Chapter 02

"After several hours at sea, we arrived in Sotogahama" Saito Jiro kept his face serious while narrating past events. " The city was in chaos and most transports were no longer in circulation, but we got two seats on the only bus that would leave the city that day. However ..."

He paused to sip his tea. The girl in front of him did not like the interruption.

"However?" insisted, making him continue.

"However, when we arrived near Niigata, we saw several buses and cars on fire, probably victims of the American Fighters. So, I decided to go out."

Shiromiya approached, carrying a steaming pot. He placed it on the low table in front of his daughter and friend.

"The people on the bus laughed at us," he remembered.

" Yes, we were in a rural area, and there was no house or place nearby to ask for shelter."

" Even so, Jiro insisted that we get off the bus and continue on foot."

Saito nodded.

"But I almost regretted it when you started crying," he said to the child.

" I? " She looked doubtful. " I'm not a crybaby!"

The men looked at each other, smiling.

" But you were only three, Miya " Shiromiya intervened.

" And you were hungry" Saito softened. " On the bus, there was a family with a bag of corn, so the hunger was softened by the ears of grain they shared with us. After we descended, unfortunately, there was nowhere to get food, and our walk was slow due to the fear of being seen by some aircraft."

The girl upturned her nose.

" And then? Go on," she asked.

" We walked for two days straight. Luckily, we got some figs and passed a river. So it was enough to alleviate hunger and thirst. However, you wanted real food, and we had nowhere to get it. Both" pointed out Shiro "we were already despairing when we saw the bus that we had abandoned."

The image of the huge charred carcass and surrounded by bodies darkened by the fire touched Kazue, who quickly threw the thoughts away.

"People weren't there anymore," Jiro lied, avoiding traumatizing the child. " But they left the bag of corn ..."

The tone of the last sentence was low. Saito recalled how he found the bag thrown next to the lifeless bodies, probably being taken by one of the people who had tried to escape the burning bus but had been shot by the planes while escaping.

"We built a fire and ate until we were full," pointed out Miya's side. " All the corn cobs are gone in a matter of minutes, except Mr. Mustache."

A dry corn cobs, dressed in a small plaid T-shirt and with button eyes, rested beside the eight-year-old-girl. She looked at the handmade doll and smiled.

Shiromiya followed the look, remembering his despair at his daughter's uninterrupted tears, wanting her mother. Trying to distract her, he picked up one of the ears of corn and started talking to it, pretending cobs corn was a little person. The action caught the attention of the little girl who held in lap, also beginning to talk.

Shiro then told him that the name of the cobs corn was Lord Mustache, due to the large straw that came out of his head and seemed to go to a cavity that resembled a mouth.

As soon as they arrived at Saito's house after the war ended, he gave the doll two eyes, a mouth, and clothes. Miya, who had already adopted it, became even more attached to it, walking back and forth with the piece, in the same way, that Shiro did when he was her age.

" Did you see how Uncle Jiro always took care of you?" Saito interrupted his thoughts. The right hand came up to Shiro and stroked his thigh, erotically.

Kazue shook him off. The man looked at him, hurt, but Miya interrupted the exchange of thoughts, oblivious to what was happening under the table.

"My father always took care of me," she returned.

Shiro hid a satisfied smile when he saw Saito snort.

" And I?"

She laughed, refusing to answer. While Shiromiya served the daughter a stew dish, Jiro questioned:

" Miya, would you like Dad to date Uncle Jiro?"

" Not. "

The immediate response made Saito laugh.

" Won't you even think?"

" Not."

Suddenly, Shiromiya slapped Saito's arm again.

" Don't talk to her about these things!" He scolded.

" What things?"

" Do you know."

" Man and man?" The ex-sergeant raised his thick eyebrows. " She knows how things work, doesn't she, Miya? I explained to her!"

" What?"

The way Shiromiya's face turned red showed how furious he was at the discovery.

" What did you want me to do? She saw me kissing Ayako-san."

The boy in question worked in Kibou prefecture. He was young, about twenty at most.

" When? " Kazue faced him.

"About two months ago," Jiro shrugged. " I arrived in the city with a bag of presents for Miya, and he helped me to bring everything here."

" And then you rewarded him by kissing him?"

" What's your problem? " Jiro got angry. " Are you jealous?"

" I'm angry because of Miya�� He was being sincere. " She is eight years old, she is not old enough to see ..."

" See what? Two guys kissing? If it were with a young girl, wouldn't it be a problem?"

"You know I didn't mean that," he protected himself.

"Wake up, Shiro, " he scolded. " Miya, if you doubt it, is smarter than you! She is growing up on a farm, do you think she doesn't notice how the rooster jumps on the chicken?"

" Do you want to stop saying these things out loud in her presence?"

The girl watched them in silence, her gaze amused.

" Is that why Miya? " Saito turned his attention to the little girl. "Don't you want your Dad to date Uncle Jiro, because you saw me kissing another man?"

"Daddy Shiro only going to date my dad," she said, making the two men raise their eyebrows.

" Hum?" the question came from Shiro, who looked amazed.

The girl pointed to the stove. They both looked in that direction, not understanding.

"Him," she explained, seeming to show someone. " My father."

Saito shivered.

" There's no one there, Miya."

"There is," she persevered. " There, right in front of the stove, with his back to us."

Saito grabbed Shiro's arm.

"Take her to a monk," he asked. " With so many deaths in the country, she is certainly ..."

" Ah, shut up! " Shiro laughed. "She's a child, Miya has imaginary friends," he said.

The girl laughed, finding her uncle's haunted look comical. Then he began to eat, casually.

" I spoke with Mrs. Higurashi, " Saito said to his friend. " She said she could stay with Miya today."

Shiro looked uncomfortable. He sipped the stew before replying.

" I don't like going out and leaving her with other people."

" For the love of God! It's Mrs. Higurashi! It's like a grandmother to Miya!"

" But it's so rare that I have a little time to be with her ... I work so hard ...

"Shiro, you need to breathe and let your daughter breathe too. She will be fine, she is taking the medicines straight, isn't she? " stared the girl.

" Yes, and I'm feeling good " the girl interjected. " Besides, Grandma will teach me how to make bread."

Saito turned to Shiromiya, to continue his attempt when he noticed the child's speech.

" Did you talk to Mrs. Higurashi?"

" Not."

" How do you know she'll teach you how to make bread?"

" I saw it last night while I slept."

Saito turned to his friend again.

" Take her to the temple! " begged.

Kazue shrugged. The situation had lasted about two years. The first time was in 1948 when a neighbor passed away. The girl woke up in the morning, telling her father to get ready and go to the house that was about two kilometers away, as the family would need them at that moment of misfortune. Then she went on with small things: the days that it would rain, Jiro's unannounced visits, the number of chicks that would be born in a particular litter. Nothing that worried him, even if it was very similar to the power of a certain person from his past.

However, unlike what he had said to Saito, the visions that she started to have after the end of the summer of 1950, started to terrify him too much. Miya called for an invisible father, unnerving him. She told Shiromiya he and the man she saw were one family.

Sometimes, too, he would wake up at night with a childish voice talking animatedly to someone he was unable to see about the dogs and cats she would like to have.

If his problems weren't so much bigger, he sure would go crazy. However, Shiro didn't have much time to think about such things. He worked five days a week on his property, tilling and caring for the chickens. For the other two days, he helped harvest a neighboring property, which guaranteed him the money needed for spending on Miya's health. On Monday and Wednesday nights, he was the janitor at the city hall. In the others, he endeavored to help his daughter with school lessons, even though he did not know how to write.

Then, when he had that Saturday off, he thought of spending it with her, drinking orange juice under the figs. However, Jiro had told him about a party in Kyoto about a month earlier. At the time, to get rid of the persistent invitation, he agreed to accompany him, even though he hated participating in such events.

"It will be fun," Saito insisted, noticing him blinking. " You need to meet new people, have some fun."

" I don't want to meet anyone."

" Not everyone is like that bastard ..."

"I don't care how other people are or are not," Shiro sniffed. " I'm not looking for friendship or love. I just want to be quiet in my corner."

Saito noticed his friend's discomfort, but he was firm:

" Even so, you promised me that you would accompany me. I will not accept that you go back on your word. So, get ready that we are going to drink and dance today, Shiro!"

Taking a deep breath, knowing that no argument would convince Jiro, Shiromiya accepted.

***

When Shiromiya entered that dirty and smelly bar north of Kyoto, he stared at his friend, his face bored. So, was it to that almost empty and unattractive place that Jiro Saito insisted that Shiro accompany him?

A large, burly man approached, facing the two friends. Then he made a hand call to Jiro, asking both of them to accompany him.

Despite finding the situation strange, Kazue followed them. He had complete confidence in the friend who had protected and supported him for the past five years. Saito had even requested a transfer to the Kyoto base so they could be close. Shiro loved him as part of his family and was very grateful.

The only thing that bothered him was the fact that Jiro had become a scoundrel in the sexual realm. He had practically slept with all the men who approached, wanting his seductive body. However, even though he enjoyed all carnal pleasures, he did not give his heart away. Sometimes he commented that they could both start a relationship, create Miya and share their lives. The idea might seem convenient, but the lowest knew the heart was not his friend and that would be a mistake staying only to assuage loneliness. Besides, no matter how hard he tried, Shiro would be unable to love again.

So, they maintained the friendship, which Shiro did not give up. After ending his enjoyment with his partners, Saito looked for him. He sat on the floor of his house and talked to Shiro's daughter. Despite the kind words to the child, his sad and beaten eyes hid his pain.

The thoughts were interrupted in combination with the steps. Shiro looked ahead and noticed a door that led to the basement. There, at the far end of the bar, a soft song could be heard in a language he did not know.

The door opened, revealing a ladder. Jiro smiled at him and went down. Shiro accompanied him, shocked to see the image of a bar hidden in that former war shelter.

There were a counter and a few tables where drinkers drank. Next to it was a small stage, where a speaker played a slow melody. In the free space of the hall, some men danced tangled with other men, at a sensual pace.

There, they were all the same. All homosexuals. Even though the faces denoted the racial difference, there was in each one the same search, the same anxiety.

" Confused? " Jiro joked, seeing him stunned. "Astonished? Or just fascinated? " laughed. " Did you think we were the only ones like that in the world?"

"I never saw people dancing like that," he admitted. "Their bodies are glued ..."

" And that doesn't excite you? " Saito whispered, against his ear. " Isn't it delicious?"

The feeling that took over Shiro was disgust, not desire. Reflections of a lost memory, where he curled up in a body he had long tried to forget, appeared in his mind.

"Give yourself a chance," Jiro asked, seeing him in shock.

There was a friendly silence between them.

"Sometimes," he whispered, "rarely ... very rarely ..."

" What?"

" I wonder how he is ..." Shiro admitted, in a confession that seemed to tear his throat and bring tears to his eyes. "He probably got married as soon as the war ended and he should have children. Is he happy?"

Jiro grabbed his shoulders, bringing him in for a hug.

" Happy? That son of a bitch must spend his days trying to get hard for his wife and looking for male lovers to calm the need."

Shiro pulled away from the hug, smiling.

" What matters to me, doesn't it? I am not the first idiot fooled by someone!"

Jiro laughed.

" Let's drink? They have beer here."

" Beer?"

Saito took him by the hand, dragging him to a counter.

" Try it. It's a little bitter, but it's delicious."

Gesturing to the man who answered, Saito leaned against the counter. Suddenly, however, he went rigid when he saw a young tallboy approaching. Shiromiya noticed his reaction and looked at him curiously.

"Pretend to be interested in me," he asked, making his friend laugh softly.

" Why?"

"Too bore," he murmured, pointing discreetly with his face. " A passionate asshole. He thinks we're getting married" he ridiculed.

Shiromiya didn't like the tone. Especially since he had already been on the other side, the side that was despised. Disgusted, then, he turned to the arriving boy.

Was beautiful. Young, he appeared not to be more than twenty years old. Tall, with light brown hair and blue eyes. The square chin, like most Americans, was perfectly harmonious with a gentle smile. Shiro didn't take long to realize that he was sweet. And completely fascinated by Saito .

" I don't want to dance" Jiro held out his hand in a contemptuous fan, even before the boy said anything.

The American blushed and lowered his face, ashamed. Shiromiya suddenly took a step forward.

"But he isn't calling you," he said to his friend. " You want to dance with me, don't you? " and held out his hand.

The gratitude he saw in the other's eyes made him realize that he had done the right thing. Faced with a dazed Jiro, he accompanied the young man to the center of the room. They didn't cling, the man put his hands on his waist and Shiro, on his shoulders. With a safe distance between the bodies, the youngest relaxed.

" Thank you very much " the foreign boy thanked him, in Japanese.

Shiro's eyes widened in surprise.

" You speak my language with almost no accent ..."

" I learned it in America. I lived close to Japanese immigrants and, as if that were not enough, in the training that prepared me to come here, I went through yet another quick course " he wet his lips with his tongue. " I'm Daniel."

" Shiromiya. But nobody calls me that, so just Shiro."

" You are the man that Saito sees every week, aren't you? They say he is completely in love with you."

Kazue could n't resist and laughed.

" You're wrong, he's like a brother. He indeed loves me, but not in the way you imagine. We were never lovers."

" Someone who hasn't fallen into his web of passion? " the other seemed to doubt. " It is unbelievable, Shiro."

Kazue looked embarrassed and dropped his face.

" Jiro saved me at the worst moment of my life. He is a wonderful man, but there was never any loving atmosphere between us, nor will there be."

" You look very mature to someone who is probably younger than me. "

The song ended. However, both remained stationary.

" How old are you? " Shiromiya asked.

"Twenty-one."

"I'm twenty-four," he smiled.

" I do not believe! It is true?"

" Yes, and I'm a father. I have an eight-year-old daughter."

" Eight? But were you a father so early?"

Shiromiya avoided talked about it, when the subject was the time that separated Miya and him.

" It is natural to do nonsense when you are sixteen."

" And her mother?"

Another song started playing. Daniel wrapped his arms around him again, and Shiromiya joined his hands on his shoulders.

"She died in the war."

In a way, he was being sincere, so he didn't blame himself.

" It's different than I ever imagined, Shiromiya" Daniel seemed fascinated. " I wish Saito was like you ... "

" Jiro is wonderful " Shiro insisted. "You should have known him before… Sometimes I think he is like that because he never returned to Tokyo, leaving people he loved there."

"Saito doesn't come back because he doesn't want to," Daniel said. " I was asked to travel to Tokyo in a few weeks, to send some important documents to the base there. I asked Saito to accompany me, but he refused."

The news shocked Shiromiya. He believed that Jiro had not returned for lack of conditions, because of work or any other matter. Not that he just didn't want to go back.

Suddenly, the truth fell like a bucket of cold water on his shoulders.

"Daniel, rest assured that Jiro-san will accompany you on your trip."

As soon as the song ended, he thanked the boy and returned to Jiro. He found him snorting.

" Why did you have to dance two songs with him?"

Shiro didn't even object and fired.

" Why did you never go back to Aiko and Shin?

The question embarrassed the friend. He tried to hide his reaction by sipping more beer as if he were completely unconcerned.

" Is that why you became bitter?"

Saito looked at him angrily.

" Bitter? Do you have any idea how much fun I have? How many do I fuck per week?"

" How many seek your lost love for Aiko and Shin? " He returned, his frankness cutting the soul of the other. " Is it all that sacrifice for me? Do you think you can betray yourself and tell Sakamoto where I am? Do you believe that knowing the truth, Ryo will come after me?" Kazue's face became complacent. "My beloved, do you think he remembers that one day I went through his life? Do you really think he kept any memories of me? After they changed the sheets on the bed I lay on, there was nothing left of my presence in his house."

He held the other's hands. He saw tears.

"I beg you, accept Daniel's invitation, and go see your friends. God! How do you think I'm going to sleep at night, thinking that because of me you can't see the people you love anymore?

Suddenly, the ex-soldier held Shiro in his arms. The words of thanks spoken in one of his ears touched him as deeply as a declaration of love.

"I'm going to see Aiko ..." he whispered.

Kazue 's eyes filled with tears. He squeezed Jiro so hard that he feared he would hurt him.

"Tell him I love him," he asked. "Tell him it hasn't been a single day since I left him, that I didn't think of him. And that one day, when Miya gets better, I will see him."

***

Despite the dark that cold night, it was not yet too late. Shiromiya got off at Kibou station and headed for Mrs. Higurashi's house. As soon as he got there, he clapped his hands and was soon attended to by a nice old lady, who smiled when she saw him.

"But already? " she asked. " I thought it would be dawn at the party since your friend said they would have a lot of fun."

" My idea of ​​fun is not exactly the same as Jiro's, Higurashi-san " he joked. " Did Miya take work?"

"She speaks more than her mouth, but she is a wonderful child," Higurashi replied. " I taught her how to make bread."

The phrase echoed in Kazue's mind, who felt uncomfortable. However, he thanked the old lady, as he watched her go back inside the house, to call the child.

As soon as Miya ran towards him, Shiromiya reached out and put her on his lap.

"Take the lamp," Umi asked, as soon as he said goodbye. " Although your house is not far, it is very dark."

With the girl balanced on his right arm and holding the kerosene utensil in his left hand, he started walking towards his property. The icy wind hit his hair, and he watched his daughter, trying to figure out if she was cold and if she needed her coat.

"Put me down," the girl asked. " I am eight years old and I am not invalid."

" Invalid?" he laughed. " Where did you learn that word?"

"I know a lot of difficult words," she sniffed. " I am loved by powerful people."

Kazue threw his face back and laughed loudly, making the sound of his voice echo through the leafy trees.

"That you are loved, I'm sure." He rubbed his nose on the child's cheek. " Now, for a powerful person, I don't know ..."

Suddenly, the child seemed in a trance. Shiromiya, immediately, thought about the years that were left behind. He was extremely upset by the situation and decided that perhaps he should seek help as soon as he could. Miya couldn't be a victim of that curse. The merchant, with whom he had a relationship, deserved that sad fate, but a child without sin or error like his daughter, could not be punished for such a situation.

"There," she pointed to a clearing. " We have to help grandpa."

The man watched ahead. He held up the lamp, trying to see something in that direction. Anything. Even so, knowing that his daughter did not fail in words, he placed her on the floor and started walking towards the pointed point.

It didn't take long and he noticed a figure sitting at the foot of a tree. He was an elderly man, with a wrinkled face and white hair. The tired body huddled in an old blanket.

" Excuse me " Shiro caught his attention and the old man looked up.

He noticed the abandonment when looking at that sad figure. He felt his eyes sting. That gentleman had probably worked hard all his life and, at that moment, reached old age with nowhere to rest his head. Damn war that hit the weakest.

" Young man " the old man nodded. " Do you know where there is a barn so I can spend the night?"

Shiromiya denied it.

" There are none here. But come with me " he said.

As soon as they got home, Shiro heated the leftover stew from lunch. While heating the house with the woodstove, he sat at the table with old man, and they started talking like old friends.

" Are you from here?"

The old man shook his head.

" After losing my home and my family, I started walking around. I am a traveling salesman" he showed a large bag, where he brought some objects.

"But you won't be for long," the girl in front of him warned, smiling.

The white-haired man raised his eyebrows, not understanding the placement.

" Miya! " Kazue's tone was scolding. " We've talked about it, haven't we?"

He had asked many times for the child to contain his tongue when she was not alone with him or Jiro. If there was one thing the past had taught him, it was that, in difficulties, the human being was able to coerce special people, like Miya, to hold on to power.

" You was very good for me. I don't know if I could have endured that night in the open. Then, as a thank you, I would like to give you some gift" he turned to the bag.

" I could never accept."

" I accept! " Miya stepped forward. Even though she was censored by her father's stern look, she continued. " The book with the dark cover, the thick one. The third in the pile you have in the bag."

The man was stunned but opened the burlap pouch. He searched the belongings for the book the child had mentioned.

" How did you know? " he seemed surprised. " These books were all that was left of the house where I lived." said.

" We could never keep your memories" Shiromiya was about to send the little girl to the room, grounded.

" Don't worry, I have two copies of this work." The man ignored it. He held out the volume to the girl, who took it in her arms. " I hope you enjoy this story as much as my daughter did. It is a beautiful love story, forgotten by revenge."

Shiromiya noticed Miya's interest and then nodded. It was good to see that she liked books as much as he did. Shiro wish could read to her as some parents did. However, it was his daughter who, still with her childhood diction, kept him entertained in the evenings, telling stories.

" Wu… The ... " she babbled, trying to read the cover.

Miya had been at school for two years. However, she missed many school days in 49. So it would still take a while to reach the level of children her age.

" The Wuthering Hill" the old man added, helping her.

The title shocked Shiromiya, who seemed impressed. He tried to hide his reaction, but the man was already looking at him with interest.

"I know the story," he said at last.

" Really?"

" When I was in Tokyo, I had a ... friend ... " it took a while to classify Ryo Satoshi. He knew that the other did not consider him that way, so using the word seemed wrong. " Well, he read it to me."

He smiled at the memories.

" I was very young and I was enchanted by Heathcliff and Catherine."

"Everyone who knows the story stays," he nodded. " He must have been a good friend because he read a wonderful classic. Do you still see him?"

Shiro denied it.

" I haven't seen him since 1945 when I left his house in Sapporo."

" But you miss him, the way yours eyes were moved when you remembered him."

It wasn't an emotion that Shiro imagined he felt, but hate. However, he did not deny it.

" Life took everyone to one side. I don't even think about him," he went on, trying to convince himself.

Then they started to talk a little about what their lives had been like during the war. The man, whose name was Nobu, told him about his home in Nagoya, about how happy he was with his wife and two married children. He spoke of his grandchildren, of the difficult but fortunate life. Then he talked about the bombing that destroyed everything he had and how he started to roam the country.

"But don't be sad Grandpa," the girl said to the old man. " Go to Tokyo and there you will find a home."

The man looked at her father in surprise, who just gave him a knowing smile that seemed to say: "it's just a child ..." and soon the sentence was forgotten.

Then he heard Shiro's reports about Tokyo, from the foster brother who stayed behind. However, nothing about Ai or the profession that Shiromiya performed in the past.

Later, the owner of the house arranged his daughter's futon for the old man to sleep. Shiro took Miya to his room to share the bed with her. He locked the door before going to bed. Even if Nobu seemed like a kind person, he would never trust Miya's life to anyone but Jiro or Aiko. He knew that his overprotection was uncomfortable, but he couldn't help it.

He turned off the lights in the room and lay down beside the child. The girl leaned against his chest and murmured, with her eyes closed:

" When I grow up, I want to write books."

Shiromiya smiled at the desire.

"You can be anything you want, my daughter," he said, kissing the top of his head, "because you are going to study, you will grow up being respected, and when you become an adult, you will be able to meet a handsome and intelligent young man, and both will marry. No one will ever look down on you or humiliate you. I will never let you go through anything ..." the continuation 'that I went through' was lost in his low voice.

While noticing that the girl was falling asleep, he dried his tears, faithful companions of his nights, more than five years ago.