How pathetic

Do you recognize this sensation? It has the feel of a vacuum, a bottomless pit, of a grave. They all have the same characteristics. There is nothing except darkness. I strive to stay optimistic for my own mental health and Mia's sake. But a person can only take so much. A former friend has returned to my life.

A confidant and friend whom I cherished and still do, has returned.

A family who crept its way through the crack in my walls.

A cousin who appears unexpectedly in my life reappears.

A daughter I adore suffering from a disease that threatens to take her away from me.

Now consider this..

My life appears to be a web. Intertwined and interlocked to this point, everything is quite clear. Why was my father so upset with me? It never made sense to me that my father, who loved me so much, disowned me when I became pregnant. It was as though his feelings for me had disappeared into thin air. But now I understand.

I gazed at the papers Layla handed me.

"I wonder...if there are more secrets I don't know about," I whispered.

"Oh, Sasha," Layla whispered as she rubbed my back. With tearful eyes, I looked at Layla.

"My name is Aurora now, not Sasha," I remarked as I wiped my tears away. Aurora meant the dawn, a new beginning.

In a rage, I clenched the documents.

***

"What's the matter, Sasha—I mean Aurora?" Ronald, the chef, asked. I told everyone at work not to call me by my former name. Some were bewildered and wanted to know more, but when I smiled and said, "I don't want to talk about it," they left me alone.

The chef and others occasionally called me by my previous name by mistake.

"Nothing," I responded, continuing to jot down the guests' contact information.

"Are you sure there's nothing wrong?" he inquired, testing the water. I sighed and struggled to smile.

"Nothing, seriously, I am fine," I continued when he gave me a dubious look, "Mia is fine. Everything is good. I'm simply tired, but everything is fine. Seriously."

Chef nodded, not convinced, but he didn't press anymore. He knew better. I don't expect anyone to open the door after I close it.

Well, almost no one..

***

"Mommy!" said Mia as she dashed up to hug me. I cradled her in my arms and spun her around.

"Be careful! The doctor said you shouldn't do things like this. Okay," I said in a scolding tone. Mia pouted before smiling and nodded in agreement. The doctor told me Mia could attend school as long as she does not participate in extracurricular activities. Her blood level was low, so Mia couldn't risk overexerting herself. I was so grateful Mia could continue her normal life as if she wasn't sick in the first place. I hoped this joy would last forever.

I sat Mia down and held her hand in mine. I observed the parents' compassionate and inquisitive looks. I couldn't help but wonder what was going through their minds.

'She is now a young single mother with a sick child!'

'This is why youngsters should use caution while making decisions.'

'I can't imagine what she's going through.'

'I'm grateful I'm not in her situation.'

"Mommy?"

I dragged myself away from these thoughts and turned to face Mia. Because of how quickly it turned, my neck ached.

"Come on, Mia, let's go," I urged, a little out of breath.

A vehicle honked. Mia squealed like a love-sick girl, "Miguel!" She, once again, ran to Miguel.

I stood there watching as he scooped her up. Their smiles were uncannily similar. Words from John followed.

'They look the same.'

I locked my gaze on the two of them. I discovered one secret. I didn't want any more. Miguel is the only one I feel comfortable opening the door to. Will I be locked in my house forever if I shut it on him?

I shoved the frightening thought aside. I clenched my fist. Maybe it was better that I didn't know.

Miguel let Mia into the car before turning back to see that I was in the same spot.

"What's wrong, Aurora?" he asked. He quickly approached me and touched my shoulders.

My shoulders shook in response. I bit my lower lip hard enough to keep myself from crying in public. I rested my forehead on Miguels chest.

"Let's go."

Miguel did not respond but instead took my hand and led me to his car.

As we walked, I looked down at my feet.

"How pathetic," a voice in my head whispered.