Chapter 38

Shiromiya was medicated in a kind of tent erected outside the Tokyo hospital. Having only a fever, the doctor barely looked at him, despite Ryo Satoshi's bribery attempts, which required a more detailed assessment of his friend. Shiro, understanding, took the medicine and left the place, giving way to a man holding a blood-soaked cloth instead of his arm.

There were many voices in that environment. Almost all of them were groans of agony and a few loose phrases about what action the Emperor would take in the face of such an American affront. However, no tone was louder than Shiro's internal crying, given the loneliness he felt.

He said goodbye to Aiko twice. The first, crying desperately sitting in front of him, his face buried in his body trying to suck up any remnants of his friend/brother. Then, when the group reached a crossroads on the way. Sakamoto put his hands on his shoulders and promised to go after him as soon as possible. Jiro hugged him, squeezing him so tightly he felt his breath go.

" Please take care of Aiko-san " he remembered asking.

Saito nodded, holding back tears he didn't shed. Shiro patted the cat head and smiled sadly. Then the trio left, following the path that led to the palace. He would carry forever the image of Mamoru being carried in lap, his long and beautiful hair waving, dull, in the wind, and his lost look somewhere in space.

Ryo did not say goodbye to his friends. Strangely, at the moment, Shiromiya was not aware of the fact. However, as they approach the hospital, the realization that the two inseparable friends Shin and Ryo were in a fight unnerved him. For what reason?

At the end of the day, they finally arrived at the house that Ryo kept in Tokyo. The entire eastern side of the residence was on the floor, but the back and the western front had been saved from the stove.

" Let's go today " Ryo warned, and Shiro just agreed, since he couldn't say anything.

The truth is, he was exhausted. Because of the bombers, the streets were impassable, a staggering crowd swayed between mutilated bodies. The smell of burning meat, the smoky air mixed with cement, and the pieces of concrete that made a simple slope turn into a mountain, were just some of the many mishaps that they faced that first day outside the shelter. The fever weakened him, and Shiro had been without eating or drinking for several hours. He wanted to sit down, rest. An absurd sleep came over him, and he just slipped on the floor as soon as he heard Ryo's words.

Satoshi disappeared from view. Shiromiya leaned her back against a demolished wall and closed her eyes. As impressive as it seemed, he fell asleep in seconds, defeated. However, his nap was short-lived. The sound of a horn minutes later woke him up.

" Thank God, one of the cars is whole, " Ryo said, smiling. " I got food at the shelter, we have transportation ... I think we're in luck."

They really were. While the majority of the population was digging through rubble, Ryo had several cans of tuna and sausages. Also fruits. He put two gallons of water in the trunk and got a blanket from the old shelter. He helped Shiromiya into the vehicle and they headed north.

It usually took a day or two to get to Hokkaido. However, that time, they stayed more than five days before even taking the ferry. They found, reluctantly, that American aircraft were shooting at anything they breathed and could see. Gas bombs were hurled at poor villages, against civilian buses, and even a derailed train found its way.

However, no aircraft crossed them. Well, not just by luck, it's true. Aware of many facts that other people were unaware of, Ryo preferred to travel at night, in low light. When the sun came up, he parked the car near any closed forest he encountered. He slept a little or kept trying to talk to Shiromiya, although the other person spent much of the prose answering in monosyllables.

Then, when he stopped in front of his huge property, he breathed with relief that his journey was completed without any major problems.

The Ryo family mansion in Hokkaido was a huge ground floor mansion, which stretched across a forest full of Matsu and Sugi[51]. The stout trees practically covered the house. Further away, there were apple trees, cherry trees, and orange trees. It was a magical place, and Shiromiya opened her mouth, ecstatic.

The car door opened and Ryo held out his hand to Shiro. The minor accepted, still unsure.

"Your house is very beautiful," he said. " Thank you for offering me shelter."

Ryo opened his mouth, startled. It was the first time since they left Tokyo that Shiromiya had spoken an entire sentence in his direction.

"Sapporo hasn't been bombed yet, but it will be," he said. "Just ..." He looked toward the house and held out his hands. " I rented a airplane a few years ago and flew over the residence. I realized then that, even though we were about two kilometers from the city, it was still a considerable risk to be hit by a bomb. So I had cinnamon seedlings planted, which grow fast " he held his hands out to some trees smaller than the pines. " I knocked down the second floor and had the roof painted green. Believe me, last year I flew over the property again, and the house is completely camouflaged. The roof merges with the nearby trees. Even so, if we are unlucky enough to drop bombs, we will still have shelter. " He smiled. " That's why I wanted you to be here with me so much, Shiro. There are, in my view, only two safe places in all of Japan: the bunker of the Emperor and my home. The bunker, for obvious reasons, and my home because I know in advance what will happen."

His frank tone touched Shiromiya, who felt hopeful, despite all his instincts instigating caution.

" Again, Arigatou " said before the man.

The sound of shoes on the wooden floor of the stairs caught Ryo's attention, who looked at whoever was arriving. Tadao greeted him with his eternal courteous countenance, and then touched Shiromiya's shoulders as if to convey courage.

" Ryo-san called from Tokyo to tell you that you were coming, " he said to the boy, to explain the reasons for not being surprised by the visit. " I'm glad you're okay."

Shiro nodded.

"Just stinking," he laughed quietly. " I haven't had a bath for eight days, covered in blood and gray."

" I fixed Ryo-san's old room for you " Tadao nodded. " I think it'll be fine there."

The servant then turned to his master.

"Ryo-san, another guest arrived last night," he warned.

The way Tadao's face became a frown made Ryo realize that the visit should not be that of any friend.

" As well? I'm not waiting for anyone."

Without further ado, he entered the house. Shiromiya and Tadao followed him closely. They saw when Ryo tossed his travel bag on top of one armchair and sprawled on the other.

"Good heavens, I also need a bath," he muttered.

"I'm going to have the bath ready," Tadao said servile.

When the servant left them alone, Shiromiya looked uncomfortable. It was true that he had been alone with Ryo for several days, but the fear of any threat did not keep them very close - or at least prevented him from seeking proximity -; however, at that moment they were in the territory of Satoshi, where each piece of furniture resembled its richness and pride. It was impossible not to be intimidated.

" Ryo-san ... " tried to start.

Within seconds, the merchant stood up. He approached like a lightning bolt from Shiro and held his face. Kazue's clouded mind remembered the kiss he received when Ryo grabbed him that way, days ago. In itself, a mixture of dread and desire exploded. How would he survive all those days there, next to Ryo, when every cell in his body felt an inevitable attraction to him?

However, the sound of a third person entering the room made Ryo release him quickly as if he were a leper. Ryo walked to the other side of the room and faced a beautiful young oriental woman who smiled seductively at him.

" Mina? " His surprise was palpable. " How long...?"

"Five years," she laughed. "I was here in 40, remember?"

" Yes..."

She walked over to Ryo, refusing to look at Shiromiya. It was as if Shiro, at that moment, did not exist for any of them.

" I bought a house in Kyoto, but it was destroyed."

" Bombings?"

" Yes. I had nowhere to go, so remember my good friend" she slid his hands over Ryo's chest. " I've been asking, I heard that you didn't get married and that your house was unoccupied. So, I came. Do you mind I staying for a few days?"

Ryo looked at Shiromiya for the first time. The minor's face was unreadable.

" Of course not..."

The woman smiled, relieved.

" Oh, don't imagine! When I saw him getting out of the car with the boy " she turned to Shiromiya, only then seeming to notice his presence. " I thought Shin Sakamoto had taken him to the world of filth ..."

" Filth ...?"

" You know, don't you? Nature being disrespected. Men lying down with men, without shame at all about such a thing."

Shiro's eyes widened at the speech, and Ryo felt flush. Before opening his mouth, he still looked at Shiro for a few seconds, and then scolded, loudly.

" How dare you talk to me like that? I am a man! Are you comparing me to a sissy?"

"Of course not, forgive me," she apologized quickly. " Just " pointed out Shiromiya as she would any mangy dog ​​" you can see from a distance that the kid is ... You know ... " she despised. " I didn't know you had that kind of friendship."

" He is not my friend! " Ryo shouted. " Just an acquaintance to whom I am receive in these days of distress. Don't be thinking of nonsense!"

Shiromiya's eyes filled with tears, but he said nothing. He lowered his forehead and looked at his feet. The war, according to Jiro, was lost. Perhaps in a matter of days, the Emperor would declare his surrender. Without the bombs, he could leave, go back to Mamoru. Shiro would have to put up with it until then.

" Forgive me, dear Ryo " she took the merchant's hands and raised them to her lips, kissing them. " I know I speak without thinking, but I'm still your favorite, right?"

"It won't be more if you don't learn to work your mouth," he complained.

" I will apologize properly at night, after you take a shower " she laughed, pinching her nose.

Ryo then turned to Shiromiya. He seemed guilty for the words just said, but at the same time, what choice did he have? Ryo didn't want anyone to think anything so shameful about he.

" Follow this corridor and at the third door, enter. Tadao has already fixed everything, you can take a shower and rest. " he explained. "Dinner is served at eight," he added indifferently.

Shiromiya nodded. He turned his back and started walking in that direction.

It had been a long time since he had felt so defeated. He never thought his life would take that course without Nana and Aiko. What would do then, without your family? He refused to cry for Nana, but it turned out that tears started to flow before he even entered the bedroom. The extremely beautiful and wealthy place reached him. Smaller than ever, he dropped the cloth bag he had in his hands - inside it was his box with money, the savings of his life! - and sat on the floor.

He was tired, but he didn't want to sleep. He wanted to die. Stay close to Nana again.

May Kami-sama have mercy on him.

***

The room had an extremely beautiful attached bathroom. Shiromiya watched him with interest, amazed at the details of each corner. The toilet was made of porcelain, the tone ivory. Below him, a cabinet of the same hue was filled with towels and toiletries. The toilet was on the opposite side and was also made of porcelain. Further on, an iron shower denoted the luxury of the refined environment. Shiro took only two steps when he noticed the huge mirror next to the toilet. Facing himself, he noticed his dejection. The hair was so dirty it didn't even move. He wondered how his head hadn't scratched until then, because just seeing his condition, he felt an urge to put his hands on his forehead and rub it vigorously.

As he concentrated on his tired face, he realized the risks caused by the tears, forming a path unrelated to the dust between his eyes and his chin. Shiromiya stood there for a while, standing, staring at himself, until he realized that self-pity wouldn't do him any good.

So, he decided to be practical. He removed the only clothes he had and placed them in the porcelain bowl. Did he know that the place where you wash your face was not ideal for washing clothes, but what choice did he have? Taking the soap, he did the best he could. Almost fifteen minutes later, after scrubbing and soaking a little, he twisted his shirt and pants. Although the garments were damaged, they were clean, and then he spread them out on a bedroom chair to dry.

Then it was your turn to clean up. He turned on the shower and placed himself under the water. At his feet, the tile floor began to be dyed a dark, dirty color. The whole body seemed to be impregnated with a pasty mixture of blood and earth. However, as the soap slid over the body, more than the dirt, it also washed away the pain. Gradually, Shiro seemed warm and calmer.

He wrapped himself in a towel while drying the bathroom floor. He arranged everything, as Nana taught him to do. Then he entered the bedroom, looking at the damp clothes. He thought about it and decided not to wear them. He couldn't catch a cold or get sick, because he had no one to take care of him in case something bad happened. Then, he took refuge under the covers to warm himself.

It didn't take long, he slept. In his dream, he was again at Ai. Nana was sitting on her usual bench. He sat at her feet, smiling happily at being near her.

"Be careful".

The female advice seemed wise and he nodded. Then he leaned back on his legs, laying his head on his lap. He felt his old fingers touch his locks, in a mess that he deeply thanked.

However, he soon noticed the body moving away from that image. He felt that he was in a dream and, in despair, he woke up, returning to the horrible life that nothing resembled the reassuring daydream.

He opened his eyes. He received a mess on his hair. However, the affection was nothing like Nana's sincere. Attentive to Ryo's face, he saw the man take a step back, moving away, as soon as he was caught in the act.

Sitting on the bed, Shiromiya looked at him in surprise.

"I didn't know you had a habit of sleeping naked," Ryo commented, and Shiro observed himself.

Only then did he realize that he had discovered himself in his sleep. He covered himself quickly and explained:

" My clothes are wet ..."

Ryo laughed and walked over to the closet.

" Shiro, do you think I didn't think about your comfort? " opened the closet, showing it to him and a multitude of shirts, pants, and kimonos. " I know your clothes burned in the bombing, so I sent Tadao to buy you new clothes. And there are shoes too. I want you to be calm because I will take care of each of your needs."

Shiro did not thank him. He kept his face impassive, disturbing.

" Forgive me, " Ryo asked suddenly.

His eyes watered again, but he looked away from the merchant, lowering his forehead.

" Of course you are my friend " Ryo stepped forward, sitting on the bed. " Just, I was scared. Understand, Mina knows about Shin's sexual preferences and feared she would think I want the same thing."

Every word from the merchant seemed to make the situation worse. Ryo felt that and then stood up.

" Just, forgive me, okay? You are my friend and ... " he thought a little. "Shiro, you're my best friend. The most important person in my life. I would never cross the country to save someone who was not entirely important to me."

His openness was transformative in the face of Shiromiya, who seemed to resurrect at the words. However, it was nothing compared to the turmoil it caused in Ryo. As soon as he made the statement, he told himself it was just another well-planned little lie. However, he knew he was deceiving himself. Somehow, he spent more time with Shiromiya in recent years than with Sakamoto. He told Shiro things he didn't say to anyone else. Ryo shared with him moments about the parents, about their visions. When Tokyo was bombed, it was Shiromiya that he thought about, it was for him that he was desperate.

Shiromiya Kazue ... Your best friend. It was just unbelievable.

"Get dressed," he said, trying to change the focus of the conversation. " I want to show you something."

When he left the room, Shiro couldn't help but smile happily.

***

Ryo's shelter was one of the most fantastic places Shiro had ever seen. A room measuring around ten meters, lit with an electric generator, had a modern air system, leaving the atmosphere quiet and pleasant. On the left side, a double bed was surrounded by two nightstands. On top of them, a few stacks of books.

There was a wardrobe and a cupboard to store necessary things. Further away, a door led to a bathroom similar to the one Shiro had in the room. On the left, a kitchen with a stove, table, chairs, cupboards with supplies. There was also a hydraulic system, supplying water directly from a well, pulled by a pump that made a low suction noise. Even so, Ryo was cautious and kept water in vats. Smiling, Shiro noticed the sake bottles at the top of the closet.

"You are prepared for everything," he commented.

" You saw Tokyo; so do you condemn me for being so cautious?"

Kazue denied it.

" I'm glad you 're here with me, Shiromiya " approached.

The proximity soon made Shiromiya burn in an unknown fire. It was always that way between them. Even when he was hurt by Satoshi's mean words, he still swayed in the face of any display of affection. Why?

Why didn't he walk the other way when you felt Ryo approaching, quickly?

Why didn't push him away? Didn't run away?

Why was he so weak?

Ryo grabbed his waist and everything else was lost in the kiss he received. He closed his eyes, feeling the other's mouth sink into his, seeking all his soul and taste. He held himself up so as not to fall when he felt himself being slightly directed towards the bed.

Only then did he understand the intent and managed to gather the strength to push Ryo.

" Won't your girlfriend be offended by being here with me?" He asked, hurt.

" Mina? " Ryo's laugh was unquestionable cynical debauchery. " Mina is just a prostitute. Very well paid for silence, by the way."

Was the woman a harlot?

" Astonished? " Ryo approached again, holding his waist.

"She doesn't look like a courtesan," he admitted grudgingly.

"It doesn't seem. Mina is very expensive, one of the most prized whores in the country. And it does a good job, I could never complain. However, she has a way to belittle the people I like " he remembered the way she quoted Shin. " I usually send her away after two or three days, but this time I don't know how to get rid of this annoyance. What excuse would give having a boy here? She can think ..."

He fell silent, realizing that he was talking too much.

" She can think badly of you in the company of a boy like me, right? " Shiro completed.

"Don't get me wrong, Shiro," he asked. " But the world I live in gives a lot of importance to appearance. But I adore you, I want you close, I won't do anything that can hurt you. I just need to protect myself from backbiting because they hurt business so much."

Shiromiya nodded, walking away again. Again, Ryo followed him closely, holding him by the waist.

" Can you understand me?"

Shiro turned to him. Face to face, they both looked nervous at the answer.

" No, I'm sorry. I would never be ashamed of a friend, whatever he was. But I'm not you, so I'm not going to judge you, I'm just grateful that you're assisting me."

A new kiss silenced him. That time, he felt the body being pressed to the wall, and the size of Ryo's desire smashed against his abdomen. It was delicious, dangerous, and desperate. He wanted a lot and at the same time, he wanted nothing. There were two Shiros inside each other, and they both fought each other in the eagerness to surrender to that passion or to dodge it forever.

He felt himself sliding to the floor. Ryo brought his hands flat to his lower belly, making him moan. He felt that he would again give himself up to such dangerous pleasures, and he became desperate.

When tears started to fall, Ryo stopped. He dried each one with chaste kisses, and then just held his hand, lifting it off the floor.

They left the shelter, knowing that that first day of Shiromiya at Ryo's residence would be only the first of many that would involve them in a path of no return.

***

" Tetsu no bōfū[52] "was the name that the radio announced on that first day of April 1945.

Shin and Jiro looked at each other, lowering their foreheads. The room in the bunker seemed too small for the size of the horror that showed on their faces. Beside Mamoru, Saito wrung his hands, flustered.

" Nice name, isn't it? " he commented, that time without irony in his voice.

" If the residents of Okinawa are calling this the American invasion, it is because they must be bombarded with so many bullets and bombs ... "

Saito stood up. He went over to the small bag of IV and looked at it. Mamoru Aiko had been fed by tube and serum since his arrival at the bunker. The imperial doctor found that the courtier was in an advanced state of dehydration and a catatonic condition. Calming Shin, who seemed in such confusion at the words, the doctor said that the circumstance used to last for a few weeks, and then the patient would normally come to himself.

They arrived at the bunker just hours after saying goodbye to Shiromiya. They went down through the opening inside the Emperor's botany and marine studies laboratory. After they entered, they did not leave. The days inside the shelter felt like years, so slow were they. And the way Mamoru kept his eyes open, almost without blinking, and total paralysis made the situation worse.

" Okinawa will fall. Today, tomorrow or next week, it is a fact. How long will it take for Americans to arrive in Tokyo?"

Shin stroked Minikui's melancholy face. Suddenly, his thoughts of his pet became extremely pious. Poor Minikui, used to the freedom of Ai's large patio, with its trees full of birds and rodents in the sheds. He must have been feeling in a cage locked in that room, not counting the sun and the fresh air.

" The military keeps saying that we can continue in combat ..."

" I wonder what kind of neurons they have in their heads " Saito grunted. " Shin, why don't you talk to your uncle?"

" And say what? That I no longer believe in our victory? Do you think my beloved uncle doesn't know that anymore? Also, he seems aerial, preferring to spend the day studying mollusks and crustaceans in his laboratory than confronting the war."

"It must not be easy for the Emperor," Jiro said. " I didn't want to and star in Hirohito's shoes."

They were silent for a few more seconds.

" Jiro, if the Imperial family ..."

"No, you are not going to die," interrupted him. " So, don't try to throw Mamoru on my back, because he is your responsibility, not mine!"

Shin laughed. Despite what he said, he was sure that if he needed to, Saito would take care of protecting and supporting Aiko.

"Thank you, Jiro," he murmured.

Saito took a deep breath at the words.

"You're welcome," was all he said.

They were silent after that, listen to attentively to what the radio announced. The last major battle of World War II was fought at that time. Shin and Saito didn't know, but they witnessed the story.