Chapter 39

Jongin's POV

"I'd love your company," I smiled.

And that's where it all began. Almost every other day, you would come by the classroom and watch me paint. We talked about everything under the sun. I found out that aside from reading books, your favorite hobby was daydreaming. I thought you were really different compared to most girls. A lot of them in school loved chasing boys, going out to the mall and going to parties hosted by the cool kids.

You were just really quiet. You liked staying at home a lot, curled up in your couch with a book. As the weeks went by, I found myself falling in love with you.

Most of the time, we'd hang out with Taemin. I remember him complaining that he was the third wheel. He ended up really liking you as his own friend though.

We'd have lunch together, pass notes during class and text almost every night. After a month of being just friends, I finally mustered up the courage to ask you out. You didn't even hesitate at all. Not to be conceited or anything, but I could tell that you really liked me and that just made me fall even deeper.

I remember the first time I kissed you. It was that one night I walked you home after school.

Your cheeks turned red. Turns out I was your first kiss. It took a few days for me to admit that you were mine too.

That was also the exact same day I told you how I felt. To my surprise, you told me you loved me too. Oh god. I couldn't possibly describe how I felt that time. It was such an amazing feeling to know that the first girl I had ever fallen in love with felt exactly the same way.

We dated for a year before we both decided we were ready to take it to the next level. I mean, we were both nearly sixteen when we officially became a couple, so it was safe to say we weren't really ready that time. Though I have to admit, I was tempted to initiate it so many times whenever we would makeout in your room.

Giving our virginities to each other was a breathtaking moment for both of us. We literally had no clue what we were doing, but in the end it just felt so good and so right.

I've always thought you were the one for me. I've always thought this was it. We were together for more than years. I never imagined myself with anyone else but you.

Everything has always been great between us. We've always been so strong and unbreakable.

That was until Lisa came into the picture.

It was already the next morning and I found myself up so early as I stared at the ceiling, feeling the alcohol slowly dissipate from my system. I just spent hours reminiscing my relationship with Jennie and how it all began. It's funny how everything can change in just a blink of an eye. 

One day you're settled and confident with the person you love the most.

And then the next thing you know, you're all alone.

My bedroom door burst open, and in came Taemin with a relieved look on his face. "I'm guessing you've sobered up a bit, yeah?"

"You should have let me throw a few more punches," I muttered.

"You do realize that your reputation was at stake, right, and you're hitting a woman." Taemin points out. He dives into the middle of my duvet, leisurely crossing his arms behind his head.

I get up from my seat and pour myself another glass of vodka. "How long have you known?"

"How long have I known what?" Taemin frowns.

"That Lisa was fucking real."

"Not until they started dating, which was very recent, believe me."

I shake my head in disappointment. "And you didn't tell me??"

"I didn't want to remind you of it," Taemin casually explains. "You were doing so well here and you were already happy. Why was I going to ruin all of that? Plus, I also figured that it was her job to tell you – not that she would have, though."

"Well, you were my best friend and you still are. She's my ex-girlfriend," I say angrily. "I would have expected the truth from you, not her."

"Hey, hey, hey! Don't blame me for this, man," Taemin snaps. "I was trying to avoid trouble, which you ended up causing earlier anyway. I was eventually going to tell you. I just wanted a good time here in New York without any of that drama, but unfortunately it can't be avoided, huh?"

I looked down at my shoes and bit my lip. "Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"I'm really, really glad you came here, bro," I added with a smile.

Taemin was about to say something when I heard my buzzer ring. He quickly got up and went out to the living room of my penthouse.

"Kai!" he calls me.

"What?"

"Come out here."

I groan and drag myself out of my room. It was probably someone from work. I was supposed to report to the office early today for a meeting, but I was clearly hungover.

When I darted my eyes towards the couch, I saw Jennie sitting at the far end with a suitcase beside her.

"Hi," she says.

Taemin gave me one last nod before going back to my room to pack up his things.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her when Taemin was already gone.

"I came here to talk," she mumbles. "And say goodbye. I have to be in the airport in an hour."

I sit on the couch across her and cross my arms. "What are we going to talk about? How you were really more in-love with someone else the whole time? How you kept the whole damn thing from me? How. . . "

"I'm sorry, okay Kai?" she sighs. Her voice cracks a bit. "I know I emotionally cheated on you when we were together and I know I didn't tell you about meeting Lisa in real life, but what was I supposed to do? Call you and tell you that I finally met her? Wouldn't that be just as cruel? We haven't spoken since you left!"

"You know what's cruel?" I shoot back. "The fact that our relationship failed because you fell in love with someone who didn't exist. You didn't know she was real that time. So the entire time you were emotionally cheating on me, it was only because of a girl from your dreams. Do you realize how ridiculous and painful that is? That I'm not even good enough to match up to someone who isn't real??"

"How many times will I have to tell you that I chose you??" she started to raise her voice.

"And how many times will I have to remind you that you only chose me because you had no other choice?" I retorted. "Come on, Jennie. You chose me because that's what's practical. Because I was there in front of you and Lisa wasn't."

"I know and that's what I'm sorry for..." she sighs. "It's my fault now, okay?"

I snickered as I gazed at her from head to toe. "You should even thank me. If I had taken you to New York with me, you wouldn't have met Lisa. You wouldn't have met that womanwho would officially replace me in your heart, right? Now that I think about it, I should have taken you with me."

"Kai..."

"Oh no, but then your dreams would probably continue and you'd still emotionally cheat on me," I let out a faint laugh.

Jennie stands up from the couch and checks her watch. "Kai, I have to go. Look, I don't want to say goodbye without fixing things with you. Are we really just going to throw away all those years together?"

"You were the one who threw them away, Jennie," I glare at her. "Don't you dare forget that."

"You know what, fine," she mutters, heading for the door while pulling her suitcase behind her. "If you don't want to accept my apology and my explanation, it's fine. I understand. But I really hope that one day Kai, you will be genuinely happy. I'm sorry if I took that opportunity away from you. I really am."

As she was about to open the door, I walk up to her and stand in front of the entrance. "You realize how fucked up I am, right?"

She didn't say anything.

"Would you like to know why?" I continue.

She sighs and slightly nods.

"That's because I'm still fucking in love with you," I lean over towards her ear and whisper. I lean even closer, and then I feel her breath starting to quicken. God, I missed her scent.

I didn't even try to play it cool. I bring my lips closer to hers – only to be stopped by the finger that she brought between our lips.

"I can't do this," she murmurs. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

I felt my heart shatter into pieces even if I saw this coming anyway.

She gives me one quick hug before pushing the front door open. "Taemin!" she calls. "We need to go!"

Taemin comes running out of my room with his suitcase. "I'll see you again soon, mate. Give me a call whenever yeah?"

I give him a tight hug and pat his back, ignoring the lump in my throat. "Yeah, yeah. I'll miss you. Have a safe flight."

When they were both gone, I couldn't help but slam the door in front of me. I went back to my room and opened a new bottle of vodka.

This won't be the last time you'll be seeing me, Jennie Kim.