55

55. Truth covers the truth

The students in the corridors hurried out of the way as the feared Potions master strode through the castle; his robes billowing wildly at his fast pace. Pitiful glances accompanied me along the way; some Slytherins laughed mocking. If only they knew… My growing anxiety had soon been replaced by annoyance when I had to jog several times to keep up. Therefore, as we finally turned the last corner in an empty corridor, I walked straight into Severus.

"Hmpf…!" Without strong arms holding my body, I surely would have lost my balance. "Bloody Slytherin git." I muttered under my breath before scowling up at Severus. The wide sneer on his lips merely increased my slight irritation. A firm grip on my shoulders, he pushed me back and away from him.

"Insulting a teacher, Jackson. Not very smart." He drawled and whirled around again to continue his way. "And no-one less than the head of Slytherin house himself… On the way to the headmaster… How disappointing." Severus smirked and hissed with faked disappointment. I scoffed but, none the less, the corner of my mouth twitched upwards.

"Seeing as I'm already facing trouble…" I pleaded almost desperate. "Could you please slow down? Your irreverent pace is irritating, to say the least."

"That was the point." Drawled the snarky Slytherin, without even sparing a glance. I sighed and rolled my eyes – understanding very well that he had hoped to distract me from my own thoughts.

The gargoyle watched us carelessly as we approached it – at a much slower pace now. With each step we came closer to the headmaster's office, my anxiety grew. So, when we finally reached the bottom of the moving staircase, I had successfully bitten my lip bloody. I followed Severus, and as soon as he had muttered the password, the stairs slowly moved upwards.

Having nowhere else to look, I gazed up at Severus. To my surprise, he was staring at me with a thoughtful frown. As soon as I caught his gaze, however, he hummed absentminded. I cast him a questioning look but he merely blinked again. Pressing his lips in a thin line, he crossed his arms and turned towards the top of the moving staircase. "Plain Arya…" He mumbled somewhat disapproving. "Plain… My ass…"

I could barely suppress the chuckle that threatened to betray me. Instead, I pressed a hand to my lips to hide my wide grin. I was sure, Severus had not meant for me to hear his words. But I was also doubting if he had realized that he had spoken them out aloud. However, I knew for sure that he would be embarrassed if I told him. For a moment, I was torn between telling him now and keeping it for another time. However, the staircase made the decision for me. We were facing the headmaster's office.

Severus reached the office door with two long strides. He turned his head and arched a black eyebrow at me – the only reaction on his expressionless face. I bit the inside of my cheek as cold eyes met mine. I took a deep breath and suddenly all my energy seemed to vanish at once. Whilst my shoulders dropped tiredly, my heart kept beating rapidly against my ribcage though. My insides felt as if they had knotted themselves together; leaving an awful tightening pression. Then I nodded curtly.

I flinched when Severus carelessly banged the door open as if he was entering his own office. Slowly, I entered the office; glancing at various portraits of former headmasters who were watching us with rather bored expressions.

"Ah, good afternoon Severus… Aryanna." Albus Dumbledore inclined his head at the both of us. A curious smile on his lips, the headmaster watched us with sparkling eyes. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" Of the corner of my eyes, I saw Severus folding his arms and staring at the older man with a blank expression.

"I wished to come here, sir." I answered after an awkward moment of silence. I gulped, suddenly confused about my very unlike politeness towards the headmaster. Bloody hell, who cares now?! Just because I'm being nice doesn't mean that I like him all the sudden. Get yourself together for Merlin's sake! I allowed myself another short moment before steeling myself for what was about to happen now. With a calm expression, I returned the headmaster's piercing gaze with a cool look of determination. My voice betrayed me though; it was nothing more than a pained, barely controlled tone. "I'm willing to speak about what happened… …As long as Professor McGonagall is present as well that is."

Nervously, I licked my dry lips. Dumbledore's expression changed at once and lost some of its light traces. I received a curt nod and a long sigh in return. If my heart had been able to beat even faster, it would have jumped out of my chest by now. Brutally, it hammered against my chest, making it difficult to keep my mind focused. With the pace of an aged man, the headmaster raised from his seat and averted his boring gaze to Severus.

"Severus, if you could, I would like you to fetch Minerva for us. Please inform her to bring some time as well." Dumbledore instructed. Anxiously, my gaze wandered from him to Severus. My heart beat even faster if possible as I looked at him with fearful eyes. He would leave me alone with the headmaster. I knew I was safe here, none the less, I still disliked him. The headmaster had also the very irritating trade to sense when someone was lying or keeping something. I didn't want to be alone with him in the same room. I wanted Severus to stay… A swift nod, flashing black eyes, a rustle of robes and Severus had left the room. Instantly, the uneasy feeling of awkwardness penetrated my mind. I bit the inside of my cheek and averted my gaze. I prayed for Severus to return as fast as possible.

"Lemon drop?" Dumbledore smiled encouraging at me. "I found they have quite the calming effect."

Seriously? I had difficulties not showing my annoyance as I declined politely. As if I'd care about sweets right now… Crazy, old lunatic… Hoping to reject every attempt to talk to me, I crossed my arms and let my gaze wander through the office. Fawkes, the phoenix, slept peacefully on the back of the headmaster's chair. With every heartbeat, my anxiety grew even more. I didn't want to lie, yet I didn't want to tell the truth either.

I squinted my eyes surprised when I spotted a bowl, filled with a sparkling liquid – a pensieve. Without my command, my legs brought me closer to it. I shuddered when I saw the unmistaken face of Barty Crouch Junior glittering on the surface. The headmaster had his own pensieve… The revelation sparked some anger… Of course, Harry had told us about it, yet it had slipped my mind.

"You have a pensieve…" Whirling around, I found the headmaster staring absentminded at me. I pointed to the basin; my burning glare fixed on the old man's face. "You had it the whole time, and didn't tell me?"

"I'm afraid, I cannot follow your train of thoughts." The calm voice held a slight trace of confusion. Blue eyes pierced me curiously, merely increasing my wrath.

"I could've shown you the truth. I would've gladly given my memories for all of you to see reason. Severus and I never would've argued so much if you hadn't-"

My outburst got interrupted by the door opening abruptly. With trembling hands, I glared daggers at the headmaster who had turned towards the visitors – Severus and Professor McGonagall. My heart was racing as all my suppressed anger and pain overshadowed the guilt and sorrow.

"What… happened…?" Severus drawled slowly, yet his tone had a dangerous edge to it. I flinched as a hand touched my shoulder. I snapped out of my inner burning rage. Hissed under my breath, I shook off Severus' hand. Then I sneered ferociously at the headmaster. Pain sparked my anger and dominated my features.

"Obviously, no one thought it necessary to tell me that the headmaster has a pensieve…" Severus appeared in my sight but stood a little apart from the other two staff members. Frustrated, I turned towards the sparkling basin again and roughly ran a hand through my hair. Bloody old lunatic Dumbledore! Damn you and your annoying arrogance! When I faced my professors again, my voice was barely more than a pain laced spitting. "I could've shown you the truth right from the beginning. I could've shown you the truth about what the Death Eater was doing… If you wouldn't have been so damn ignorant about everything, you would've been able to save Diggory's life! My father never would've returned; Harry would be fine and I wouldn't have to see this fucking mark… every… fucking… day!"

"Aryanna, I understand your anger." Dumbledore spoke calmly in the following silence.

"Of course you do…" I scoffed and pierced him with burning animosity. "Because you always understand everything, don't you? You're always right; you're always making the decisions; you're always in charge of everything… Well, let me tell you the truth. You have no… fucking… clue… about anything!"

The headmaster watched my outburst with an unreadable expression. When I didn't know what to say anymore Dumbledore folded his hands and smiled sadly at me. Instead of increasing my anger it, surprisingly, caught me off guard. My body trembled from my recent outburst as I scowled darkly.

"I can assure you, I deeply regret the mistakes I did this year. I must apologize for my ignorant behaviour and incorrect mistrust! … I see why you blame me for the current events, for they haunt me as well." His words were true and genuine. The old man sighed and worry flickered over his face. "You are the last person I need to explain the extent of Lord Voldemort's return…"

I shuddered at the last words and took a deep breath. My wildly raging emotions seemed to calm, bringing exhaustion and guilt back to the surface. Goose bumps erupted on my arms as a sudden wave of desperation overwhelmed me. I closed my eyes and took a few shaking breaths to focus my mind on the matter at hands. I knew, despite my dislike for Dumbledore, we were on the same side. Even though I questioned and disagreed with his decisions quite often, we had the same goal. I opened my eyes again and tried to swallow my anger and massive feeling of guilt.

"I accept your apology, but cannot forgive you…" Again, my politeness confused me more than ever. I shuddered at the genuine, undisguised truth in my words. I still felt the pain and anger in my heart, yet I somehow managed to control them. I shook my head to clear my mind again. "Our dispute is irrelevant for the time being though. I didn't come here to argue anymore…"

Defeated, I chewed my bottom lip and looked at Severus through my eyelashes. He stood rigid on the spot; arms folded; blank expression. Flashing black eyes bore intensely in mine. I couldn't avert my gaze as a comforting warmth filled my chest. Suddenly, I felt more relaxed and exhaled deeply. Severus' lips twitched and he nodded curtly.

"Ms. Jackson." I averted my gaze and looked at my head of house instead. She approached me and, to my utter bewilderment, placed a hand on my shoulder. I didn't tense but didn't feel at ease either. "I am truly sorry for not believing you. I deeply regret having abandoned you – not only as your head of house, but as someone who cares a great deal for you as well."

I shuddered under her intense gaze; her words thick with guilt and truth. My heart flattered excitedly when her words sank in. I didn't understand why, but in comparison to Dumbledore I wasn't angry with her – not anymore at least.

"Thank you." My voice cracked as I stared somewhat dumbstruck in her warm eyes. McGonagall smiled encouraging at me, making my lips twitch as well. "Thank you." I whispered absentminded. She squeezed my shoulder before finally returning to Severus' side.

I was snapped out of my trance like state as Dumbledore cleared his throat. Instantly, my gaze flickered to Severus. A subtle amused smirk graced his lips when our eyes locked. Dark eyes cast me an intense look, causing my belly to tingle strongly. My heart almost jumped out of my chest as it beat hard against my ribcage.

"Aryanna, if you wish, you may place your memory in the pensieve for us to see. I must warn you, however, not to do so lightly. The memory cannot be removed." Dumbledore interrupted our silent communication.

I shivered and opened my eyes widely. In less than a second, the comfortable warmth was gone. My insides turned ice cold. "I… No! … I don't want to… I won't…" I stuttered with great difficulties. Severus' face became blank instantly. He watched me with deeply furrowed eyebrows and a very reproachful, boring gaze. Bloody hell, get yourself together! You're acting more than suspicious right now.

"I don't want you to see it…" I smoothly covered up, my gaze fixed on my fidgeting hands. "I don't want you to see how he tortures me… or Harry… Or how he reveals that filthy mark on my arm…" I added quietly and bit my lip. Absentminded, I bore my fingers deeply into the marked forearm.

"As you wish…"

As Dumbledore shifted, I raised my head again. A slight smile on his lips, he motioned for me to take a seat. After a moment, I shook my head and folded my cold arms. My heart felt heavy with its burden of guilt and pain. I closed my eyes and gulped several times. Then I met their gazes again…

I told them everything about the day of the third task; rom the moment Crouch Jr. had escorted me towards the Quidditch pitch; how he took my magic and brought me to the graveyard. I found myself telling them more than I had intended to. I repeated the content of every single conversation. Deeply lost in terrible memories, I described every torture with a horrible numbness.

I told them everything – except for the truth about my mark…

"Arya."

A warm hand on my cheek snapped me out of my memories. Blinking, I noticed Severus standing tall in front of me. Slowly, he retreated his hand. Black eyes burned straight into my soul. I shook my head and forced my lips in a smile. Instantly, I felt even worse. Coldness enwrapped my heart; run through my veins and I shivered. Slowly, so slowly, I crossed my arms and stepped away from him. With each step, my heart beat faster – and felt so agonizing heavy. My whole body felt heavy and so exhausted.

"My brother told me something rather odd." I glanced up at the headmaster. "During your eulogy for Cedric in the great hall… You said, the Ministry didn't want you to tell us the reason for his death… Why?"

Dumbledore sighed and smiled warily. "The Minister intends to protect the Diggory's from the press. Furthermore, he and the Department for Magical Defence wished to investigate further."

I tensed and frowned at the headmaster. "Investigate? What is there left to investigate? If he wishes to investigate, why did he allow the dementors kiss Crouch?"

"Apparently, that was a rushed, imprudent decision."

I scoffed. "Stupid you mean." Dumbledore merely smiled again; his eyes sparkling irritating. Whatever the aurors investigate now, they'll never find any traces. As if the great Lord Voldemort would leave any hints as to where he's hiding. They should rather concentrate on recruiting forces for our defence…

"Aryanna." Blinking, I focused again. Blue eyes pierced me; causing me to shift unsettled. I tensed and bore my fingers deeply in my arms. "Is there anything else you would like to share with us?"

I stared bluntly at him. I didn't move. Shallow breaths made my heartbeat sound so much louder. After a moment, my burning lungs inhaled deeply again. Tiredly, I unfolded my arms and my shoulders dropped. Then I shook my head slightly. My head lowered and my eyes fell on my covered forearm. I didn't need to see the mark to know it was there. I felt the dark magic winding and twisting under my skin – like a lethal disease, waiting for the perfect moment to spread.

Ironic… After all, that's exactly what it will do one day…

After quick, very awkward good byes, I intended to leave but Severus stopped me. Placing a hand on the office door, his black eyes stared down at me. The careless mask was merely broken by a deep frown and flashing eyes. I fought down my urge to throw myself in his arms. His unusual cold demeaner seemed to push me away. Obviously, I wasn't the only one suffering under my father's return.

"I want you to talk to Draco and your friends. Tell them the truth about why you kept to yourself these last days." Severus' velvet voice was quiet, only for me to hear. I chewed my bottom lip and dropped my gaze. Every time I looked into his eyes, my heart felt so terribly heavy.

"Why?"

"You need them. Now more than ever." A heavy, thick cloud slowly penetrated my mind. My insides turned to ice. To my horror, my hands started trembling so I wringed them anxiously. I wanted to run and get away from everything and anyone I could hurt- No, anyone I will hurt!

"They don't need me…" I whispered and focused on taking deep breaths."What "dkdknjkl

A dangerous growl made me wince. Then I heard a long sigh and knew that Severus was trying to be patient – a trait he was lacking. A cool hand under my chin brought my head up. Reluctantly, I locked eyes with flashing black orbs and shuddered. "I will not watch how you walk away from your own brother! You will tell them the truth! … You… will… tell them… before leaving Hogwarts!"

Suddenly, Severus' eyes were gone; so was the rest of his body as well. In fact, I wasn't even in the office anymore. Instead I was lost in the feeling of my stilled heart. I was trapped in my own body. Stars appeared in my sight. I felt as if I was flying on a broom; my exhaustion had vanished. I was in the eye of the storm – the storm of guilt, pain and desperation…

"Arya… … … ARYA!"

A sharp pain shot through my body like a knife. I shrieked and ripped my eyes wide open. My head throbbed and my eyes had difficulties adjusting.

"Look at me!" A sharp tone interrupted my troubles.

Slowly, I focused on Severus again. Worry was clouding his feature; jaw clenched tightly. Confused, I realized that I was leaning heavily against the door. Two sets of eyes watched me not less concerned. With great difficulties, my whole body felt strange, I pushed myself off the wooden door. With a heavy sigh, I rubbed my eyes. At once, my guilt was back; along with the numbing exhaustion.

"What happened?" He drawled.

"I'm tired." I mumbled defeated and wished to be anywhere but near Severus.

"Try… again…!"

Blue eyes met dangerously flashing black. Desperately, I raised my hands and couldn't help the half-hearted scoff. "I'm tired, Severus… I feel completely drained." I closed my eyes to get away from Severus' scrutinizing stare. Even my heart beat slower than usual. "I'm tired of all these lies and secrets. I hate lies, yet I'm lying to everyone… Draco… my friends… you… everyone… I don't want to but if I wouldn't, all hell would break lose… I wish so much my father had never told me that I would have to-"

I ripped my eyes wide open as my brain put an end to my rambling. Fear enwrapped me as sudden as freezing water; leaving my lungs burning with every single breath. Severus watched me with an almost convincing indifferent expression.

"Would… have… to… what?" Severus' quiet, yet hard tone sent a shiver down my spine. My heart jumped; I flinched the same instant. Frozen on the spot, I stared terrified at the tensed man in front of me.

I kept staring and waited… Inwardly, I desperately pleaded for him to drop it… If he didn't, I would have to lie again – a lie he would easily detect as such… Black eyes bore straight in mine…

"He…" I took a shaking breath and gulped. Well, I'm not lying to him… not really… "He told me that… that he wants to bind me to one of his Death Eaters." Severus narrowed his flashing eyes. I shrunk under his gaze and glanced at the other two persons in the room. "Instead being bound to my fairy-love, he… he wants to bind my feelings to one of his followers."

In the blink of an eye, Severus' face contorted in alarming rage. His muscles tensed visibly and he crossed his arms firmly; fingers digging tightly in his sleeves.

"Impossible." He spat and curled his lips.

I wanted to keep as much as possible to myself – especially the part about my mother. I didn't know if Severus knew, but didn't want to give him more reasons to get even more devastated.

"But he spoke the truth…" I argued half-heartedly.

Instantly, Severus' dangerous flashing eyes flickered back and pierced me. I shuddered and felt my heart skip a beat. Hatred wiped every other emotion from his face; menacing coldness clouding his feature. He forced his words out through gritted teeth.

"He cannot manipulate you…! He… will… not… bind… you…!" My heart squeezed tightly when I heard the pain and determination in his voice.

He already bound me, Severus…

"I do not believe it is possible, Severus." Dumbledore attempted to calm his younger colleague. He received a furious glare in return. "Perhaps it would have been before Aryanna found her fairy-love." A low growl came from Severus' chest. Not knowing what to say to ease the tension, I nervously watched him scowl the headmaster.

"I refuse to lean back and wait for us to find out." Severus snarled almost threatening. Dumbledore watched him with piercing eyes; an everlasting smile on his lips.

"Will Jackson be safe in the orphanage, Albus?" Professor McGonagall's scottish accent broke the heavy silence. My annoyance grew as they shamelessly ignored my presence.

"Yes… I am convinced she is. I placed the wards myself, with an old friend of mine. They are not unbreachable, however, I trust they will serve their purpose." I couldn't hold back the quiet scoff. Dumbledore had the very irritating trait to say words of comfort and spark doubts at the very same time.

"Serve their purpose?" Severus drawled; his face contorted with rage. I could see the burning fire in his black eyes as he pierced Dumbledore brutally. "If anything – ANYTHING happens to Arya because your wards did not serve their purpose…" He spat menacing. I shivered as my blood froze in my veins.

Severus was dead serious with his threat…

I couldn't help my thoughts wandering to my curse. If he was already that furious with the thought of me getting hurt, it would destroy him to know that he couldn't help me; that I would die anyway.

A pearl of sweat rolled down my neck, I could feel it. Goose bumps erupted all over my body as I stared at Severus with wide eyes. I wanted to get away from here. I needed to get away. Now! I couldn't watch him any longer. I couldn't possibly look at him one more minute when he was being so protective. It only led to more guilt and desperation.

"Sir?" I interrupted the heavy tension with a shaking voice. "May I be excused?" I could barely ignore the burning desperation in my heart; the freezing guilt in my stomach.

Biting my bottom lip, I looked up at the headmaster through my eyelashes. I fidgeted with my hands when I felt Severus' penetrating gaze on me. A nod from Dumbledore made me sigh relieved. With trembling hands, I reached for the door knob but suddenly another hand appeared on it. I gulped and turned my head.

A warm hand under my chin forced my head up. Reluctantly, I locked eyes with Severus. The rage had decreased and was replaced with worry. Anxiously, I nibbled at my lip again and tried to keep my desperation under control. Severus was to observant for his own good. If I wasn't careful, he would know that I was keeping something important from him.

Gently, Severus freed my abused bottom lip with his thumb. His intense gaze held me mesmerized on the spot. It was so easy for me to get lost in his gentleness and care. His hand wandered to cup my cheek. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply. Then the soothing warmth left all the sudden.

As I opened my eyes again, Severus' face had turned blank. With an undefinable hard gaze he turned towards the door and opened it. Confused at his sudden change, I simply passed him without another glance.

With trembling legs, I stumbled through the castle. My eyes stitched. Growling, I gritted my teeth with all the force I could muster. I felt so confused and lost. I wanted nothing more than this year to end. I wanted to be alone; no Severus, no Draco, no Harry… just no one.

Damn you Tom Riddle! I barely held in the cry of frustration. Instead, I slumped myself against the wall. I whined quietly as I leaned my forehead against the cold stone. Lazily, I rested my forearms next to my head; one hand crushing the other merciless. I barely registered the physical pain though.

"Fuck you! … Fuck you for destroying my life! … Damn you! … Go to hell! … Screw you!" Curse after curse I spat out quietly. Every word loaded heavily with pure hate. "You… fucking… monstrous… bastard!" I screwed my eyes up and growled lowly. "I will kill you for this! I will kill you for sentencing me to die! I swear by my friends' lives that you will die with me!"

In a trance like state, I raised my head and glared at my forearm; the smudged, filthy, reeking forearm… Suddenly however, as if I had just found the missing piece of a puzzle, I felt calmer. I didn't like it, but for once my heart and mind were on the same page. I knew what to do.

Severus will never find out about this… He can't know! Nobody should know… He'll find out eventually, Arya. He knows you better than anyone else… They can't! I'll never tell them, nor will they find out! I'll keep my distance. I'm going to try staying out of Severus' way. I can only do the right thing if I know that I won't hurt anyone. Better to distance yourself sooner rather than later, Arya! Or else you'll never be able to give up your life without putting up a fight. When the proper moment has come, I won't hesitate. I can't!

"I will keep my distance…" I muttered to myself. "I'll keep my distance… I'll keep my distance!" I repeated the same words over and over again. At some point, I had pushed myself off the wall and was walking towards the library. There I could be alone… Keep my distance!

"Sooner rather than later… Sooner rather than later, Arya!"