Chapter 8

I am confused. Elizabeth had looked so messed up. It hurts that she didn't want to talk to me.

I decide to leave my office and go to the balcony. I breathe in deeply. Just a few seconds later I hear the door hiss open behind me.

"Why did I know you were here?", Liam says.

"Hey!", I smile and hug him,"What are you doing up so late?"

"Could ask you the same. I couldn't sleep and was bored. You?"

"Work. You know...Work never sleeps. I'd like to, but Atlantis doesn't care", I laugh and Liam joins my laughter.

"Have you heard about this new plant on the mainland? The scientists say an asteroid had crashed down on the planet forthy years ago. On it were plants or baby plants or domething like that. Well, they say the plants now seem to grow here."

"What kind of plants are those?"

"Some flowers. Many different kinds. Look beautiful", Liam says smiling.

"Flowers", I say like Jason when he wants to say something important,"Always look beautiful."

"Tell this Jack! He hates flowers. Since this time he got bit in his ass by one", now we both have to laugh.

I dash away a tear from my eye. I like that. Everytime I'm sad Liam ginds me and somehow manages to get me to laugh.

"What would I do without you?", I ask still laughing.

"Hm...let me think...you'd end up as an old grumpy woman!"

I hold my stomach and sink down on the balcony floor. I laugh so hard I don't even think about what the people inside might think.

Liam places himself next to me and looks grinning at my shaking self.

"Ok ok, give me a second ok?", I slowly breathe in.

"Maybe you should breathe out?"

I hold up a finger, count to four and then I relieve it.

"Ok, what was that?", Liam asks.

"My mother said:'Whenever you die from laughing, just breathe in, count and then breathe out.' "

Liam nods as if that was the wisest he's ever heard.

"Ma'am, is everything...w...why are you sitting on the floor?", Harry Torres asks me.

"Erm...because...it's nice down here?"

"Ok...", he says and leaves back first while watching us suspiciously.

As soon as he's away Liam stands up laughing. He pulls me up, but a little too fast. I fall into him. My head swims a little.

When I feel good again I take a step back and shake my head.

"Has your father never told you how to help a lady up?", I ask amused.

I look into Liam's face and notice he's a little red. I smile.

"Did you lose your voice?", I ask teasing,"How cute."

He looks like a lost puppy. I grin and pat his shoulder.

"Go and search it", I say and give him a kiss on his cheek," Much fun!"

Liam looks a little confused when I turn around and leave.

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I lay on my bed and stare at.the ceiling. Spots of moonlight dace there in the colours of the multicoloured windows.

I tried to follow the doctor's suggestion and get some sleep, but I just can't. There's too much going on inside my head right now.

I fear that this man, 'Atlantis', is just a hallucination. I'm scared that I'm going crazy and all the memories are too much.

At first I was able to deal with them, because only some came back , but then all the last came back at once and that's too much information for me.

I try to get them into order, start with the earliest memories, memories of my parents, my dog our house.

Memories of my 12th birthday.

I come down the stairs. My mother makes breakfast and my father sits at the table with a cup of coffee.

"Hi, Mum! Hi, dad!", I smile.

"Good morning. Happy bithday, Honey!", Mum says.

Dad hugs me.

"Hey, Lizzy? Do you want your presents now or after the breakfast?"

"Dad, It's morning and I'm hungry!"

Dad and I start laughing and mom just rises an eyebrow.

"Here Honey, a few pancakes", she says smirking and places the pancakes infront of me on the table.

When I finished eating I just sat up straight and now I look at my mother.

"Ok, come on. We will give you your presents!", she laughes and dad stands up.

I jump from my chair and follow them into the livingroom. I place myself on the sofa and wait for my mother to give me my first present.

I carefully open it and find...a red telescope!

"Oh my god! I love it!", I say with a grin from ear to ear. I like the stars and astronomy since I can think and I always said I'd once wanted to visit them.

I place the telescope aside and hug my parents.

"Thanks! I love you both!"

I smile at this memory. I reached my dream. I succeeded to visit the stars and now I live on one of them.

When I was twelve I'd never have thought that I could reach that.

Well, I also wouldn't have thought that a alien android would kill me...

Much in my life had gone wrong. I wanted to see so much, wanted to make more of my life. I wanted to marry.

Instead I always overworked myself, stayed in the office two days and left them only to get myself coffee. I didn't talk to anyone.

The only friends I had were my colleagues and I couldn't even be sure if they weren't only nicee to me because I was their boss... The only really friends I had were John, Teyla, Carson, Rodney and maybe even Jennifer and Ronon.

I really didn't live my life how I should have. I remember what my other me said to me...

"Damn...I dozed of again..."

"Well...I think you're not the only one."

I look behind at John and Rodney who sleep at the beds in the infirmary.

"Does anything hurt?", I ask the other me concerned.

"Would we admit that if it was like that?", she asks me back.

I just smile.

"I wish we could do more for you..."

"Oh look at you. You're always concerned...you're putting youreself under so much pleasure. You remember this awful negotiation on the Baltikan. What Simon said to us afterwards?"

"Breath deeply. Amongst other things", I answer.

"Enjoy the moment. What's there right now. The sun. The breeze", she makes a pause and smiles,"our birthday..."

I smile too.

"Sheppard couldn't keep it to himself, what?"

"I just mean, stop being so damned hard to yourself."

I open my mouth to protest, but close it again.

"Life is short..."

I didn't listen to her. I thought after she'd given her life for us, we could live. I could live. I should have listened to her.

"Life is to short", I wisper to the empthy room," This time I will make it a life..."