Punishment

Kuroihi's mind was still floating aimlessly from one despondent thought to another when Sesshoumaru arrived. He dismissed the servant in the hallway and slid the door closed himself, simply watching her as he remained where he was. The air was thick with his displeasure, and she was acutely aware of each subtle gesture as he finally made his way over and settled gracefully on the sitting cushion nearby.

She drew down the scrolls as he requested them, the usual silence heavy on her as he read. Slowly, the scattered bits of her mind echoing senseless 'what if's' began to coalesce into a single question: What now?

She shifted her gaze as though to check his cup and sneaked a peek at his face, trying to read the details of his mood in the minute changes in his expression. Fuchsia crossed frosty alabaster along his cheeks, long white lashes giving a glint to the pools of honey glazed with cold, calculating focus. Their color was a trap, a lie. There was nothing sweet or warm to be found in those eyes. The mask gave away nothing.

His gaze sliced into her suddenly, and he turned his head just enough to fix both eyes on her. She tensed, held frozen by that gaze even as every fiber of her being screamed at her to flee, but she dared not move, not even to breathe. Those eyes narrowed, sharpened, and Kuroihi realized she'd been staring. She threw her gaze to the floor, dropping her head in silent apology, but all that intense focus was centered on her now.

'It's not your first day, you damn fool, now look what you've done!'

His jyaki swelled to fill the room, and she struggled to breathe against the pressure of it. Every sense, every sensation intensified until even the smooth cotton of her kosode felt like sandpaper against her skin. She had never seen him so incensed, not like this, not at her. Had her side trip truly enraged him so?

"Hanyou."

His soft voice sounded like a roar to her, and she flinched, using the last of the air in her burning lungs to answer.

"My lord?"

"What is your station?"

"I am but your honorable lordship's humble servant."

"In every manner."

There was a slight questioning to his voice, as though he was seeking confirmation.

"In…every manner, my lord."

Her head screamed at her to run, escape now before he had the chance to speak again, but her body was paralyzed by his overwhelming presence.

"Why?"

The question sounded strange coming from him.

"Because...it is your command, my lord."

"That is not an answer."

She hesitated, mind racing to find a better response.

"Because your lordship requires it."

"I, Sesshoumaru, require nothing."

His tone said 'try again'. She angled her back in a bow.

"Your servant is but a lowly creature fortunate enough to be gifted the opportunity to‐"

He cut her off.

"Neither is that an answer. Do not attempt to placate me with the same cur‐like kowtowing as that bastard Fuyutoka."

She licked her lips. What else was there to say? What was he getting at? It wasn't as though he... Could he possibly?

She lifted herself just enough to see him. He was angled towards her, the scroll hanging forgotten over his knee, lips parted in that gentle smile that promised pain, anticipation written in every angle of his form. She caught the knowing glint slithering through those pools of honeygold like impending doom. It made the demon part of her want to panic like a rat in a trap, and she suddenly understood.

He knows. Of course, he knows.

She moved slowly, sitting up and tucking the length of her sleeve out of the way as she took up the teapot to fill his cup. It was a distraction for herself, and she knew he knew it.

"My lord already knows the answer."

She followed the blur of his hand as he sent the cup skittering across the tatami, smacking against the frame of the door. The floor dipped slightly under his weight as he leaned on his hand to loom closer, his words no more than a whisper laced with something she could not quite place, but it made her tremble.

"I want to hear you say it, my hanyou."

The air between them seemed to crackle.

She smiled gently to herself, still feeling no fear. The web of reconciliation she'd been weaving to pull the pieces of herself back together dissolved, and she let them all float away. Thoughts of her mother, her sisters, her future; they mattered no longer. Sesshoumaru would get his wish, but only because Kuroihi wanted her conscience clear before she passed on.

She set the teapot down and laid her hands on her lap, fixing her eyes to the floor where his razor sharp claws bit into the soft bamboo weave, speaking each word carefully.

"I serve you, Lord Sesshoumaru, because you took me from Fuyutoka and have yet to send me elsewhere. I have continued to serve you without complaint because of the opportunities the position afforded me. I have defended your name and endured your violence, as I was expected to, in order to maintain my access to the things I desired, as such I continue to achieve my goals."

"You have used me."

She steeled her nerves.

"I have, my lord."

"Out of curiosity, tell me, what aspirations could a mere half‐demon possibly have, so driving, in fact, that you found them worth risking your very life?"

She could hear her death in his voice, cutting as the winter wind and mocking.

"To become more than I am, to live beyond this blood that chains me." She swallowed. "I want to exist."

"You seem to understand well your own insignificance, though the desire to exist is a redundant goal when one is already alive; or do you not comprehend the meaning of the word?"

"I understand the word's meaning, however, I do not exist, my lord. This body, this form, it exists but I have no name, no reputation or prospects. When I die, it will be as though I never lived at all."

He tilted his head, seeming to ignore the rest.

"You have a name."

"Your servant humbly disagrees. 'Kuroihi' is no name. It is the same as a samurai called 'topknot' or a fisherman named 'net‐slinger'. I have a description, I do not have a name…and your lordship has never used what you consider to be a name. You call Kazawa and Aoki by name, but never this one."

She made a slight motion with her hand to indicate herself.

"…Hn."

He straightened himself smoothly, continuing to watch her. The thing in his eyes and voice that she could not place was now gone, supplanted by his normal hardened chill. She took the chance to breathe.

He took his time gathering the scroll from his knee, rolling it up neatly and setting it on the table.

"One may gain prestige through the feats they perform and the legacy they leave behind, such as those recorded here." He tapped the scroll with a claw. "However, to even begin one must be of some significance, possess within themselves a power of their own and an iron will. These are things far beyond the reach of a half‐demon." His lips drew into a mocking smile.

Kuroihi drew her hands into fists, her shoulders straightening as she flushed with heat. Her jyaki thrummed and swelled, pushing against his in a battle she knew she would lose, but the demon in her demanded a response to his continued degradation.

"I deserve the chance to try."

He blinked at her, looking neither angry nor amused by her little display.

"Is that so?"

She nodded, hesitantly lifting her gaze to meet his. He merely tilted his head as he assessed her.

"How audacious." He chuckled. "You purposefully take advantage of the liberties your station affords you, using the reputation of this Sesshoumaru as a means of coercion, attempt pitifully to deceive me, directly disobey my orders thereby causing me to waste my precious time and efforts to track you down, then dare to sit here and tell me what you 'deserve'."

He smiled.

"You seem to have forgotten your station, my hanyou. Do you honestly fancy yourself in equal standing to a true demon?"

She didn't break his gaze.

"If one becomes lesser when they are proven to be such, can I not also become greater in the same manner?"

"You cannot. The very state of your existence is a disgrace, there is no escaping it."

"My blood can be made to be overlooked."

He quirked a brow. "You sound quite confident in that opinion."

It has been done many times in the past, the records state as much."

She motioned to a set of scrolls.

"Tsukina of the Serpent Tribe was able to make her common birth inconsequential in her rise to power, and she still holds her position on their Council of Nine; Hiken of the Ravens was able to overcome his frailties and continues to command one of the largest Murders in the Western province."

"You equate your tainted blood to their minor hindrances?"

"With all due respect, my lord, their clans did not see them as minor."

"You seem to be enjoying quite the freedom with that tongue of yours, half‐breed."

He growled. She chuckled and gave him a cynical smile.

"You're going to kill me anyway…"

'So why not speak my mind?'

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"You assume to know the will of this Sesshoumaru?"

"You seem to kill any and all who displease you."

"Hn."

His lips crooked up into a nasty smirk, falling quiet for a moment.

"Tell me, if you were allowed to live, would you continue on this ludicrous errand of yours to 'exist'?"

It was a dangerous question for Kuroihi to have to answer. She could hear the hint of a promise of a future in his tone, but also the promise of pain. She licked her lips slowly to buy herself an extra moment to consider.

"In whatever manner I am employed, yes, I would."

She watched as he closed his eyes, neatly tucking his arms into his sleeves and falling quiet for several minutes. By the time he turned his gaze to her again, Kuroihi had shifted to fetch the discarded tea cup and had refilled it. He considered it for a moment, satisfied, and motioned to the empty space on the other side of the table.

"Kneel."

He waited until Kuroihi had settled herself there, head bowed in demure propriety.

"I have decided what to do with you, half‐breed. I am going to give you a choice."

She could hear the mocking smile in his tone.

"You are removed from my service henceforth, and you will suffer the shame of what you have done for a full cycle. At the next full moon, you will present yourself to Warmaster Rekkonji for assignment in the field,"

He paused, his tone lowering, words barely a whisper.

"Or to myself once more for an occupation of my choosing. Is this understood?"

Kuroihi lowered her forehead to the floor in a full and proper bow.

"It is, my lord."

"Good. Now, get out of my sight."