Chapter 10

"Morning sweetie!"

"Wha-?!"

My eyes snap open and I nearly fall out off the bed. Next to the bed stands a grinning Atlantis.

"Why?"

"You need to dress. Ella will come here in five minutes!"

"Ok, we cleared that you exist, but what are you? My alarm clock?"

"If you want me to. Now stand up!"

"Uff...", I say and think, this is going to be a loooong day.

I start dressing myself in red shirt and red coat and try to ignore Atlantis' smirk.

And as Atlantis promised Ella knocks at my door after five minutes.

"Hey!", she says, hugging me,"How are you? Have you slept well?"

"I'm fine! And you?"

"Perfect! I see you wear the stuff I got Jack to bring here?"

"Yes, I like it! Did you know my favourite colour was red?"

"Well, on all pictures of you you had red shirts."

"That was my unuform", I say and laugh. Now I realise what Carson meant.

"Oh, Elizabeth. You look beautiful! It is the first time in a long time that I see you in anything other than your uniform", Carson says and looks me up and down.

"No", I say, laughing nervously,"That's new to me."

I think he was right... Most of the time...Good, everytime you see me I am in my office, in my uniform, with a cup of coffee and burried in work up to my throat.

Rodney, Teyla and John always tried to get her to eat.

"Hey, you are no mashine. You have to eat!", John says annoyed.

"Mh..."

I type a few changes in the report and-

John takes the report and says:"Damned, I will get Ronon here to carry you down if I have to!"

"Colonel Shepard, if you don't give me back the report-"

"Then what?", he asks smirking.

"I am your boss. I can always give Caldwell your job. So give me the report and get off my office!"

"Pft"

John throws the report on the table and hurries out.

"I wanted to ask if you want to go eat with me?"

"Sure."

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"How's the earth looking like nowadays?", I ask.

"Well, houses, people...I think you should look yourself", Ella answers chewing her salad.

I let my fork sink.

"Really? You think I am allowed to?"

"Sure! I will get you someone to join. And, if you are interested, in the capital is a library. There you can find out about your family's, friend's and everything's future and history. The things you can't find here", she says full of exitement.

"You're all so nice. Even when I'm here only a few-"

Ella helds up a hand.

"No. You are part of the family of Atlantis. And when I'm allowed to tell you something", she leans a little forward,"Atlantis feels a little different since you're here. It is brighter and warmer and his melody is happier. "

"His?", I ask frowning.

"Erm. I mean-"

"So he talks to you too?"

"You know him?"

I nod and we both have to smile. Atlantis knows who are good people to talk to. Definitaly.

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"Before you go", Ella says, swallowing tge rest of her water,"I want to show you something!"

"And what?", I ask curious.

"You will see..."

We leave the cafeteria and walk through countless corridors. It's the direction of the huge tower with the many windows.

I always wonder how the ancients were able to build it. Well, they build the stargates, Atlantis, timemashines and several other things.

I shouldn't wonder.

We take the transporter and stand on the highest floor of the tower.

"Here we are!", Ella says and enters a room on the seaside.

We are both blinded by the sun which shines through the windows. In the morning, it reappeared, the sun always rises from this side and sets at the side of the balcony so you habe a breathtaking look in the evening.

When my eyes get used to the light, I look around. At the walls are picures of people I don't know. Under each is a name and some other things.

We go to the back of the room and I see the picture of a young man with green eyes and brown hair.

His name was Torren John Emmagan.

"That was Teyla's son!", I say excited.

"She was your friend, wasn't she? You must have liked the baby!"

"I never saw him...", I say and look down at the floor.

"Oh my god Teyla, a baby!", I say and jump up excited.

As soon as I'm on my feet the soldiers around me point at me with their weapons.

It's not the first time today that they do that, but who can blame them? I am a replicator. Their enemy.

Even when I was human before. Even when I was their friend, their leader, before.

They don't believe me. And I can't blame them for that either. I don't look like myself anymore. I don't sound like myself anymore.

Hell, I don't even know if I am Elizabeth Weir or just a shaddow of her or a copy!

I sit back down slowly an  try to keep on smiling.

"Is it a boy or-"

"A boy."

"Oh. What's his name?"

Teyla narrows her eyes.

"Torren John Emmagan."

"So, Torren for your father. And John...Colonel Sheppard?"

"Yes."

"So, is John the...?"

"No."

Somehow I'm happy about that. I try to tell myself it's because I know that John always has another woman, but...

"Let me guess...it's Kanan?"

"How do you know that?!", Teyla asks.

"It was just the way you looked when you were talking 'bout him."

I look down at my feet. I know she doesn't believe me. I could say whatever I want, she would never...

"Is he here?"

"He's with his father."

"Ok."

I know she lies.

"Oh, I see...But watch this. You must have know the parents of the first ten or twenty persons!"

I look the row up and down. There's a woman: Astral McKay.

"Oh, seems that Katy and Rodney got a child!"

"Erm....Katy? There seem to be lots of mistakes in the database...It says that the parents were Meredith Rodney McKay and Jennifer Keller, but Meredith is a woman or not?"

"No, it's a man. We called him Rodney. The only thing that surprises me is that Jennifer and Rodney got together. I want to know how..."

"I will tell you later", Atlantis says.

Ella and I both roll our eyes.

"And Nigel Jackson....I bet the mother was Vala!"

Ella smiles and I know I'm right.

My smile fades when I see my picture at the wall. I walk toward it amd stroke over the metallic message under it.

"John ..."

Then I see the jar he'd given me to birthday the first year in Atlantis.

"I bought it on Athos. For you to your birthday", John explains and hands me the cloth.

I unpack the thing hidden in it.

It's a ceramic jar.

"It's beautiful. Er...How did you find out?"

"Mum's the word", he says, smirking, before he leaves the balcony.

I smile and look down at the jar. It's beautiful.

This jar has been on my desk since then and I know he knew. I know now that that must have been the first time he didn't brag.

I remember one time specifically.

"Up late?", John asks as he enters the messhall of the Dedalus.

"Couldn't sleep. I got somehow used to fall asleep with the sounds of the waves...You?"

"Couldn't sleep either. Must be the strain of the new command, since I'm lieutenant colonel!", he sits down oposide of me and gives me one of his flyboy smirks.

"Ok, it's almost been a month now, John. How long are you going to keep this up?", I ask and rise an eyebrow.

"Well, some of the people back in the air force thought I wouldn't even go over captain!", John points out.

"But it is the opinion of the people who matter that counts in the end", I say.

"You may be right", he answers.

I will surely not tell him that the IOA wanted to fire him and I was the only one to fight for him...

I reach for the jar and carefully take it. It's slughtly heavier than I remember it to be.

I open it and take out the watch of my father. Tears start to well up in my eyes and I sink down to my knees.

I habe to remember the death of my father. His funeral...

"Dad?"

I enter the office of my father. It's dark.

"Dad, are you...Dad?!"

He lays face-down on the floor.

"Oh god, Dad!"

I run towards him and watch for his pulse. There is no.

"Mooom!!!"

"Elizabeth, why are- George!"

"Mom, he is-"

My voice fails and I start crying.

I didn't realise my mother didn't listen anymore. She had been gone to call emergency.

Thirty minutes later I watch the men carry my dad away, who is coverd by a black blanket.

The day of the funeral is a sunny sunday. My father always told me that if he should die, he wanted me to sing at his funeral.

So, now I stand here with the musicians and grip my black dress. I am not nervous. I just try not to cry. I don't want my mother to see. She is sad enough. She doesn't have to worry about me.

We are a christian family, so I choose a christian song. I look to Carson, who stands next to me with his bagpipe. He was a friend of our family for a long time now and I'm glad that he's here.

I nod for him as a sign to start. The first notes of the song swirl through the air and suddenly it starts to rain.

"Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now am found

T'was blind but now I see

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear

And Grace, my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed

Through many dangers, toils and snares

We have already come.

T'was grace that brought us safe thus far

And grace will lead us home,

And grace will lead us home

Amazing grace, Howe Sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost but now am found

T'was blind but now I see

Was blind, but now I see."

I feel a hand on my shoulder. I didn't realise that I am still standing at the grave. Nearly everyone is gone now.

The rain hits my body, but I'm numb to everything around me. My dress is soaked with water, but I don't care.

I lost my father. I am only 23 and already lost my father.

That was the day I stoped singing. I didn't even sing under the shower anymore.

Suddenly I realise that I'm  alone in this room. I stand up and try as good as I can to dry my face. I leave the room and run straight for my quaters.

I am so distracted by the thoughts of my father that I don't see the piece of paper in the jar when I place it on my desk. I just lay down and try to sleep to shut off the thoughts.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up with eyes full of tears.

Atlantis sits next to me on the bed.

"Do you want me to go?", he asks me.

I think about saying yes, but I know that Atlantis would see me anyways and I didn't let anyone close to me for a long time.

I need someone to talk to right no. Or just someone who takes care of me. Who doesn't want me to talk.

"Stay."