Goodbyes

Early that day...

"Mom, mom... mom!"

"Its time to get up grandpa will be here soon."

I called to my mother as I was getting ready in the hotel bathroom, for school. The hotel is where we have been staying for the past month, waiting. We had lost the place we were staying at before. I didn't want to go I wanted to stay with her, I wanted to take her away and take care of her myself. But in reality I knew this was for the best. It didn't make it easy...I knew we couldn't continue down this path and that I couldn't do it on my own.

My mother laid on the bed, she had got up but look tired and sad. I was sad as well, today I had to say goodbye, today she was going to have some one else take care of her...

I finished getting ready, I was in simple street clothes, which was my norm. I just had on a t-shirt and jeans, nothing special. There wasn't much special about me. I was skinny and had an average height with tan skin, as my father was of Hispanic descent. I had no distinctive features but yet easy to spot around here because of my skin color. I was the only tan person in my family and around most parts of this rural town.

As I stood there looking in the hotel mirror, I was in Deep thought. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I also wasn't ready to hear the new jokes the very clever people at this school would come up with About my skin color. It didn't bother me about what they would say, I knew who I was and I was ok with that. So I never let it get to me, it just became insufferable to hear the same things over and over again. Especially when they thought they were clever and had been the first one to come up with the joke.

But today wasn't about that and was the least important thing for today. Today I had to say goodbye to the one person that was my Constant, the one person who loved me no matter what, my mother.

My mother was a short person with fair skin and freckles that covered her face. She has always had dark hair but had it dyed jet black like mine, with curls that at this moment laid around her face in a mess like fashion. Her hair was definitely a different contrast then mine. I had straight hair, and had always wanted her curls, as for her she always wanted my straight hair. It was always something we joked about when we were complaining about having a bad hair day.

She was a funny person and when we had good days they were great, but we didn't always have good days. It's seem like the darkness was around every corner.

I didn't have much time left, so I sat beside her. She really wasn't her self or maybe this was her. Sometimes I really couldn't say. Her eyes were clouded and even though I knew she was sad, I knew this wasn't the sadness.

It seemed she couldn't help her self and indulged. I wasn't stupid I've seen this many times before. I didn't say anything about it I didn't want to upset her more and I knew she was going to get help.

We held each other for just a short bit before she kissed me and told be how much she loved me, and that it all was going to be ok. I was heart broken and wasn't ready to let her go, but I knew I had to be the strong one. If I let on that I was too sad she wouldn't go but also wouldn't change.

I stood up, smiled and kissed her head.

I said "I love you mom, always, don't worry about me, I got this."

Then left out the door...

I was off to a new school and she was off to rehab...

You would think at this point that saying goodbye was something I was use to, but really I've never been good at goodbyes. It really wasn't something I could get use to, and definitely not to my mother...

Though I've had to say goodbye and to let go of many people and things my whole life, and to some it seemed I was ok with it. In reality it never got better. Yes there were alot of people and things I was glad to have out of my life, usually they were no good and made things worse, so good riddance... But there was always a few people and things that would stick in your heart forever... who would have guess I would find that here through all my darkness.