly.

The man was surprised by the question.

" I need to consult your agenda, but I believe that some important business meetings ... "

" And when will we be free?

" I believe that in two months we solve all our problems. We will probably be able to rest in March."

" I'm going to Tokyo in March. So, don't schedule any appointments, okay?"

The man nodded, astonished.

" Do you want me to send a letter to one of your friends?"

" It is not necessary. The person I am going to see does not know how to read."

Then he got up and went to sleep. Strangely, he did not feel defeated that night, nor in the days that passed until he reached the time when came.