A Resolute Promise

Gauhar's POV

How did she understand what I was trying to say? 

I looked at her mutely as she continued speaking, "I wouldn't have known about this place either if my husband hadn't brought me here when I was pregnant with my son. Apparently he used to come here along with his best friend during the days when he barely had anything to himself." 

Looking at something I couldn't see she gave a wistful smile, "coming to this place was like a luxury for him, and I think I can understand why. The tea here is awesome."

Tightening my hold on my cup of tea, I smiled as a strange warmth bloomed in my chest for her. Although she appeared to be extremely wealthy and difficult to approach, she made me feel at ease with her eccentric demands and little titbits about herself that made me relate to her. Inhaling the fresh mountain air, I allowed myself to relax in her company and enjoy the spicy yet mellow taste of the most amazing tea I ever had the good fortune to taste.

"You are worried about something aren't you?" she asked out of the blue, startling me out of my contemplation.

"How'd you come to that conclusion?" 

"It's not that difficult really, someone driving a car recklessly like that has to either be dead drunk or they are trying to escape from something that is bothering them." 

Shrugging her delicate shoulders she looked up at me, "since you don't seem to be drunk, it was an easy enough deduction to make."

"I can't fault you for your method." 

She gave me a smile that made her look at least 15 years younger, her cheeks forming little dimples that added an air of innocence to her appearance. She looked adorable, just like Ali did when he put on one of his teasing little smiles.

Thinking of Ali caused another wave of despair and helplessness to wash over me. There was a strange sense of loss I felt at his memory, although I knew that there was nothing to 'lose' for me when it came to him. 

"So, what is it?" she pressed.

"Why do you want me to talk to you about something I was trying to forget about? If you really want to make me feel better, isn't it better to just let me forget about it somehow?"

"Because, I'm a lot older and I know from experience that you'd feel lighter letting it all out. Like the story of the king's barber who couldn't hide the secret that the king had goat's ears and it kept eating at him so he confessed the secret out to mother earth. Keeping stuff in makes you uncomfortable, so I'll act like a convenient soundboard for you to let it all out."

Biting my bottom lip looked into her dark grey eyes that steadily stared back at me, and for some reason I felt reassured in her presence so I sighed, looking down at my shoes, "There is something bothering me, you're not wrong about that. But I'm more angry than anything else about it."

Inayah's gaze pierced me as she took my words in, resting her hands behind her she looked up at the annoyingly clear sky, "you know, sometimes it's better to be sad instead of angry because anger is dangerous, it clouds your judgement and leads you to do things you will regret for a long time to come." 

She took a deep breath, and when she turned towards me there was so much emotion in her eyes that there was no doubt she was speaking from experience, "Which is a massive waste since you'd eventually feel sad and helpless. And the worst part is, more often than not, there is no way that you can reverse the harm you've caused. So Gauhar, my advice to you is, let go of the anger and embrace the sadness because it is inevitable."

I let her words soak into me, as I kicked a rock and watched it roll far away from me, "So you want me to accept my feelings sooner rather than later because it's a vicious inescapable circle and I'll have to confront them some other time anyway?"

"Maybe, yes." She quietly replied, making me feel a tendril of fear wrap around my heart.

"Then what even is the point of expecting something good from this life?" I viciously dug my foot into the soil, pushing the rocks deeper into the earth.

When I looked up at her, there was a soft smile on her face that made me marvel how I hadn't noticed how beautiful she was, "Because hope is what gives you strength and motivation, without that you'd be an empty shell, and trust me living like that is painful."

"I think I'm going to lose myself and I have no idea how to save myself from it." I whispered softly, scared to let anyone know about how vulnerable I felt.

"What do you want to do, Gauhar?" she asked, equally as softly.

Putting my head in my hands I let out a deep breath "I want to run as far away as I can from my life, from this nightmare."

I felt her thin hand wrap around mine, her touch surprisingly firm, "Running away won't solve your problems. In fact that is precisely what makes a person regret the most. Because even if you fail, you'd at least have the satisfaction of knowing that you weren't a coward and had faced whatever was thrown at you without flinching," giving my hand a squeeze she continued, "And Gauhar, you don't look like a coward to me."

"How can you be so sure?" I asked, surprised.

"There are some things that you just know are true, and this is one of those things," she lifted her shoulders in a shrug, "Call it my gut feeling if you will."

A comfortable silence enveloped us as we enjoyed the soft breeze flowing around us, closing my eyes I allowed myself to feel sad, to feel the disappointment wrap around myself. I allowed the despair to wrap me in its hold, causing tears to warm the backs of my eyelids.

I cried silently, and Inayah was right there with me. She did not say anything as she watched me silently crumble, but her hold on my hand tightened, and I felt grateful for her silent support.

But I couldn't let go of the anger, I was not as gracious as that. Or maybe I was just not strong enough.

We stayed like that for a long time, the birds had started to fly back to their nests and the sun was slowly turning a bright red colour. I cried till I had no tears to shed, and it was only when Inayah talked to me that I realised how long we had been sitting like that for.

"Gauhar honey, could you please take me to this address" she showed me a business card with the address of a place close to my house, "I can't ask anyone else for help since I had an argument with my husband this morning and I don't want to ask his help."

Getting up from my seat I dusted my sweatpants and nodded at her, "Of course, it's the least I can do after destroying your car."

At that she gave me a secretive smile that seemed to say that there was something else that she wanted from me, but she walked away towards the car before I could be sure about it.

What was that about?

As I started the car, Taylor Swift's wildest dreams started to play, filling the silence of the car. As I drove down to the main road, I realised that the song was coming out of Inayah's phone.

"You like Taylor Swift?" I inquired over her loud ringtone.

"Yes, not very age appropriate I know."

"I think good music isn't restricted to be enjoyed by any select age demographic."

As the song blared louder between us, she declined the call, muttering angrily to herself, "Dammit, can't he understand that I don't want to talk to him. The senile idiot."

As we took a turn upon her direction, her phone started ringing again, making me smile, "I think you should answer it."

Crossing her arms across her chest she faced the window, looking like a petulant child, "I don't want to, the man is deluded to think that he can force a girl to get married to his son just because it is HIS wish, as if a girl has no say in the matter, as if her opinion is pointless."

She stopped herself from saying anymore as she realised what she had just let slip. Her eyes were wide as she looked at me with apprehension.

I felt a chill run down my spine at her words, realisation dawning upon me as we neared the street that took us to my house. Tightening my hold on the steering wheel I accelerated the car, wanting her out of my car as soon as possible, guilt and embarrassment be damned.

As we stopped outside the gate of my house, I let go of the seatbelt and stared ahead of us, "You knew who I was." it was not a question, it was a statement.

"I'm sorry Gauhar, I wasn't trying to deceive you. Believe me, that was not my intention, I could see how distressed you were and I couldn't bring myself to say anything because of the shame I felt." Removing her own seatbelt she turned towards me, "I tried convincing them against pressuring you into it, but they are refusing to give in, and at this point I think that is beyond my power to influence them."

Gritting my teeth I nodded "I understand Inayah." I really did. But I had no intention of letting go of my anger just because that arsehole Altamash had an adorable mother.

I flinched as she took my hand in hers, but I was unable to take it away from hers as she stared at me with those pleading eyes of hers, "You want me to forgive you for ruining my car right?" I turned towards her as she continued, "I know you absolutely hate what Altamash is doing right now, you might even hate me for being his mother but," she tightened her hold on my hand "I- I really want you to give him a chance."

I abruptly pulled my hand out of hers "No Inayah." Clenching my fists I stared into her eyes, wishing she understood how I felt, "I'm sorry ma'am I'll do anything to compensate for the loss I incurred, but I can never give in to your son's demands. I don't even know the man for god's sake!"

I leaned towards her side and opened the passenger door, silently asking her to leave, "I don't know what I'll do but I'll make sure that this marriage doesn't happen." I promised myself as she stepped out of the car.