Chapter 03

Saito Jiro entered the room of the small apartment he rented in the suburb of Kyoto for his romantic encounters. Instead, the American boy who became a frequent lover was already waiting for him. Saito smiled at him as he put the coat in the closet.

The young man got up from his chair and ran towards him, hugging him from behind.

" Why are you so cruel to me?"

" What do you think you deserved, after gossiping about me to Shiro-san?"

" Were you offended? I'm sorry if I was indiscreet, but you never said it was a secret that refused to return to Tokyo."

"It was no secret, but I didn't need to speak," he said, turning to the foreigner. " Shiromiya already has many problems to be worrying about mine" he broke away from the hug and sat on the bed.

The other remained to stand, facing him.

" Problems? What was so serious that happened to prevent you from returning to the capital? Has it to do with war? Did you miss someone important there? Or is it unrequited love? That's it, isn't it?" Guessed, perhaps, motivated by the hurt expression that the other expressed after his question. " What kind of guy broke your heart, Saito-san?

Jiro got angry. Not just for the indiscreet question. After all, who was that boy to question him like that? But, mainly, for the negative mention to Aiko, through the pronounced treatment in a tone of contempt. He would never be just any guy in his life!

Besides, there was Shin ...

The heart pounded at the memory of the two, the divided and unsettling feeling hammering their emotions again. Irritated, he looked at the young man, ready to give the answer he wanted to hear.

" It doesn't concern you!" He replied, however.

Daniel turned on his back and punched the wall.

" Don't say it, because you don't tell me anything about yourself!" He shouted. "Why don't you open up to me? Why don't you let me into your life?"

" And why would I do that?" Asked the Japanese, after a sneer.

" Because I love you!"

" You don't know what love is, boy. You are only twenty-one years old."

" Just because you're over thirty, it doesn't mean you know!" returned.

Jiro laughed, amused that that child was trying to destabilize him.

" Do you know why I'm in Kyoto? And before that, in Okinawa? Because the person I loved asked me to run away with Shiro. Kazue was the victim of an arrogant who manipulated and deceived him. The only way to prevent that man - who, incidentally, was very rich and powerful - from ceasing to exercise power over Shiro was to disappear with him. As a result, I spent five years of my life not knowing how my friends are doing, not being able to talk to Sakamoto or drink tea with Mamoru. And do you want to teach me about love? Love, my dear, is to sacrifice yourself."

" And you think I don't sacrifice myself? Seeing you with other men ..."

" I never promised you anything."

" But I believed it could be different ..".

" Why? Just because you have a sad story? Why did Dad throw you out of the house when he picked you up in the barn with the Japanese boy's son? Why did you say when you went to say goodbye to Mom before you left she said that it was a shame that the war was over and that you would not die here?"

He took a deep breath. Saito realized the tears he caused, but he had no mercy.

" Your misfortune, my dear, is nothing compared to Shiro's. He was sold on the street since he was a child. He was beaten, raped, and humiliated more times than you would be able to count. When he was younger, he fell in love with someone who tricked him into stepping on his feelings later. Then he wandered around the destroyed country with a young daughter in his arms. Today, while you spend the afternoon whimpering in my ears, he has a hoe in his hand, working. That's what he does, every day of the week. And sometimes, he still cleans the city hall of the city where he lives during the nights, so that nothing is missing for his little girl."

He leaned back on the bed guard while he took off his shoes with his feet.

" If I should feel sorry for someone here, it's not you! I don't feel the least pity for you. You got involved with me because you wanted to. And, from the first moment, I said I didn't fall in love."

Then he smiled, softening the criticism.

" However, don't be so sad ... I decided to go with you to Tokyo."

" Really?"

Saito laughed, at the sincere happiness he saw shining in the other's eyes.

" But I have a condition."

The other approached dangerously, forgetting the cruel words thrown at his face.

"I want you to kiss my feet," he said.

The American quickly dropped to his knees before him. He lifted the other's lower limbs with his hands, and kissed them, devotedly.

And, that way, that busy afternoon of late November began.

***

The friendly bite on his foot made him turn his head down and greet the dog that was staring at him, wagging his tail. Shin Sakamoto said that those mouths were "love bites". Where he got the title from, it was something Ryo Satoshi would never find out, but he refused to pay any attention and simply sipped all the brandy from the glass while watching his best friend play with a different dog on the other side of the room.

" How have you not been hospitalized yet?" he asked, ridiculing the situation.

" Some think I went crazy, but most know that I have never been more lucid."

It was true. That human side that Shin seemed to develop after the trial and that made him rescue homeless animals was the result of enviable rationality.

" You look happy today" Ryo grunted, changing the subject.

"I saw Minikui," he confessed.

" Did you bother Mamoru again?"

" The street is public and he can't stop me from standing on the other side of the sidewalk looking out his window."

Ryo shrugged, not wanting to get involved in that problem. It had been five years since Mamoru Aiko had spoken to Shin Sakamoto, and it had been five years since the Emperor's nephew continued to beg for attention.

" And then? " Shin refilled his glass. " Thirty-two years, huh?"

The meeting of the two friends that night was intended to celebrate the merchant's birthday. It must have been a happy event, but it ended with the two men sitting in Sakamoto's room, drinking as if they had nothing to celebrate.

" Life goes by fast" the tone was not pleasant. " It seems like it was yesterday that met you, that I met Aiko. It seems like yesterday I gave my first kiss, I had sex for the first time. If I close my eyes, I can still feel the sound of the happy songs of Ai, the smell of roses. Ah, how I loved spending my time there!"

" And it seems like it was yesterday that you met Shiro, isn't it?" Sakamoto teased.

"Thanks for citing what I tried to avoid all night," he was scathing.

The laughter of a member of the Imperial family invaded the room and made his head throb.

" Some more time and we'll be forty, fifty years old. Then, what do we have left? Will we be healthy at sixty, drinking like that?" He looked at the brandy glass. "Will we have someone who will take care of us in old age?"

" And ask me that? The prophet here is you."

The placement irritated Ryo at the same time that saddened him.

"I never saw a vision again." He raised his hand and massaged his temple, seems to ease the headache. " I always considered my power a curse, but now ... Living without knowing what tomorrow holds is the worst fate I could wish for."

"Welcome to my world," the other laughed.

It was close to midnight when Ryo Satoshi left the majestic mansion where Sakamoto resided. Tadao was waiting for him outside, standing next to the big, dark car.

"I'm going to walk a little," Ryo said, dismissing him.

" But, sir ..."

The fear in the servant's voice was understandable. Japan was undergoing a reformulation, not only of state and laws but also of values. Some armed rioters were provoking fights, trying to make the already hostile climate even more uneasy.

The American army also walked the streets, displaying weapons. However, most of the soldiers were friendly. And they loved prostitutes from poor villages, who dressed up as geishas to serve them. Ah, if only they knew how precious the geishas of the past were, rich in culture and seduction! They would never accept that ridiculous act of women desperate for money.

Ryo fanned for a rental car that ran into him two blocks from Shin's house. Mechanically, he asked the driver to take him to the red quarter. As soon as they got there, he paid the man and went down.

He stared at the iron gate, ugly and badly painted. Behind him, a dirty wooden house was rising. From here, annoyingly loud music seemed to sting her ears, and the men seemed to be screaming to be heard.

In no way, that environment resembled the old building that boasted the House of Love for centuries. With the defeat, the whole rich and wonderful culture seemed forgotten. There was no more beauty and conquest, it was just sex and alcohol.

Suddenly, an old love song started playing. Ryo could remember hearing it in childhood, and for some reason, he realized that it brought him the memory of Shiromiya.

If Shiro were there ...

If Shiro hadn't abandoned him ...

If Shiro were alive ...

He raised his hand, looking at his watch, realizing that his birthday was over. Another worthless date, without any reason to celebrate. Suddenly, then, he reached into his coat pocket. The recently acquired pistol felt cold on his fingers. He pulled it out and lifted it to his forehead. He put his finger on the trigger. He almost smiled when he realized that this was the end of the shit that was his life.

" I imagine the pain in your life is unbearable, but killing yourself was never the best way out."

Ryo lowered the gun and turned the body over. He stared at the man who had spoken and realized he was a poor old man, a wanderer, from his already torn clothes. He was sitting with his back against the wall. This was where he seemed to spend the night.

"I lost everything," Ryo justified.

"Sorry for the sincerity, but for the clothes you wear, I must disagree with you. I don't think you lost the prestige or the money ... I do ... As you can see."

"Everything I cared about," he corrected.

The old man nodded understandingly.

" Keep that gun, young man. At least for another night." He waved his hand. "Come with me, let's have a glass of sake and talk. If later, you still want to kill yourself, I will not stop you."

It was a fair request. Ryo agreed.

Avoiding the land where Ai once opened its doors to a world of beauty and seduction, he headed for another brothel. The dirty environment does not bother him, and he sat together with the old man on a wooden table. A young girl appeared, and they ordered the drink.

"Nobu" the man introduced himself. "I'm a street vendor, I'm in Japan ..."

" Sell what?"

The question was not interesting, but Ryo simply wanted to talk.

"Everything I can carry," the old man smiled. " Clothes, shoes, covers, pans ... and books."

" Books?"

" Yeah ... " the man shrugged. " But tell me about you. What is your name?"

" Ryo" he replied. " Ryo Satoshi."

" You are young and rich, Ryo Satoshi" he emphasized. " Why do you want death?"

The girl arrived with the drink. Only after she served them and disappeared, did the other respond:

" As I told you, I lost everything."

" Your family?"

"I never had a family," he denied. " I lost the person I loved ..."

" I also lost the person I loved" Nobu sympathized. "And my children..."

" I lost my daughter too ... The daughter that will never be born ..."

The other did not question the curious phrase. He just took a sip of the sake, and then commented:

" War is something that destroys more than the moment. It marks us forever. Perhaps, generations."

Ryo put his elbows on the table. His posture seemed even more defeated, delivered. The old man patted his shoulder.

" I was in the country, I saw many people without hope. But we must build our country."

The merchant watched him closely. He looked exhausted, tired, and hungry. He sympathized.

" Where to sleep?"

"I have nowhere to rest my head since 45, young man," he laughed. " The last time I slept on a futon, it was two weeks ago, at a young man's house, in a village near Kyoto."

"I own a lot of houses." Ryo stood up, pulling large bills and dropping them on the table. "And I also became a shareholder in some newly built hotels here in Tokyo. You can sleep in one of their rooms. So, come with me."

" And why would you do that for me? You don't even know me."

" Because you bothered to stop me from pulling the trigger. "

The man smiled.

"The young man who landed me in the countryside also put me inside his house without knowing anything about me. As a thank you, I gave you a book. I make a point of giving you one too."

Ryo denied it.

" It is not necessary."

" I had two "Wuthering Heights". One stayed with him, I insist that the other be yours" he persist, opening the cloth bag and lifting an old and battered copy.

Ryo took it in his fingers.

"You look surprised," the man commented.

"This book is very special to me," he admitted. " I read it to the person I loved ..."

The old man opened his eyes wide.

"Curious ..." he murmured. " The young man who hosted me has a similar story. He had a friend who read to him ... Oh, he commented that he lived in Tokyo at the time, but they lost contact afterward..." he searched for words, trying to remember the conversation. " Looks like the last time you saw him was in Sapporo."

Somewhere inside Ryo, something exploded. Even though he did not want to be encouraged by such a similarity, his heartbeat quickly. How many times, in all those years, did he get carried away by any rumor, traveling leagues because simply someone had seen a young man like Shiro, or because there was someone with the same name on some farm or factory?

And in all situations, he ended the trip crying, while holding the medallion. And after accepting, finally, that Ryo would no longer have him, did the anxiety arise once again to leave at once in search of another possible lie?

" What's he like?" He asked uncertainly.

" The young? Ah, it's your height and thin. He works in the fields, he seems to have gained land in land reform. Very honored and honest."

" Did he say your name?"

" He did say, but ..." The man was thoughtful. " How was it? Shiromura ..."

" Shiromiya?"

In the distance, Ryo was able to hear a laugh muffled by a groan. While the world around him seemed to enjoy himself, everything about him was apprehension and despair.

" Yes, Shiromiya!" Nobu slapped his hand on the table. " Kazue Shiromiya!"