Mike****Chapter Six

Issa was sentenced to 55 years. I remember the way she tried to deal with the fact she may die in jail. She wouldn't be up for parole for a long time and the fact that she had stabbed her cell mate lessened her chances for a plea deal. She received 40 years for manslaughter and 15 years for assault with a deadly weapon...consecutively. She remained strong for about a week. Her attorney had promised her a 20 year sentence and a reduced charge. Her parents had sold their home to get the money to hire him. She finally broke. The sounds of her angry screams in the middle of the night still wake me up from my dreams. I could not even began to imagine how she felt. I was in the same situation though, mine was just capital murder. I wondered if they knew already I had not killed him. My mind would flash back to the pictures of him. He was barely noticeable, but it was Terrell. His smooth yellow skin was black when they had found him, he laid in the picnic area in the park on a concrete slab concealed by bushes. He had swollen to about 70 pounds heavier from exposure to the sun. I had and instant smell of death overwhelm me as I looked at the fucked up picture that bastard MADE me look at. I knew what he was doing, he thought I was a weak bitch. Shit, I just looked like that.

They wasted no time shipping her to another facility to serve her bid. We cried like Celie and Nettie.

"U got it from here, I'll see u again and it will be like old times," Issa said. She'd gone in the middle of the night.

Then, it was just us. I held the necklace we had made, the chain was made from trash bag.

I went to court, my fate still not determined.

My hair had semi grown back, my nails were long and healthy. Killa looked out for us. I saw Redd, he was about the size he was when he had finished his 18 month bid. I instantly looked for Terror...that had been his name, he had been sentenced to life. This time he was shackled to the prettiest boy I had ever seen, they whispered playfully.

When they called us to handle our matter and he stood, I watched his walk, it had lacked that thuggish stride that had always turned me on, now it was more of a twist. He had been smiling at me and giving me eye contact the whole time from across the courtroom. Our attorneys pled not guilty. Our next court date was 11 months away, that was it, that was all. Jesus hadn't returned so back to Seg 6. Shameka was yet cockeyed and deaf.

The sleeve of his uniform brushed my arm, I enjoyed the experience and hadn't touched him in awhile. I knew he could be fixed. He had told me why he had done it. He shoulda been stronger than that. I had paid attention to little things at home, I guess they were natural characteristics of a bisexual. They way he held the blunt and lifted his pinky finger. The way the cocaine changed his sexual nature, he wanted to be held...any other time he was extremely masculine. I knew I could fix him.

I named the baby Ryan.

When it cried, I consoled it...I fed it, I neglected my self plenty days. I had to take care of it we were all we had. I loved it so much...

His letters. I read them, he told me everything.

He had been his detention center officer, Redd had known he was an undercover, this hadn't been business.

I was involved now and was willing to save my man.

He received the bloodstained letter, burned the pages as instructed and kept the ashes.

I read the Bible to Ryan, and sang. I told stories about my childhood, about Daddy, my punishment methods...and how much of a fucking coward Mama was. I even told it about the the abortion the church sponsored when I was 14. It was up to me to please him since Kerri had left home. He would always read a scripture first and show me where it had happened in the Bible. I omitted those when I read to the Baby.

One evening Killa rang the toilet phone. I pulled the string, something heavy weighed it down, it hadn't felt like a honeybun.

It was a cell phone...an LG but a cell phone indeed. He had put a note around it with a rubber band. "Flush if u have to" it read at the top. Also there was a telephone number at the bottom that said "send me a pic."

I thought he was crazy, I stood by the open vent, the dusty breeze climbed the walls...I could smell the smokey walls where we exhaled when we smoked. Was he serious? I opened the phone, looked on the screen and pressed download and there was a picture of a muthafuckin demon! That bastard had tattoos everywhere on his face...he had done them all in Seg 12.

My flesh crawled.

I took the pic to show appreciation, sent and deleted it.

I received another text. 'U are still beautiful, thank u.'

I studied the picture and removed the tattoos mentally, he had been handsome before the murder case. He had killed his girlfriend, she had cheated with his father.

Me and the baby had everything we needed. I was content. Christmas came, I made her a tree. The ladies from the church came and brought me a Bible still had Psalms and Proverbs, I read them over and over. I regretted what we had done.

The week of Christmas I received three letters. Redd had wrote, his attorney had told him he faced the death penalty, he needed me to say I killed him. I agreed. I had to have all the details...where we were, the time..the date.

I knew the why, it just wasn't my why.

Only his car had been seen on the video going and coming from the park. They could not tell who was driving. I had indeed been fucking Terrell and Redd had told too many muthafuckin lies. Terrell had started fucking me, Redd wanted to see if he would indeed fuck me. He couldn't stop...

After a while, he paid him no attention but couldn't stay away.

I don't believe he wanted to kill him, but who wants to hear they may be sick, the both of u...

When the baby cried I calmed it down. I was the best Mommy I could be. The ashes I wore constantly around my neck. I wrote to Redd and told him to call Kerri at a certain time. We talked, the baby had just turned 10 months, I awaited the party and honey bun cake I would make. He told me how much he loved me, we went over the plan. He said he had written letters I had not received, I paid it no mind. My attorney came, I was ready to make a deal. He agreed to have the court date moved forward. I missed Issa. My father had been arrested for indecent exposure with a prostitute and he was no longer Pastor. A lot of events had taken place, I realized I was outta sight and mind as they say. My sanity, I struggled to maintain it. He promised to take care of me for 40 years.

The guy came back, I hadn't seen him since before the attempted suicide, but he was back. I couldn't take care of the baby, I was a failure. I kept explaining it to him, he hadn't understood. He kept going on and on about how naive I was, I had always been number two, there were so many others. 'Yes, u are definitely sick, they just aren't giving u the meds. Die easy now, not hard later on.' But my baby...how selfish! Redd, he would get the death penalty. He would never tell the truth, he never had! U can't be a truthful hoe...its impossible. I only need him to fuck me. I named him Mike. He had no control, no respect, he could not wait for the baby to fall asleep at times. I needed him now, not Redd.