Limbo

Kuroihi employed every manner of discipline she possessed to not bolt through the halls and into the safety of her closet. With the door closed, she felt hidden, protected, and she finally let herself gasp for the air she'd been denied. She ran her fingertips slowly along the lines of her jaw and cheekbones, savoring the surreal sensation.

She was alive….but she was no fool. She may have cheated death twice today, but Sesshoumaru's 'choice' was no choice at all, merely an illusion shrouding her violent and possibly short future. Fieldwork with the military meant fighting alongside the Inu no Taishou, and his enemies were more powerful than Kuroihi could even imagine. Anything Sesshoumaru chose was sure to be agonizing and dreadfully dangerous. On the one hand, she could tuck a few victories under her belt and die with honor; on the other hand, she could spite that vile bastard and go down claws flashing.

She pushed the thoughts away for now. She had a whole month to consider what to; a month of shirking around the castle under Fuyutoka's command again, her newly shortened hair on display. It was not something she was looking forward to. She would not have Sesshoumaru's protection from the other servants this time, and they had five years of their antics to catch up on.

The weeks passed exactly as Kuroihi expected, Fuyutoka lording his reacquired whip hand and the other servants taking every opportunity they could find to heckle and ridicule her. Kuroihi bore their insults and bullying silently. Contrary to how she knew she was supposed to feel, the opinions of these people mattered little to her anymore. She had much more pressing concerns, such as the choice she was running out of time to make.

She considered each option thoroughly.

Rekkonji would be strict, but fair, clear, and upfront about what was expected. The overall quality of her living state would decrease, but she felt her life expectancy would be longer, and she wouldn't have to endure Sesshoumaru's particular brand of discipline. She had to consider the other fighters as well, though. From what she'd overheard from both the male and females in the ranks, she wasn't so sure she wanted to be in the field with them.

Losing a length of her hair was one thing, but her dignity and maidenhead were another. She did plan to eventually have a family someday, and while any prospective mate that would be willing to consider her would have to accept several unsavory things, she'd rather not have to deal with that particular addition.

Sesshoumaru wasn't the worst master one could find themselves under. He'd never been completely unreasonable, as there was always a way to carry out his orders even if it wasn't immediately clear, he'd never violated Aoki or herself or allowed anyone else to, and once you understood his particular mannerisms, he was fairly predictable. He was a bastard, but he was an honorable one.

But that temper of his, and those claws…

Kuroihi shuddered as she made the trek from her little cave back to the castle after her day of weakness.

Everything up 'til now might have been bearable, but who knew what he would have her doing if she returned to him? Everything she could think of sounded doable in her head, but Sesshoumaru had a way of blindsiding people sometimes. What he had in mind could be completely incomprehensible and senseless and she didn't exactly fancy the idea of her hard-earned skills going to waste.

She took a moment one afternoon as she rested from stacking the firewood to reflect on how far she'd come over these past five years. Everything she'd learned, everything she'd accomplished and everything she'd suffered was about to be for better or for naught, depending on the choice she made. She still hadn't decided; she had no time left.

A shiver ran down her spine, making her inner demon snarl defensively. She glanced around and then up, finding what had set it off. On the deck extending out from the second floor, Sesshoumaru stood with his father, watching her. She gave them both a respectful bow and ducked inside. The last thing she needed right now was his influence.

***

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes at the fleeing half-breed, barely registering his father's words as he spoke. It would never have dared to slack in its duties like this under his command. Perhaps Fuyutoka was losing his touch. The thought amused him. Realizing his son wasn't listening and why, his father sighed and hardened his expression.

"My son, why do you continue to toy with the hanyou? Haven't you learned enough, tested her enough yet?"

Sesshoumaru gave a long blink before casting a side-long glance at his father. "…I do not question what you do with your own servants, father. I would ask that you not question what I do with mine."

"The well-being if each servant and vassal here is my concern. I would remind you, she was mine until you decided she was of interest and will be again when you decide she is no longer of use."

Sesshoumaru's expression softened mockingly. ��Oh? Do you worry for the thing? Would you like it back, father, so you can coddle and shelter it?"

"Mind your tongue."

The general growled dangerously, and Sesshoumaru knew he was nearing the line with his tone.

"Also, she is not a thing, half-breed or no. Have you learned nothing at all these many years? Did I fail completely in teaching you how to value others?"

The general gave a soft sigh.

"Perhaps I took you to battle too soon. Your pitiful manner is my fault."

Sesshoumaru's eye twitched slightly.

"What, then, would you have me do, father?"

"I would have you develop even a shred of kindness. It is not weak, my son, to be forgiving and tolerant of the short-comings of those around you. You must remember that they cannot achieve the same great heights you are capable of, but this does not make them less deserving of consideration and respect."

Sesshoumaru sighed mentally. Again, the same lecture. Always patience, always kindness, always the same ridiculous montage of empathy. He had absolutely no desire to continue the conversation. He excused himself politely, claiming something about training with Rekkonji and turned as though to leave.

"Sesshoumaru."

He paused, glancing back at his father.

"These idiosyncrasies of yours are not those of a greater demon or superior lord. If you continue in this manner, I warn you, one day you will find yourself before a power you can neither bend to your will nor destroy, and you will be forced to reckon it."

Sesshoumaru chuckled.

"I would never allow myself to fall into such a miserable situation."

His father's frown deepened, tinged with shame and disappointment, but he dismissed his son all the same.