Defeated **** Chapter Thirteen

I was so full of hatred, I hadn't understood how a person could be that angry. I had been betrayed, robbed, and abused mentally, physically and emotionally. Twan catered to me, I would just watch him ponder at times. He had known about Boogie when he recognized who I was. It had been on the news, his funeral had been at the middle school he had attended and Kerri had received lots of donations from a GoFundMe account. My mama? I still hadn't known her whereabouts. She was probably somewhere fucking a nigga young enough to be her grandson. My foot had begun to heal, I wanted a pedicure so bad. Twan decided to get an apartment, we had been in the same hotel room for almost three months eating out of a microwave watching basic cable. I eventually found out what it was he did for a living when they said they would demolish his mothers home. In so many words he was the man, under the man.

Christy had come back to the hospital, she had been on some true spy shit. I had never met anyone as smart as she was but it was an "alternate persona" she said she created to kill her husband. Weird shit but she was onto something. The bitch was papered up though and she was on some of the same shit I was on, revenge.

I just could not believe I was pregnant, but what could I expect. I had been incarcerated for almost 4 years. As soon as I felt him inside of me I came all over his dick. One stroke in...he jumped up immediately when the sound of the glass in the crash scared him to fucking death. He knew though. He grabbed his head and said "I'M FINNA KILL THIS BITCH!" I trembled. I could hardly speak...my jaw quivered. "F-f-f-fuuuck," I finally said.

But there I was about to have his baby, I had looked for abortion clinics online...there weren't any. I hadn't let him know though. Christy showed me another lifestyle. She even gave me a lot of designer shit. She wanted me to be a pattern model...she claimed she had been searching. I went to her crib a couple times, I could not stop looking up at the high ceilings. The marble bathroom had just blew me away. Her husband had come in toasted twice, he could hardly stand. His fly was unzipped...he looked very much so unkempt. She had this thing with wearing no clothes. I hadn't known what her weird ass intentions were at first. She undressed to naked as fuck as soon as we went inside. "Lock the door",she said, "my husband never does." She immediately got naked in the living room. I wondered if I was bisexual, Issa said I was. That big pussy bitch would galavant all in front of me to the point I felt disrespected but I loved to watch her ass. I wanted one like that. I watched her drunk ass husband fondle with his dick as she flaunted her naked body before him. She constantly teased him...was that their method of foreplay I wondered. One day she said "Kiss me" I said, "Bitch...we pregnant!" I think she was a natural born freak. She had fucked this nigga named Von to dumbfoundedness. While I watched. She insisted and then paid me. I stopped kicking it so much. Twan wondered where the money came from and he swore I was getting it from a Sugar Daddy somewhere. He said wasn't no bitch gone give me thousands of dollars. I explained it was a job. He stopped letting me out of his sight, he was afraid I would run into harm and had started acting obsessed. He wanted to smell my panties every time I came home. When he had to handle business and would be gone for a while he would take me to Pam's new crib. I probably was just as obsessed, but I yet had plans for Redd and wondered if I could get Christy to bait him in. We had discussed me seducing Lamont but the thought hadn't occurred to set Redd up.

When I saw the effect constantly walking around naked had on men I began to do so in front of Twan. He appreciated it. At any moment he would just approach me and uncontrollably devour me like a madman. He was so seductive, he could make me squirt. When he told me he loved me I hadn't known how to respond. He had bought me a ring I referred to as a friendship ring. We were not in a relationship in my mind. If niggas could lay up and fuck bitches and not commit, so could I. I knew he wasn't shit like Sabrina had said and I knew his aint-shitness would one day be exposed. In the meantime I would embrace the real lover he portrayed himself to be, with my guards high up.

I was so hooked on Kush I could not stop smoking. It was my psychological cure as well as an aphrodisiac. I smoked and Twan had not objected. Christy smoked occasionally as well, she hadn't given a fuck. I was kinda glad I met her. Twan came in one evening and said he wanted to go on a trip. I had never been on one. I thought I may as well enjoy life because the angry DA would definitely reopen the murder case. I agreed. He acted like he really loved me, it was so flattering. But Redd had too. I wanted to further my education as Christy had. She said she learned a long time ago knowledge to success was the key, u didn't need a penny. I would soon enroll in school.

One night I unlocked the door to the apartment Twan and I shared and Sabrina sat on the sofa. She was drunk and kept asking where Twan was at. How the fuck had she got in, had he given her a key as well? She begged me, please let him come home...she couldn't do it alone, the bitch was still madly in love. She hadn't wanted to start no bullshit, let her tell it she was very sincere. I informed her immediately he hadn't cheated on her with me. She didn't wanna hear shit I had to say. I sympathized for her but I didn't break them up and I was about to have his child. I also informed her I was pregnant. The anger was evident in her eyes. She charged me like a mad bull hitting me in the head with her fists. I thought back to Shameka. Those were fed-up reactions. "IM PREGNANT TOOO!" She screamed. I called Twan when she jumped up and ran out of the door. He had claimed he hadn't seen her, how had she gotten a key then? His explanation was she had stolen it from his keys when he left them at his Mama's house and got in the car with Dee. I was about fed up with his ass and started contemplating. I started packing my shit, he came in shortly after the call. I cried uncontrollably, he could not console me. I could tell they had argued, he became someone else. Almost sexually violent, but careful. He tore off my clothes, I shielded my belly. At that moment I realized I cared and hadn't known what he would do. Did I know him? Was it an alternate persona? He picked me up off my feet laid me where I stood and kissed the knots that were forming on my forehead.. The altercation turned him on apparently, he began to undress and ripped off my panties. As he kissed my stomach I could feel warm tears roll down my side. I softened up and rubbed his head. "The twins are not mine," he said. "They're my daddy's. I didn't even think I could make any babies." I said nothing. He lowered his head and put my legs on his shoulders. He nibbled on my clit and began to lick it teasingly. I srarted fighting him, I wanted him to stop. I didn't wanna be intimate with him. He could not believe I was resisting. He lit a blunt and rolled another one. I sat with my back against the bed, I wanted to throw up. He said she was fucking his daddy and hadn't told Pam. After doing a DNA test he found out the twins were not his but his father's. I could tell it hurt him tremendously. "I can't love her," he said. His tears were drying on my belly, I stood up and continued to pack my shit. "U don't have to worry about ole boy no more," he said. "That's been taken care of already."