Chapter 16: Todd

Emily's pencil wavered over her homework. The eraser tapped over and over again. Her mind wandered with the beat she kept before she caught herself and went back to Chemistry.

It was no use. She tossed the book aside, the pencil chasing after it. She didn't even know why she was bothering. School work was more of a distraction than anything. Not like it mattered even a little.

Her room had fallen dark as the sun went down. Suddenly, the desk lamp she studied by didn't seem like enough light. Emily scrambled to the main switch and the bulb over her bed, catching herself panting in panic. She was used to the girl's visits, at least as much as anyone could be used to ghostly interruptions, but refused to meet them head-on in the dark if she could help it.

The front door bell chimed. Emily jumped then hugged herself. Silly. She listened for the voices, heard her father's low buzz answered by another male. The detective? She was out her door and on her way down the stairs before he finished speaking. Emily slid to a halt, thick socks skidding over the polished tile floor. She came to an abrupt stop against the entry mat, hand on her father's shoulder for support. It wasn't until she looked up at the shining eyes and brilliant smile on the other side of the threshold she realized her mistake.

Wrong Brandsom. Todd bobbed his head, smile fading a little.

"Hi, Em."

She didn't know what to say. Or do. Everything came sharply into focus. Emily was keenly aware her hair was a wreck, that she was dressed in her baggy, saggy worst and that the flutter in her chest and throat meant she cared about the fact she looked like hell.

"Hi, Todd." Amazing. Her voice worked. She avoided her father's curious back and forth, heard the soft tread of Pamela's shoes behind her. Damn.

"Please, come in." Jack opened the door wider, but Todd shook his head. Thankfully.

"I don't want to intrude, Mr. Underman." His eyes never left Emily. "I just wanted to check in with Em and make sure she was okay."

A warm hand settled on her shoulder. Her mother's perfume drifted on the air.

"Emily?" Pamela tried a smile, almost made it. "Are you going to introduce your friend?"

Her mom seemed so relieved Emily didn't have the heart to tell her Todd wasn't a friend.

Or was he?

"Mom, Dad, this is Todd. Brandsom."

Jack was the first to make the connection. His hand shot out, shook Todd's.

"The detective's son by any chance?"

Todd's smile was warm and gentle. How did he know how to handle her parents? Handle her? Then, it occurred to her as he quietly shook Pamela's hand, too, he spent his whole life around death.

"Yes, sir. The same. ." His whole body spoke his apology. "Like I said, I don't want to intrude. And I'm sorry if I have. I just..." he shrugged his wide shoulders, his brown leather jacket creaking with the motion. "I figured you wouldn't be in school for a while and I wanted you to know. We're thinking about you." He blushed. We. She blushed too, knowing the choice of words wasn't accurate.

"Thanks." Words were so sparse these days, but she needed him to know she was grateful. "It's really nice of you." She flushed again. How was it possible she could get it so wrong?

Luckily, he understood. Or, at least, his eyes said he did.

"Maybe... we could go for a walk?" He turned a little sideways, making room for her to move past him, letting the question hover there with a life of its own. Fed by her mother's soft intake of breath, her father's knowing smile, as sad as it was, her own need to escape to something ordinary answered for her.

"Okay." Emily slid on her shoes, left without saying a word to her parents. She didn't have to.

Her eyes locked on the pavement, watching the tips of her sneakers enter and exit her view. She knew he was there, felt him beside her. He smelled great, like leather and something musky, maybe cologne. Her heart flickered inside her, coming back to life if only long enough for her to wonder at the cruelty of the Universe, bringing him to her like this.

"You've missed a lot of school." His voice wrapped her up and held her. She didn't even mind so much it was dark and only buzzing streetlights kept her safe. Because he kept her safe, just by being there.

"I know." A stone skipped away from her shoe. "I guess I'll have to repeat this semester."

"That sucks." The sidewalk buckled in one spot, so much she had to move right and him left so their arms brushed each other. "Maybe I can help? See if you can catch up?"

She wasted away a month, not to mention the principal giving her a slide at the end of the previous year based on her grades before the accident. She didn't hold out much hope.

"Thanks. It's really nice of you to offer." Emily turned and looked at him, asking the question hovering around him since the day he returned Tara's heart. "Why?"

His eyes flashed in the streetlight before going dark as they passed it. But white teeth glimmered as he smiled. "Is that a life question? Or a personal question?"

"Huh?"

"Life question." Todd looked away, hands deep in the pockets of his dark denims. "Why do we exist, why are we here, why do bad things happen to good people."

"Right." She breathed the word out. Gotcha.

"And personal." His head ducked, shining blonde hair falling forward into his face. "Why am I here."

"Personal." Part of her wanted to chase him away before he could answer. The other part, the lonely and hurting part needing someone but not knowing it clung to the breath he took to tell her.

"I don't know." He laughed. It was just as velvety smooth as his voice. "Honestly. I've never... I'm pretty focused on what I want. On my goals, you know?"

She did and didn't. But she nodded and he went on.

"I've never met anyone I wanted to include in those goals." He held his face forward, but she saw his eyes slide sideways toward her, the slight lift of his lip in a half smile. "Until now."

She didn't know what to say, struggling for something before blurting, "Me too."

Did she mean it? Emily was shocked to realize she did.

Todd stopped and faced her. His hands slid out of his pockets, one lifting to brush over her cheek, just like at school. She felt the soft thrill of pain, but ignored it.

"I'm really glad we moved back here." His hand fell. "Really glad."

That was a bit of a shock. "Back?"

"We moved away when I was a kid."

"Did we know each other?" She tried to remember. Got nothing.

"I don't think so." His smile came back. "I was a bit of a nerd. Didn't get out much."

Things obviously changed. Emily found herself smiling back. Then, guilt punched her in the gut and she gasped for air.

"I have to go." She turned and started to walk away. Stopped herself and turned back to see Todd watching her. But there was no anger in his face. Only understanding. And something else she refused to think about so soon. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Can I come by? Tomorrow? I'll bring my books."

She nodded before she could change her mind. Smiled again around the tear inside, threatening to slice her open down the middle and ran for home.

All the while wondering how she could feel so amazing while feeling so horrible at the same time.

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