Chapter 33

" Wine?"

"And the sake," Nana added. "Shiro has been sulking since morning, Midori and Rika are getting ready for the night ... I have no one to send me shopping."

" But it is already dark " Aiko complained. "Do we have drinks for tonight?"

"We don't," Nana denied. " And I'm too old to fetch, my legs can't take it."

" Where will I find alcohol at that time?"

" There is a store that sells illegal drinks at the end of the neighborhood. Do you know Oji-san?"

" Yes, the merchant."

" He answers through a small window. You just need to knock and order three bottles of wine and five bottles of sake."

Mamoru agreed. He hadn't left Ai in months. Perhaps, Nana had purposely let the drink run out, to get him out of the cocoon. Aiko didn't blame her, he was also worried about it. He had sunk himself in the dark, in pain, in crying ... He didn't seem to have the strength to leave.

The pleasure district, as the prostitution district was popularly known, was not one of the safest places to walk at that hour, but Mamoru had grown up in it, was known to everyone, from those who practiced illegal prostitution, even those who sold drugs. He nodded to several people as he crossed the muddy streets. It had rained during the afternoon, and the humid summer they were having did not allow the soil to dry out. So he raised his long kimono at the ankles so he wouldn't get it dirty.

He walked through several streets, realizing that, little by little, the houses seemed to be losing their shine. It was the lack of money that seemed, at last, to have hit that class. In the past, most of those houses were painted and well maintained; but for the moment, most of them appeared to be dirty.

He realized that customers have also changed. It was true that the affluent used to go to Ai, but the other houses also had their good customers there. However, the greater part, then, seemed more formed by human rags. Poorly dressed and fed, most of them drunk. He was disgusted.

He started walking faster, suddenly uncomfortable with the looks.

Oji's house was in a dark alley, surrounded by other equally dark alleys. Mamoru hurried in that direction, but before reaching one of the alleys, he felt a hand holding him on the arm.

"Beautiful thing" one man a drunk, so staggering he could barely stand. " How much does it charge to warm the heart of this poor wretch?"

Mamoru realized that there was no danger, as soon as the man sat on the floor, crying. He thought of leaving, leaving him with his demons, but found himself bowing in front of him, offering to understand.

" Do you need help?"

"I need the courage to kill myself," the man whispered.

It didn't take a genius to understand that that person was being slaughtered by the war.

" Were you at the forehead? Or some son? A brother?"

"I was in Manchuria," he replied. Then he seemed to meditate on his actions. " Many say that we are forced by the war to be bad, but I think we took advantage of the war for that. We only use it as an excuse to be the worst beings that nature has created."

Mamoru lowered his face, embarrassed. Many wept not only for the death of their loved ones but also for the death of their soul, lost in some corner of the battle. He, however, was alive. The friends he loved so much, all alive. There was no need to kill anyone, to rape, or to disembowel. Aiko could sleep peacefully at night.

He realized how wealthy he was. How Kami-sama had protected him from the whole situation. Shortly, he said a short prayer, thanking for it.

"I'm sorry," he said, turning his attention back to the man.

The drunk closed his eyes, leaning his head against the concrete wall.

" Don't be sorry. I will go to Iwo Jima next week " he said. " If I'm lucky, I'll die there."

Mamoru turned away, holding back tears. Then he turned back to the alley, nervous and distressed. However, as soon as he took two steps, he stopped.

Shin Sakamoto came into view, like an intense winter storm. His critical eye, his haughty, and his strong posture made him hesitate. He remembered, instantly, everything he heard from the other, and wanted to run, to escape the look that was still so destructive that it was meant. However, perhaps out of fear, he remained standing on the sidewalk, unable to move.

The nobleman watched him from head to toe. His red gaze and his faked footsteps showed how drunk he was, but even so, Shin seemed quite steady as he directed the words at him.

" How dare you appear in front of me?"

Mamoru tried unsuccessfully to get out of the way, but he was so terrified that he couldn't move.

" I..."

" Don't talk to me, damn you!" Shin replied. " Get out of my sight, you are not worthy to step on the same floor as me."

Even in the face of outrage, the body remained immobile. However, save for the gong, Aiko saw Ryo come out of the shadows and hold Sakamoto.

"Stop it, Shin," he said harshly, sullenly. " You drank too much."

" I do what I want ..."

"I know, king of the world," Ryo said.

It was a relief when Ryo, who waved at him as soon as they crossed paths, disappeared carrying Sakamoto on his shoulders.

***

Ryo Satoshi did not return to Ai until mid-June, close to the date they celebrated Shiromiya's birthday. Not that he was running away from the feelings that frightened him (because he had already decided not to fear them, but to live them, without fear), but Shin Sakamoto was unbearably unprepared for Aiko's separation.

So, he spent the first months of 1944 walking after a drunk who stumbled not only on his legs but also on his words. Suddenly, Shin's beloved war became just a fluke, something that no longer concerned him.

He only breathed when, on the fifteenth and June, Shin did not receive him smiling and reeking of alcohol at the mansion door.

"The Americans landed in Saipan, in the Mariana Islands," Sakamoto said, flustered, returning to his office, being followed by Ryo.

Saipan, the largest of the Northern Mariana Islands in the western Pacific Ocean, has been under Japanese rule since 1919 when the Treaty of Versailles was signed. Japan had developed industries that were important to the country's economy. Since 1941, there were also more than thirty thousand soldiers protecting that wealth. The American invasion was extremely damaging to the Empire.

Ryo watched his friend sitting at the table, in his hands the phone, through which he discussed with superior strategies for combat.

"I'm going over there," he said, after hearing something on the other end of the line.

Ryo was frightened by his companion but was calmed by Shin's displeased countenance. Once again, the family prevented him from going into combat. He sat in a corner and watched Sakamoto at work. At least, that was what war had been for, to get him out of alcohol and the pain of love.

"We're going to lose," Shin said, after hanging up. " I don't give a month to be defeated."

" Shin, you mustn't talk like that ..."

" Yoshitsugu Saito[42] has already reported that the Americans have secured the advance of an average of six kilometers and are approaching the airport. Also, we lost at least three aircraft carriers, in addition to aircraft. The damage was immense."

"Perhaps it would be good to step back," he suggested.

" The order is to fight to the last man."

At that moment, Sergeant Saito Jiro entered the room. From his honestly careless countenance, he realized that he had overheard the conversation between his friends.

" Fight to the last man? It is easy to be a hero when it is not Japanese leaders who are at the mercy of enemies. Could it be that if it were your children or parents being slaughtered by the Americans, the orders would still be to resist until the end?"

Shin glared at him.

" Stop talking as if your Emperor was not honored! "

"Send me over there, Shin," he said as if he hadn't been heard. " Say I'll go as a helper."

" What's your problem? Do you want to die?"

"I just want to go," he was sincere.

Shin opened his mouth in amazement. Ryo's eyes widened, but he said nothing. He waited for Sakamoto's explosion, and only flinched when it came, with no brakes.

" Never! " shouted. " You will not abandon me!"

" I just want to breathe, please ..."

Shin left behind the table and approached Saito dangerously. Their noses almost touched, while the heavy breathing chilled Ryo.

"If I talk to you like that again, I'll kill you," he threatened.

" So, kill " Jiro faced him. " Take your gun and fire now!" He yelled.

Only then did Ryo notice Shin falter. He looked dejected, his eyes lost their threatening brightness, and, seconds later, to his amazement, saw him surrounding Jiro with his arms, squeezing him so tightly that Ryo wondered if he was hurting him.

"Don't leave me, Jiro," Shin asked, this time as if he were a child begging his mother not to leave. " Please..."

Ryo noticed the sergeant in a huge internal conflict. However, when he raised his hands and circled Shin's back with brotherly affection, he noticed that both would be fine.

***

Shiromiya was polishing the silverware when he noticed Ryo at the entrance to the kitchen, looking at him smiling. It had been a long time since the boy had seen him, but he was the same, the same unsettling, overwhelming look that seemed to dominate him easily, without restrictions.

" I know you're hurt with me " Ryo stepped forward before the frown. " But I have a justification. Not the best, but it's a good excuse."

Kazue remained silent. The other then walked over to him and sat down across from him. Shiro shined the cutlery again as if he didn't care about the words, however, his heart seemed to jump in his chest at the expectation.

" Your friend Saito asked me to keep an eye on Sakamoto. I think you already know the problems that involve Shin and Aiko" in the face of Shiro's haunted look, Ryo realized to be right. " Before I got free time, but in the last few weeks, Shin looked like the devil in leather. I couldn't come to see you ..."

" Don't worry " Shiromiya interrupted him. " You did well to take care of your friend."

" Aren't you hurt then? " Ryo asked, calmer. " Let's talk in a more ... quiet place? What do you think about going to my house?"

He knew that Shiromiya would not give in so easily, but it was worth trying. If he remained as a celibate monk at his side, he would achieve nothing. It would be through the fatigue that would win over that issue.

" Ry-chan ... " Shiro started but was quiet for a few seconds. He took a deep breath, and then went on. " I thought a lot about our situation."

" Really?"

" Yes, and I concluded that my feelings for you are very strong."

Ryo smiled, excited.

" But I don't want them."

The merchant was amazed at the audacity. Repeated audacity, by the way.

" I am poor, without family, not literate. I have no roof, no money. All I have is my momentary peace. You can easily destroy it. So, for the sake of survival, I want us to step aside. Please don't go back to Ai."

Ryo noticed the other's tears. Even suppressed, they were there, clouding the beautiful black eyes.

" Why? Do you think I'm going to hurt you?"

" You say you like me ..."

"And I like it," interrupted him. "Really like."

" But also said that liked other people and it was just a hobby, a diversion. "

"I don't cheat people, Shiro," he said. " I was kind to my lovers, I am generous. I like that they dress well, have money for their needs. Helping them was never missed. But I always told that the love of my life was the woman I saw in my visions."

" The same one you thought was me? Do you still believe she'll show up?"

" I know don't. I know that she is you and that I just confused things ... But the important thing is now, isn't it?"

Shiro seemed to meditate on the words. Dropping the silver on the table, he gained courage.

" You already promised Keiko marriage, didn't you? And love to Midori? And the other girls?"

Ryo couldn't take it and laugh.

" For God's sake, Shiro. Of course, I was kidding. And they knew it!"

" A bruised heart sometimes does not understand a loving word as a joke."

" Stop it, Shiro. Think that will do the same to you?"

" And you won't?"

" Shiro, if you want, I'll take you from Ai now. I buy a mansion, where you can live comfortably for the rest of your life. I will support every luxury you want to have. And that doesn't mean I want to buy you, it just shows how serious I am about you."

On the one hand, there was an intense desire to believe those words, to jump headlong into every promise made. On the other, there were Midori's words digging deep into his rationality.

"I don't want you to give me houses or material goods," he said at last. " I want to achieve all this on my own merits."

" I know that."

" But about us ... I want to think."

His uncertainties were so clear that Ryo slumped in his chair, biting his lower lip, in a boring posture. He was tired of so many doubts. Now, life could be much more practical for him, it always has been. However, Shiro continually reacted with an irritating stance, as if he feared every step that would move him into the future.

"You like me and I like you," he said, without fear. " Think about it too."

Shiro nodded.

" I will think."

However, even before Ryo left the door, he had already decided. He would not surrender to the carnal passions that would slaughter the rest of his soul, the little that was still left of him.

***

Later that morning, Mamoru appeared before him. He invited him to go to the garden, and Shiro respectfully followed him. He found a table posted with tea and cookies. Shiro smiled at the delight.

" You spoil me too much, Aiko-san."

"You are my favorite person," Mamoru joked. " Why not spoil?"

But the courtier intended to narrate the previous night's meeting. He had come home in silence, not wanting to worry Nana about nonsense. Then he stayed in the room, waking up all night, tearing up with his lost love. Then, when he noticed the movement of the day outside the house, he decided to go after Shiro, whom he considered much more than a friend, he was his brother.

" You still love him? " Shiro asked, after to hear the report, lifting the cup to his lips.

" My heart sped up. " Aiko admitted. " But more out of fear than love. Shin looked at me in such a cruel way ..."

Shiro took his hands, giving him strength. It was a quiet April morning, and they were both drinking tea, sitting in the shade of a huge oak tree.

"I know I love him, Shiro," he said, however, then. " I would die for him. And it hurts me so much to know that Shin feels nothing for me but hate."

" But maybe one day he can feel it " Shiro tried to remain optimistic.

" I very much doubt that Shin can forgive me, but I keep hope because it is all I have left."

Suddenly, a strong punch at the gate made them turn towards the entrance. Mamoru stood up, wondering who was coming at that hour. He opened the wooden gate and faced a young officer who bowed respectfully and handed him a letter.

Aiko did not even have time to inquire about his intentions, he realized that the man was leaving silently, heading towards the other houses.

The Empire seal prickled him.