Chapter 17

"You've been better with words before", Atlantis says as we make our way back to my quarters.

"I know", I sigh, "But since Janus let me descend many things have changed..."

"I also realised that", he says and thinks, "That mask you always wore is away and everything that kept you from living like a normal person. Maybe Janus wanted you to use you chance and took away what could keep you from doing that."

"Like the part of me that never let other people close enough to see how I feel?", I ask, somehow understanding what he means.

"Yes, I think so."

"Are the Ancients capable of doing that? Taking abilities and parts of my personality?"

"Yes they are", Atlantis says, "But they are not allowed to though."

"Because that would be as if you were making someone to a completely new human..."

"I see he didn't take your sense of logic", he laughs.

"Well...maybe it's better he did that. I anyways wanted to not make the same mistakes again. Wanted to start a new life."

"And still you want to find out what happened to your friends?"

I laugh a little.

"Well, yes."

"You can do when they say yes. If not I bet there are a few Jacks that would join that journey..."

I laugh and have to admit that this really wouldn't surprise me.

"Now food!", Atlantis says and runs to the cantine rubbing his hands together and his robe nearly bringing him to fall.

"Oh man..."

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I tried finding someone who has a book for me for the time I have to wait. Somehow none has one.

"Hey!", Atlantis says, "I know that Ella has some books."

"But we can't just go into her quaters", I say and talk to him as if he was a child.

Atlantis disappears and comes back a minute later.

"She said yes", he says grinning.

I roll with my eyes and follow Atlantis to the corridor that lays under the one my quarters are in.

"Why again are you following me anywhere I go?"

"Because it's boring only to watch and not being able to do anything. Like walking or talking", Atlantis explaines, "And you are nice to be around with."

I smile at him And open the door to Ella's quarters. At one wall there is a huge shelf with dozens of books.

"Wow...", I say, "Do you think she stole them From the rest of the guys here because none had any books?"

"No", Atlantis says,"Thirty years ago all books got digitalized and they decided to use the energy in the material of the books different. Her grandfather sold books and saved them when they started taking the books."

"You do realize you could have just said that before? I would have been ok with digital books", I say and raise an eyebrow.

"Erm...er...", Atlantis stutters and stays one foot on the other, "Look, she has 'War and Peace'"

I roll with my eyes and take a book from the shelf. The genre is crime.

I put the book into a pocket of my coat and take another. It's a love story.

"Hm..."

I read the text on the back of the book.

Aileen, a pretty aristocrats daughter, lived on an Island on the northern coast of Canada. She had a life many girls in her age would wish for. A Huge house, servants that did everything she wanted, money and pretty dresses, but Aileen wished for more. She wanted to find the true love and travelled to the mainland where she hoped to find her from destiny foreseen love.

"Hm...", I say again.

"If you ask me I'm rather for something like this", Atlantis says and pulls out a book with the title 'Spaceship Zipsargon'.

"Science fiction?", I ask and raise an eyebrow.

Atlantis nods and hands me the book.

I put both of the books into my pockets.

"She won't mind", I say and grin, "I'll have them done in three weeks."

Atlantis laughes. We leave Ella's room and walk to mine again. When we enter it I take a step back into the corridor. The light in my quaters is already enlightening the room and at my desk there is sitting Dr. Jasons.

"Oh!", I say, "What are you doing here?"

"I got told about your nightmares", the psychiatrist explaines, "I hope you don't mind that I let myself in?"

I shake my head. "Was it Jack?", I ask him, but he shakes his head and points to Atlantis.

I look at Atlantis who took a seat on my bed and now is playing with the huge crystal on his necklace.

"Appears that he's no halluzination and if he is it's a pretty smart one."

Atlantis picks with his fingertip between his teeth.

"Sure", I mutter, watching as Atlantis looks at his fingertip, "But why are you here? I know why I do have these dreams."

"Yes I know", he says, "But knowing the reason doesn't make the problem disappear does it?"

I shake my head.

"See? That's why I am here. To help you", he explains,"And I talked to the Doc. He said you could use some of those."

He puts a box on the table with pills in it.

"They'll knock you out so you won't have to suffer the nightmares. Even though I don't think it's good to avoid the problem, but he  had pretty good arguments."

Again the psychiatrist points to Atlantis.

"But did you have to come here? Why not just give a message to Atlantis here? He seems to be bored."

Atlantis stands on his head at the wall, but instead of holding himself up with his hands he just stands on his head. His coat had slipped dangerously low.

"Yes probably...I want you to come to me tomorrow morning. Atlantis said you were going to read some books. I think that's a good idea. Sometimes it's good to distract yourself and feed your mind with something else."

I nod and Dr. Jasons leaves my room.

When the door closes I lay down on the bed and take out the books from the coat.

I take the book about crime in New York and start reading. I descided to hang the coat over my chair and watch Atlantis as he starts walking around my room.

"Are you bored?", I ask him.

He nods.

"What do you want to do?"

He shrugs and sits down on my bed.

"Do you want me to read for you?"

Now he nods and grins like a little boy. He lays down on the bed and I lay down beside him.

I take the book and read:

"But it wasn't his first day as a police officer. Just his first in this new city. And this wasn't his with case. Just his first here.

"Hello", he greeted his new boss, Matthew Gabriels.

His boss just nods and continues walking to the blonde woman he'd already seen a few minutes before. She has a strong aura and that impresses him...."

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Atlantis listenes to my reading for six chapters now and my throat starts getting dry. I am swallowing more often then before.

Someone knocks at the door and as if that was totally normal, Atlantis opens it.

Harry enters my quaters and looks confused at me because I'm still laying on my bed. I look angrily at Atlantis who shrugs and suddenly Harry jumps away from him.

"Hi!", Atlantis says overly excited.

"What the-"

"This is Atlantis", I say and lay the book onto my nightstand so i could stand up.

Harry looks confused confused fron Atlantis to me and back.

"The city?", he asks when he found his voice again.

"Yes", Atlantis says grinning.

"Ok, I will not ask....I've seen things more confusing", Harry says and shakes his head, "I just wanted to ask if you were ok. Because you didn't sound very convincing last night and first i didn't want to ask, but...but you know...I'm kinda worried and...and...you know..."

"Yes, I know", I laugh, "And to be honest i haven"t been ok, but I am feeling better."

"Wanna talk 'bout it?", he askes me all the while not looking at me out of the fear that I would turn him down.

"Likely not, but if Dr. Jasons was here he would say it's better til talk about it then to push it to the back of your head."

"Probably..."

"So what do you want to know?", I ask and take a seat on my bed.

"Why were you screaming?"

"Nightmare", I explain, "Something came back to me after I talked to Jasons and I was not prepared for it."

"What was it about?"

"It was...", I stop and think,"I need you to know that some time I was a hostage at the replicator world and they wanted informations from me so-"

"They tortured you", he finished my sentence.

"Yes...", I say looking down, "Physically and mentally. They made sick tricks with my brain and made me see stuff that was hardly bearable for me. I didn't have any idea what you are able to make someone imagine."

"I can only try to imagine", Harry says  looking at his feet.

"I would appreciate if you don't", I say honestly and try to let him see what I mean by my eyes.

Luckily he seems to know excactly what I mean.

"What kind of things...erm...you know..."

"You mean what I saw? Or they made me see? I think the usual kind of stuff. The people you love most die in front of your eyes and everything u cared for taken away. And the worst is they make it look as if that all was totally normal. They bound it with daily situations. And did you know that time also doesn't matter when you dream or halluzinate. Practically you can live you whole life in a few seconds if not less..."

"I can't believe anyone could do that to someone."

"They have no sense of ethic and feel no regret. They are ruthless, careless and they don't fear death because they can simply be made again. They live in some kind of collective and share their memories so they can make everyone again without any losses. Except resources offcourse."

"I can't believe something like this even exists!"

"Better believe it...", I sigh.

When I was younger I used to think everything was ok and there was no evil out there, but then I got older and learned the hard way that there was evil.

Humans and aliens are evil. But most werent born evil. They get evil. It's not their own fault mostly.

I learned evilnes is made by people who have never been evil and it's given to people who think the world is ok and friendly. Because they are naive and think what they are doing is right.

It starts small. With bullying. I got bullied in school for stuff that didn't even matter like my name. I didn't understand how someone could be that mean for no reason.

Then I realised that they did that because they didn't feel good themselves. Most of them lived in a difficult household.

As soon as I found out I started to look over it and be friendly to them to make them see there is not only evilness in this world.

They didn't respond to it, but I didn't stop. I knew that deep inside they were good.

"No one is born evil. Not even a machine. They become evil because of what they experience in their lives. They got because of their programming. It got messed up...and they got thrown into trash. If I was them I would have gotten mad as well...", I say quiet, "I understand them somehow..."