Pseudocide **** Chapter One Hundred Twenty-Nine

I wanted to lay eyes on the child Lawrence spake of.

I'd arrived at the Pines Road home, pulled into the driveway and parked in front of the garage. The home was unkempt, it looked as if no one had been there since the day we left, but the garage door was not secured. As I looked underneath from inside the Bentley I saw the bumper of the gray Audi.

This was the last I remembered before my life had taken a drastic change, I had become content being with Troy but I knew he hadn't been completely honest or there was vital information he'd withheld.

The last 48 hours of my life had been trying, I'd destroyed Martin's home and was sure he was aware of what I'd done without considering the consequences. After sitting in the driveway a moment I backed out with plans to return in the daylight, dusk had just fallen and I wanted to find my babies.

Why I had been chosen was the part I'd struggled with.

Being away from New Orleans was almost a relief, physically I was in so much pain but I was relieved. The child had tormented me the whole trip.

Lawrence was resolute, nothing could convince him Christy was dead. I'd known where the retirement home was and decided it was time to pay her mother a visit, what role had she played in it all? I'd learned that she'd targeted me from the beginning and had been sent.

Trenton had taught me all about the orchard and I knew I couldn't prove he was alive, the benefits would start pouring in, my children and I were entitled to plenty.

Rosetta's story surfaced, I immediately dismissed it but knew there had been plenty bloodshed on the ground and after Trenton's grandfather died he left Trena inside, she wasn't dead but starved to death. I knew his emotional bond with his sister was not ordinary, had Jennifer found out?

I entered the I20 ramp and headed toward Pam's home. I considered my appearance and wondered if I would frighten the girls. When I arrived I considered what Martin had said about the case files being delivered to me and planned to leave before anyone knew my whereabouts. Something told me I couldn't trust Pam at all, I disregarded the uneasy feeling I had and exited the car after seeing the front room curtains move. As always the modest home was tidy.

Twalla opened the door I couldn't make it to her fast enough, the smell of the food inside nauseated me to the point of changing my mind about entering the home. As Twalla called for Ryella she ran outside and met me, looking like her father. My knees weakened at the resemblance. My babies.

When Ryella appeared from the hallway she showed more excitement for me carrying a child than she did to see me, "Am I having a brother or sister?!!" she asked. I lied and said I didn't know before hugging them both at once. I rubbed their long thick plaits and brushed their cheeks with the back of my hand. I was touching them, they were real.

My daughters, Twan's daughters---no doubt.

I told Ryella there was something we needed to talk about, she wanted to know immediately but I told her to play while I looked for Grandma Pam. "Pam Pam?" Ryella asked, I laughed at Twalla's expression and wondered how Pam was taking care of them, seriously.

"She didn't get hit in her eye!" Twalla whispered loudly as they sat on the dining room floor.

After a few seconds had passed I called out to Pam who was in the shower, soon she emerged but hadn't seemed happy to see me at her home. My first thought was to get my children and leave, I hadn't wanted to uproot them from another home without warning or justification but would certainly return.

"Hello Hazel," she said dryly.

The girls could sense the tension as I could. "That's not a dress," Ryella said.

I looked around at the home, the Christmas tree still stood with unclaimed gifts underneath and their toys and dolls were scattered about the living room floor. Twalla just couldn't get enough of my attention whereas Ryella seemed distant. My twin daughter kept calling out for me addressing me as Mama.

I just wanted to forget about everything that had went on and enjoy them. Twalla inquired about my hair and said I looked like a man, Ryella spoke on my eye. Without asking I headed toward the yet steamy bathroom and wiped the mirror in tears as Pam headed down the hallway---as I had I saw someone in the mirror I didn't recognize. Why had I even come that way I asked myself but knew why, to see my babies

After washing my hands about 5 minutes later I returned to the living room, Mya had come to mind, also Brown. I needed to talk to Pam and if we had differences we needed to settle them once and for all if she was going to continue being in her grandchildren's life. Maybe I just needed to get myself together I thought considering my appearance but yet her cold shoulder disturbed me. Without being offered a seat I sat down on the brown leather sofa before she disappeared into the kitchen after coming back from the bedroom. "U ate?" she asked.

I wished I could.

I told her I was fine before she said, "I don't know what u have done but u can't stay here."

I asked what she meant---"Dallas County Police been here lookin' for ya and all kinda other people, u need to just go back to where ya come from, it's not safe here and I'm tryna take care of these girls---now just ain't a good time, I know u didn't just come here thinking u could just take them, I been here for them and u ain't! I don't know what u thought stepping up a day after---"

Dallas County Police?

I said ok and nothing else as I googled my own name Hazel Givens. Who else could have come.

The articles that populated shocked me, I was wanted for questioning in connection with Symone's murder and Nikki had already been questioned and was missing. Ironically I had avoided being apprehended.

Pam studied my reaction and reiterated that it wasn't a good time for me to be there and to let my children enjoy the Holidays without commotion. Something had frightened her ass too.

I had no clothes, no destination only to a room---I'd left clothes behind but at the Pines Road home because I hadn't planned to be gone long.

When she mentioned how Tobias' disappearance had taken a toll on her sympathy consumed me as I felt grief stricken likewise, also I pondered whether to tell her what happened but hadn't wanted to seem involved. Something had definitely made her age tremendously---I summed it all up as stress however at that moment I adored her for taking care of my children.

I had so many questions but when she began to speak on the day Trenton had brought the girls she answered one of the most important ones.

As she combed her wet hair she said, "I hadn't known who was beating on the door at 3:00 in the morning, I had been dreaming about my children when they were little. With hopes of seeing Tobias' face I ran to the front door but instead of seeing my son I saw Trenton and the girls, they both stood barefoot with their hair knotted up, in their gowns. My first question was 'Where is Hazel," he said u had left him and he seemed very angry. Also he said u were pregnant with someone else's baby again. I didn't believe him, but took the girls in and asked if he would be back soon."

I could tell she grieved Trenton as well, I felt there was no need but didn't say anything.

"He said they couldn't stay at the home, it wasn't safe and explained that was why y'all moved from Keithville, I then asked him about his job. He told me he had to fly to Alexandria to see if he would get his badge back and said he had got in some trouble helping someone. I begged him not to go back to his old ways."

I searched for the picture of Jennifer and found it hanging beside Tawanna's at the hall's entrance.

"Trenton had once been like my own son, I admired him for becoming somebody. It was true that LaDonna couldn't function to raise them right but he turned out good, Trenton was a good boy, just got tied up with Martin Poindexter. What he had going on with the land had been settled and he was doing good in the field. I really couldn't say anything about u and him, but only because I knew he could love Twan's kids and when he stood at my door in the middle of the night I believed him when he said he was trying to keep them safe."

Was she talking about the Trenton I knew? Go on...

"He told me he had a plan to get y'all away from here, I knew about the home in Alexandria Virginia and thought he meant he would move y'all there."

As I scrolled my phone for The Blake in Bossier City I decided to thoroughly research Christy while Pam talked.

"I wondered if he had got tied back up with Martin and told him he better be careful dealing with that man. Twan told me a few years back he was being investigated, also I knew how vindictive he could get especially when he has helped u---if the Devil can't have ya he will go for your children and when u let him have ya, ya give them to him."

I couldn't find much and hadn't known Christy's maiden name but had found an article about the investigation pertaining to a murder where someone had called anonymously and said the head recovered along I 20 belonged to Karma Creighton. For some reason I remembered what the judge had said about her not being reliable.

Who else could have had a child delivered to their father? The bitch didn't care if a nigga was dead or alive, he would get his damn child.

"---heard his house burned fear came over me, something terrible is about to happen from all this. That home has power, a presence inside ya can't describe. There was this oasis---this sanctum in there, I'd lost my way around long time ago and had wandered into a room full of books. When I walked in Hazel there was something dark about it, I was becoming tired and had brought a friend of mine along, a white girl like ya mama; she ran around with a camera, wanted to be a photographer. I noticed how she flirted with Martin but knew I had waited so long for him to even look at me and was cheating on Nathaniel. She had even loosened her blouse after seeing the house. I remember it was hot that summer, I had an old Delta 88 the air didn't work. First time ever going to New Orleans and the---culture— set the towns folk aside from the rest of the Louisiana people. I heard black people speaking French also for the first time and remembered from school they had come from Haiti after being captured for slavery. Don't nothing but evil sit down there in that bend, u can feel it all over ya body. I kept telling Davinda we needed to leave something just wasn't right but she insisted on----staying, got upset with me! I left scared as hell chile, I couldn't stay, I left her and didn't regret it! They found her days later all---messed up, couldn't walk and had lost her mind. She gave me the camera she had taken with her from her purse and begged me to have the film developed. After so long I did, and what I saw on the pictures as I flipped through them walking away from the frightened employees at Eckard made me not know who to believe in. I knew Martin believed in the transcendental but what I saw on the pictures terrified me, I called Nathaniel and begged him to forgive me, he hadn't even known I had went to New Orleans. I knew he loved me but I saw the distance between us after that point on. He'd told me of his own experience with Martin and had tried to kill him later on but he lived. I hadn't seen him, all those years passed but then out of the blue he showed up at my home asking about Tobias' girlfriend a few years back. I had never met her."

I listened to my girls argue over the new toys and thought about how normal they seemed.

"Trenton told me the night he came that u were in danger. Tobias had told me Martin wanted to kill his girlfriend and that she had had a husband who use to work for him. I found out later she was your friend. I hate to be tied up in anything, I been through enough! I just want to be left alone but couldn't turn my back on the seeds my son left behind. Without them I would have been gone by now."

While absorbing what Pam said and scrolling the results from various searches I noticed how my girls whispered among each other and laughed at my appearance. I concluded I was just somebody else to them especially Ryella, she had never cared for me. I broke down.

In an attempt to console me Pam sat down in the already reclined chair and reached for my hand. She just didn't understand. I had nobody, I relied on them all to be happy to see me! Through my tears I asked what else my husband had said. "He was on a job, that's all I know but said he would be back."

I stood and left without saying bye to either of them---after my girls hadn't ran for me when I left I began to hate them.

The storm I thought I'd escaped had followed me. I was a mess and had no one but knew I needed to get myself together before I drive into the Redd River. I looked at the time and knew Shonda's shift would soon end, I had a surprise for that bitch and had initially planned to be waiting beside her car.

As I pulled away from the curb and prepared to drive to a WalMart Ryella texted me, "Did u read the letter Hazel?"

I closed my eyes and pictured my baby's innocent face and knew I was responsible for all of my children's sins. I disregarded the text out of bitterness.

My whole body ached, and now my heart again just when the heaviness inside from missing Troy had subsided. As I headed toward Monkhouse Drive a longing for my mother surfaced, I disregarded it---she couldn't help me. Another message from Ryella came in, this time it read "Hazel where did u go?"

The distant sound of sirens became closer, I looked in the rear view and saw an ambulance approaching from a distance and remembered the day I was shot. I still walked with a slight limp but had put it all behind me. I was adamant if Christy had contacted anyone it would definitely be her mother. Everything about the city brought back memories, I had to keep grasp of my sanity and knew I had to get the fuck out of dodge. I felt the visit had been in vain but how else could I expect my daughter to act? I wondered about the relationship Boogie and I would have had.

Lawrence's words---a baby.

I thought about it, why would Christy stay around to let Martin kill her. Wouldn't she have made him put up a fight? Troy said he cut off her head, who sent him to do so? Was it his uncle or Trenton?

I knew he worked for Trenton but actually he worked for anyone who could pay for his services and it was odd that Carmella's head had been decapitated as the one found in the field.

I texted Lawrence, I wanted a picture of the child but as I had I experienced a flashback that disturbed me. What was on the pictures Terrell had sent to Redd's phone? It had been a normal day, Boogie had gone with Redd and Terrell to the Riverfront. He'd taken him to Kerri's house and dropped him off afterward, Redd had something to take care of. He'd come home but had quickly left, leaving his phone behind. I'd spoke to my son he said, "Uncle T told me all the police stories, I wanna be a cop!"

I laughed and told him good night.

How would Ryella feel if I never returned?

Cornered in I contemplated, would they be remorseful? I'd always been alone. They would all leave me alone!!!

Lawrence refused to take a picture of the baby and became offended when I asked. Not because I asked but because of why I'd asked. "The child is mine, I know it is and I know who I laid down with," he insisted. "She's gone, for good now."

"Who?" I texted and asked.

"Nakia," he responded. I wondered if she knew.

The another message came. Briefly I became sad for him, it was as if his words across the phone screen had a tone.

"She had asked me to talk to Trenton about helping her fake her death and said she would pay him generously. Poindexter was out to get her and she was facing life in prison. Trenton said she was already in his debt so I didn't think they went on with it but she wanted Martin Poindexter to think she was dead along with a few other powerful people. My wife mentioned seeing her at her sister Yvonne's home one evening, but she kept bringing her up. For some reason she thought she had been staying in Keyons office hiding out."

I asked if he could remember anything important she'd said the last time they were together. She had almost broken up their marriage and I knew Trenton didn't like her, did he?

"She just talked about moving to Florida and that Tobias owed her money from an insurance policy. We had a connection."

Minutes passed while I tried to figure out how to respond to what he'd said.

"Why did Trenton want me dead?" I asked impulsively.

I saw the message bubble appear and vanish several times before the message populated on my screen.

"He was hurt, u left him like the rest."

I knew it was more to it, the message was too short.

"He sent Makil after u, u fell for it. Then Makil wouldn't leave u alone, they had an altercation and from that point on Trenton kept saying he couldn't let Makil win. He had some issues and he thought he'd finally found his soul mate. I could tell he didn't make u happy. It showed, that wasn't the life u wanted. It made his demons come out. He would mention having physical confrontations and would stay inside for days---covered in claw marks."

Claw marks?

I remembered the deep scratches on his chest but they were much like the ones on Dario's back. Something wasn't right.

I screenshot the message while turning into the Motel parking lot on Monkhouse drive. I was in no condition to go to Walmart and had remembered seeing a laundromat during my last visit.

As if insult wasn't already added to injury Louisa called. I rejected the call and parked before entering into the motel lobby. The Pakistani clerk looked disturbed and watched me closely as I asked for a room. I would hand wash my clothes if necessary. I couldn't tell if he was nervous or excited.

I prayed to God, I knew he would help me. Both Mama and Daddy had said he was a God of many chances and as if he spoke to me something said leave the motel.

I was accustomed to voices already but hadn't known who was speaking to me, I thought, why would it be God? Im not worthy...

For the rest of my life I will remember room 304, the room I was asleep in when I was surrounded by the infrared beams. This time I was more mature and was prepared, thanks to Martin I knew the law.

4 days had passed before I was even interrogated...again I was in the yellow paper gown and the voices pacified me. Like a zombie I walked from wall to wall until I couldn't take another step on my swollen feet. During chow someone leaned in and looked inside the tray hatch..."Oh---u here again? I saw u on the news, don't worry, I'll get u out! Who do u want me to call for u?"

Call? Tuh---

"Martin Poindexter," I said sitting on the floor with my back against the wall.

I'd returned from the interview with the detectives, there were case files for days of murders that they suspected I'd committed, same MO they said when the FBI came. No matter how many there were Christy's name was not mentioned at all.

After the interview I was escorted back to the cell and had passed by Shonda with my head down. "We're moving u to Seg 6," the guard stated as she wheeled me inside.

I noticed mail had been delivered, weakly I sat down and picked up the large yellow envelope that was addressed to Hazel Givens. It contained pages and pages of details about Martin's case. Inside was a letter---

"Nothing in 'this' world is free," it began.