21

21. Eventful train ride

When London disappeared out of my sight I started to look for my friends. I had passed the first car – greeting people I knew with a smile – when I found myself at the door to the Slytherin car. As expected, they were rude enough to throw everybody out who wasn't a Slytherin so nobody even tried or wanted to sit with them. This car was filled with the worst of them like the Flint brother's, Crabbe, Goyle, the whole Quidditch team and some I didn't know. At a table in the middle of the car sat Pansy Parkinson with her back to me. Opposite sat Draco with Blaise next to him. She was holding Draco's right hand he had put on the table. I think she tried to make him talk to her but he was laughing about something Blaise had said. He was being himself, no sneer or any sign for Draco playing the Malfoy part. I enjoyed watching him when he was like this. Blaise and Draco had always been best friends and been there for each other.

Suddenly, I found myself staring at Blaise dark eyes and his laugher turned into a grin. I saw true happiness on his face – Blaise had always been the one who made us laugh even in the worst situations – and he punched Draco slightly with his elbow. He, still shaking with laugher, turned to him and followed his gaze. I straightened up as his eyes met mine. In a second his laugher died and he stared at me. I don't know how long we stared at each other but I guess it were only a few seconds because Draco and Blaise were both staring at me openly so Slytherin around them noticed. Therefore, it was no surprise as the younger of the Flint brother's – who was in my year by the way - stood up and faced me with a nasty grin.

"Well, look who's here guys!" The chatter had died now and I could see people grinning. Unimpressed, I turned my gaze to him and started in a mocking bored voice: "Aryanna Jackson, Gryffindor, unfortunate to meet you, now let me pass!" Provocative, I put on an uninterested expression and glanced around. I sensed that I was annoying him as I wasn't showing any sign of worry. When I watched him again his grin had turned into an uglier one.

"You really believe you can threaten me? Here? Are you really that stupid?" He spat in my face but I remained calm.

I raised a hand showing around the car and smiled coldly. "You really believe I'm scared because I'm surrounded by Slytherins?"

The slight tone of mockery seemed to make him angry so I dropped my faked boredom and chuckled. That gave him the rest and he built up and took a step forward so that I had to look up.

"Don't you dare threatening me, Jackson. I can crush you as easily as a bug!"

"A bug, really? You are even more dumb than I thought, Flint." He squinted his eyes angrily and I could see some muscles flinch. Before he could say something however – his mouth had already opened – I straightened up and my voice turned cold. "Now, let me tell you something. I warn you not to threaten me ever again! If you do, you'll regret it! Now, get out of my way, please."

Suddenly, my arms were in his strong grip. It hurt but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction to show it.

Angrily, I hissed slowly: "Let go of me or you will regret it!"

Flint only laughed cruelly and I could see Slytherins grinning and chuckling. "Look around you, Jackson. None of your stupid friends is here to help you. I can do whatever I want, maybe some of my friends want to help me." He had raised his voice and I could hear cheers.

"I don't need help to finish you off. And I mean everybody in this car, starting with you!" I had enough of this so I concentrated and sent a strong wave of electricity through my body. I only felt a prickle but Flint flinched as if he had been burned and let go of me in a split second.

"Damn it!" He roared and some Slytherin laughed making him only angrier. I didn't bother to laugh, only glanced around. Some were watching me hatefully, others were whispering and chuckling darkly. If looks could kill I would be dead by the look Parkinson gave me. Draco and Blaise, however, had stopped laughing and sat there tensed. Blaise' expression was slightly amused but Draco's was emotionless. Only his eyes showed the slight anger.

Flint made my attention turn back to him as he moved faster than I had expected. In a second he had me gripped tightly on my throat with one hand and whirled me around so that I stood with my back to him, facing every Slytherin. In the other hand, he held his wand, which was pointed at my throat.

"What do you say now, Jackson?" He hissed in my ear, loud enough so that everybody could hear it. Many Slytherin's were snickering and laughing.

"Break her! I hate that Gryffindor!" Screamed Parkinson laughing shrilly. I heard Flint laugh next to my ear.

"I think she learned her lesson, don't you think? Or do you want to risk getting expelled on your first day back?" I was surprised to hear Blaise speaking up in such a serious tone. Honestly, I had expected it to be Draco but as I lowered my gaze I saw that Draco was sitting completely rigid, staring at the scene in front of him as if he didn't bother. Suddenly, I didn't know what to do anymore. The only way for me to get out of this mess was either by using magic or by Draco's help. The last option would have been way better as I didn't want anybody to find out about my magic but it seemed as if I couldn't expect any help from Draco.

'Don't do anything like that again. Next time it won't be with someone as peasant and selfish as Lockhart.' I remembered his voice when he had helped me out with Lockhart's test. He wouldn't help me now! Draco has made his decision, I realized. He had chosen to leave me alone, to forget everything we had together. After two years of pushing him away I had finally managed to make him leave me alone. But at this moment, when he looked me in the eyes as if I was just some Gryffindor, I didn't feel the slightest happy or relieved. I felt lonelier than ever.

"You know you're such a wimp sometimes, Blaise!" Flint's laugh snapped me out of my numbness. My eyes had watered up so I winked several times looking at the ceiling.

"I'll ask you a last time, Flint: Let. Go. Of. Me. NOW!" I emphasized every word, not able to keep my anger out of my voice.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Flint mocked and I heard laugher around me.

"Screw you!" And with a blast of magic his wand flew out of his hand and vanished under a table. The grip on my throat tightened and I could barely breath. I pulled my head back with as much force as I could apply and felt as if my head exploded as it smashed against his jaw. He screamed and let go of me so I used this second to pass him but I hadn't hurt him that much. A firm grip on my arm made me turn around to face him - his face distorted with rage - but I managed to release it. He stormed forward and suddenly I felt his weight on me as we fell on the ground. My vision blurred as my head hit the ground even harder than it had hit Flint and I felt a sharp pain running down my spine. I saw his silhouette above me and felt him pressing me down with his knee. Then, suddenly, a sharp pain on my jaw made my vision go black. My head was throbbing; I didn't see or hear anything anymore. I couldn't even hear myself thinking.

After some moments - I guess it was a minute or two – I could see a blurred, dark shadow above me, his mouth was moving but his voice was muted, Flint.

"…as if Jackson isn't so strong at all."

"Oh look, she's waking up." I made out Parkinson's voice and groaned.

"Jackson, good, now you hear me again. I'm going to destroy you, your bloody mudblood friends and every blood traitor you care for."

I hardly heard what he said with this pounding in my head. The slightest movements of my head made me feel as if everything was moving around me. I tried to concentrate to use my magic but I was on the edge of passing out.

"You won't touch them, I'll protect them." My voice came out as a whisper and at first I thought he hadn't heard me but as the laugher around me made my head burst even more I knew they had. I closed my eyes but I couldn't escape the noise and the painful rattling of the train that penetrated my head.

"Oh no, you won't get away so easily, Jackson!" I heard Flint's voice muffled. I opened my eyes and saw him raising his fist again, then I closed them again.

"That's enough!" A sharp voice managed to made its way into my brain, even if it seemed to take a moment. "Let go of her, NOW!" As I opened my eyes I saw that Flint's arm, his hand still in a fist, was in the grip of another person. I couldn't see who it was but I guessed it was the person who had told him to let go. I knew the voice but couldn't make out whose it was.

"What do you care?" Flint asked angrily, putting even more weight on his knee and for the first time I winced. Luckily, nobody seemed to have noticed. "I want to have some fun with her! But if you want her, take her. Just save me something." Even with my head bursting and my body aching I could hear the grin in his voice.

"I'm doing you a favour. And now let go of her!" I heard the male voice again and I saw Flint tearing his arm out of the person's grip.

"No! You think you're special because you're a Malfoy but the truth is I'm not afraid of you, Draco. So, I won't let go of her." With that he turned his gaze back to me and I thought he was going to punch me again. Suddenly, there was movement next to me. I saw a person with very blond hair pass and pulling Flint of me. That person held him by his shirt and spat in his face.

"Listen scumbag, I am a Malfoy, so show some respect. I know things you wouldn't even dream of, I know spells you can't imagine. So, if you don't want to get into troubles with my whole family back off. As I said, I'm doing you a favour by warning you!" He let go of Flint who glared at him and took a step back. As the blond person turned around and kneeled next to him I realized that it was in fact Draco. Well, I was feeling so bad that I hadn't realized what Flint had said before. I felt so exhausted that I couldn't even thank him, I guess it would have been strange anyway. He gripped my hand to help me sit up but my head wasn't really into it. Everything around me was moving as if I was on a ship and the throbbing made my vision go darker and become even more blurred. Suddenly, there were hands on my shoulders that hold me. Draco helped me getting up and I stumbled, trying to find my balance. His strong grip on my arms stabilized me and as I turned around I saw that Blaise was the one who had helped me. He didn't grin or laugh as he nodded slightly, telling me that it was okay. I understood. If I didn't want to start another fight with Flint or any Slytherin I should do or say nothing now.

Draco let go of me and slowly I made my way out of the Slytherin's car. I shut the door close behind me, leaning against the wall. The rattling of the train wasn't helping my sharp headache or my aching body. I still saw everything around me blurred and darker than it should be.

With my hands supporting the wall on either side I made my way slowly through the next car. Students looked at me strangely when I passed their compartment. I looked like a drunken lunatic stumbling and stopping after every two or three steps. Finally, what felt like hours, I found my friends in a compartment with a man sleeping against the window. They didn't saw me until I opened the compartment door slowly, clinging at the door frame and with closed eyes. My vision was worse now. If I had to take another step I would black out again. My head was bursting and my spine aching.

"Arya, what the hell happened to you?" I heard Hermione almost screaming, her expression worried.

"Please," I raised a hand. "Shut up, my head is bursting!" With that I stumbled into the compartment and fell in a seat. I winced as the pain shot sharply from the bottom of my spine in my head and I saw black again.

"ARYA!" Harry said loudly, making me open my eyes again. Just like Hermione he looked worried.

"What happened to you? Your nose is bleeding, you have blood all over your face and on your jacket."

Surprised, I raised a hand to my face and he was right. When I looked at it, it was covered with fresh blood. "Oh, damn it." I muttered. I didn't remember my noise being broken. Flint only hit my jaw, didn't he?

Hermione handed me something to wipe my face. Pointing her wand at me she performed a spell to clean my face of the blood. "Thanks." I said leaning back in my seat. I cursed the train for its rackling.

"Would you care to tell us now what happened to you? We thought you were maybe just talking with some of our friends or I don't know. But it's only twenty minutes ago that the train left London and you have managed to look as if you needed a few days rest." Hermione stated.

"I wasn't planning on getting into a fight. I was completely peaceful as I entered the train."

"You got into a fight? With Malfoy?" Harry asked with raised eyebrows.

"Well, I was late so I entered in the front car. I was looking for you but the second car was filled with Slytherins. Flint didn't want to let me pass so I used some magic so that he would let go of me. That made him furious and he caught me off guard as I was trying to pass. He threw me on the ground, falling on top of me and punched me right in my face. And now my spine is aching, my head feels as if it would burst and my vision goes black now and then. And this train and its noise is driving me insane!" I ranted annoyed and winced as the train made a harder movement.

"My story so far. Now tell me how was your summer?" I asked just so that they would stop asking me questions. They started telling me about Sirius Black and how Mr. Weasley had warned Harry not to go after him. I felt too exhausted to think about it and somehow I fell asleep.

I woke up because somebody stepped on my foot. First I thought I was dreaming because I was surrounded by total darkness. Then I heard the voices of my friends, Neville and Ginny. Besides, my whole body was still aching and my head throbbing painfully.

"Guys, what the hell is going on here?" I asked loudly. It was Hermione who told me that they had no idea as to why the train had stopped somewhere. It was out of habit that I closed my eyes to concentrate and ignored the voices around me. I couldn't suppress a grin as I felt my magic rushing through my body. Finally, I was well enough to use my magic again. Flint had really knocked me out with his punch. Nevertheless, I felt still a little dizzy so instead of using magic to heal myself I used it to check the train for anything. My magic had just spread in the whole train car where we were sitting when I opened my eyes all the sudden. I didn't feel any pain or dizziness anymore, only a cold wave of fear. I knew what had stopped the train and I was terrified!

"Guys, shut up NOW!"

At the same time, there was a hoarse voice suddenly: "Quiet!" Professor Lupin had finally woken up. He made some light and looked around. "Stay here, all of you!"

"Professor, they're here!" Terrified I whispered looking at the compartment door. Professor Lupin's alerted gaze turned to me and he furrowed his eyebrows. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw my friends exchanging looks. Never had they seen me that terrified. I felt darkness and coldness in our compartment. Before Professor Lupin could say something, however, the compartment door slid open. There it was, the creature I feared the most. A dementor with its face hidden beneath its hood and the black cloak covering its frame. I was petrified by fear. I couldn't think clearly anymore. I knew they fed on happy memories but I didn't know how to block them. I remembered the first time I had seen one.

I was very young when I was playing outside with my mum. Or I was sitting on the ground playing with my toys and my mum sat on a bench some meters away and watched me. Then suddenly the sun disappeared and the sky turned black.

"Arya!" I heard my mum screaming and rushing to me. Normally, I would feel safe and warm in her arms but for the first time in my life I didn't. I started crying and she tried to sooth me but I could hear how terrified she was. Before we could get into the house my father stepped into her way. He was looking worriedly at her but as he tried to touch her face she took a step back.

"What have you done this time, Tom?" She spat almost crying. "Let me go inside!"

"You can go but I will take Aryanna with me." He said coldly.

"Don't you dare using her! Do with me whatever you want but please, please keep our daughter out of this." Now she was pleading but he didn't give in. Then suddenly, a dark cloaked figure appeared in front of us, paralyzing my mum. My father however grinned and said something in parsel tongue. At the same time I heard my mum muttering something under her breath, I knew it was the elvish language. Then the dark cloaked figure took a sharp breath and suddenly she released her grip around me and I fell on the ground. I took her hand and wanted her to run away with me but she wouldn't look at me. Instead, she fell on her knees, a terrified expression on her face. I cried even harder. "MUM! Mummy!" Then my father took me in his arms and I felt even more scared than I had before. "Listen, Aryanna. This will teach your mother a lesson. Next time, it's your turn."

"ARYA!" I felt a burning on my cheek and a moment later I realized that somebody hat slapped me.

"You need to wake up." I opened my eyes and found myself staring at Hermione in front of me. I was leaning against the compartment wall next to me, still sitting in my seat. "You fainted. And so did Harry." She told me looking around. Slowly, I sat up feeling exhausted again. Everybody, was looking from me to Harry who seemed absentmindedly. Professor Lupin was watching me closely, then he handed me a big piece of chocolate.

"Eat, you'll feel better." His voice sounded strange. I did as he said but didn't feel much better.

"Why was it here?" My voice was a whisper and I looked at him.

"Well, it was a dementor from Azkaban looking for Sirius Black." I shivered and he watched me closely, obviously evaluating if he should say something else. Carefully he said then: "You knew that it was a dementor?" Slowly, I nodded the thought of the dementor still penetrating my mind.

"Well, I'm Professor Remus Lupin, your new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. And you are…?" He smiled warmly and I felt a sense of trust. I could trust him, he was a good man.

"Aryanna Jackson." As he heard my name his smile turned into a thoughtful expression and I knew that he knew who I was.

"Aryanna, have you ever met a dementor before?" He spoke carefully again, watching me closely. I could feel everyone's stare on me. I gulped and looked down. My eyes watered up and I bit my lip. Trying not to cry I blinked several times, then I nodded. "It was horrible." My voice came out as a whisper again and I stared at my hands in my lap. Obviously, he didn't know what to say so we remained silent for the rest of the ride.

As we entered the Great Hall we couldn't barely glimpse at the enchanted ceiling when the voice of Professor McGonagall called us back, she wanted to talk to Harry and Hermione in her office. So Ron and I went to save them a seat. Before the feast could start however they were back.

"Arya, Professor McGonagall wants you to come to her office after the feast." Hermione told me quietly when she sat down. Then it was Dumbledore's turn for his welcome speech. He told us about dementors guarding the school. At that I shivered again and realized that I hadn't warmed up since the dementor had come into our compartment. I was freezing, my body was aching and I felt exhausted. Additionally, he told us about two new teachers: Professor Lupin for Defence against the Dark Arts and Hagrid for Care of Magical Creatures.

After the feast, I went, as requested, to Professor McGonagall's office. I took my time however in getting there seeing as I felt my whole body aching at each step and feeling dizzy again. Therefore, I wasn't surprised when the door opened after my first knock. I faced a worried looking Professor McGonagall who led me to a chair.

"Ms. Jackson, as he did with your friend Potter Professor Lupin owled me about the incident with the dementor on the train. He said that-" She was cut off by the sound of the door opening, banging against the wall.

"Merlin! Severus, do you need to startle me like this?" She had jumped. When I turned around I saw Severus and Dumbledore standing behind me. Severus didn't even bother to answer her and was by my side in a split second. He scanned me worriedly, from my eyes… down to my robes. His eyes narrowed and I could hear his anger.

"I heard about the incident with the dementor. Wait… is that blood on your robes?" Professor McGonagall looked at my robes closely now and gasped as she realized that I, in fact, had blood on my robes. I was playing with my hands in my lap nervously.

"That's nothing, really. My nose was bleeding, that's all." I said quietly, not looking at Severus. He moved so that he was in front of me now, kneeling on the ground so that he could look at me properly.

"Aryanna," His voice was soft. "I know you're angry with me but please let me- let us help you."

At that I looked up in surprise. Why did he think I was angry with him? It took me several moments to understand what he was referring to: he had forbidden me to go to Diagon Alley.

"I'm not angry at you, Severus. I mean I was but that's not important right now." My voice broke and I looked down again. Then he took my hands in his and flinched.

"Your hands are ice cold." Gently, he caressed my cheek and lifted my head. Looking in his eyes made me feel even worse. I could see confusion, anger and worry, he tried to understand what had happened to me.

"Whatever happened, I need to know. Tell us what happened on the train. Dementors don't make people bleed." Severus pleaded looking me deeply in the eyes. Exhausted, I sighted and smiled slightly. I knew he could see right through me so I nodded slowly. Before I could start, however, he flicked his wand and made appear a blanket, putting it around my shoulders.

"Thank you." I wrapped it tighter around me and felt dizziness coming over me again, my hands started shaking. Severus took my hands in his again and watched me very closely, then suddenly his gaze turned dark.

"Does Lupin have to do with this?" Surprised, as to where he got this from I looked up and regretted it right away. Severus' frame was blurred and the edges of my vision had turned black again. Quickly, I grabbed Severus' arm in support. He opened his mouth to say something but I interrupted him.

"No, not Lupin." I whispered with closed eyes. Then I cleared my throat and started again, speaking louder now. "When I was looking for my friends in the train I had to pass the Slytherin compartment. I got into a fight, I was thrown on the ground and got punched in the face. I blacked out for some minutes and now my body is aching and I see blurred most of the time."

Severus' face was blank but I saw the burning anger in his eyes. "Who?" He demanded but I shook my head.

"I'm not going to tell you, I can deal with it."

"Obviously!" His jaw was clenched.

"Severus, please. It's-"

"Don't. Tell. Me. It's okay. This is not okay, Aryanna!" In a second he had stood up and was pacing with his back to me. Suddenly, he came to a stop and turned around furiously. "You have no right not to tell me! I'm supposed to protect you!"

"Severus." Dumbledore said warningly from behind me but Severus ignored him. I sighted and put my head in my hands. When I looked up again he was still staring at me angrily.

"I understand you, Severus. I really do." I started carefully. "Believe me, if I would see you hurt I would be angry as well but this is my decision. I want to deal with it! I cannot always be protected by you. Not every problem I have is your concern. You cannot interfere every time I'm in trouble. I have to learn how to solve my own problems!"

Severus expression had softened and now he was looking pleadingly at me. His whole tension had left him and he looked nothing but vulnerable and broken. "Arya!" He pleaded softly and it broke my heart to see him like this.

"No, Severus." I didn't know what to say anymore so I remained silent. Severus, however, stood rigid and stared at me. It remembered me so much of Draco's look he had cast me today and I glanced away.

"I believe Aryanna made her decision about that incident. Would you care to tell us what happened exactly with the dementor?" Dumbledore was as cheerful as always looking from Severus back to me. It took me a moment to realize what he had just said so when I glanced in his direction I saw him and Professor McGonagall watching me curiously. I wrapped the blanket tighter around me, suddenly feeling cold.

"I… When I was in the compartment I fell asleep and woke up in total darkness. I used my magic to see what was going on and suddenly I knew that they were in the train. I told Professor Lupin but it was to late. A dementor came in and I was… I felt terrified!" My voice broke and I gulped. "I tried to think about how I could block it but then the feeling of death and cold made it impossible. Then I had a flashback of how I first met a dementor and I don't know… When I woke up again the train was moving and it was gone."

Professor Dumbledore was watching me absentminded, McGonagall looked at me with pity and Severus… Well he stood with his back to me and watched out the window, his arms crossed. I felt so exhausted and tired but at the same time the horrible pictures were still in my head.

"When have you met a dementor before?" Dumbledore asked after a while. Playing with my fingers nervously to prevent them from shaking I bit my lip. I felt my eyes watering up again and shook my head.

"I can't. I cannot go through it again."

"I know it's difficult for you to tell us but it is important. Harry fainted because the dementor attacked him but you fainted because you were terrified. We need to understand what is terrifying you otherwise we cannot help you." Dumbledore explained softly.

"I don't want your help!" I exclaimed loudly. "I just want to sleep now and never meet one of them again!" I knew I was behaving childish but I was at the edge of breaking down.

"Your father… He called them to your house, right?" Severus was still standing with his back to us but he had turned his head slightly so that I could see him in profile.

"Mum told you." I stated in surprise. Severus turned his head towards the window again.

"Wait, but you were not even two years old when Severus took care of you." Professor McGonagall stated thoughtful.

Before I could say something, Severus turned around, his face distorted with disgust and hands turned into fists. "Yes, she was a bit over one year old when Tom Riddle made her meet her first dementor. Leyanne told me about it. He believed he could make Arya stronger if she faced it as early as possible. Leyanne told me she protected her." Severus' hate was obvious. Professor McGonagall shook her head in horror whilst Dumbledore seemed speechless.

"She protected me, right." I laughed coldly and Severus narrowed his eyes in confusion. "She 'protected' me, as you say it, by standing in front of me so that the dementor attacked her."

"She didn't fight it?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"She couldn't." I whispered. "She never learned how to fight them of with spells so she tried with magic. Dementors are the only creatures we cannot fight with magic. No magic is as effective as a spell." There was a long silence until I spoke again. "I hate them! I hate dementors because there's nothing I can do to keep them away. But even more I hate the fact that this memory of the day I met it for the first time is burned in my head. I cannot forget it. Whenever I think of it I feel my mother's arms around me again. But she is not helping or comforting me because the feeling of the dementor is to strong. Instead of protected I feel it's coldness and my mom's fear." I hadn't realized that I had raised my voice angrily as some tears made their way down my face. "Why do I remember everything horrible my father did to us and nothing good of my mother? It's not fair not to remember her properly!"

"Arya." Severus said nothing but my name as he came and kneeled in front of me again. He had tears in his eyes as he took my hands. "I'm so sorry! It's cruel that I had so much time with her and you didn't. I never spoke much about her, I know, but only because I thought you hated her. I could tell you so much about her, about everything she's done for me and for you."

"I never hated her. I was angry, I'm still angry because I don't understand her love. But she's my mum and even if I don't remember much, I remember her protecting me all the time. Whenever my father was around she didn't leave me out of sight. I'm angry because it's not fair that I lost the only good part of my family I had. I have to live at the exact same place where my father lived before and I hate every second there! I miss my mum." I sobbed uncontrollably now and Severus took me in his arms.

"I'm so incredibly sorry, Arya. I'm so sorry for everything you have to go through. You don't deserve any of it. And I miss her too, every day!" Severus whispered in my ear. We stayed like this for quite some time. If I hadn't been in his arms I would have seen the tears that were streaming down his face.