Spill the beans

Sitting in my therapist's office, I couldn't help but stare out the window at the crystal blue sky. It was a beautiful day, and for a moment, I found myself wondering if everything would be okay if every day was like this. But then I remembered why I was there - to confront the secrets and pain that I had been running from for so long.

I thought of Mia, Miguel, my father, Rihanna, and Alex. I couldn't keep pretending that everything was alright anymore. The look in their eyes was one that I knew well - it was the same look I had when I thought of Miguel.

"How is work?" my therapist, Sarah, asked.

"Fine," I replied, trying to keep the conversation light.

"How is Mia?"

"She's doing well."

But the conversation quickly turned to the real reason for my visit. "How are you feeling?" Sarah asked.

"Is that a general question, or are you asking me how I have been feeling this whole month?"

"You choose."

I fidgeted my fingers. "Well, I am fine, I guess."

What do you plan to do with the secret you found out about Mr. Johnson?" she probed.

"I don't know," I repeated, my voice growing tight with emotion.

"Are you going to continue, or are you going to confront the truth?"

"I said I don't know, ok," I gritted.

Sarah blinked at me owlishly and tilted her head.

"Well, you are going to have to make a choice soon. I can see that you are burning to know the truth from his mouth because some information can only scratch the surface."

I gazed at my hands. "Do you think I should go see him?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

"To be honest with you? Yes and no. There are two sides to the coin. The truth may be harsher than you expect and the reality."

"What do you mean?"

"He abandoned you."

I flinched.

"Whether he did love you like his own daughter or not doesn't change that fact. Who's to say he even holds those feelings anymore? Worst case scenario, what you did in the past brought open old wounds for him.

I clenched my shacky hands.

Sarah gave a light smile. "But like I mentioned there are two sides to a coin. He did love you and may still love you. Not every parent that abandoned their children hated them, even if it is hard to believe. There is one thing I am certain of that even if he does or doesn't love you, Mr. Johnson does not hate you."

"I-"

"Whether you meet him and it goes well or not, you shouldn't forget you are no longer Sasha anymore. The 19-year-old girl had no one but Mia and herself. You have Miguel, Alex, Layla, and Chef Ronald. And me."

I felt tears prick my eyes, and my vision became blurry.

"The choice is still yours on whether you want to meet him or not. Do what your heart tells you and make sure that your choice is something you won't regret, no matter the outcome." Sarah finished.

I felt tears prick my eyes as I considered her words. "Thank you," I whispered, grateful for her guidance.

"You're welcome. It is my job, after all."

Sarah clicked her pen and looked at me expectantly. "Now, let's talk about Miguel."

I felt heat rise to my cheeks as I thought of him. "Can't we talk about that later?" I asked, feeling uncomfortable.

She furrowed her brows and pointed to the clock. "Your session is not over."

I groaned which resulted in Sarah's chuckle. The heavy atmosphere evaporated.

"Ok, fine."

"9," I admitted, my heart racing.

"Why not a 10? Do you love him?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"Do you want to be with him?"

"Yes," I repeated, my voice stronger this time.

"But you're scared," Sarah observed.

"...Yes."

"Tell me why?"

I twiddled with my thumb and bit my lip before speaking.

"Does he remind you of Leo?"

"Of course not!" I blurted in defense.

She narrowed her eyes."Something does"

I gulped. " I am just scared, alright. That Miguel may leave out of nowhere again. That he will give me a sense of comfort and love only for him to be gone the next day. What I am feeling is one-sided and Miguel only sees me as a close friend. And most importantly...I can't but think he is hiding something from me, but it is not...my place to pry," I mumbled the last part.

"I see..."

I eyed Sarah. "What do you think I should do?"

"You won't know what it will be like if you don't try it. My advice is to think about this very thoroughly and make a decision for yourself. From what you have told me so far Miguel seems like a good man."

I sighed, "I know."

Sarah gave a wry smile. "Life is all about choices whether good or bad. The decision of whether you want to explore your feelings with a high risk is up to you, but keep in mind the potential consequences."

"Like what?"

"That whatever secret you think he has will make him a second Leo."

I became silent.