READY FOR MARRIAGE?

"Marriage is not a 50-50 proposition. It's all in. 100%-100%. Anyone who will be short will be filled in by the other. It is not a trial and error. It is a commitment to love until the end," Ichika said to Juan and Jacky.

"Thanks for the advice Grandma," Jacky said.

"Ichika is a good marriage counselor," Katsuo said.

Ichika continued her marriage counseling.

Answer this question.

What is Love?

1. Love is a feeling you feel when you get a feeling you've never felt before.

2. To love somebody is not just a strong feeling—it is a decision. It is a judgment. It is a promise.

3. Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.

"All of the above?" Juan said.

"Correct!" Ichika said.

Katsuo reading a book about love.

Marriage Needs Three Types of Love

1. Eros—seeks sensual expression—romantic; sexual

2. Philia—a friendship which includes companionship, communication, and

cooperation.

3. Agape—unconditional, self-giving, forgiving

Agape love is not just something that happens; it is something you make happen.

Agape love is kind, sympathetic, thoughtful, and sensitive to the needs of the

other.

Both of you must make a quality decision to embrace all three of these in order to have a good, happy marriage.

Your love will either live or die. What kills love?

1. A failure to spend time alone together doing things you both enjoy.

2. A failure to reinforce appropriate behavior in each other. For example: smiling, complementing, spending time together alone, showing compassion.

Another question.

What do you expect from marriage?

Every person who marries enters the marriage relationship with certain expectations.

These expectations come from many sources such as parents, values, society, books, speakers, our own ideas, etc. For example, a husband might expect his wife to be at the door when he arrives home, to always be at home and never work, and to have sex with him whenever he wants to. A wife might expect her husband to go to her parent's house with her wherever she goes, to be the spiritual leader in their home, and to spend Saturdays at home and not hang out with the guys. These expectations must be agreed upon, because failed expectations, is one of the main cause of disappointment and causes misunderstandings and fightings.

What are your individual goals and both as a couple must also be discussed upon.

Less than three percent (3%) of married couples have set goals for their marriage. Goals are vital, for unless you have something in mind that you want to work toward or achieve,

you will not get very far. "Where there is no vision (goal), the people perish…."

Proverbs 29:18.

How to help each other fulfill each other's needs.

One of the motivating factors for marriage is the fulfillment of needs in one's life. In marriage counseling, we find that one of the major complaints couples bring in is that of not having their needs met. Often, one partner is attempting to meet the needs of the

other but he does not always know what the needs are and/or does not know exactly how to meet them. Thus, it is important for a married person to define his needs specifically and then indicate how he would like his partner to respond in order to meet these needs.

1. Physical

2. Emotional

3. Social and Intellectual

4. Spiritual

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS THAT MUST BE AGREED AND TALK ABOUT.

WHAT ABOUT…?

a. Where are you going to live?

b. What about work…will you both work…for how long?

c. What about churches…will you both attend the same church?

d. What about children…how many...when…birth control?

e. What about school…do you have any plans for furthering your education?

By reason of your new marriage, you will become an in-law and you also gain in-laws.

The questions below are designed to assist you in your effort to establish a wholesome

relationship with your future in-laws.

First, discuss their present parental relationships.

1. Are both parents alive?

2. How was your childhood relationship with your parents? (Example: Did they

raise you?)

3. How is your present relationship with your parents?

4. How do your parents feel about your plans for marriage?

5. How do you think your in-laws view you?

6. What would you consider to be interference by your in-laws?

7. Describe how and where you would like to spend your first Thanksgiving &

Christmas.

8. What does leaving mother/ father mean to you? What do you think it involves?

We have noted down all this and we will take them one by one, these are an eye opener.

"Yea I agree," Tony said.

All nodded.

Joel, Ruthie, Paulo also nodded. They are learning.

Elena called Tony about a concern in the office, Tony received the call in speakerphone.

"Hello, Boss Tony, Our shipment to the US was delayed because of the plane had canceled flight, should I call the buyer of the delay, or you will be the one to call?" Elena said.

Joel had meet Elena in the Philippines during their visit there. But they have not talked yet personally.

He remembered her when they bump accidentally in the office door because Elena went out in a rush and Joel was going inside carrying a carton of fruits. All the fruits scattered inside the office. Both of them pick up all the fruits laughing.

"I like her voice," Joel said to himself smiling.

"What are you smiling at Bro?" Jacky asked.

"Nothing, I just remembered something funny," Joel said.

"I love funny stories, what's that? Jacky asked.

" It's nothing" Joel insisted.

"Oh, come on, share with me Brother. Is that a secret?" Jacky teasing him.

"It's about Elena," Joel said.

"You know Elena? She's my best friend. What is funny about her? Your crush?" Jacky teasing him the more.

"Haha we accidentally bump in the office and all the fruits I'm carrying scattered on the office floor. We pick them all laughing" Joel said.

"Hahaha! Funny" Jacky said.

"You know, Brother, She is a good girl responsible and mature. She has a beautiful voice and she's a typical Filipina beauty. Straight long hair, shy a bit but she's a talker when you are already close" Jacky said.

"Yea I agree, good voice, she sang one time and she has a talent," Joel said.

"I miss her, I'll call her tomorrow," Jacky said.

"Say my regards to her" Joel said.

"Sure, yes, my Brother has a crush now!" Jacky said.

Joel just smiled.