Mistaken **** Chapter Forty-Three

Trenton had developed an unforeseen bond with my son, and I was so confused about what to call him, he started calling him TJ for whatever reason and it pissed me off. I didn't know if he had a name or not legally and when I received all of the paperwork from Pam Twan brought home with him it said his first and last name was Carter. I begged her not to mention to anyone she'd talked to me and gave her the address to send anything she had. I had begun to try to get birth certificates for them and swore the child I carried would not literally be illegal aliens like they were. As the rest of my children they looked of another race anyways, but they were black, majority ruled. I would fight to the end for their names especially Dartanyan regardless to what his father had said, he was not born a free child. Twalla; what was understood didn't need explaining.

I was in Louisiana with Trenton still, I could not believe I was so helpless. I could not keep a phone or remember phone numbers, I was losing my memory and had lost my mind, I was shutting down. Sometimes the children would need attention and I could not react. I would have these episodes where I would remember, but it would be the day Officer Lawson killed us. I could see it, over and over and Ryella could too, she was so curious she wanted to know where he had went, she hadn't understood. I would show her his picture and tell her about her brother that was on the way, Antwan Jr. She had begun to sound out words and would call me what everyone else did, Hazel. I felt some type of way about it because she called Carmella what Jeremy had called her, Mama. I could not argue maybe I didn't deserve the title. Soon I realized Trenton was not crazy, I mean I knew he had good sense, if he said it was cheese on the moon, get the damn crackers and come on, cause we about to go see. Nosey bastard.

As it came closer to time for me to deliver he sent me to the salon for pampering, something I had never done. Full facial, manicure pedicure, shampoo and press as I had requested. When I had returned it was a house full of people, some from church, his frat brothers and their families, some old co-workers, just a lot of people I hadn't known even existed. I was confused, they had decorated and I smelled greens cooking. I looked at him and he awaited my reaction, but something had happened to my emotions I was happy as hell, my babies were being adored by strangers and Trenton had tried to comb Ryella's hair but the pills he made me take had impaired my natural reactions. The older women whispered throughout the baby shower assuming I was just evil, I don't know what the Baby Shower Ringer had told them to get them to come but some were enjoying themselves and I was too, I just knew he could lie about being my husband sometimes. My babies had a good time and Ryella was a show out like her Daddy. When I told him I'd never had that treatment before it hadn't taken him for surprise. So many people brought gifts and I hadn't known if he had done that because he could not afford to help me, which had definitely been the wrong assumption or he had just wanted to do something nice. I tried to help clean up after everyone left and the children were knocked out, however he didn't allow me to. I just wanted to show my appreciation regardless to whether them old bitties had said they saw me on the news. Had I only not been medicated---

I hadn't carried a child full term in so long when I turned 9 months I started worrying, I was so accustomed to being disappointed. Trenton would always stay his distance as if he was afraid to come closer and I determined the shower episode had traumatized him so one day as we were playing cat and mouse around the island in the kitchen I grabbed his hand and said, "Feel the baby kick!" That nigga knocked over everything that stood on the island, but was thrilled I asked. He was just too shy and respectable, I was not used to that. He would speak about things we would do months away, but I hadn't planned on staying, I had begun to try to get housing online and apply for food stamps and other government assistance so I would no longer have to depend on him, I just didn't want him to get the wrong idea. I had never imagined it possible for a person to be as infatuated as he was of us.

I'd begun to enjoy things about being normal, he had taken us to church and I started to realize every preacher was not like Daddy, the Pastor really had a message. He was saying we treat the ones God put in our paths as stumbling blocks. Trenton was solid though and I had realized long before then I just could not picture us together ever, I was so in love with Twan, I would still talk to him,I felt I was betraying him. I wanted off of the pills and after I delivered I would cease from taking them. I needed him, I was still so torn, even with the meds.

"Where did u go that night?" Trenton asked one night while peeling an apple.

"When?" I asked.

"Ion know, back in June, around the time u got pregnant, before Twan---"

"I can't remember back that far."

"U had just went back to Carrollton Hazel, how could u not remember u never left home at night."

"To the store, I don't know where I wen---"

"U came back in a gown, like u were creeping, Ion know. U were gone about an hour twenty minutes."

"What the fuck Trent! Dammit, I don't know! And how the fuck---!"

"Ok,Ok, calm down, I was just worried about u, that's all! And they were trying to kill Antwan, U and the children were there, I just---"

"WHO WAS TRYING TO KILL TWAN!"

"Nevermind, just, I worry alot and I don't care about people often."

"Why won't u tell me Trenton, I deserve to know!"

"Now isn't a good time Ba--"

"Please tell me, I love him so much!"

He looked hurt as fuck, he stabbed the apple and sat it down.

I just could not take it anymore I needed to know who was out to get Twan and what he had done, I was believing Tobias was behind it, Carlita's brother was in fact a police and knew Lawson. I just remembered how quick it had happened and tried to think back to Twan's initial reaction to being pulled over, he hadn't worried and seemed comfortable with who was approaching. Lawson had said, "What yo bitch ass get caught out here for boy?"

Twan said, "That's unprofessional, Ima record this child molestor, Bae, lemme see ya phone, I know wasn't speeding, I was going 55 in a 60."

Before he radioed after he shot my Love in cold blood in front of his babies he reached up and turned the knob on the Motorola mic on his shoulder.

I had to figure this shit out myself, or wait on Trenton to tell it, his ass couldn't hold ice water. When he told me he would withhold information to prolong my stay I told him where he could go. He swore he had been chasing behind me.

"What in God's name was in that IPhone 7 box?"

IPhone box? Ryan?

"Why? Oh God, how do u know---u one nosey muthafucka!"

"The key was in it, don't u remember texting me, asking me to dig it up and bring it the night before Twan was killed?"

"Yea, vaguely. But where is it? And someone lives there, right? How did u get it?"

"I went the night u asked me to, u were not accurate with the location." He laughed.

"I was close by when u text so I had to try to beat u there after I saw u were going, I lost u in Tyler but later saw your bucket."

"Well everyone can't afford brand new vehicles."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that. Anyways, after I change Deuce I will give u the key."

"I don't even know what it fits! Maybe Tobias does---"

"Have u lost your mind again?"

Until that point I had forgot about the fallout, the key! Twan just said it was our future. In the small bag along with the key was our emergency code written down on a piece of paper. I had never paid attention to it, and it was definitely his handwriting. We would text it in case of emergency, he had said if he ever was in a life threatening situation he would text it and I should just---pray he come home, don't call back or text. "I'm going to bed," he said after he had changed my son and gave them both bottles. Ryella was doing my hair as usual, that conversation brought back memories, I was still so angry at everyone. I had a new number, Christy could not call. One day I looked at the inmate roster and the bitch was no longer in custody at that prison! I hadn't known how to find out if she had been shipped but I knew she hadn't been convicted. I mentioned my friend Christy, Trent got furious! I apologized, I had upset him. "U just don't get it!" He yelled. I didn't know what about her had set him off, but I knew I wasn't his muthafucking child and I refused to allow him to talk to me as one. I had humbled myself but he had me fucked up. He didn't know me, or what I was capable of.

I went in labor and my son had so much shit when he returned home healthy, I was just overwhelmed with gratitude because as I looked at it all I realized everything had come from strangers. Trenton would wait on me hand and foot, make the bed and always put that damn ring on the pillow. He wanted to adopt my son but he was named after his biological father, I wasn't with it. Twan would definitely speak to me if I allowed Trenton Myers to adopt his children and not the words I would anticipate hearing. He hated him! I often tried to figure out why, one day I found the water damaged picture of a man, on a dock by a lake. Tobias, Twan, Trent and Kevin had been on the picture, they were small children with smiles on their faces. Tobias held a fishing pole, Twan and Trent sat on buckets beside Nathaniel Carter. A child's handwriting been on the back that said My Daddy but was scratched out with a different, more recent ink. Ryella looked so much like her father as a child it was breathtaking but he appeared to be about 5 or 6. It was like the picture had just fell at my feet. I chose not to inquire why he had Twan's picture, clearly it was his, but who was Kevin?

He called out to me, I turned off the closet light and asked him for a blanket as he entered the vacant room.

I nurtured my son, I feared he would suddenly develop an illness I would not be prepared for. It drove me crazy everytime he would cry, I thought something was wrong! I considered making sure he would never have an illness, I didn't want him to suffer a day. I hadn't known why the thought of losing him kept surfacing, but felt it was because I had lost his father. If only Twan could have saw him, he looked like me finally. My children were prone to have some of my conditions, and before I got birth certificates for the twins Trenton paid for every visit, every copay, every prescription. He would sneak and do shit like buy pacifiers with the days of the week on them coming from the gym, and get mad if Ryella wore Thursday socks on a Monday. He needed children bad. Whatever bitch left him had missed out.

I just couldn't believe I had four babies and the twins would soon turn a year. They were so unique, Twalla didn't miss nothing and enjoyed Trents homemade merry-go-round. The night the power went off reminded me of the night of the tornado, we all piled in the den and I waited for the wind. I was somewhat terrified for the kids. I dozed off and when the lights had come back on felt Trent pick me up but thought I was dreaming. Had Twan finally came to take me with him like I hoped? I wrapped my arms around him, I was so happy he was there. His touch felt so different now but better than ever before. I needed him, I wanted him to feel the heat inside I had for him. I don't know what the fuck had transpired before I realized I was seducing Trent, I had tongued him down! I pulled at his wifebeater and zipper but then I felt his erection and woke the fuck up! That niggas dick was massive! He had laid me down and laid on top of me kissing my neck, my titties had leaked while I was asleep and my shirt was wet, he was still biting my nipples. I pushed him off he started apologizing, "Im sorry, I know u can't---" he said before grabbing his head and swing at the air. "GOOD NIGHT!"

"Stop apologizing so damn much!"

I could have.

What the fuck Trent!

He looked back into the room, the babies were all asleep, I was awake. I need weed, I said. He said he would get some for me and we would smoke without the babies. I had not planned on staying with Trent, but he kept making plans, like Sesame Street for instance and Disney on Ice. Nigga---go to work! How are u living?!!

How could he have afforded that ring he kept putting on the pillow, I never mentioned it just to piss him off, he found it funny. It irked me to see Ryella getting attached, he fed my babies so many fucking apples I hated them, she would just get them from the fruit bowl and take them to him. He would peel them and tell them what kind it was like she gave a damn. I called Carmella one day to see if she wanted to keep the three, she was elated. We talked and she told me how disappointed she was to see I was pregnant again when I came and got the babies, but she told me it was a blessing in the same token, and to keep pushing. I could tell her any and everything, she turned out to be a friend and told me she would help me get a job.

The day Tobias showed up at Trent's house, I heard him lying at the door, saying he hadn't seen me. I wondered why, but soon found out.