49

49. What did I do?

Bloody stubborn, smartass Slytherin you're Severus! I cursed inwardly. Damn your loyalty and sense of duty! Roughly, I turned the page of my Transfigurations book and started reading the next chapter.

Three days it had been since the incident in the Potions class. And Severus had refused to talk to me again unless I apologized but I simply couldn't. I was convinced that Professor Moody wasn't really who he pretended to be.

He's bloody evil! There are just to many coincidences besides the bad feeling I have around him. Moody reeks horribly of dark magic so there's no chance I'll ever trust him. Never ever will I trust that reeking, ugly, distorted man who managed to wrap everyone around his finger.

I growled under my breath and continued working on the questions Professor McGonagall had given us. Hermione was scribbling furiously next to me and I rolled my eyes. I couldn't really concentrate to be honest. Either I was thinking about Moody or trying to find a way to convince Severus. I needed to convince him or we wouldn't talk in a long time. Severus was very obstinate when it came to arguments. He needed more evidences than just a feeling – again his rational self coming through…

"Damn it!" I cursed fretful when I accidentally broke the quill in my hands. Ink had splashed everywhere on my parchment and robes. In my annoyance, I had obviously gripped it to hard.

"Ms. Jackson." Professor McGonagall stated sternly and I glared up at her. She raised her eyebrows and shook her head.

Just leave me alone, damn it. I cursed inwardly and focused my magic on my hand. I raised it over the two parts of the broken quill to fix it. I started feeling the prickle in my palm when I suddenly realised my mistake. Quickly, I let it subside again and pulled out my wand. Glaring darkly at the quill, I fixed it and cleaned everything. Bloody Severus Snape, bloody Moody, bloody lies, bloody hiding!

Again, I tried to concentrate on my work but it was worthless. When Professor McGonagall finally collected everyone's parchments I had only done half of the questions. Annoyed, I stuffed everything in my bag and spun it over my shoulder.

"You alright?" Hermione asked while I waited for her to get her books. Impatiently, I fidgeted with my fingers and scowled around the room.

"Yeah, peachy." I replied sarcastically and turned my eyes. Hermione curled her lips and raised her eyebrows half-heartedly.

"Don't tell me this has to do with Moody again. Your sulking becomes a bit annoying lately." She replied untouched and watched me warningly. I rolled my eyes again and followed her to the door.

"Well, I don't like him and I don't trust him at all. So what?" I mumbled grimly and cursed about the Ravenclaw in front of me. He blocked the door by talking to his friend.

"Jackson, a word please!" Our head of house called suddenly and I groaned. Hermione nodded and left after Ron and Harry.

I exhaled deeply and strolled lazily to her desk. She waited with her hands folded and her usual stern expression. I gave my best not to glare at her. After all she hadn't done anything to me.

"Ms. Jackson, I've been told that you hardly follow your classes anymore. Your teachers noticed you being unconcentrated and absentminded. So I noticed today as well." Her piercing look bore deeply into my eyes but I tried to relax. I waited for her to go on but she didn't. I clenched my jaw and readjusted the position of my bag.

"I have a lot on my mind lately." I told her annoyed. And I'd like to tell you but you'll just call me paranoid and stupid as well. I added in my mind.

"Does this have to do with Professor Moody?" I squinted my eyes at her question. Anger rushed through my whole body and my heart clenched painfully.

"Severus told you, didn't he?" I asked snidely and she pressed her lips in a thin line. "He'd no right to do so." I growled angrily.

"Ms. Jackson, you had an accident during his class. It was his duty to inform me as your head of house." She replied sternly and I scoffed darkly.

"His duty… of course." Irritated, I run a hand through my hair. I raised one hand but decided that it probably wasn't appropriate to point at my teacher. Instead, I growled under my breath and glared at her. "It's not his duty to tell you things I tell him in confidence… What exactly did he tell you?"

Professor McGonagall sighed and furrowed her eyebrows. "He told me about the incident in class and your outrageous accusations. Ms. Jackson, do you even realize how serious this is?" She sounded irritated but it was nothing compared with my own rage now.

"Outrageous accusations?" I mumbled in disbelief. Then I furrowed my eyebrows and glared profoundly at my head of house. Something snapped inside me. "You know very well who I am. And you know very well how much I hate my father and his followers. I'm the last person on this earth who'd dare to falsely accuse somebody of being a Death Eater!" I yelled furiously before stepping back a little.

When I looked up at her again, she watched me with a stern, but calm expression – to my utter annoyance. "Yes, I know how serious this is but I made up my mind. You don't feel what I feel around him. You can't perceive the unbearable reek of dark magic and you most certainly never spent time with Death Eaters before." I forced out through gritted teeth.

"Jackson!" Professor McGonagall snapped sharply. "You're free to dislike whoever you wish but there are rules in our school. Your accusations go to far. From now on I expect you to concentrate on your studies again. I don't want to hear about any of this matter again. Did I make myself clear?"

I clenched my jaw in frustration. I wanted to scream and cry for them not even trying to understand me. First Severus and now the teacher I respected and liked the most.

"I never make promises I probably can't keep." I replied coldly. When she opened her mouth again I interrupted her boldly. "Professor, I have only one question." She raised her eyebrows and nodded curtly. I gripped my bag tighter and gulped. I felt scared now. "Do you trust me?"

She seemed surprised by my question because she shifted slightly. Of course, she quickly composed herself. She was very professional after all and that was the reason I had always liked and respected her. We could always count on her. Except for now, I wasn't so sure anymore. And the slowly stretching silence wasn't helping either…

So she doesn't… I dropped my shoulders and felt how my heart cracked a little more. I averted my gaze and bit the inside of my cheek.

"I see." I said quietly. I looked back up and felt all the disappointment heavily on my shoulders. "I guess I'm no longer needed here…"

With that I cast her a last glance before turning around and rushing away. My heart pounded loudly in my chest and I heard the blood pulsate through my ears. I felt lost and lonely even when I walked through crowds of students. Nobody believed me obviously. They all thought, I was going crazy or paranoid. But the worst was Severus. He had the dark mark. I had seen it the morning after the yule ball. It had been darker again even though it had almost faded over the last years. Death Eater had appeared during the Quidditch world cup. But nobody believed it being strange that Harry was suddenly in the Triwizard tournament. Of all students in Hogwarts, Harry had been chosen – the boy-who-lived, the boy my father hated and feared the most…

I was ripped out of my grim thoughts when I entered the great hall and looked around for my friends. I found them sitting together and laughing about something. The seat next to Hermione wasn't taken. Not really in the mood for a bright and light mood, I strolled slowly to their places. But eventually I reached them and let myself flop down inelegantly. I clenched my jaw and took a sip from my pumpkin juice.

"What did McGonagall want?" Hermione asked chuckling. I glared at the food in front of me, not feeling hungry at all.

"Confronted me with my outrageous accusations and what happened during Potions." I answered curtly and finally chose some meat and vegetables. Hermione scoffed and gave me a pointed look. I glared darkly at her before she would say something else.

"Forget about her, Arya. It's not as if you did anything bad." Harry tried to cheer me up but I merely growled to myself. Carelessly, I started piercing my vegetables randomly before looking up at him.

"Yeah, tell her that. I asked her if she trusted me and her expression clearly told me that she doesn't." I stated irritated and sadly. Harry furrowed his eyebrows and blinked I confusion.

"As if she wouldn't trust you. I'm sure she's mostly disappointed." He reassured me but I simply shrugged. I continued torturing my food and started drifting away in my thoughts.

Evidences, I need evidences. How the hell can I prove that I'm right? My gaze wandered to the teacher's table and I saw Moody sitting next to Severus as usual. They weren't talking to each other but I could see that the other's presence made them uncomfortable. How do I show everyone that you're nothing but a lying bastard, Moody?

I was ripped out of my thoughts again when Hermione nudged my side. I flinched and turned to her.

"We're going back to the common room now." Hermione explained shortly and I nodded. She watched me expectantly and cast me a small smile.

"Go ahead, I'll meet you later." I replied quietly and she nodded. She winked before turning around and leaving with Harry and Ron. Sighing, I pushed my plate away and rested my elbows on the table. I buried my face in my hands and groaned.

Then I looked up at Severus again and my heart clenched painfully. I hated arguments but fighting with Severus was ten times worse. During this year we had argued so much more than our previous years together. I wanted to run to him and tell him what he wanted to hear to ease his anger but I knew it wasn't that easy. I couldn't apologize if I didn't mean it. I had always stood by my word – maybe not when I got really angry though.

Well, Severus. I suppose this time's going to be worse because I'm not going to apologize. I blew out my cheeks and exhaled loudly in frustration. I can't apologize for my opinion! So what the hell are we doing now? He'll never believe me if he's got no prove and Moody's the only one who can give it to him… Oh yeah, go and ask him Severus. I'm sure Moody will tell you the truth. He'll gladly open to you because he's desperately lost in his lies and needs somebody he can trust. He'll most certainly admit everything!

I thought sarcastically. I rested my chin in my hand and carelessly watched the teachers. Professor McGonagall had just arrived and sat down as well. Professor Trelawney looked extremely uncomfortable with herself. I had always wondered if she really was a true seer. Surely, Dumbledore would know. They fit perfectly together, Dumbledore and Trelawney. Two people who aren't in their right minds.

My head snapped up and my eyes widened in realization. That's it! Moody's mind. I straightened up and stared at the Defence against the Dark Arts' teacher. I could invade his mind and see his memories. I would know the whole truth and could prove everyone how wrong they had been. Severus mastered Occlumency and Legilimency better than anyone else in this castle. If I told him that I had seen it in his memories he would have to believe me. If he didn't he could simply look at them himself.

I exhaled deeply and shook my head. I can do this! Severus had taught me everything there was to know about Occlumency and Legilimency. Understanding both had helped me understanding the extent and limit of my abilities. I could enter minds with or without people noticing. Invading someone's mind was the worse attack on privacy possible. But now I wouldn't do it for fun. It was necessary or else Moody would continue endangering everyone here. If he was gone I wouldn't have to worry about the reek of the dark arts in this school.

I changed my position a little to sit down comfortably. I rested my feet steadily on the floor and placed my arms on the table without leaning on them. I straightened up and held my head straight and steady. Then I closed my eyes.

I concentrated on the feeling of magic in my body. It pulsated everywhere, in every bone, every organ, every drop of blood. As soon as I felt every single part of my body very detailed I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Then I opened my mind to my surroundings. I reached for my magic and started letting it wander over the students towards the teachers. I felt each mind like a pulsating, brightly shining living individual. I could feel which mind belonged to whom – distinguished by the rhythm of pulses, the brightness of the shining and the power of each.

My magic covered the teacher's table now. I was surprised to notice that Professor McGonagall's mind was pulsating as strong as Severus'. I lingered on his a little longer, enjoying the feeling of his familiar and loving aura. I had trained with Severus as a child because he had wanted me to be able to control my mind. I knew everything about the feeling of his mind. I would always recognize it, no matter how many people he was surrounded with.

One after the other, I magically scanned them until I reached the unmistaken reeking aura of Professor Moody. I focused all my magic on this one mind until I was practically surrounding it from every side. His mind was pulsating strongly but the aura around it felt worse being so close to it. I wasn't surprised to sense that he knew Occlumency, but it didn't protect him against my magic. It simply built more barriers around his mind. I focused my own mind to pass his barriers. I only used a small trace of magic so that he wouldn't notice me. Very carefully, I entered further - almost passed every barrier now-

A sharp, stinging force suddenly enwrapped my mind and tore me brutally out of Moody's head. I felt the attacker bombarding my barriers merciless until I was suddenly catapulted back in my own body. Horrified about what just happened, I opened my eyes widely and took quick, shallow breaths. The attack on my mind had ended but I could still fell the immense force. Paralyzed, I stared at the table and run a shaking hand through my hair. I felt a few drops of sweat rolling down my forehead. Inwardly, I was shaking with fear. What happened? Moody never should've become aware of me. Simply impossible! I didn't do anything he could've detected.

With wide eyes, I looked to the teacher's table and saw Moody still sitting at the table and eating. Nothing in his composure gave away that he had been fighting off an intruder. How should he anyway?! Nobody can fight off a fairy, Occlumency is useless against me. Not even the dark arts can protect someone against me.

Again, I run my trembling hand through my hair. I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. It didn't help the slightest with the flabby feeling in every part of my body. Slowly, I opened my eyes again and stood up. I almost stumbled in the process and whilst walking the first few steps. The students around me were blurred, moving shadows. The only thing I could concentrate on were my feet. Every step felt as if I was wading through a torrential river, threatening to make me fall any time.

"Ms. Jackson." I heard the unmistaken voice of my head of house from behind me. Instantly, I became fully aware of my surroundings. Suddenly, my brain was working again. Professor McGonagall watched me with a very stern expression on her face. Her eyes were piercing me angrily.

"Follow me." With that she turned around and walked at a fast pace towards the door. Worrying what could have made her so irritated, I followed quickly a few steps behind her. Something serious must have happened! Others seemed to have noticed it as well because suddenly I only heard the aggressive clattering of her steps. Heads turned to her and then to me. Could she know about what I did? I quickly dismissed the thought though. Nobody knew about it if Moody hadn't even noticed my attack himself. But what the bloody hell happened then?

To my surprise, she led me to the headmaster's office. I started feeling uncomfortable when she didn't turn or glance at me once. Not even when we were standing on the moving stairs of Dumbledore's gargoyle. She didn't bother knocking before rushing inside his office. The door banged close behind me and I flinched.

When I came to a halt in the middle of the office, I found myself being watched by Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall and… Severus. His expression was deadly calm and emotionless, sending a shiver down my spine. Then I glanced at the headmaster whose sharp eyes pierced me intimidatingly. For once they held no amusement or light mood. I looked from one to the other and shrank inwardly even though I tried not to show my discomfort. What if they found evidences that Moody's not as good as everyone assumed?

"Ms. Jackson do you know why you're here?" Professor Dumbledore asked sternly. I gulped under his look before shaking my head curtly. A long silence followed, making me even more nervous. Something told me this wasn't about Moody…

Dumbledore looked at Severus who subtly shook his head. For a while they simply stared at each other, obviously having a wordless conversation. The headmaster sighed and returned his boring gaze to me.

"I heard about your doubts and accusations concerning Professor Moody." I gulped again but returned a hopefully steady look. So, this was about Moody after all… "Even though I already heard the reasons for your believe, I expect an explanation from yourself." Blue eyes continued staring merciless in mine, so I averted my gaze.

Nervously, I started fidgeting with my hands. So, Severus and McGonagall decided to betray me as well. Obviously, I underestimated their mistrust… My heart clenched painfully and a spark of anger rushed through my whole body. Clenching my jaw, I looked in the older man's eyes again. He was my last chance seeing as the other two had already set their minds.

"Moo- Professor Moody, he feels strange and in many ways like my father. I mean, his aura feels so incredibly like dark magic. When he's speaking it feels as if he'd be himself… but then again, he's lying so often. In our first lesson, when he introduced himself, I could sense that he was lying about who he really is. And which teacher would use the unforgivable curses in class? Who in their right mind would use them on students?... He's helping Harry with the tournament. I mean I'm glad that it's protecting him. But I simply can't understand what reasons Moody should have to help him. It's forbidden for teachers to help champions… I don't like- I hate Moody more than I can understand. His aura reeks so much of dark magic, it gives me headaches. I've had many nightmares and I see Moody in them. He's on my father's side… He's evil, Headmaster! I…"

Desperately, I tried to find the right words but I couldn't say anything else anymore. I had said everything I held against Moody. Frustrated, I ran a hand through my hair when I realized how little I had and how pathetic it all sounded.

"I know this is a serious matter. I know it all sounds like rubbish, but I know for sure Moody's not a good person. He's not on our side! He's… I… Moody's a Death Eater. I'm sure of it! I've spent time around Death Eaters before and I never forget how they feel like. I never forget the disgusting reek of dark magic! I know, Severus and Professor McGonagall don't believe me, but I swear I'm telling the truth sir." I ended in an almost begging tone.

Dumbledore watched me with an unreadable expression. Then his look wandered to Severus and McGonagall. Anxiously, I waited for him to say something. Either destroying me more than I already was or granting me some relief.

"Ms. Jackson, I'm the last person to condemn somebody for their belief. But this is – as you said – a very serious matter. There's a difference between believing and acting in belief." His piercing, stern gaze made it impossible for me to understand the meaning of his words.

"Sir?" I dared asking confused when he didn't continue. A cold wave rushed through my whole body when I saw a flicker of irritation in his eyes. He sighed and turned towards the two Professors in the room. Professor McGonagall pressed her lips in a thin line and was watching me with great disappointment. I shrank inwardly and quickly looked at Severus who was staring at me with a blank expression. My heart beat rapidly in my chest when confusion clouded my brain. Slowly, a trace of fear started to make its way into my hearts…

"You wanted to invade his mind." Severus' cold voice cut through the silence like a knife. My eyes widened and I gulped in surprise. Instantly, a freezing coldness enwrapped my whole body.

"Severus, I- I just-"

"Don't. You. Dare!" Severus interrupted me threatening slow. His expression turned livid in the blink of an eye. He unfolded his arms and bore his dangerously sparkling eyes merciless in mine. I gulped and froze right in the spot, my mouth still open. "Don't you dare using 'just' as an explanation for your behaviour!"

I flinched when he moved swiftly in front of me. As soon as he was looming over my short body, I stumbled back horrified. His face contorted menacingly and he curled his lips in pure disgust. Never before had he been so angry with me!

"You misused your abilities! You invaded his mind because your weak heart couldn't handle a simple rejection!" Severus' look darkened even more when his face came closer to mine. His voice was merely a hissing sound. "I taught you Occlumency and Legilimency to protect yourself and not for your selfishness. I warned you to never invade other people's minds unless your life depends on it! You gave me your word and I trusted you!"

I winced and whimpered quietly when Severus raised one hand. His expression contorted even more at my reaction. Roughly, he grabbed my chin and lifted my head until our eyes locked again. Dark, raging orbs pierced brutally in my blue ones.

"You disgust me Arya!" Whimpering, I closed my eyes and tried to pull my head out of his grip. I flinched again when his grip tightened painfully. "You betrayed me... You broke your word."

With that, Severus let go of me and whirled around. I took shallow breaths and stared horrified at the spot he had just been standing. My body felt cold and paralyzed with shock. When I lifted my head again, Severus stood rigidly in front of the window with his back turned to me. Inwardly, I was shaking very badly with fear and pain. He'll never forgive me for this... And I'll never be able to prove that I'm right… I lost him now…

"Ms. Jackson, we expect you to acquiesce the consequences for your action without opposition." Dumbledore spoke firmly and I reluctantly tore my gaze away from Severus' repellent posture. I nodded curtly and looked defeated in sparkling blue eyes. "Considering the severity of your transgression I could legally suspend you from Hogwarts."

That snapped me out of my shock immediately. Burning heat and freezing cold attacked my heart alternately. I felt blood pulsating loudly in my ears. Dumbledore cast me a long undefinable look and my anxiety grew with every passing second.

"You, however, are quite a special case. If I should suspend you, I'd have to give a detailed statement to the ministry. Certainly, for your own safety, nobody should know about the dimension of your abilities. Therefore, I won't inform Professor Moody about this matter. In return, I demand you pledge to not attack him in any way again and to keep your belief to yourself. You won't talk about it to anyone anymore - neither your friends nor young Mr. Malfoy."

"Yes, sir." I replied sheepishly. Dumbledore raised his eyebrows but nodded subtly.

"You serve detention for four weeks, five days per week. Either you'll be under the supervision of one of your teachers or Mr. Filch." He stated, watching me with a pointing look.

I nodded, feeling more than confused when he didn't continue. That's all? A month of detention? Dumbledore nodded satisfied and looked expectantly to Professor McGonagall. She cast me a long, stern scowl before slowly shaking her head. I shifted uncomfortably under her gaze.

"Knowing you, I know you won't change your opinion about Professor Moody. But I truly hope you understand how wrong your action has been." I dropped my shoulders and lowered my head. Rueful, I bit my bottom lip when I thought I couldn't bear her accusing voice any longer. "Fifty points will be taken from Gryffindor for your horrifyingly inappropriate behaviour… And to answer your question, I do trust you Ms. Jackson." Surprised, I snapped my head up and watched her with great disbelief. That made her shook her head once again. "But I'm highly disappointed in you! Never would I have expected such reckless and imprudent behaviour! I trust you'll use your intelligence in classes to regain our lost house points."

"Yes, Professor." I said quietly and she cast me another very stern look before finally turning to Dumbledore. My gaze quickly flickered over to Severus again who was still standing by the window.

"With all due respect Albus, your punishment is inadequate." I froze right in my spot when Severus finally turned around again. He ignored me completely and watched the headmaster with a deep scowl.

"Well, what do you suggest, Severus?" Professor McGonagall asked bemused. Severus crossed his arms when his boring gaze rested on me. A shiver run down my spine when I saw the careless expression on his face. Cold eyes stared painfully at me until I averted my gaze before I could even stop myself.

"A severe, personal punishment to ensure she won't repeat her foolish idea…" He drawled threatening in my direction. Incredulously, I looked at him again when another cold wave rushed down my spine. Severus returned an untouched expression, obviously observing my reaction closely. "Ban her from Quidditch next year."

His lips twitched in a cold sneer when my mouth fell open in disbelief. "What?" I whispered to no one in particular. Severus turned to McGonagall and Dumbledore with a cold look.

"If you wish to successfully penetrate the daft thickhead, you'll need more than to merely deduct house points or impose detention."

With that he walked back to the window, watching them with a blank expression. Dumbledore stared at him thoughtfully before finally raising his eyebrows at Professor McGonagall. Obviously, he left her the decision. With every single muscle tensed, I looked at her somewhat dumbstruck. She sighed and pressed her lips in a thin line. I already saw the answer in her eyes when she looked at me.

"Very well, even if I'd not chose the same vocabulary I do agree with Severus, Ms. Jackson... You're hereby not permitted to try out for the Quidditch team next year." She added reluctantly but not less final. It took a while for me to manage a small nod in her direction.

I couldn't move and barely breath, so I stood still. My gaze flickered from her to the headmaster who was watching me intensely. Almost automatically, I found myself looking at Severus again. He was still turned towards his colleagues but he must have sensed my gaze because his eyes flickered to me. Painfully slow, he then turned away from us and continued staring out of the window. My heart jumped and felt as if it would burst any moment.

"Ms. Jackson, your head of house will inform you about your first detention today as soon as possible." Dumbledore said severely but I merely glanced at him. There was nothing left to say for me anyway. I would bear the punishment without another word.

I knew, I had been dismissed with the headmaster's words but I simply couldn't tear my gaze from Severus' back. My desperation grew with every second he refused to move. Anxiously, I took shallow breaths, waiting for him to do or say something – but he didn't. His cool rejecting posture squeezed my heart agonizingly slow…

"Severus…" I started with a cracking voice but didn't know what I could say. "I'm sorry!"

Slowly, Severus lowered his head. I saw him pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head as if he was in great pain. "What for exactly?" His soft and tired voice hurt even more than his insults before.

"…Betraying you." I pleaded quietly. It was everything I could give him now. Agonizingly slow, he turned around and looked me dead in the eyes. I pressed my lips together when I saw nothing but disappointment in his expression.

"Have you no self-respect at all Arya?" Severus's defeated voice made me wince when I felt it cutting sharply in my heart. Slowly, he crossed his arms and watched me disdainful. "I taught you Occlumency so you could protect yourself. I let you invade my mind because it was the only way for you to learn how to control your abilities. You gave me your word never to abuse your power. And yet you have the audacity and impudence to break it right under my nose. I can feel your use of the slightest bit of magic on the other side of the castle. Did you honestly think, I wouldn't notice what you were doing?"

Coldness rushed through my whole body at once. Paralyzed in panic, I stared at him with wide eyes when it dawned me. "Did you…" I barely managed more than a whisper so I cleared my throat. "Did you force me out of his mind?"

"Yes, I did." He drawled provocative. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and fidgeted anxiously with my hands. Severus hissed and tightened the grip on his arms. "Your mother invented a spell to keep your father out of her mind… She knew I'd have to let you in my mind. Hence, to prevent your uncontrolled magic from possibly causing any severe damage to my mind, Leyanne taught me her spell. However, there was no reason for me to tell you about it..." Severus stepped closer until he stood merely a few inches away from me. He lowered his voice to a vicious snarl. "I'm glad I didn't because I quite enjoyed your horrified and scared expression!"

I whimpered shortly and screwed my eyes close. My heart was cracking more and more with his words – a few more words from him and it would burst. Trying to hold my tears back now, I bit my bottom lip.

"Severus, I believe you've said enough now." Professor McGonagall sternly broke the tension between us.

Carefully, I opened my eyes and dared to look back into his eyes. Severus' expression had changed back to pure incomprehension and slight disdain. Shaking strongly inwardly, I stumbled back a little. My heart beat terrified in my chest. Suddenly, Severus sighed tiredly and his body seemed to lose every tension, leaving him look more vulnerable than ever. I felt my heart crumble piece by piece – agonizing pain overwhelming me merciless.

"How could you Arya?" He mumbled defeated. I flinched when I saw his sad eyes and nothing but disappointment in his face. I wanted to reach out for him, touch him and bury my face in his chest. But I knew, he'd never allow it. I had no right to – not anymore.

Severus turned away and made a few steps towards the window. He stopped and stood suddenly very rigid, his chest raising and lowering regularly. I knew I should leave now. Staying and watching Severus was nothing but torture. My heart already felt as if it had exploded into a million shreds, my whole body felt flabby and my life seemed to have crumbled to dust in less than an hour. My selfishness had made me lose the one person I needed the most in my twisted existence…

"Go." I jerked at the sudden command. Severus had turned around again and watched me with a soft expression which was everything but reassuring. It was not the positive soft, but a very disappointed and helpless instruction. "Don't return until you care enough for a genuine apology."

"No…" I whispered terrified and watched Severus with pleading eyes. I whimpered appalled when he swiftly drew his wand, opening the door aggressively behind me. Then he crossed his arms firmly and cast me a very pained glance.

"I don't want to see you any longer." His velvet voice sounded calm but his expression was treacherous – I had disappointed him more than anyone else possibly ever could! I stumbled back, petrified by these final and persuaded words. "Get. Out. Of. My. Sight!" Severus drawled quietly, snapping me out of my paralyzed state.

Horrified, I turned away and somehow made it to the open door. My body felt numb, my heart shattered into a million pieces.

What did I do?