44

44. The burden of old comrades

It was about a week after the second task. Harry looked healthier these days without having to worry about the tournament for a few months from now. Classes were going back to normal again now that the excitement about the second task had vanished completely. Everything could be perfect if it weren't for Severus, Moody or my nightmares. I had believed Severus had ignored me until the morning of the second task – but now it had even gotten worse somehow. It seemed as if he wasn't in Hogwarts anymore. He never was at the teacher's table whenever I was in the great hall for meals. I only saw him during Potions and then he acted as if I wasn't even in the room. His behaviour made me furious but on the other hand I became more desperate with every day. I completely hated not seeing him for a day but also hated to have to see him in Potions.

Moody set me more and more on edge. I tried to keep my glares and snappy answers at a minimum but of course my friends and brother noticed. Either they didn't want to understand my disdain when I tried reasoning or they really believed it being pure nonsense. It was incredibly frustrating.

And then there were my nightmares keeping me from a proper sleep. My lack of sleep got worse every day. Lately, I was wondering when I would finally fall asleep in class. I had managed to fall asleep during lunch and in the Library already. Almost every nightmare was followed with my forearm stinging strongly. Around Moody it was burning and almost driving me insane during classes. Inwardly, I felt like a complete wreck…

Today however, I would change something about it. During Transfigurations class this morning I had decided to speak with Severus again. I would pester him – no matter what – to make him talk to me. Today, I wouldn't back away or allow him to throw me out. I would stay in his office for as long as necessary even if it meant to stay the whole afternoon. I would patiently bother him with my presence even if he wouldn't say anything at all. I had finished lunch as fast as possible to have some time until afternoon classes began. Not that I would bother if we needed more time, but I wanted to be prepared. The other reason I had decided to see him after lunch was because the Durmstrang's left to their ship right after meals – along with Karkaroff. I didn't fancy another encounter with him. Severus hadn't been at lunch again so I was sure to find him in his office or classroom.

Since lunch had only started twenty minutes ago, I met no student in the dim lighted corridors. Nervously, I made my way to Severus' office. I had been completely determined when I had left the great hall. But with every step that brought me closer to him, my emotions surged more and more. I didn't know what to feel anymore. I felt annoyed, furious, worried, afraid and hurt. I wanted to scream at him, slap him, embrace him, run away and kiss him all at the same time…

I came to a halt when I arrived in front of his office door. My heart beat rapidly in my chest and my legs felt flabby all the sudden. For a second, I felt like a girl going on a date – feeling extremely nervous, unsure and doubtful. At least I thought I would feel like this. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. Calm down… breath… breath… I need to be patient now. I can do it. He's my fairy-love and I'm not going to lose him. Not today, not ever. Patience Arya! I reminded myself, exhaling deeply. Then I finally raised my hand and knocked firmly on the door.

It opened slowly by itself, revealing Severus' office to me. Before my brain could start arguing whether this was a good idea, I stepped in and shut the door behind me. Severus was sitting behind his desk and obviously busy grading papers. He hadn't looked up yet so I walked further into his office. I decided it would probably be safer not standing to close to his desk, so I stopped a few steps in front of it. Quickly, I inwardly checked my posture to make sure I stood straight, showing self-confidence and resolution. I kept my eyes at Severus who had not stopped writing. If he knew it was me standing here I didn't know. I didn't care to be honest. I was here now and I would stay until we have had a proper talk.

Finally, Severus placed the parchment on a pile and raised his head. He looked tired and slightly annoyed. When he realised it was me he seemed to freeze instantly. Cold eyes were boring fiercely into mine. Then he blinked and seemed to realize who I was and where we were. Averting his gaze, he put away the quill he had still been holding and pulled out his wand. A swift flick and the parchments vanished from his desk. He put it away again before reluctantly lifting his head, locking eyes with me.

I crossed my arms and returned a steady look into Severus' dark eyes. While he kept piercing me with his gaze, my annoyance about him ignoring me for so long returned slowly. After a while of staring at each other, he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. I furrowed my eyebrows and stepped closer when he leaned his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands.

"Severus?" I asked uncertainly, not sure if I should be annoyed or worried. My mood decided for annoyance however as Severus didn't even react. I stood still and kept scowling at him.

"Severus." I called more determined now, not bothering to move closer. He wanted to be obstinate, well I could act the same way.

"I heard you the first time, Arya." Severus snapped back curtly, making me scoff in disbelief.

"And decided to ignore me again?" I replied coldly now but my heart was beating faster with fear of being thrown out once more. A minuscule part was also worrying about Severus' unusually persistent stubbornness.

Painfully slow, Severus raised his head and glared darkly in my direction. I returned his gaze untouched and waited for him to say something – but he didn't. I sighed deeply and bit my bottom lip. I would stand my ground today…

"I'm not ignoring you." This short exclamation was more than enough to make my blood boil. Angrily, I unfolded my arms and sneered at him. Obviously, Severus started to rub off on me.

"Of course not!" I laughed sarcastically, trying not to raise my voice at him. "You just kept throwing me out without even a second glance." My gloomy look didn't impress him the slightest, he didn't even seem surprised about my outburst.

Severus' gaze had softened if I could describe his stare as soft. His face was whipped out of every emotion, his dark eyes fixing me. I exploded inwardly and looked at him in disbelief. Anger I had kept since he had refused to talk to me bubbled to the surface.

"I gave you time, Severus. Plenty of it…" I snapped louder now, barely able to contain my overwhelming annoyance any longer. My glare darkened even more. "I bloody apologized repeatedly, I tried talking to you and I deeply regret what I did. Hell, I hated myself for it!" Furiously, I stepped forward until I was standing right in front of his desk. "You want to be angry with me? Then snap at me or curse me. But I won't let you treat me like that any longer. You'll not ignore me, Severus! You've no bloody right to do so!"

Severus was swiftly on his feet, his face contorted with rage. His eyes sparkled dangerously when he scowled warningly. "Don't tell me what to do." He spat coldly in my face, making me flinch. Obviously, he was still beyond furious with me…

Severus seemed to have noticed because he drew back a little and clenched his jaw. Growling, he placed his hands on the table and lowered his head. My anger had vanished all the sudden. My heart jumped as I watched him leaning on his desk, his face hidden behind his black hair. Is he really this angry about me lying to him? I wanted to yell at him for being so incredibly unfair but at the same time I wanted to cry and be left alone forever.

I clenched my jaw and moved away from him. My eyes stung and I blinked, trying to hold back my tears. Coldness was slowly spreading through my body, my mind felt numb with overwhelming fear. Fear of losing the man in front of me, fear of losing his love for me…

"I had my reasons." Severus' voice was soft, nevertheless it cut sharply through the deafening silence between us. A small spark of anger fought its way back into my heart as those words hurt me more than his behaviour during the last weeks.

"Seriously?" I scoffed half-heartedly. I gulped as I desperately tried to hold back my tears now. "You ignored me for a month because you had your reasons?" Feeling defeated, I didn't care about showing him my pain anymore. I couldn't do anything to change what happened these past weeks anyway. I whispered painfully. "One bloody month, Severus…"

I couldn't bare looking at him anymore. I was breaking down inwardly so I turned away from him. Trying to hold myself together, I ran a hand through my hair, pulling at it until I felt the pain. I had missed Severus so much over the last weeks, I had wanted to talk to him because I had needed him. I had wanted to spend my time with him, to laugh together again. And now he dared giving me that pathetic excuse. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. Concentrating on my pain and sadness, I forcefully pushed it away. I would hold myself together…

"Forgive me." Severus' pained voice interrupted my thoughts. I whirled around and stared at him with wide eyes. He was standing a few feet away from me now and watching me with a reserved and calculating look. Something snapped in my heart.

"What for?" I exclaimed fiercely. "How am I supposed to forgive you if you're not even talking to me?" At a loss for words, I desperately raised my hands when a few tears finally rolled down my cheeks. Severus continued staring at me with a blank expression, his body confusingly still. Usually, I had no problem with his self-control but right now it hurt so much that I wanted to slap him across the face to get an answer and any emotional reaction.

"Damn it, Severus!" I yelled with a cracking voice as more tears erupted from my eyes. "I told you, I'm sorry for stealing and lying. I truly am! And I regret it more than you can imagine…"

Desperation overwhelmed me and tears streamed down my face freely now. I didn't care anymore except for this man, who did nothing except staring blankly at me. "What do you want from me?"

Something snapped Severus out of his careless state and suddenly I found myself engulfed in a tight and comforting embrace. I squeezed my eyes shut and rested my head against his chest. Biting my lip, I pressed my face into his robes, trying desperately not breaking down. Severus rested his cheek on top of my head and I felt him burying his face in my hair. His grip around my small body tightened even more as one hand wandered to my hair, holding my head gently against his beating heart.

"Do you still love me?" I blurted out, my quiet voice muffled against his thick robes. Panic rose in my chest, I didn't dare moving anymore.

Severus tensed immediately and his grip loosened, making me wince inwardly. Gently but determined, he pushed me back. I didn't dare looking up so I kept my gaze fixed firmly on the buttons of his robes. My body had frozen in the spot and my heart was hammering loudly in my chest as I waited terrified for his answer.

"Oh, Arya." His cracking voice made me look up automatically. My heart broke when I saw Severus' agonized and pained expression, his eyes boring desperately right into my soul. I averted my gaze as new tears threatened to leave my eyes. It was too much to feel my pain and see his tortured expression at the same time.

Severus stepped back but I didn't move. I knew if I broke my frozen state now I wouldn't leave this office anytime soon. I would probably fall on the floor and have an emotional break down… like last time and I didn't want to go through it again. I felt nothing but numbness and my pounding heart in my chest. My mind trying to keep out every possible emotion.

"Please… forgive me for ever giving you the impression of not loving you." Slowly, I raised my head to look at him. Severus looked heartbreakingly lost and broken in this moment. "Forgive me!"

He seemed at a loss for words whilst my brain slowly processed what he had said. Severus' words released the warming and comforting feeling of relief. They warmed my heart and washed away my fear and panic in an instant. I felt suddenly more alive than ever…

"I love you." Severus spoke up, his voice shaking with emotions. I locked our eyes and drank in every emotion. "I love you!" He repeated steadier now and I couldn't suppress the soft, relieved chuckle which escaped my mouth.

And then suddenly, he whirled around and turned his back to me. I stared at his shoulders as he stood there, not moving the slightest and obviously back in his paralyzed state. My relief was replaced by the feeling of annoyance when reality crushed down on me. Leave it to Severus to ruin positive moments with his bloody self-reproaches and nagging conscience! Frustrated, I ran a hand through my hair and sighed deeply. Severus had made his move and now it was my turn again. Or else he would bury himself in self-loathing and refuse to talk to me again. So much for his advice not to drown myself in self-hatred…

But I also knew that Severus had endured so much more during his whole life than I had. His self-loathing was buried deep within since the day he had chosen to take the dark mark and give in to the dark arts. As long as there existed Death Eaters and my father, he would keep hating himself for it because he would constantly be reminded of his mistakes. And the Death Eaters' appearing during the Quidditch World Cup was a reliable proof for my father's return.

I crossed my arms and bit my bottom lip. "Severus, please tell me why you were pushing me away." I demanded gently. I needed to know because if I thought too much about his useless excuse I would be angry again and I didn't want to anymore.

Slowly, Severus turned around, his hands behind his back and his look piercing me. It didn't surprise me that he had involuntarily adopted his passive, submissive attitude to keep his emotions at bay. Nevertheless, it stung in my heart to see the usually strong and proud man in such a state.

"Karkaroff." Severus snarled coldly and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"What about him?"

Severus looked at me and to my relief I saw anger and hatred flickering over his face. His body tensed and slowly his face contorted with rage. I definitely preferred him like this than emotionless…

"That bastard is following me around the castle." Severus spat furiously and I cast him a curious look. He growled and his glare intensified. "He's desperately seeking for an adviser and believes I can or would help him."

I waited for him to continue but Severus had clenched his jaw and was waiting for my reaction. "I don't understand. An adviser… for what?"

Severus only kept piercing me with his intimidating scowl and even if I knew if wasn't meant for me this time, I couldn't help myself from feeling utterly stupid. I racked my brain, trying to get his message.

"Oh…" I replied astonished as it dawned me. Severus nodded curtly in acknowledgement. Now that explained his annoyance about this man. "And what does that have to do with me?" I added quietly, looking him dead in the eyes.

Severus exhaled deeply and seemed to lose all his physical tension at once. Absentminded, he folded his arms and watched me calculating.

"I meant it when I said that he's following me. Karkaroff corners me whenever he catches me alone, he shows up in my office and classroom unpredictably. He even disturbed my classes several times." Severus snarled hatefully now. Then he sighed and his eyes softened. "I was concerned he might barge in while you're here. I don't know how much he knows about you and it bothers me."

"Wait," I interrupted him nervously. "You mean he knows about me or just that Riddle's daughter is walking around in Hogwarts?"

"The latter." Severus confirmed and I let out a deep breath before tensing.

"Did he ask about me? Does he think you know who his daughter is?" Severus just pressed his lips in a thin line and clenched his jaw. "Crap."

Severus was trying to protect me and I had assumed the worst again. Just like before when he had left me with Dumbledore…

"Why didn't you tell me in the first place? I thought you were still angry at me and that made me… well… angry at you…" I ended mumbling and averted my gaze.

I heard Severus shifting, his robes rustling over the floor. "I believed it would be more discreet if you're annoyed at me than angry at Karkaroff without obvious reasons."

I lifted my head and glared half-heartedly at him. "I can be discreet, you know. Besides, I'm not running around telling people who I'm dating or that I'm the daughter of the darkest wizard of all times."

To my utter confusion, Severus raised one eyebrow and smirked. I furrowed my eyebrows and cast him a questioning look. "What?"

He simply shook his head before unfolding his arms and becoming serious again. Severus stared at me thoughtfully then, his gaze slowly wandering over my face. "I'm asking for your forgiveness, Arya. I should've told you about Karkaroff."

I averted my gaze and absentmindedly rubbed my forearm. My lips twitched upwards as relief and sparks of joy were growing in my heart. When I looked back into Severus' worried eyes I sighed.

"You're forgiven." I smirked wildly and he stared at me as though I was the most fascinating thing in the world.

Then, in one swift move, he had pulled me in an embrace and held me tightly to his chest. I chuckled and inhaled his scent deeply as I felt him burying his face in my hair again. "Thank you." I heard his low voice next to my ear making me smile into his chest.

I looked up at him and he returned a small, beautiful smile. Gently, Severus rested his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes. "I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too." Severus replied and closed the gap between us by placing his lips softly on mine.

I relaxed into the slow and loving kiss. Severus' hand wandered to cup my cheek while mine made their way to his neck, playing with his soft hair. I caressed his lips with my tongue but paused surprised as a low growl erupted his mouth. Smirking, I traced his lips once again very slowly and Severus' hand glided into my hair now, holding me close. I stopped my teasing and entered his mouth, our tongues fighting and dancing around one another. I felt his hand on my lower back, pressing me firmly against his comfortable body. As I pulled back to catch my breath, I heard the most beautiful sound. Severus' low chuckle vibrated through his chest and I felt his breath on my face. Gently, he placed his hand on my jaw and caressed my cheek looking me deeply in the eyes.

"Am I allowed to say that I missed you?" Severus asked with sparkling eyes. Now it was my turn to chuckle and I nodded.

"Only because I love you saying it." I returned a shy smile and he placed a soft kiss on my forehead. I snuggled my head to his chest while he laid his cheek on top of my head. His hands were placed on my lower back, his thumb caressing me comfortingly.

"Arya?" Severus interrupted the comfortable silence. I hummed in response and felt his smirk against my head. "Are we really dating?"

I opened my eyes widely, wondering where he had gotten the expression from. Questioning, I leaned back and watched his smug expression. I opened my mouth to speak… and closed it again. My face heated up as a deep blush crept on my cheeks. Groaning, I dropped my head against Severus' chest, he was chuckling quietly.

"Well, what would you call what we're doing?" I mumbled into his robes.

"I surely wouldn't describe it with such a hackneyed word." I heard him mumble and grinned into his chest. I lifted my head and raised my eyebrows.

"Dating isn't hackneyed. It's a very nice word to describe two people going out to spend some time together."

Severus furrowed his eyebrows and curled his lips in slight disgust. "At least you're putting 'dating' and 'nice' in the same category…" I rolled my eyes and he looked down with a satisfied expression. "Your definition may apply for that hackneyed word every hormonal teenager uses to describe his short living relationship. However, neither are we going out, nor are we spending time together since that would require a fixed date and time."

I laughed and shook my head. "You're incredible… Did I ever mention how much I love your linguistic style?" Severus watched me with a blank expression and merely raised one eyebrow. "You still didn't answer my question though."

"I prefer the expression 'courting'" Severus finally answered. "Unlike 'dating' its meaning is more explicit and serious."

I thought about it shortly and nodded. "Yeah, its meaning is definitely nicer than dating." I smirked as Severus scowled down at me. "My Professor is courting me… How does that sound?"

"Very Slytherin indeed." Severus' lips twitched upwards into a small smirk. "What would Minerva say if she knew you're courting your Professor."

Repelled, I wrinkled my nose and cast him a dark look, making his smirk grew wider. "Bloody hell, that sounds terribly sly and… bitchy!" Severus laughed and I hit him on the chest. "That's not funny! People make fun of these relationships."

Smirking smugly, Severus placed a kiss on my forehead. "I know but I don't care. Because I'll make sure that our relationship won't come out until your last day of school. And as soon as the headmaster announced your outstanding NEWTs, I'll embrace you right then and there."

A light blush appeared on my cheeks and I bit my bottom lip in embarrassment. Severus leaned in and brushed my nose with his. Warmth spread through my body and goose bumps appeared on my skin as the deeper meaning of what he had said sank in. My graduation's in three years. Smiling warmly, I looked into his mysterious, dark eyes, drowning in the love they held.

"Sounds good to me!" I agreed and Severus smiled genuinely in return, making my legs flabby all the sudden. Butterflies whirled around in my stomach, giving me a tingling sensation.

"I planned on going through with it anyway. You just gave me a reassuring confirmation." I chuckled at his reply and buried my face in his chest again. Enjoying, the comfort and warmth of his arms around me, I closed my eyes and sighed in content…

My thoughts drifted away to everything I wanted to tell Severus. He didn't know about my arm hurting. I hadn't told him yet. Or about Moody, my nightmares and the Polyjuice Potion. And there was the matter of Hermione and Draco. If he would be angry to hear that I was about to tell her the truth? Probably…

"I'm afraid you've to go soon, Arya." Severus interrupted my thoughts. Confused, I opened my eyes and looked up. Severus returned a stern gaze. "Afternoon classes." I let out a deep breath and groaned quietly. Severus placed a kiss on my forehead and brushed his nose against it.

"I've got History of Magic next." I whined and bit the inside of my cheek in frustration.

Severus chuckled deeply and pulled me closer to his chest. He lowered his head until our cheeks were touching and his lips next to my ear. Merlin! His growling yet velvet voice sent shivers down my spine. "History can be really interesting."

I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on what he had just said. It was incredibly difficult with the whirling butterflies in my stomach and the pounding heart in my chest... And his breath on my ear. It should be forbidden how he makes me feel with his voice…

"Really?" I managed to squeeze out in a somewhat high-pitched voice. I felt him smirk against my skin before he hummed deeply in respond. His chest and cheek vibrated against me and I couldn't stop myself from whimpering quietly. Merlin, help me!

"Of course." Severus growled slowly and goose bumps appeared all over my body. I bit my bottom lip to keep myself from doing more embarrassing sounds. Did he even know what he was doing to me right now?

While one hand on my lower back held me firmly against his chest, the other wandered up and gently brushed some hair aside. A burning sensation followed where his fingers brushed my skin. I inhaled sharply when I felt him lowering his head. He placed his soft lips on my neck. Sighing deeply, all the remaining tension left my body the same instant and I relaxed in his arms, my head leaning heavily against his. Severus started kissing my neck, his lips caressing my skin and sucking gently. My body shivered when an overwhelming heat wave exploded on my neck, in my heart. Severus hold tightened and slowly his kisses wandered upwards. I moaned and clasped his robes firmly when his lips reached the spot right under my jaw. He sucked my sweet spot and run his tongue over it. My body was burning but at the same time I didn't feel anything anymore except those perfect lips on my neck. Severus sucked harder now. I moaned again when he nipped my skin with his teeth. My hands wandered to his neck and further into his hair. I heard his growl next to my ear and felt it vibrating on my skin. His hand wandered in my hair and suddenly his lips left my neck. He held my head firmly in place and pressed his cheek against it. I heard him taking a few shaking breaths. But I didn't want it to stop… not yet anyways.

I lifted my head and saw that he had his eyes closed. I looked at his lips and my body reacted instantly. I grabbed a fistful of his hair and placed my lips rather roughly on his. Severus growled and kissed me back as fiercely. He run his tongue over my lips, begging for entrance. He pressed me closer to his chest while one hand wandered from my hair down to the back of my neck. I parted my lips and the kiss slowed as his tongue explored my mouth. I sighed when our heated kiss became a softer, loving one. Severus' hold on my neck loosened and his hand wandered to cup my cheek.

I pulled back to regain my breath and Severus leaned his forehead against mine. I chuckled as I felt his fastened breathing on my face. The corner of his mouth twitched and his lips turned into a satisfied smirk. To my amazement, he hummed lowly in content, sending another shiver down my spine. I couldn't prevent myself from grinning widely with pride and great joy. Obviously, he felt completely relaxed right now and showed me his unguarded and true self. It warmed my heart and made me love him even more.

Slowly, his hands wandered to my lower back and held me gently but determined in our embrace. Absentminded, I caressed the skin of his neck with my thumbs. My heart felt light in my chest and my body more alive than ever. Where Severus' body was touching mine, I felt as if my skin was burning under my clothes. I felt so incredibly safe and loved in his arms. This is the man I want to be with, the man I love no matter how many fights we have… He's mine… My smile widened at my realization and butterflies woke in my stomach once again. I chuckled as another shiver of great happiness rushed through my whole body. Leaving every part of my skin tingling.

"I love you so much, Severus Snape!" I spoke quietly with a huge smile on my lips. I was rewarded with a low chuckle and another satisfied hum. My heart jumped again at this sound…

The content silence was interrupted by somebody clearing their throat.

We pulled away from each other instantly and I whirled around. Severus moved swiftly and was suddenly standing in front of me with his wand raised. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest and coldness filled my whole body. Automatically, I took a step to the side to see who it was. With wide eyes, I stared at the intruder. To shocked and paralyzed to do or say anything.

"Am I interrupting?" The bright voice of none other than Albus Dumbledore asked innocently. With his hands behind his back he was watching us curiously. His eyes were sparkling over his half-moon spectacles.

As soon as Severus realized who he was facing he lowered his wand slowly. His tension decreased in a heartbeat when he straightened again. I however couldn't move. I couldn't even think. The only thing I could do was staring at the headmaster and feeling how my heart pounded loudly in my chest. The blood rushed through my ears.

"Are you feeling alright, Ms. Jackson?" Dumbledore's amused voice made its way into my brain and snapped me out of my paralyzed state.

"Yes… yes, I'm fine." My voice was quiet and shaking very badly as I was suddenly aware of our situation.

"When did you enter my office?" Severus asked, cool on the outside but his eyes showed his irritation. Nervously, I glanced up at him and back to Dumbledore.

"Oh, merely a few minutes ago. I saw enough however to know that Ms. Jackson is good for you, Severus." A blush crept on my cheeks and I averted my gaze from the headmaster. I fidgeted nervously with my fingers, inwardly cursing myself for my insecurity. My brain seemed to have left me…

"I must admit, I'm quite surprised." Dumbledore said in a light voice and smiled to himself. He took his hands from behind his back and stepped closer. Severus shifted slightly in discomfort and I cast him a short, slightly panicking glance. Obviously, he had seen it because he looked reassuringly at me and nodded curtly before turning back to the elder man. Who was now merely standing a few steps away, not really helping with my lack of assurance. His piercing gaze felt as if he could see right into my mind.

"You successfully hid yourselves for- how long is it? About two months now? The way you've been acting around one another before Christmas…" Dumbledore looked curiously from Severus to me and I forced myself to return his uncomfortable gaze. I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. But then, I was still feeling a little shocked and waiting for a serious lecture.

"I'm protecting her and our relationship. Isn't that exactly what you asked for?" Severus asked sounding slightly annoyed now. Dumbledore's eyes light up with amusement and he chuckled. Merlin, he's confusing! Somehow, hearing Severus' voice, made the wheels in my head turn again and clearing up my clouded mind.

"Of course, of course." Dumbledore replied cheerily before visibly losing himself in his thoughts. His eyes held a distant glimmer in them while his voice sounded absentminded now. "Love... It is a beautiful and terrible thing and should therefore be treated with caution. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

I couldn't do anything except staring at the strange old man. Sometimes, I hated him and sometimes I didn't care about him. I was still unsure whether I liked or disliked him but I couldn't deny that he was mad. Suddenly, his look changed to a stern and determined one and he pierced us with ice blue eyes.

"Your bond is indeed deep and powerful and will most certainly become an essential part in the war. Hold on to it and protect each other but make sure to keep it for yourselves for now. The world is not ready yet to face your love. Men tend to fear what they cannot understand, and fear can make them do terrible things."

I felt as if a train had knocked me over with his words. I understood the meaning of them but then again, it felt as if I didn't. Confused, I glanced up at Severus who looked down the same time with a very confused expression. Dumbledore nodded and clapped his hands cheerfully.

"I'm afraid, I have to leave you now. I suppose the Minister is waiting in my office and you have classes to attend and teach… Remember to be careful, Severus!" Another confusing wink and he left, humming to himself happily. I stared at the closing door, still racking my brain over his words.

"Infuriating man." Severus growled, back to his more relaxed self now that the headmaster was gone. I hummed and nodded absentmindedly, my gaze still fixed on the door.

After a while, I was snapped out of my thoughts when Severus placed a hand on my shoulder. I shook my head and looked up to see him smiling softly at me. I put my arms around his torso and buried my face in his chest. Severus rested his hands on my shoulder blades and placed a long kiss on the top of my head. I sighed and took a last deep breath, inhaling his scent before he pushed me away gently. His stern look almost imitated Dumbledore's perfectly.

"You really need to leave now."

I watched him calculating, suddenly feeling afraid of leaving. I crossed my arms and bit the inside of my cheek. "You're not going to throw me out or argue again next time, aren't you?"

"No, I promise." Severus answered honestly and I nodded. I smiled to myself before unfolding my arms again and showing him my satisfied smirk. "But…" Severus added smirking and stared at my neck.

I raised my eyebrows questioning. "But what?"

His gaze flickered back to my eyes. "You probably might want to hide the mark on your neck."

A blush crept on my cheeks and my hand flew to my throat. Smiling sheepishly at a smugly looking Severus, I started mumbling. "Oh… uhm. I think to be safe I really should…" Hesitantly, I concentrated on the magic in my hand to… heal my skin. Severus' hand on my wrist stopped me however. Confused, I looked up and a small smile was playing around his lips.

"As much as I don't like to remove it, I think it's only fair if I do it. After all, I'm the one who put it there." That made me chuckle and my blush deepened even more. I nodded curtly at him and he pointed his wand at my neck. A short glimmer and tingling of my skin and he was done. I couldn't supress the smirk when I heard him groan quietly.

"Good… I'll be going then." Severus rolled his eyes at my unnecessary remark but the corner of his lips twitched a little. My smirk widened and I walked towards the door. "See you around." I chuckled as I heard his annoyed growl. I knew how to tease him…

"Oh, by the way. Thank you for that little help with Harry's Gillyweed. It was really reassuring and easing his nerves to know it's safe." I said grinning, turning back to him again.

To my surprise, his body and expression tensed and he sighed somewhat tiredly. Instantly, his face was whipped out of every emotion and he stared at me. I furrowed my eyebrows and watched him questioning. "What?"

Severus stood still and folded his arms thoughtfully. Confused, I racked my brain about what I had said before. If I had said something that would upset him… There's Gillyweed… teasing… my subtle warning… Dumbledore… His behaviour changed when I mentioned the Gillyweed though… Gillyweed… What the bloody hell's wrong with Gillyweed? Dobby brought it to us. It's not illegal… Gillyweed… It came from Dobby…

"Oh." My confusion was instantly replaced by realization when it dawned me. I opened my mouth but didn't know what to say so I closed it again. Suddenly, anger rushed through my whole body, quickly followed by shame though. I bit my lip and took a deep breath. Trying to keep my emotions at bay – I didn't want to start another fight – I folded my arms and walked closer to Severus. I stared back with a hopefully calm expression.

"Severus, whatever you think now, I don't want to know. We've been searching in the Library for something that would help Harry but we couldn't find anything. Dobby showed up in our common room in the morning and gave it to him. I swear I didn't steal it… none of us did! I mean I don't know how Dobby got the Gillyweed - maybe he stole it but then-"

"Arya." Severus loudly interrupted my rant and unfolded his arms. Surprised, I closed my mouth and went back to staring at him calculating. Severus averted his gaze and let out a deep breath. When he was looking at me again, he seemed incredibly tired.

"I never thought you'd stolen it." His soft voice and determined words caught me by surprise and my lips parted in astonishment.

"Why not?" I asked baffled and unfolded my arms absentminded. "I mean you've every right to. Not that I'd like it but still." Severus scowled and shook his head in disbelief.

"I don't know if I should admire your high sense for moral or cringe at the thought of how low you estimate my trust in you. It doesn't happen often that somebody's stealing from my store. Obviously, something's happening under our noses and I intend to find out what. Three thefts in six months… Quite unusual." I nodded dumbly. That sounded reasonable. Severus sighed and his expression became incredibly stern all the sudden. "If you feel the urge to discuss it further we'll do it another day. Classes are about to start."

I nodded again and walked towards the door, deeply lost in thoughts about the thefts. Remembering something, I whirled around again with furrowed eyebrows. "Dobby said that he overheard Moody and Professor McGonagall talking about the task and the Gillyweed in the teacher's room."

Severus was already standing behind his desk and gathering some roles of parchment he probably needed for class. Sighing deeply, he made them vanish with a flick of his wand. Then he stepped out from behind desk and watched me with a blank face. "I'll find out how that house elf got the Gillyweed." I nodded and made my way to the door.

"Don't you think it's strange though?" I turned to look at him again. Severus furrowed his eyebrows and pressed his lips in a thin line. "Dobby just happened to be in the right place at the right time? Hogwarts' house elves hardly leave the kitchen during the day." I wondered and thought about it. Maybe Dobby could tell us more about how he got the Gillyweed. His face really was as easy to read as an open book. If he tried to lie or hide something we would know…

"Seeing that he's a house elf he can appear everywhere if need be. Now, run along! I don't want to be late and neither should you!" Severus answered irritated, his eyes piercing me warningly.

"Do you honestly believe a house elf would steal on his own accord? They've strict orders after all."

His look became even darker if possible, clouded with annoyance now. "I'm warning you, don't even think about talking to him. It's none of your business! Now. Run. Along!" He drawled threateningly.

I nodded quickly and walked to the door. Just as I was about to reach for the door handle, another horrifying thought came into my mind. Biting my lip and with wide eyes, I whirled around.

"But what if-" I jumped as the door opened abruptly and banged loudly against the wall.

"OUT!" Severus shouted angrily, pointing strictly to the door with his wand.

"Alright, sorry." I shrank sheepishly under his dangerously sparkling eyes boring merciless into mine. "See you around." With his growl in my ears, I whirled around and hurried out of his office.

I run all the way to Professor Binn's classroom and arrived just in time. When I entered and looked around for my friends, a huge grin was plastered on my face. My hand wandered to my neck and caressed my tingling skin where Severus' lips had been before. I bloody hell love my boyfriend with all my heart!