Company **** Chapter Forty-Four

I had known Pam did not raise her twins, they lived with her briefly when they became teenagers but got into some shit. Pam had mentioned she had raised 3 boys, 2 girls. I knew about Tawanna but someone was missing. She had even said they were Nathaniel's children. Twan never mentioned another sister, I was curious to know why and since Trent had answers for everything I had to ask. He responded by saying, "LaTrena, I have a picture, she would be 35." He went into his wallet and pulled out an old picture of a teenage girl with bamboo earrings and big hair, that looked like him. I just could not ask what happened to her but from his response I concluded she was dead. He smiled but it was almost a sad one. Why had he been so close to them and what happened? I tried to picture him as a street nigga, I could see it but he was so conservative now. He would challenge me to play video games and liked to be competitive in the kitchen. For some odd reason he counted his beans, and I had only saw Pam do that. When I asked about his own mother he quickly changed the subject and asked about mine. He prioritized around me and the children and I felt like an intruder as I had since day one. He insisted we put them in day care for developmental reasons, I was against it but he made a good point about them needing it to advance. I had vowed to be the best mother and had begun to feel normal again so I agreed to have a daily routine for us, but kept my 3 month old son at home. Twan would have never approved of them going to daycare. During the day we would just---talk. I soon felt he wanted the privacy and as much of my spare time he could get. He would invite me to the gym, the baby and I would watch him work out and since the pills made me eat a lot he teased about me joining him. "Your husband is the nicest person! He carries my bag every Tuesday!" an older woman once said, I just smiled and rolled my eyes at him. He then asked why did I think marrying him was so bad?

It was some shit he wasn't telling me and I was tired of the puzzle, I would get pieces and lose them, I would never figure it out being medicated all the fucking time. I was beginning to function but I was all fucked up. I was so traumatized and Trent handled my fragile ass too delicately. I would experience mood swings and he would always stay calm, and approach me later and start a conversation as if I hadn't cursed him out. I encouraged him to hang out with friends, even date, he did not respond. He was also grief stricken in an unexplainable sort of way, I would see him deep in thought and knew he missed his wife. I once told him I could never replace her and he was way too good for me. We became close, but he was too mysterious, why had he always just popped up? His creepy ass was always there. How the fuck had he saw Redd that night? The night in question I hadn't even remembered seeing him, I'd had one of my blackouts. I woke up the next morning with one of the worst headaches, I had not taken any pills in over 3 years and had refused any pain reliever. I remember feeling like I'd had a fight. I was wearing a black hoodie black sweats but could not find my shoes. I had fallen asleep on the sofa beside the front door, Redd had come in checking me like I had been out with a nigga. Pretty sure it was he who had got fucked, he even tried to pretend he thought I had been with Terrell. What hadn't made sense was why Trent never reported the body. He didn't owe Redd any loyalty. At the same time, how he been able to recognize him, when Redd killed he was unrecognizable, like I said---we had killed together, I knew him.

My thoughts were all fucked up, and Trenton contributed, his good treatment was overwhelming. I felt highly indebted at times and I offered to do a lot of shit I knew he would not allow me to do. One day he said, "I can't believe Twan started smoking Newport, he would threaten Tobias and Kevin and say he would tell."

"Who is Kevin?" I asked.

"Oh, Kev was the neighbor, he stayed next door." he responded.

"Did he move?"

"Nah, he died. U remember when I told u I was a street nigga? We robbed a convenience store and got away, but he tried to jump an electric fence. We were 16.

I told him I was sorry, and how I hadn't been able to tell he had a troubled past.

"Looks can definitely be deceiving." he said before laughing. "Where did u buy that car Hazel?"

The Impala? Why?

"Oh, a car lot in Dallas. A cheap cash car, I thought it would get me from point A to B."

He laughed at my assumption, and there was no doubt in my mind he had followed me like he said he had. After leaving the den and returning with a small box and a brown paper bag, he sat down beside me, "Who's rolling?"

Trenton pulled out a sack of weed and some...papers?

"I don't know how to roll cigars. Antwan was the roller."

Wait a minute, I needed to know what kind of connection they had! They hated each other, but he managed to produce his obituary, they had mutual connections and had definitely kicked it. I reached for the pack of cigars he had inside the bag.

"I'll teach u," I said.

"Please," he responded. I think we both realized we were sitting pretty close to each other. Jr, was asleep and I felt at peace. I was good, I didn't need the pills anymore and hadn't taken them in days. I wanted a clear mind again, I felt like I was being controlled, I was a robot at times.

We smoked after I demonstrated how to roll a perfect blunt, he pretended to be impressed but was afraid of the weed in real life. He was becoming a good friend, just too peculiar. As we smoked he just aggressively kissed me, I didn't fight him but he still apologized. He said weed intensified his emotions, I could relate. He seemed so vulnerable, and he even asked "What is it u want from me?"

I responded by saying , "I haven't asked for anything."

"That's the problem, what do u want?"

I didn't even know what I wanted.

"Eventually, u will give in," he said before getting up checking on the baby.

Sometimes he made me feel like the child wasn't even mine. I wanted to know why his wife hadn't given him any children, she had 4 miscarriages and never got pregnant again, he informed me. I could tell he had always wanted to be a father. It didn't matter how often I brought up Tobias' name he never mentioned the visit.

That night when he asked me to join him in his bedroom I refused, as I had always done except this time I think I actually wanted to take him up on his offer. He invited me to watch a movie, the kids were asleep, but I got in the guest bed instead. After I had laid for about 30 minutes the door opened, and without warning he just walked inside and climbed on top of me, I worried about the baby waking up but his touch was so remarkable I would not fight, "Only if u want it," he whispered while kissing my ear. I reached for him, he was trembling and breathing uneven. His body was so firm and as the clock light shined against his face he looked like Twan, I jumped like I seen a ghost and turned on the light. "Dammit!" he said, before getting up. He had just come inside with a robe on and nothing else. My heart was pounding, my pulse was racing, I wanted to fight! I don't know why but something had made me violent, I felt betrayed like a sick joke had been played on me. "Why can't I just love u Hazel!"

I was crying, and my daughter was awake. He walked out but I heard him punching the wall. I gave Twalla her bottle and laid down. A short while later the doorbell rang, I heard a females voice, why would a female be there at 2 a.m?! I was suddenly thirsty.

I exited the guest room only to look dead in a bitch's face, I could smell cologne but Trent only had on pajamas and a wifebeater. I could not even enter the kitchen, I was so hurt. Why was he even giving another bitch attention at 2 o'clock in the morning? I began to pack my shit, I didn't know where we would go but I hated that disrespectful ass nigga! I just wanted her to know she was rebound! Being about a mile away from cute, I wasn't even intimidated. I started dressing my babies, they were so small! All of them why had Twan left me with all those babies! I didn't need them, they were his, he deserved them. I loved them but he loved them more, more than he loved me! Nobody loved me, as soon as I thought they loved me they proved otherwise like everyone I had ever come across, I just thought Trent was different, that's all. I had so many babies, I only needed one, and had to choose. I heard his bedroom door close, I broke down. I was so tired of being crushed. The babies would not stop crying! I could not drown them out, all at once, they just cried, cried, cried. I wanted to scream, they just got louder, all of them. Ryella screamed from her room and I know he heard them but he was loving someone else, I knew he was! He didn't have time for us and I could not take care of them alone. Didn't he know I would kill him for acting like he loved me?!

When Trent came through the door I was on the floor, I had pulled patches of my hair out and I was holding my baby in my arm with a pillow over his face. He snatched me up, he was yelling so loud at me, all I could see was Twan. I was so sorry but it was his fault! Why had he called her? Where was she? Who was that bitch!!

His frat brother ran to the door but stopped, I had ripped my clothes off, his wife was on her tip-toes behind him. He handed him Jr. and told them to give us a minute. He calmed the twins down and turned off the lights. I just sat on the bed and without a word, he laid down and instructed me to lay down, I did obediently. I wanted to die. I could feel his tears in my hair. "Why would u try to take my baby from me?" He asked. I woke up the next morning he was still holding me.