Chapter 25

"It is more than six hundred kilometers and so many hours of travel. You can't imagine what I went through to get to you."

Out of the corner of his eye, Shiromiya looked at Ryo. The merchant drove happily. Even though the roads were in poor condition and the car was shaking a lot, he didn't seem to mind. He had put a smile on his face since they passed Kyoto, and he hadn't taken it off until then.

Cheerful, Ryo seemed to feel like a hero who had accomplished his mission. He didn't care about the gawking look of the old grouch in the back seat, much less the restless Shiromiya who was watching him nervously by his side.

"I'm still waiting for your thanks, " he said, realizing that Shiro did not share his contentment.

" What?"

" You know " Ryo remained fixed to the road. " I saved you."

" Than?"

The trader's eyebrow arched, and he was thoughtful. He knew that something horrible would happen to Hiroshima, but what he saw in his vision looked nothing like a bomb or anything he had ever heard of. Bombs didn't turn people to dust, or at least, he didn't know of one that did. So, what was that horror? And the white light? The rain that man called gasoline?

"I don't know ... Forget it," he muttered, sulking.

It was getting dark when they arrived in Nagoya. They crossed the huge city, and Ryo parked near a small hotel in the center. Shiro noticed that he looked distressed again and, even against his will, approached, trying to calm him down.

"Many shapes in the sky," Ryo whispered.

The boy took pity. In that instant, realizing the enormous conflict that Ryo lived regarding his visions, all the hurt for the horrible things he said, evaporated. How can you not feel your hearts racing when you see someone who is loved so much suffering?

He and Nana followed the man into the establishment. The hotel looked cozy, small, but well equipped, it smelled good and had luxurious furniture. Shiro had never entered such an exquisite environment and was amazed to see the beauty of the place. He looked around, ecstatic, each corner drawing his attention. Beside him, the old also became quiet, amazed, and dazzled by everything.

In the distance, Ryo watched. As soon as they entered the place, he resumed his serious and self-possessed stance. Going to the reception, he talked with the attendant with familiarity and skill. Ryo belonged to that elegant environment, where everything seemed to fit. On the other hand, Shiromiya was completely out of place with his worn clothes and his old cloth bag under his arm.

He waited beside Nana. Both remained silent, without making any comment, even when one or another guest passed them with a deadly or curious look. Shiro only reacted when Ryo returned with a suspicious smile on his lips.

" Nana will stay in one of the rooms, and we will share the other " the prospect seemed to cheer him up a lot.

The opposite emanated from Shiromiya's face.

" There are no more vacant rooms," he explained.

"No more room is needed," Shiro denied. " I can stay with Nana."

" Nana is a woman."

" And?"

"You can't have a single woman in a room," he scolded, giving the subject a ridiculous look. " What will most people think?"

For the first time since entering, the old woman spoke.

"They will certainly be malicious " the irony was also clear in the aggressive eyes. "An old woman like me, and a boy who doesn't even have a beard on his face! " then calmed down and explained. " They'll think it's the grandmother and her grandson."

But Ryo remained determined.

"Don't worry, Nana dear." He took her by the elbow, leading her up the stairs. " You will be well accommodated ... Soon the hotel staff will bring your dinner."

" But ..."

He listened to the complaint in silence. At no time did he show any signs of irritation or that he had changed his mind. Walking, the trio soon reached the bedroom corridor, where, after opening the first door, Ryo practically pushed Nana inside.

�� I hope you have a good night."

When he closed the door, he locked it with the key. Nana shouted, but Shiro did not attempt to intercept him. He looked worried and thoughtful. Only when Ryo walked away, heading towards his room, did the boy approach the door and whisper in a tone that only the woman could hear:

" Don't worry, Nana, I'll be fine. Rest easy " advised.

At that, Aiko's old nanny quieted.

Shiro then followed Ryo and entered through the door the older one opened. Inside, he observed the discreet room with two single beds covered with flowery, pale bedspreads. The place smelled good of flowers and was well lit by several lamps turned on in each corner.

" Did you like it? " Ryo asked, barely managing to contain the legion. " I would ask for a room with a double bed, but I thought it would be strange."

Shiro did not look at him.

" Then..."

"You smell," Shiro cut him off, annoyed.

Ryo raised his arm and sniffed himself. Its odor was not the most pleasant.

"I have n't had a bath for two days," he laughed, repeating what he said when he arrived at Keiko's house. "But I'm going to wash up right now," said a side door. " Do you want to go shower with me?"

The invitation was natural, but Shiromiya made sure not to fly against him and stuff him with punches in his face.

"No," he said, simply.

The man disappeared from view, and the boy sat on the bed. The spring mattress startled him when he felt his body sway in the air. Shiro had never sat in something like this, always slept on the cold floor or in the futon. He couldn't imagine what it must be like to sleep in something so cozy.

It stayed that way for the duration of Ryo's bath. He didn't get up, he didn't walk around the room, he didn't talk to himself, he didn't even think. All he did was wait anxiously for the other's return. As soon as Ryo came into view, he got up and took the small bag he had under his arms.

"I'm going to wash too," he explained to the other, crossing him, avoiding his gaze, satisfied.

When the door closed, he sighed deeply, leaning his back against the cold wooden wall. He was suffering, in a very deep internal conflict. Shiro knew he had powerful feelings for the merchant, but at the same time, he feared him for all the mean words he had already spoken against him. In the background, he realized that, contrary to what everything planned in your life, he was not running away from problems but heading toward them.

Moving away from the door, he removed his clothes. There was a huge mirror on its side, and for the first time, he found himself naked. The image surprised him because he perceived a trace of beauty in its forms that he never suspected of having. He stood on his face, looking at his delicate legs, the small member surrounded by black curls and, above, the beautiful belly, without muscles and fat. The chest was straight, the nipples were dark and the torso was well defined. He understood, therefore, why he attracted so many people to see him dance.

A loud knock startled him.

" You need help? " Ryo's voice came, anxious.

Shiro was furious to understand that the other imagined that he did not know how to use the shower. Well, at Ai they taught him and he knew how to turn on the copper shower.

"I don't need anything," he said, his tone quite aggressive.

Then he went to the shower and turned on the tap. The heated water was removed. Ai's shower had no hot water! Happy, he wet his hair, using a scented soap to wash vigorously.

The bath renewed him, and he came out from under the water with a happy smile on his lips.

***

Ryo walked from side to side. Shiro was taking too long.

Taking too long!

He needed to see him, stay close, smell him, touch him. That desperation, which had been taking him for some time, seemed to have peaked since the night of the cinema. Ryo wanted to experience all the sensations that the other could give.

He compared himself to Pervitin addicts, who had lost their reason and common sense since they started using amphetamine. Shiro was his version of Pervetin.

When the door opened, he breathed in relief and excitement. The other one appeared in front of him, his hair wet, in disarray, his long, delicate bangs covering his dark eyes, his pale skin, his bare shoulders ... He almost advanced on the other, eager to kiss every piece of skin he could get and.

" How beautiful you are! " he praised, shameless.

" I am more than an appearance " Shiro returned, offended.

Inside the smaller one, there was an explosion of shame and regret.

If he hadn't accepted that Ryo read to him.

If I hadn't accepted your friendship.

If I hadn't accepted your apology.

If I hadn't been to the cinema with him.

If I hadn't given you pleasure in a dark alley on a rainy night ...

If I hadn't fallen in love ...

The "ifs" continued to torture him as he approached Ryo's opposite bed and sat down. Everything could be different. He could be at Ai, collecting his hard-earned money that would be what would give him a home. He could be listening to Nana's stories and eating the delicious fish that the old woman used to make for dinner. And that agonizing and vexing pain would only be part of a future that Shiro never would have lived.

Once, Shiro had heard someone say that love was wonderful and that it brought happiness. He just wanted to see that person again to call him a liar.

Shiro had his back to Ryo, but he could feel his gaze burning on the back of his neck. Without blinking, he lay down, covering himself up to his chin.

" Are you hungry? Would you like me to order a meal in room?"

" Not."

He imagined what time it would be. The sun was already gone, and he was tired after so many hours swinging inside the car. Then he closed his eyes. However, he opened them as soon as he felt the bed sink beside him. He turned and looked at a dazed Ryo, in clear despair.

" I'm crazy about you, Shiro ... " he whispered.

Being crazy about his body and what his skillful hands could provide did not mean that Ryo loved or respected him. It meant nothing but desire.

"Get out of bed now," he said resolutely.

" But, Shiro ..."

"Get out or I'll take you out by force," he threatened. " I am no longer a child to be coerced, I learned to defend myself " he warned.

" I don't want to hurt you, Shiro " Ryo tried to explain himself. " I will never impose myself on you. On the contrary, I want to reward you for everything ..."

Shiro sat, indignant.

"I'm going to sleep with Nana," he said.

" Her door is locked."

" So I'm going to sleep on the street."

" Why? Do I cause you so much disgust?"

Shiro's eyes filled with tears. Ryo stood beside him, showing understanding.

"Stop offending me," "he asked. " When you say you're going to pay, I feel humiliated.

Ryo had misunderstood the request.

" That's right. I can leave the money hidden in a corner without speaking ..."

Couldn't have undermined your sentence. A hard slap on his face made him see stars. Shiro got out of bed and went to the other side of the room as if prepared for a hand-to-hand fight. For a few seconds, Ryo's instincts even made him follow him and raise his hand, but then he realized that he couldn't attack the other, even to defend himself.

Like it or not, the months of coexistence they had, awoke something very strong in Ryo. Something similar to what I felt for Aiko, but mixed with desire.

He dropped his hand.

" Sorry, Shiro, " asked. " Please lie down on the bed, I will do nothing."

The stunning eyes caused Ryo something intense. He didn't want to hurt him, not anymore.

"If I offended you, I apologize, it was never my intention," he went on, seeing that the other was not moving. " You arouse so many emotions and feelings in me that I am stunned, not knowing how to react. So, let's agree: if I scare you with my fury, you just need to ask me to stop, and I will stop."

Stunned, Shiromiya heard it without seeming to believe it.

" Ryo-san ... " he murmured.

However, Ryo already returned to his bed and lay down on it. It took Shiro at least ten minutes to move and also to get to his bed.

He wondered if things would still be the same between them the next day.

***

Ryo knew that he was in one of his other visions when he opened his eyes and recognized the room in his house in Hokkaido. The same imposing bed, bought from abroad, the same smell of tulips, with which the servants used to decorate their room; space efficiently decorated, full of expensive and beautiful ornaments; the famous paintings on the walls and the bookcase in the background.

Yes, it was all there.

And Shiro too.

Shiromiya, with his impressive beauty, his pale and translucent skin, his body in gentle and lovely shapes, his posture that exuded sensuality and that made him crazy. Standing by the window, looking through the curtain, his face serious, worried, his body naked, shameless.

Ryo went crazy at the sight. Kami-sama, how he adored him! Maybe Ryo wanted him forever, no matter what he had to give him all of his fortunes... He was sure that no matter how much he had, nothing would be enough, he would always want more.

He jumped out of bed. Ryo found himself naked, but he didn't care. He ran up to him and hugged him from behind, breathing in the delicate scent of his skin. Shiro didn't push him away, just sighed heavily.

" I'm scared, Ry-chan ... " he murmured.

The nickname, which he had never heard before, but which on his lips seemed like a gift from God, gave him an edge. He kissed the back of his neck, his neck, spreading his touch all over his belly and chest.

However, Shiro did not react. Conflicted, he looked at him. Only then did he notice his distress, his gaze ahead, as if he were terrified. He followed the beautiful eyes to where they saw them. Then, through the window, he noticed the city that was born in the background, destroyed. There was smoke and fire in places, fallen buildings, and small figures on the floor. He realized that they were bodies.

***

" Ryo-san?"

The gentle touch on his shoulder made him open his eyes. Shiro was standing in front of him, dressed in the clothes of the previous day, his gaze just as frightened, as in his vision.

"Sorry to wake you up, but it's already dawn," he said.

Ryo still felt the effects of the night before, a mixture of repressed and terrifying desire for the horrendous sight. He shifted on the bed, sitting up.

" Yes, I'm on my way."

He avoided facing the other. Ryo didn't know what he would do with that look that seemed to move every cell in his body.

Half an hour later, he opened Nana's door. The woman was ready, sitting on the bed and flew to Shiromiya, her eyes questioning as soon as she saw him.

"Don't worry, Nana, I'm fine," he soothed her softly and smiled to confirm his statement.

Then the old prostitute looked at the rich man. Ryo looked bad, deep dark circles and tired. Everything about him indicated that the night had been terrible, and because of that, she remained silent, without reproaching or harassing him, as she wished.

While Shiro and Nana went to the car, Ryo went to the reception to settle the accounts. As he waited for the boy who attended the previous night to calculate expenses and make a receipt, he felt a tap on his shoulder. She was a young lady giving his a pacifist folder, very common at the time. It was comical that those people did not seem to feel popular animosity at their stance, nor to fear the death that Kempeitai would impose if they caught them.

"We have a free choice about our destiny," the girl said. " Let's choose peace."

He frowned and returned the paper. Said one or two rude words that put her running. Then he turned to the boy who seemed satisfied with his reaction, but who avoided making any comment about it.

As he returned to the car, he thought about the free choice that the Japanese woman had made. He laughed. This - free will - was a ridiculous invention. Ryo knew, beforehand, that no matter what choices men made, fate was set. It was fortunate that he kept his mouth shut about his visions. Few people knew of his clairvoyance, and so he was not chased by success or failure of anything. In other times, he would be considered a prophet; in this one, he was just a crazy man who saw the future and feared it.

***

When Shiromiya arrived at the gate of Ai, Mamoru or received wide-eyed. However, he did not seem surprised. Later, while talking, the courtier said that he already knew about Ryo's actions and also about his views on Hiroshima.

On the same day, Aiko posted a letter to Keiko, begging her to leave the city. An entire month passed, and he received no reply. In May, while the Axis was concerned about the surrender of Afrika Korps[37], Aiko returned to writing to his friend. That time, he offered money and made a promise to buy her a house. Almost a month later, on the same day that Shiro turned seventeen, the answer came to Mamoru: Keiko had received a promotion at the factory and did not want to leave the city. She was happy there, the son was going to, called affectionately by her, "little school" and everything seemed to fit perfectly in a bright and happy future.

"You gave her a choice and she made it, Aiko-san," said Shiromiya, wisely, trying to comfort his friend.

In July, Ryo's vision seemed just like a storm that calmed down before it even reached them. Without any bomb threat to the city and just a few rumors of attacks on the Kuril Islands, everything seemed to be back to normal. Including the relationship of friends.

Saito went back to Ai as if the episode on Fuji had never happened. He used to flirt with Aiko in front of Shin to see him possessed, and when he received criticism about his behavior, he stretched his beautiful hands-on Sakamoto's thigh and stroked his over Aiko's embarrassed looks. With the months that passed, the couple seemed to understand that Saito was an important part of both, and the jealousy died, leaving only an extraordinary affection, which made him a kind of godfather of feeling.

Ryo also returned to Ai. He no longer tried to buy Shiromiya, but he used to give her minimal gifts as if it were an apology. He always had a piece of pie or a flower with him. The two, little by little, returned to talk normally, and the friendship seemed well underway.

There were days when Ryo wondered if he still wanted him. He had repressed his longing for the other's body so much that, many times, he no longer felt himself pulsating in his presence. But all Shiro had to do was smile and his heart would jump like frogs in a pond in search of food.

" Did you care for him?"

The question was asked on a rainy night by Sergeant Saito, with whom he used to drink. Not that they were friends, but as the other had already become a regular at Ai, he couldn't avoid he forever, and then they exchanged a few words without being uncommitted.

" Why?"

" Curiosity."

" Curiosity? Or maybe that's why you're interested?"

Saito smiled with that row of perfectly aligned, white teeth. Ryo boiled.

" Who wouldn't be interested in such a beautiful creature?"

Ryo held up a glass. He drank the sake quietly, trying not to demonstrate the combustion that was inside.

"Whoever dares touch him, I'll kill," he warned. " Shiromiya is mine."

" Oh, and does he know it's your property? " laughed, provoking even more.

Ryo was speechless. He wouldn't play the game. He already had too many problems. He needed to find a clever way to leave Shiro with no choices, to bring him to himself before he went completely mad, overcome by lust and desire.

***

Aiko tapped his foot lightly on the mirrored wooden floor. With the fan, he shook off the terrible heat it was that day. Then he sighed, looking at the closed door. In front of him, a beautiful oriental woman with kind eyes stared at him.

It was the secretary of the security department where, he knew, Shin had been going through the days. Jiro said that Shin had set up an office there. Mamoru was not even suspicious of the reasons, after all, Sakamoto had a beautiful atmosphere in his residence.

Well, the home office was only imagined by Aiko, since he had never visited Shin's home. But Ryo used to comment on the number of books he kept in the office and how they used to sleep drunk there. So, he imagined it as a warm and beautiful environment.

Aiko had never looked for Shin in his work. Well the true the few times that seen in the streets, he pretended not to notice that Sakamoto ignored him. However, since they gave themselves up to the latent passion that they had nurtured throughout their lives, he meditated on the fact that he no longer accepted being a love hidden from public eyes. Not that Shin was going to take him on as a lover - why they were men! - but at least Aiko wanted to be seen by your side, even if as a friend.

So he made up an excuse and went to him.

" Do you want tea? " the girl asked, servile.

Aiko denied it. Well the truth, his saliva hurt to go down. He was apprehensive, afraid of Sakamoto's reaction when saw him.

The sound of footsteps made his heart race. Then the door opened and an officer came out of it. The door closed again. The man then approached the woman and sighed. He did not see Aiko and, when speaking, did not even turn in his direction.

" Shin Sakamoto is the demon himself."

It didn't take much thought to understand that Shin was on a bad day. As soon as the man left, Aiko wondered if he should do the same. But there was no time to get up, as the secretary got up and went to Sakamoto's office.

"I will warn you of your presence," She said.

Aiko nodded. The butt seemed to be glued to the chair.

The woman came and went in less than a minute. Then she held out her hand in an invitation to enter. Aiko thanked and entered the place. The atmosphere was large and masculine, the smell of Sakamoto's colony was in every corner and the pastel tone welcomed him, making him even more nervous.

The door behind him closed, and then he looked up. Sakamoto was in front of him, seated and leaning over several papers lying on the table. He held a pen in his hands, and Aiko reproached herself for interrupting her work for nonsense.

" I ... " he began, when he realized that he was not laughing.

Terrified, a white cloud formed in his head and forgot the made-up excuse that had led him to him.

"I need money," said the first thing that crossed his mind.

" Couldn't you ask me at night, when I came to you? " Shin replied.

He was angry, clear. A cake formed in Aiko's throat, and he held himself back from crying. It was ridiculous that he thought things were going to change with sex. Sex didn't change anything. Did he live on that and hadn't learned yet?

"I'm not coming back, " he said, turning on his back, already prepared to run from that place.

However, he did not take two steps. Sakamoto's handheld his arm tightly and he turned to his lover.

"I'm not angry that you came," Shin explained.

" Yes, you are."

" No, Aiko, I'm not " reinforced. " I had thought of that before, and you are right when you accuse me of being ashamed of our relationship. I admit I'm a fool, but I love you. I won't hide it from anyone else."

It felt like a dream, and for a few inst he thought it was. Then he felt the firm hands of the man he loved tightening around his waist and pulling him against his firm, strong muscles.

He melted at the gentle, passionate kiss that took him. Aiko felt Shin's tongue, defiant, playing with his and, no longer resisting, hugged him tightly. However, this was not the ideal place for such a show of affection and soon they left.

"How much do you need, Aiko?" Shin left him and returned behind the table.

He had no idea. Then, he disagreed.

"You look nervous," he said. " Did something happen?"

Shin licked his lower lip and then answered frankly.

" Mussolini was arrested, and the government was overthrown."

The effect of the sentence fell like a bomb on Aiko. He sat in the chair in front of his boyfriend, trying to contain the tremor in his legs.

"Soon the news will spread, Mamoru. Things are not going well. Our beloved holy war does not seem to be that sacred. The Allies have already landed in Sicily, Germany looks like a cheap cockroach fleeing boots that want to step on her.

Aiko tried not to show any reaction. Being in your situation was like being between heaven and hell. There was a relief for himself, but fear of what could happen to his country and the man he loved.

"No need to worry, Mamoru. I would die for you, I promise I will never let anything hurt you."

The melodious sound made Aiko smile.

" If you die, what reasons would I have to continue living?"

The phrase had a powerful effect on the other.

" Wait for me at night, okay? Leave that annoying old Nana to take care of everything. Tonight I want you just for me."

" I'm always yours.���

"You understand me," he smiled seductively.

When Aiko left the department that afternoon, the smile he gave to everyone who crossed his path was like the sun rising and bringing hope for a new tomorrow.