53

53. Bound for life

"Your mark is the visible evidence of your curse. I bound your life to mine! Your death doesn't affect me… But if I should die… you'll die as well!"

My heart beat heavily in my chest… Blood rushed through my ears… My brain disconnected from my senses. My feet were frozen on the spot, not registering what happened anymore…

I'm cursed… I'm going to die if I keep fighting… I'll never have a life… I'll never be with Severus… We'll never have a life together… I'll lose everything… My friends… Draco… He's going to be devastated… I'll break Severus' heart… He'll refuse to fight… They'll all refuse to fight… I don't want them to kill me…

A sharp pain in my knees brought me back to reality. Apparently, my legs had given away so that I was kneeling now. Paralyzed, my gaze automatically wandered to my forearm. The mark was still there. The black ink stood out hideously against my skin. I'm followed by death wherever I go…

It looked slightly different from the one my father and every Death Eater bore. The repulsive, wriggling snake was there, as well as the skull representing death. But the skull was smaller than normal. It was the centre of a simple star-shaped flower, each petal simply outlined like the rest of the mark. I knew the flower was my mother's symbol – representing fairies. My heart clenched appalled to see the symbol of beauty and purity mixed with the Death Eater's mark…

"NO!" Slowly, I raised my head when I heard the panic dominated voice of my best friend. When our eyes locked, fierce green ones bore desperately in mine. I stared at Harry without actually looking at him. My mind had gone blank. I merely felt my throbbing heartbeat against my ribcage. My desperation had blown away every spark of hope and hate…

"You see I think; how foolish it was to suppose that this boy could ever have been stronger than me…" My father's soft voice sounded muffled in my ears. My brain couldn't process what he was saying and shut off. I couldn't feel the chill of the night anymore. I didn't feel hate anymore. I didn't see all the Death Eaters. I barely remembered anything about my life anymore… My empty gaze was fixed on the wet ground but I saw nothing except for my mark.

My dream state was lifted as suddenly as though cold water had been thrown over me. Back rushed the anguish the Cruciatus Curse had left all over my body. Back rushed the realisation of where I was and what I was facing…

A firm grip on my forearms dragged me away. Before I could react however, I was pushed roughly and fell on the ground. I groaned when my weight landed on my knees for the uncountable time tonight, provoking a sharp stitch shooting up my legs. I shrieked horrified when I sat up and saw the dead corpse of Diggory next to me. Instantly, my desperation returned with full force. My hands started shaking as I reached out to close his eyes. As soon as possible, I pulled back, dread clouding my mind. An icy shiver run down my spine when I spotted the mark on my arm. My lower lip trembled so I bit my lip to keep myself from screaming out. I pressed a fist in my mouth and whimpered.

I'm going to die and there's nothing I can do about it… My friends want to kill me… I'll die if they kill him… Taking shallow breaths, I dug my nails painfully deep in my palms. It simply couldn't be… He lied! He lied to convince me…! He wouldn't do that to me… Not after everything he did to get a child with fairy's blood. He can't… My attempts to convince myself of everything being nothing more than a cruel lie were weak. My mind didn't want – couldn't accept it but my heart throbbed painfully with the truth of my father's words. Years of training with my fairy senses by observing people had made me an excellent lying detector. My father hadn't lied about my curse. I would die as soon as he did…

Suddenly, my attention was brought back to the graveyard when a bright golden, dome-shaped web light up the entire place. With a rapidly beating heart, I watched as Harry and my father were enclosed under the light. They were duelling. My breath caught in my lungs when piercing screams of pain ringed in my ear. I couldn't move however, my body frozen on the spot. With wide eyes I stared at my best friend. I was waiting for the light to fade to reveal Harry's lifeless body. Numbly, my gaze wandered back to Diggory's corpse. Without thinking I reached out and took his hand in mine. It felt cool… dead. Then there was shouting and flashes of lights ghosted over Diggory's attractive face.

"Accio!" I heard Harry shout next to me all the sudden. The next thing I knew everything went black…

I felt myself slam flat into the ground; my face was pressed in grass; its smell filled my nostrils. I shut my eyes as I felt how my heartbeat fastened anxiously. I curled my numb body, pressing my throbbing arm close to my chest. All the breath seemed to have been knocked out of me. My head was swimming so badly I felt as though the ground beneath myself was swaying. I felt as if I would slide away into the blackness gathering at the edges of my brain. I waited for my father to throw the Cruciatus Curse at me once more so that I could finally flee my consciousness. Shock and exhaustion kept me on the ground, breathing the smell of the grass, waiting… waiting for something to happen… A torrent of sound deafened and confused me. I whimpered when I heard the muffled sound of voices everywhere, footsteps, screams… I pressed my lips together, fearfully awaiting to hear his voice again, to endure another agonizing torture.

"Jackson. Jackson!" A pair of hands seized me roughly and turned me over. Terrified, I opened my eyes widely. I was looking up at the starry sky… and Severus was crouching next to me. I let out a whimper of confusion before tears sprung to my eyes. Panic rose in my chest and clenched my heart tightly. As the shockingly real looking illusion reached out for me, I screamed. Frantically, I tried to move away but his hands on my upper arms pinned me firmly on the ground.

"You're safe, you need to calm down. You're safe!" I froze with fear as Severus' illusion spoke in a surprisingly soothing voice. His eyes were filled with confusion and worry as his gaze wandered over my face. "You're back in Hogwarts. I promise you're safe!"

Hogwarts… I'm back in Hogwarts… I let out a breath of relief when I looked up at obsidian eyes. Observing me closely, Severus let go of my arms. Slowly, I lifted myself up in a sitting position. Automatically, I kept my arm close to my chest. I watched Severus with wide eyes as my shaking body snapped me back to my senses.

"He's back… My father… Riddle's back…" I whispered and saw when Severus' expression guarded to the mask of cold indifference. He nodded curtly, sending another shiver down my spine. My hand shot out and grabbed his arm. My heart clenched painfully now. Frantically, I looked around again before panic flooded my heart.

"Harry! Where's Harry?" Severus tried to say something but I cut him off as I desperately searched the surroundings. "It was him, Severus. It was Moody who apparated me to the graveyard. He-"

"Severus!" Dumbledore appeared behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder. Severus turned his head and pressed his lips in a thin line. Dumbledore's expression looked murderous and I quickly dropped my hand from Severus' arm. His ice blue eyes flickered shortly to me. "I need you immediately. Poppy will take Aryanna to the hospital wing."

I cast Severus a desperate look when he turned to me again. Before I could say anything though, he and Dumbledore had whirled around and vanished in the crowd. With a helpless expression I stared at the place where Severus had been standing mere seconds ago. The screaming and voices ripped me out of my trance like state and horror washed over my body. Dread filled my heart and I heard the pulse in my ears.

"Ah, Jackson. Oh dear!" I flinched when someone laid their hand on my shoulder. My head snapped around and I saw Madame Pomfrey. She furrowed her eyebrows and looked at me with a very stern expression. I could see great confusion in her eyes. "I take you to the hospital wing. You need to get away from here now." With that she grabbed my arms and pulled me on my feet.

"No, I need to find Harry. And Moody… Please! Madame Pomfrey I need to tell the headmaster. Moody's not who everyone thinks." Obviously deaf to my words, the nurse pulled me along, one arm around my waist to support my unsecure stumbling. When we had left the forest, I had no strength left to keep talking. I needed all my focus on the next step. My legs felt like jelly and my body started trembling. More and more, I leaned into Madame Pomfrey, taking shallow breaths. Single drops of sweat rolled down my forehead. Apparently, the repeated tortures had a graver impact on my body than I had expected…

"I can't go to the hospital wing. Not before I haven't found Harry and Moody!" I stated weakly when we entered the castle. Madame Pomfrey muttered something inaudible under her breath but continued to ignore me. A spark of anger lighted up in my heart and I pulled away from her grip. I stumbled towards the next wall and leaned against it. Breathing heavily, I turned my head to the nurse who was reaching for me again.

"Harry's in mortal danger. My health's not important right now but his life is! I can rest when I found Moody. Now sod off!" Not caring anymore, I slapped her arm away and slowly stumbled in direction of Moody's office. I needed to find him immediately! I was so wrapped up in the thought of finding both of them, I didn't even realize that Madame Pomfrey wasn't following me anymore.

One bloody step… Just one more step… Breath… Keep walking! For Harry! Keep walking… I pushed myself as I slowly made my way to Moody's office. The corridors were blurred and I desperately fought the darkness that edged my vision. I let out a sigh of relief when I finally – finally reached his office. I heard several voices inside and found a last spark of strength. I needed to find Harry!

I entered through the open door, leaning heavily against the door frame. My legs were about to give away but I forced my mind on the scene in front of me. "Harry." I whispered weakly and stumbled into the room. Harry stood next to a sitting Dumbledore with their backs turned to me. Professor McGonagall and Severus were there as well. All four were staring at something in front of them.

"Harry." My voice cracked but this time they all heard it. I ignored the rest of them and stumbled towards my best friend. He looked very exhausted, his eyes weren't shining but observing me dully. At my sight, he let out a breath of relief and the corner of his mouth twitched slightly. "Where's Moody?" I whispered, but to my confusion Harry turned his head away. My tired gaze flickered to where he was looking and I gasped horrified.

A man – straw-coloured hair all over his face, sickly pale skin, slightly freckled cheeks – was bound tightly on a chair. I had never seen him before but he wore Moody's clothes. Next to him lay the leg prothesis and wildly turning fake eye. However, it wasn't the fact this man had obviously been the reason for the stolen Polyjuice Potion ingredients or for Harry entering the tournament that terrified me so much. It was the Death Eater mark on his left forearm which left me completely frozen on the spot. Even though I had been convinced he was one of them – seeing it with my own eyes now was so much worse.

My heart beat strongly against my ribcage when I lifted my gaze to his brown eyes. Goose bumps erupted on my arms at the sinister smile on his lips. The look in his eyes was downright evil, he looked proud and arrogant despite everything he had done. Then his eyes flickered to my left arm and a low chuckle erupted his mouth. Uncomfortable under his gaze, I pressed my arm to my stomach and held it firmly in place with my free hand.

"No more hiding princess." The man said huskily. An icy shiver run down my spine and made me tremble. Then suddenly, the tip of his tongue darted out of his mouth and licked over his lips. It happened in the blink of an eye, nevertheless I felt incredibly appalled and stumbled back. Now his face contorted with a wicked expression I couldn't quite place.

Dumbledore stood up which snapped me out of my tired stare. He stared down at the man for a moment with disgust on his face. Then he turned to Professor McGonagall. "Minerva could I ask you to stand guard here while I take Harry upstairs?"

"Of course." She looked slightly nauseous. However, when she drew out her wand and pointed it at the man, her hand was quite steady. I sighed and closed my eyes for a brief moment when a wave of exhaustion crushed down on me. I felt my legs tremble; my body shook with cold and weakness.

"Severus, please bring Aryanna to the hospital wing and tell Madame Pomfrey to come down here. We need to get Alastor Moody into the infirmary as well." I heard Dumbledore's words, nevertheless I flinched when a hand touched my shoulder. When I turned my head, my vision blurred even more and I swayed. A firm grip on my upper arm kept me from losing my balance.

"Come Jackson." I heard Severus' quiet voice as his hand squeezed reassuring.

Suddenly, a thought came into my head. My heart squeezed painfully and my eyes widened with fear. Another shiver ran down my spine. Very slowly this time, I turned my head towards Harry. To my utter shock, Dumbledore was leading him out of Moody's office. Gritting my teeth, I stumbled after him. I swayed strongly and if it hadn't been for two hands gripping my arms I surely would have fallen this time.

"Harry, wait!" My voice was quiet but it was enough to make him turn around. On flabby legs I made a few steps in his direction. I moaned when my vision blurred again and blackened for a second. The grip on my arms was painful now. "Please let me talk to him… Please." I whimpered.

A growl told me that Severus didn't agree at all but when Dumbledore nodded curtly, he reluctantly led me to the nearest wall. I leaned heavily against the cold stone and closed my eyes briefly. Open your eyes, damn it! You can't faint now. You need to talk to Harry first. Open your eyes! Inwardly, I screamed at myself. It needed all my will power to force my eyes open. I felt so exhausted and simply wanted to be engulfed in darkness to get away from everything.

I stared in tired green eyes which matched precisely how I was feeling inwardly. I let out a shaky breath and cast my best friend a pleading look. "Please, Harry don't tell them… the curse! I beg you… No one… please!" I barely whispered, each word draining even more energy of my weakened body. I didn't know if Dumbledore and Severus were close enough to hear it but I didn't care anymore. I had no strength left to care… "No one… can… know!"

"I promise." He replied quietly. A sigh of relief left my mouth. "Thank you."

"Go. You need rest." I closed my eyes at Harry's words but wasn't able to say anything. Carelessly, I leaned my head against the wall and exhaled a shaking breath. My whole body was shaking badly. I felt so incredibly drained.

"Arya." Severus soft voice made me open my eyes with great difficulties. I wanted to look into his eyes but I couldn't even lift my head, let alone see anything sharp. Severus placed his hands on my upper arms but suddenly my legs gave away. Gently, he helped me sitting on the floor, my back leaned against the wall. My arm throbbed strongly now, bringing back terrible memories of the graveyard.

"You need rest. I intend to take you to the hospital wing; do you hear me?" Severus' worried voice made me close my eyes. How could I ever look him in the eyes again? A warm hand cupped my cheek, his thumb caressing my skin.

"Yes." I replied in a whisper. My eyes stung and I just knew I would never forgive myself for causing Severus so much pain one day. I whimpered as I felt a few tears rolling down my cheeks.

Severus snuck one arm around my back whilst the other had a firm grip on my upper arm. With ease he lifted me off the ground. As soon as I stood on my feet however, exhaustion overwhelmed me at once. My body started shaking, I couldn't feel my legs anymore; my vision blurred and darkened rapidly. Then everything went black…

When I opened my eyes again, I was staring at the ceiling of the hospital wing. I blinked a few times and groaned as my eyes adjusted to the bright light. It took me a moment to come to my senses and remember why I was here. As soon as I did however, my eyes widened horrified. Frantically, I tried to liberate myself from the blanket around my body.

"Arya. Hey Arya." I jumped when I heard Hermione's voice next to me. My head snapped around and I locked eyes with warm amber ones. As she reached to touch my arm I pulled away and sat up rapidly – a very bad idea. Instantly, my head was spinning and I blinked in confusion. Much slower this time, I scooted back until I was leaning against the head of the bed.

"How are you feeling?"

Hermione sat on a chair whilst Harry and Ron were sitting on the other side of my bed. My heart pounded rapidly against my ribcage. Coldness squeezed my heart when I stared at Harry. Obviously, he realized my panic because he shook his head subtly. I let out a shaking breath, a wave of relief rushing through my whole body. As I pulled the blankets up to my stomach a bright white bandage around my arm caught my gaze – my left forearm.

Dread filled my chest, paralyzed my body, numbed my mind. I opened my eyes wide. Please, let this be a nightmare! Please, let this be a bad dream! Tell me this is nothing but a wound! Frantically, I started ripping off the bandage. My eyes stung as I unwrapped my arm. Cold engulfed me as the last part of it dropped. Appalled, I pressed a hand to my mouth when the first sob erupted my mouth. I screamed and could barely breath anymore. The black ink on my skin terrified me more than anything else. It was everything I could think about. I had a Death Eater mark on my arm…

"Jackson." A calm voice made its way into my mind. I couldn't tear my eyes away though. Horror had me firmly in its grip. "Jackson!" I heard more determined now.

Slowly, very slowly, I turned my head and stared blankly at Severus. His expression was one of suppressed anger and worry. Sparkling obsidian eyes brought me back to my senses and I whimpered. Automatically though, my eyes wandered down again, sending an icy shiver down my spine. I flinched as a hand appeared in my sight and rested over the mark, blocking it from my view. I tried to pull my arm away but the hand held me determined.

"Look at me." Severus' quiet voice caught my attention again. I watched as he sat on the edge of the bed, leaving an appropriate space between us. I couldn't move… I couldn't speak… Anxiously, I waited for him to show any sign of disgust or hate. Severus looked at me for a long time. I knew he had to keep his composure in front of my friends but I also knew he would always find a way to speak with me.

As a few tears of desperation rolled down my cheeks, he snapped out of his thoughtful state. Blinking he pulled his hand away from my forearm. That made me look down again and I started trembling.

"He marked me…" I spat disgusted and locked eyes again. "He marked me as if I were nothing more than cattle. I'm nothing but a shell marked as his property… marked as his own blood." Fresh tears fled my eyes as I pressed my lips in a thin line. Severus shook his head and cast me a pleading look.

"No, you are not." He struggled keeping his voice even but his eyes were treacherous. Biting my bottom lip, I turned my head away and stared at the floor. "This mark… DOES… NOT… define you!" The sharpness in his voice made me glance up. I scoffed at his irritated expression. I didn't want to hear soothing words, especially not from Severus. I would betray and hurt him if I selfishly chose to be with him…

"Of course not. Because my blood doesn't define me…" I muttered sarcastically and rolled my eyes. My heart clenched almost painfully when I heard a long sigh.

I squealed surprised when a firm grip around my wrist gripped my arm once again. I snapped my head up and glared half-heartedly in black eyes. To my utter confusion, Severus' eyes were completely calm though. His hold loosened a little but refused to let go. His intense gaze made me almost start crying. Fear and love were piercing me desperately.

"You… are not… a bad person, Aryanna Jackson…! You have to endure a terrible burden; yes… It was forced on you like the mark on your arm… Nevertheless… we both know it is the reason for your unhealthy obsession to fight."

I gulped and felt my eyes stitching again. Even if I didn't want to admit it he was right. Instantly, my anger had vanished and was replaced with desperation once again. I felt a wave of dread rush through my body when Severus let go of my wrist. With tear filled eyes, I clutched the blanket tightly.

"I can't fight anymore…" I whispered and stared at Severus. He furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head. Panic rose in my chest now, my heartbeat fastened and my body started trembling again. "I'm nothing more than a human shell…" Severus shifted slightly. Before he could say something though, something broke inside me and I started sobbing.

"I'm no longer a fairy. Moody… He took my magic… When he captured me he cast a spell… I can't feel myself anymore… I'm empty and so weak…" I whimpered. My breathing had shortened to shallow breaths. My frozen lungs felt as if they couldn't take in more air. Desperately, I clutched Severus' arm and watched him with wide eyes. "I'm weak and vulnerable… I've lost my magic… I'm no fairy anymore…"

I flinched when the doors to the hospital wing banged open loudly. The noise bringing back horrible memories of the apparition sound when Moody had dragged me with him. I barely noticed Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall coming to a halt at the end of my bed. I couldn't feel anything anymore except for the overwhelming cold in my chest.

"Jackson, look at me." Severus demanded. Blood rushed through my ears as I stared at the white blankets with pure panic. "Jackson… please." I squealed when his warm hand touched my bare skin. With wide eyes, I stared at him now. His expression was controlled; his eyes observing me closely.

"I feel so… lost. I can't… There's no magic left in my body. I-" I didn't realize I was muttering to myself until Severus interrupted me loudly.

"Aryanna!" Instantly, I closed my mouth and a new sort of fear filled my heart. Quickly, I looked to my friends who were watching me with worried expressions. Confused, my gaze wandered to the headmaster. That made Severus turn as well and he received a nod from the elder man. "I might be able to help but I need your help in return."

At a loss for words, I stared at Severus. "You… you can help me?" I whispered and he nodded curtly. I didn't avert my eyes from him as he stood up. When he spoke again his voice was soft, yet firm.

"Lay down." With my body still trembling slightly, I complied. With a flick of his wand, Severus made the blanket levitate to the next bed before turning back to me. If I wouldn't have been that close to a panic attack, I would have laughed at his laziness.

Taking shallow breaths and widening my eyes, I watched Severus. Frantically, my gaze wandered over his face, his body, to my friends, to my head of house and back to Severus. Sighing deeply, his eyes wandered quickly over my whole body.

"You need to relax. Focus on what I am saying and nothing else." When our eyes locked, something I couldn't define clouded his gaze. Severus was watching me with an intensity that made me incredibly anxious and calm at the same time. Closing my eyes, I concentrated on my breathing. Slowly, I took deep and even breaths until I felt my heartrate sunk again.

"Listen to my voice… concentrate." Warmth filled my body as Severus' smooth, velvet voice washed over me. When I opened my eyes again, he was slowly waving his wand over my body and muttering some unknown incantation. I watched his eyebrows furrow with great concern and felt another wave of dread fastening my pulse…

"What is it?" I asked desperately when Severus lowered his wand. He pressed his lips in a thin line and took a deep breath. I winced inwardly when he refused to look at me. "You can't do anything, can you…?" Instantly, Severus hid his emotions behind the cool mask of indifference. That merely increased my panic. I felt my eyes water up and gritted my teeth.

"No… listen." I flinched at the sharpness of his tone. Black eyes were fighting with raging emotions, I could see his struggles. With trembling lips, I stared and waited for him to say something making sense. Severus' eyes were burning and bore merciless in mine. "Close your eyes again and focus on my voice. My… voice… only…! Nothing and no one else." He growled almost threatening. I heard my friends shifting uncomfortably.

"Severus is that tone really necessary?" Professor McGonagall asked, her Scottish accent more prominent. She watched her younger colleague with a stern expression. Severus closed his eyes briefly and growled irritated. But when he looked at me again, his eyes had calmed and I saw cool determination. With a swift move, he had grabbed a chair and sat down next to me. As tall as he was, he was still towering over me though.

"Close your eyes, breathe deeply and regularly." Absentminded, I continued staring at him. I felt the sudden urge to throw myself into his arms. Severus sighed and suddenly all the exhaustion was visible on his face. Black orbs returned a tired gaze; worry had deepened the dark rings under his eyes, showing the lack of sleep. "Aryanna… trust me!" He spoke in a soft voice. I nodded and gulped to clear my throat from the forming lump. Once again, I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. Severus stayed quiet for a while. All the sudden, I realized that we were breathing with the same rhythm.

"Imagine that with every breath one part of your body relaxes. First your toes… then your feet… then your ankles… Calves, knees, thighs… Let your fingers go limp… your hands, wrists, arms, your back. Relax your shoulders… rest your head heavily on the pillow." Even though, I thought his instructions a bit strange, I did as he said. When I sensed how the tension left my limps I felt as if I was floating.

"Listen to the sounds in your body… The slow pounding of your heart… Feel the blood pulsing through your veins… The vibration in your ears… And now focus on your mind… Listen to the sound of your own thoughts…"

I tried to understand what Severus was telling me. Every spark of concentration was fixed on my own mind. I felt my own mind but not as one part, but me swimming through it, drowning in it – feeling more than lost with Severus' task. How was I supposed to distance myself from my own being? Split myself from my own mind…?

"Imagine your mind being a room – a room with walls, a floor and a ceiling." Suddenly, I found myself in the middle of a room when my mind started working with Severus' instructions. It seemed familiar although I couldn't remember having seen it before. The room was empty and had no doors or windows, the walls consisting of plain stone. "This room is the conscious part of your mind… Now, imagine a door in your room."

A wooden door appeared in the wall in front of me. "Open it and step through… You're standing on the upper landing. I would like you to descend the stairs. Visualize how the stairs lead you to the deepest part of your mind. With every floor you come closer to the centre of your fairy existence… Every floor represents a level of consciousness…"

Slowly, I imagined going down the stairs. I thought about how it would feel to actually be there and not simply in my mind. "Perceive the strength of your own mind… Consciously, you create your own reality with mind power and concentrated force of awareness… Your mind is essential. Your mind defines you… Now, you reach the bottom of the staircase… You're facing another door…"

Suddenly, a new wooden door appeared in the empty corridor. "Imagine your whole essential being is locked behind this door… Your vital energy is behind this door… I would like you to imagine it in form of a shining ball of white light…" I focused on what I would find in the room. I imagined how it would feel to open the door to my energy. "Now open the door."

When the door opened, I found myself on the brink of darkness. A white sphere hung in front of me and radiated a beaming light. "You must enter the sphere. You need to feel how you step into the light. Let it overwhelm you…"

Reluctantly, I moved towards the impressively bright light. I couldn't say in what form I was moving through my own mind. Perhaps it was simple imagination – perhaps I was really wandering through the different stages of my own mind…

Suddenly, every thought, every sound of my own body was overpowered by a prickling, warm sensation flooding my mind. The most soothing, powerful and pleasant feeling filled my whole being. I felt my body again when it rushed through every vein, every muscle and every nerve. My body felt as if it was on fire – except that it didn't burn me.

"Open your eyes now."

Slowly, I opened my eyes and blinked a few times until I became aware of my surroundings again. I was in the hospital wing with my friends, the headmaster, my head of house – and Severus. I turned my head and stared in obsidian eyes. He watched me with a deep frown on his face, his expression guarded. Absentminded, he put his wand back in his sleeve and stood up.

"Can you sit up?" Severus observed me closely as I moved in a sitting position. My body was still aching from head to toes but it was bearable. The warm and throbbing feeling the white light had caused was still there. It had eased a little but remained as soothing and powerful as before. I knew the feeling!

Biting my bottom lip, I raised a shaking hand, palm upwards. A very peculiar flutter in my stomach exploded and merely increased the tension. Holding my breath, I concentrated on my hand… Relief, joy, excitement rushed through my heart at once when a small flame lighted up on the palm of my hand. Something between a sob and a chuckle erupted my mouth and my lips widened in a smile. Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks. Several times, I let the flame appear and vanish again to convince myself that it was really happening. I had gotten back my magic!

"Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you…!" I whispered when I looked at Severus again. My smile faltered as he merely returned a curt nod. Not caring about my friends being here, I scooted to the edge and carefully stood on my feet. I ignored that Severus took a step back, I ignored the cold expression on his face. His hand shot forward however when I swayed slightly. I groaned as a sharp pain exploded in my head. Severus' hand held me firmly until I felt it being safe to open my eyes again.

"Thank you!" My voice sounded scratchy. Desperately, I watched into obsidian eyes. I wanted to throw my arms around Severus, I wanted to bury my face in his chest and cry… Obviously, he knew exactly what was going through my head because he crossed his arms firmly. The careless expression on his face increased when I bit my bottom lip. I lowered my head and blinked the forming tears away.

"Jackson?" It took all my willpower to keep myself from moving towards him. "Jackson." I heard his velvet voice call my name. A warm finger under my chin forced my head up. Quickly, he retreated his hand to fold his arms again. Regret clouded Severus' eyes. We both hated the hiding and pretending part.

"You are… welcome…" His gaze bore in my eyes as if he was looking for something. Nervously, I averted my eyes which automatically rested on the black ink on my arm. The mark that symbolized and would be the cause for my death. This time I wasn't overwhelmed with hatred or disgust, but pure guilt and sadness.

"Jackson is there something you are not telling us?" I flinched when I heard Severus' drawling accusation. A shiver ran down my spine. I closed my eyes briefly to steel myself for the hardest task – hiding the truth from Severus.

"What do you want me to tell you…?" I replied quietly. Gulping, I lifted my head and glanced at him. "How my father returned? How he almost killed my best friend in front of my own eyes?" Severus frowned thoughtfully. I knew that he saw right through me – he knew I was hiding something. He also knew I absolutely despised lying; that I would rather use distraction. I clenched my jaw painfully and scowled at the buttons of his cloak. Something snapped and I exploded. I lifted my eyes to glare at him.

"Should I tell you how much it hurt that nobody believed me…? Or when you and Professor McGonagall pushed me away? … Oh no wait… How about I tell you how betrayed I felt when Professor McGonagall, Dumbledore and you chose to turn your back on me? I'm sure you don't know about that seeing as you seemed so bloody disgusted having to look at me… So, please enlighten me Severus Snape. What do you want me to tell you?" My voice was dripping with sarcasm and pain I had bottled up over the last months.

Severus had pressed his lips in a thin line, his jaw clenched tightly. Stubbornly, I returned his hard gaze with a scowl of my own. My thoughts and emotions were raging wildly making words fall out of my mouth before I could even stop them. I wanted to scream at all of them for not believing me. At the same time, I wished nothing more than being in Severus' arms and cry out all the hurt. But more than anything, I felt immense guilt for the true meaning of the mark.

I can't tell Severus… it'd destroy him… My friends can't know. What if they'd chose to step back from fighting…? What if they still chose to fight my father, despite killing me along with him…? My life for the death of the darkest wizard of all times… But I can't die! I don't want to die! Thoughts were popping up randomly. With each new idea my heart picked up the pace as excruciating fear enwrapped my heart.

"Jackson?" The warm voice of my head of house forced me out of my inner fight. Biting my lip, I turned my defeated gaze to her. I didn't know what to do now. Before I accidentally spilled the huge secret, I needed to think about how to deal with it myself before forcing the decision on others.

"Aryanna, we need to know how exactly the imposter brought you to the graveyard." Dumbledore insisted somewhat gentle. "We need to know what happened."

I shifted slightly and sighed. Anxiously, I run a hand through my hair and looked at the headmaster. Insecurity dominated my voice, I felt myself shut them all out. There was only one thing I could do for the moment.

"I… I can't… Not now anyway…" My pleading eyes flickered to Severus. He still had his arms crossed and watched me with a calculating expression. His face showed nothing of his possible thoughts. "Please! I want to be alone. I need to be alone now!"

Desperately, I looked at a very tense Severus. Something in his eyes changed, turning his gaze softer. After a long moment, he nodded curtly and stepped aside. I let out a shaking breath in relief as I passed him without a second glance. Aggressively, I pulled down the sleeve of my left forearm to hide the hideous thing branding my skin until death. My hand was trembling badly with my overwhelming waves of emotions.

"Aryanna please wait up!" I heard the slightly bemused headmaster's voice. I clenched my jaw and chose to ignore him as I made my way to the door. "I must remind you Severus you are not in charge here! You would do well to remember that!"

I stopped dead in my tracks at the headmaster's sharp tone. Confused, I furrowed my eyebrows and turned around. Irritation bubbled inwardly when I saw Dumbledore cast Severus a piercing look. Untouched, he stared at the headmaster with a deep scowl. When the older wizard turned to me, I couldn't help the glare in his direction. How dare he scowls Severus for helping me whilst he clearly didn't intend to? To hell with your sense of superiority old man!

With that I whirled around again – trying not to stumble when my head started pounding – and left the infirmary.