False or Real Affection Pt.3

Her brain hurt from the amount of possibilities there were, it seemed that she was mentally weak. She was prone to overthinking and was extremely tired, but even she felt like her mental state was weaker than before. Just from considering two culprits her brain felt like melting into mush, pulling out a water bottle she took a sip of water to calm herself down.

She felt like she was running in circles, she had more money in her hands and felt more stable financially. Her money had gone to forty thousand from the 15,250 she had a couple hours ago. This sum seemed large but was also equivalent to the cost of food in her house per day. So while she felt happier there was still despair hanging over her head. All this work for a small sum of money and to now realize that her 'brother' had potentially something to do with her disgrace was another push of hopelessness.

Her desire for revenge had not lessened but it did not meant that she could not feel shitty for herself along the way. If she didn't pity herself who else would? Who else would know the struggles and shitty situations she was going through? It was something she had to keep hidden within herself till she was safe, there was no one in this world she trusted or would be foolish to trust with something as important as this. If they found her talking about rebirth and spewing accusations against her model like brother, she would be thrown into a psych ward faster than she could blink. That would also make her brother's job that much easier, she would have removed herself at that point.

As the pain lessened in her brain, she found a spot on the side to hide herself behind as she took a couple of breaths. With each breath her mind became clearer and clearer and she was able to think again. Keeping herself focused she closed her eyes to think carefully about her brother and the event that was about to happen again.

Logically speaking, if it was her brother who planned this then it would make a lot of sense. He also had the motivation and the resources to commit this. The designer could not find a stronger backing than her brother against her. If her very own brother was willing to stand by, then the Shu family would definitely not interfere. However, knowing what she did of him, it was highly likely he made fake promises and the designer became a useless pawn to him. An ends to a means that was discarded once its purpose was fulfilled.

She slightly regretted not looking into the designer more in her past life. Once she had been shamed, her parents had become completely disappointed in her. It was also the first time they had slapped her and treated her so roughly. That behaviour could have been their true feelings or their anger at having ruined her value for them. At the time, she thought it was because of the embarrassment she caused them - which it still could be. However, she put the blame on herself entirely and stopped trying to explain to them about how she was set up after the first couple of times.

Instead of turning the tables and fighting back, she passively took her parent's punishment and became very reclusive. In a way, this was almost like accepting the crime willingly. Since she had not made any movements after, everyone naturally assumed the rumours about her were correct. She stayed home ninety percent of the time and only went out to the garden to tend the flowers. That became her main pastime and reading novels within her room. Everything felt bleak but there was a part of her that was waiting to be accepted again.

Even the servant treated her differently but her self confidence was so low that she rarely spoke back to them. She just ignored them and became somewhat of a mute at home. That just made them walk over her more and made them treat her more harshly. They were all smiles and respectful when she was loved, the second she was out of favour they were quick to show their true feelings about her.

Those people were also part of her revenge, every name listed in her heart in a little black book. It was ridiculous how long the list of names she had was, from her brother to the servants no one was spared. Not even her friends who she had once loved but who had abandoned her were spared. All were written there in clarity and would be given a fitting response in time.

During her reclusive phase, she did a lot of self-reflection upon herself and self-depreciation. She wasn't expecting to be there forever but the darkness she felt was so strong. During the time she was reclusive, while she stayed quiet it was not as if she had done nothing at all.

Thankfully, the novels she had read ran out quickly and was too lazy to ask for more. That lead her to venture into the family library and scrounge for something to do there. The remaining months she spent were reading random textbooks and manuals that they had lying around. While she never actively tested them out, the knowledge slowly accumulated in her head. There was this idea she had, that if anything, she would be able to help her family's business and subsequently her brother out in the business.

She already knew many languages and basic level coding that could be useful in positions. With the textbooks and manuals she read, her general knowledge became very wide and all encompassing with the variety present in the family library. All of this was done in silence, she thought that it would be a nice surprise for her parents and she could see the smile and love on them again.

Who knew that it was her death that would truly give her brother the help he needed? All the hard work she put into reading and studying was for naught.