28

28. Time to leave

I woke up in total darkness. My eyes needed some time to adjust to the bit of moonlight that shone through the windows into the Hospital wing. I felt more relaxed than ever. As I watched at my stomach I saw that the bandage was still there. It didn't hurt, however, as I sat up very slowly. Smiling to myself, I turned my head to the nightstand, looking for something to drink. A glass filled with water waited for me to be drunken up, so I did. Quietly, I made my way to the bathroom. I don't know how long I laid in my bed with opened eyes. I watched as the first sunbeams shone through the windows.

"Ms. Jackson, I have some breakfast for you." I turned my head towards the door. Madame Pomfrey hurried inside smiling slightly, followed by a flying tray. Carefully, it landed on the bed in front of me.

"You need to eat. You haven't eaten for almost a week now." Sternly she watched me as I took some toast.

"I slept for another three days?" My mouth fell open in surprise and she smiled again.

"Well, your wound was deep dear. It needed some time to heal completely."

"Thank you." I returned her smile but she shook her head.

"It was Severus, I didn't do anything except keeping an eye on you."

I put the toast back on the plate and became determined. "I have to talk to him!"

"You stay here until he comes to you. Now eat." And with that she left, leaving me glaring at her back. Sighting, I started eating and my stomach started rumbling as I took the first bite.

I waited and waited until the door opened again. Madame Pomfrey was in her office, watching me sternly from time to time. She knew I wanted to leave.

"Severus, thank Merlin! I want to get out of here." I desperately welcomed a warmly smiling Severus. Now, he raised his eyebrows and sat down on the chair again.

"I'm glad you're awake. Did you sleep well?" Annoyed, I turned my eyes making him chuckle.

"So bad, huh?"

"I'm feeling better than ever and the wound doesn't hurt anymore. Please, tell me I can leave." I whined but he only raised one eyebrow.

"Calm down, will you? I came here right away every morning to see if you'd woken up. Have you eaten anything?" He was even worse than Madame Pomfrey! I sighted annoyed and showed him the empty plate.

"I ate everything and it wasn't little. I drank more than enough. I'm feeling rested and completely healed."

Severus nodded grinning slightly. "Your wound has healed so you can take off the bandage. But please don't decide to play Quidditch or another sport the next days. You still need to cover up." With a stern look he fixed me until I nodded. His serious expression turned to one of amusement.

Eagerly, I jumped out of bed, stumbling slightly as the surrounding needed a moment to stop moving. Severus grabbed my arms firmly. "Careful, I told you. Or I'll tie you at this bed until you've covered up completely!"

"I'm fine." I assured him seriously and he nodded.

"Of course." I crashed into him and put my arms around his back. Chuckling deeply – I felt it vibrate through my whole body and got goose bumps – he pulled me even closer to himself and rested his head on mine.

"Thank you so much for everything, Severus!" I told him loud enough so that he would hear it. "I know it's been a while since I last said it but I love you."

I could feel him sighting deeply and after a silence: "I love you too."

As I pulled back I was surprised to see that his expression had become serious again.

"What's wrong?" I asked carefully. Fear was growing inside of me. I was afraid he would push me away again but to my relieve he smiled.

"I'm glad you're fine, Aryanna." Slowly, I returned his smile, then something came into my mind.

"Can I ask you something and you promise me not to freak out?" Severus' smile vanished and was replaced by a quizzical expression.

"Go on." I sat down on the bed cross-legged and he followed my move by sitting down too.

"No, I want you to tell me not to become angry." I emphasized determined and his gaze turned colder in annoyance.

"If you're starting like this it cannot be good, therefore, I won't, Arya." Severus answered distant and my shoulders fell as all the tension left my body.

"What happened with Lupin?" Immediately, his expression turned darker. He clenched his jaw and looked away. I could see that he was trying not to lose the last self-control he had left. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, each was a problem for itself…

"He resigned." He said through clenched teeth and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What?" Surprise dominated my voice. Annoyed, Severus turned his gaze back to me, hate and anger written all over his face.

"He didn't want to risk other students getting hurt because of him so he resigned and left a few days ago." Somewhat, smugly he stared at me and I sighted.

I exhaled deeply before continuing in a desperate, slightly pleading voice. "Please, tell me you have nothing to do with it!"

"I haven't." Severus stated blankly. His answer came quickly… too quickly.

"You're lying..." Annoyed, I sighted again. "What happened?" I asked groaning quietly.

"Fine, I kind of forced him to resign." Severus mumbled gloomy. At least he's feeling a bit of remorse, I thought.

"What happened, Severus?" I demanded more threatening. Again, he looked away, avoiding my angry stare.

"I let slip towards the Minister of Magic that he's a werewolf."

Astonished my mouth fell open. I didn't even know what to say. There was a long silence which seemed to penetrate Severus more and more. Nervously, he had buried his fingernails in his palms, waiting for me to say something. He knew he would only make me angrier if he said anything else. But to my own surprise I wasn't angry. I was disappointed because I had never thought him behaving like this even if he hated the person.

Slowly, I looked him in the eyes, a very stern expression on my face. "Honestly, I don't know what to say, Severus. I'm not even angry, only disappointed." He watched me with furrowed eyebrows and I knew he was worried what I would do next.

"I'm not asking you to apologize to him for this because you wouldn't mean it. But I'm asking you to draw a line under everything that happened between you, Remus and Sirius." As he attempted to say something I cut him off by raising one hand. "No, let me finish speaking, Severus! You hate them and I accept that but I'm asking you to give your best so that your fight doesn't last forever. You're all adults so behave appropriate. I know Remus will accept it gladly. Sirius probably won't but try, nevertheless, to act civil. We're all on the same side, correspondingly, I want you to behave."

Severus had closed his mouth again and remained quiet to my surprise. Then after a long break he spoke up. "You accept that I hate them?"

"Yes, Severus. I do because nobody can control what he feels. But it's up to you how you deal with your emotions."

He stared at me for a long time, not saying anything. All the sudden, something seemed to snap in his eyes and he shook his head, a small smile on his lips. "What did I do to deserve you?"

I couldn't suppress a smile and chuckled. "Well, you're a very good person, Severus."

And suddenly, the unreadable expression I had seen during Potions class for the first time was back. The only difference was that the smile he wore now was his true, heartfelt smile and sending shivers up and down my spine. The gaze was so intense that I had difficulties in holding it. Not knowing what to do or say I returned his smile, feeling shy around him for the first time in my life.

"I think you should go to your friends now. They've spent a lot of time here and your brother asked me several times per day if you'd woken up already." Severus said then softly, snapping me out of my trance.

"Euh, yes I probably should." Smiling nervously, I jumped out of bed.

"I'll accompany you down to the Great hall if you like." He offered, watching me closely, the smile still playing on his lips.

"I'd love that but I think I should take a quick shower first and get dressed. I'm just wearing a pyjama…" I laughed but he didn't. "You can go on. I'm down in twenty minutes."

"I'm not moving until you're ready!" Severus crossed his fingers and returned my quizzical expression with a stubborn smile.

I sighted grinning. "Fine." And with that I grabbed the pile of clothes Hermione had brought me and disappeared in the bathroom.

As I came out after almost twenty minutes I felt a wave of relieve and happiness to see Severus standing in front of the window, obviously staring into space. His expression was thoughtful and distant.

"I'm ready." I exclaimed cheerfully and he turned around smirking.

"Let's go then."

As we entered the Great Hall several heads turned in our direction. The story of me being injured by a werewolf had spread quickly in Hogwarts. I was looking for my friends and met instead the gaze of Draco. As soon as he spotted me his face light up and he punched Blaise discreetly in the side. None of them dared to smile at me in front of everybody but I could feel their happiness through the hall.

"Arya!" Hermione's voice made me turn around as she'd already almost crashed me down. Laughing, I returned her embrace.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I answered the silent question. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Severus pass, smirking in my direction with a raised eyebrow. I returned it with a big grin sitting down with my friends.

"Thank merlin, you're okay!" Harry said grinning broadly.

Suddenly, our attention was drawn by Gryffindors screaming out as a black something rushed over the table in our direction. Plates clattered loudly and pumpkin juice was spilled everywhere. I laughed as I recognized what- or better who it was.

Nala literally jumped into my arms, purring the loudest I'd ever heard from her. She didn't care that a lot of people were watching me angrily or annoyed as she started to curl up in my lap. I couldn't suppress a grin as I stroke her head gently.

"I missed you too, Nala. Glad to see that you're okay." I whispered and she snuggled even further into my robe.

"She spent every night and day on your bed waiting for you to come back." Hermione said smiling. "I tried to take her to the hospital wing but she scratched me as I touched her and continued sleeping."

"Oh, sorry." I exclaimed thoughtfully. I was lost in the sight of this little black beauty. I loved her so much!

Food appeared and even if I had just eaten breakfast I felt as if I hadn't eaten for a week. After lunch, I excused myself and told my friends that I needed some time alone. Hermione gave me an amused look before turning around and I couldn't hold back a bright smile.

Carefully, I snuck up to the Astronomy tower. I leaned myself on the railing and enjoyed the sight of the huge valley that lay before me. The sun reflected in the lake and made it look less dangerous. I would have loved to go swimming now but sadly it was forbidden.

"I still don't know if I should scream at you or hug you 'til your bones are breaking." I flinched and whirled around in a second; I wasn't supposed to be here. My heart was still pounding as I realised that it was Draco who was watching me thoughtfully. Blaise, standing next to him with crossed arms, was – as usual – wearing a light, happy expression.

Now he approached, a smile playing on his lips as he pulled me in a strong hug. "We've been worried when we heard what happened." Still holding me by my arms Blaise look became serious and his voice lower. "We tried to visit you at least once a day but your friends were always with you. Draco was furious about it! I had to hold him back several times from walking in the Hospital Wing like this."

"Thank you, Blaise." My voice came out as a whisper. Since I had woken up I hadn't thought about what they had to go through. My Gryffindor friends could visit me anytime and Severus too, seeing as he was my healer along with Madame Pomfrey. But Draco and Blaise, my brother and my best friend couldn't because they were officially something like enemies, Slytherins.

Slowly, my gaze wandered to Draco who was still staring at me as if he didn't know me. Blaise took a step to the side awkwardly, his look going from me to Draco.

Fidgeting nervously with my hands I took some steps towards Draco. "Draco, I-"

"Oh, to hell with you!" His words made me stop dead in my move. But not a second later he surprised me as he crashed into me, pulling me strongly in a warm embrace. "You are the most stupid person I've ever known, Aryanna Jackson!" Nevertheless, his tone was filled with nothing but worry and slight fear.

I buried my head in his shoulder and he hugged me stronger still whispering in my hair. "I'm so glad you're okay. I don't know what I would have done if you had died- if I had lost my sister."

"I'm sorry, Draco. I'm so sorry." I pulled away and gulped at Draco's expressionless face. Suddenly, he sighted and looked down.

"I'm still more than angry that you did what you did. It was stupid and unnecessary. With your and your friend's help Sirius Black escaped and you put yourself in immense danger." He clenched his jaw and turned his gaze back up to me.

Embarrassed, I returned it. "Sirius is innocent. He's Harry's uncle, he loved Harry's parents, he didn't betray them. It was all Peter Pettigrew." I explained quietly. I honestly didn't know how Draco would react now. The silence that followed made me even more nervous and jittery.

"And you trust him?" Draco asked with one raised eyebrow.

I answered, nodding slightly. "Yes, I felt he's trustworthy."

"Fine."

That's it already? Draco's short response let me become more attentive.

"You're fine?!" I asked carefully and he sighted annoyed.

"No, I'm not fine!" Draco snapped angrily. His eyes sparkled dangerously. "I trust in your magic, so I trust Black if you do. But that's it! It doesn't change the fact that I was afraid of losing you for more than a week. If it hadn't been for Blaise, I would have walked into the Hospital Wing to see you, not caring that your friends were in there too. It sucks that I'm not allowed to see you, I AM your family, not them!"

"Draco." My voice broke as his words sunk in. And they hurt in the deepest place of my heart.

"I know, I'm not allowed to say it and I know nothing is going to change but I hate it!" The desperation and coldness at the same time made my heart only sting more.

With trembling lips, I pulled him in a warm and hopefully comforting hug. Draco and I were holding each other as if somebody was trying to separate us violently. I didn't need to say anything, we understood each other and knew that we couldn't change anything for the moment.

After a few moments Draco pulled away, his expression suddenly all happy and slightly mischievous. Quizzical, I took another step back but his grin turned bigger. He raised an eyebrow in Blaise' direction who returned it with the happiest I'd seen him in a long time… a very long time.

"What's going on with you two?" I asked warningly and looked from one to another.

"Well," Blaise exclaimed smugly. "We've got a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" I asked dumbly and he chuckled.

"Yes, you heard him correctly. But you won't know what it is until next year." Draco warned me laughing and I groaned.

"And you told me now so that I'll rack my brain over the holidays until there's nothing left?"

Even though, I had been worried about my brother a few minutes ago I was completely annoyed now. That's how it was with him and Blaise. They could make me sad and in the next moment they annoyed me again.

"That was the idea. Making you sit on glowing coals." Blaise joined Draco's laughing and I glared at them. But it didn't last long.

"It's worth it, I hope. Otherwise…" Grinning myself now, I raised my eyebrows provoking.

"Totally!" Draco assured me smiling.

"Good." And with that I couldn't hold back my amusement anymore and joined in their laughing.

A few days later, I made my way to Severus office in the early morning. I was depressed and not feeling so well. Today, everybody would return to London.

Not bothering to knock, I opened the door only to find the office deserted and without any light. Slowly, I closed the door again and called into the dark. "Severus?" Maybe it was too early…

The sound of an opening door made me flinch and I blinked as the room light up all the sudden. "Good morning. Don't you think it's a bit early?" Severus amused voice made me turn towards the door to his private chamber and I grinned half-hearted.

"I woke up early and couldn't sleep anymore." I said excusing and he nodded thoughtfully. Then he sat down on the chair behind his desk and gestured for me to come closer. I sat down on his desk facing him and we watched each other in silence. The dark circles under his eyes hadn't disappeared. In fact, they were worse than before the disastrous night. It seems as if I'm not the only one with sleeping problems…

"You look as if you could need some sleep yourself, Severus." I told him quietly and he sighted, avoiding my gaze. I wasn't sure – it was hard to see in the dim light – but I thought he clenched his jaw.

"You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine." His deep voice seemed so desperate, it gave me goose bumps all over my body.

"Are you? Because it doesn't look like it." Worried, I furrowed my eyebrows and bent my head a little to find his gaze.

Severus laughed shortly. "I'm not the one who had to stay in the Hospital Wing for a week because of a werewolf's scratch."

"Severus!" I sighted and raised my hands in annoyance. "Would you please stop this nonsense and tell me what's going on?"

"Certainly not!" Provoking, he raised his eyebrows, staring at me with wide opened eyes. I sighted again making his expression become serious again. "Arya, I'm sorry but I can't tell you. I know you want to help me but this is something I need to take care of on my own."

Gently, he had taken my hands in his, squeezing them comfortingly. The look he gave me was so deep and mixed with emotions that I had to break it. The desperation I felt radiating from him like heat from fire was overwhelming. I shivered as a burning wave rushed through my whole body.

"Fine. Just please don't ever push me away again!" I insisted quietly and Severus chuckled turning his eyes. Angrily, I glared at him and was surprised to find him staring at me again with nothing but sadness.

"Don't you understand that I cannot push you away? No matter what happens I'm always worried about you. I want to protect you even if I'm angry with you, even if I would love to scream at you like the day you got injured. So even if I tried to push you away I wouldn't be able to."

His pleading and desperation made me feel so bad and happy at the same time. Never had I felt this strong urge to embrace him, that he held me in his arms until every negative feeling had vanished...

I was lost in his intense gaze… A long silence followed until Severus stood up exhaling loudly, snapping me out of my trance.

"I think it's time for breakfast." He said lightly. Luckily, he didn't see my sad expression I quickly replaced by a faked smile. "And to say goodbye."

Severus pulled me in a strong embrace and I buried my head in his robes, inhaling deeply the scent of Potions and Severus.

"I love you. And please write me." I told him and he nodded.

"I will. Take care, Aryanna!" I didn't know where it came from but suddenly I felt a slight pang in my heart as he dismissed me without another word, only wearing his thoughtful smile again.

After breakfast, the Hogwarts Express back to London waited for every student to enter. Sighting, I sat down in a compartment with my friends who were discussing if Sirius should write Harry letters or if it would be safer if he didn't.

"Arya, would you please tell Harry that's safer if he tells Sirius not to write?" Hermione snapped me out of my thoughts. Confused, I turned in their direction and smiled apologetically at her.

"I think he should write him. You don't know how it is if you can't see somebody even if you miss him more than anything. As long as Sirius doesn't use his real name it's okay I guess." And with that the discussion was over.

"Did I already tell you that my dad got tickets for the Quidditch World Cup for all of you this summer?" Ron asked eagerly. "The three of you need to come to my house so that we can go there together."

And with that a new discussion about Quidditch and culture started, keeping us busy for the rest of the ride.