Kiyon's After Wedding Thoughts

I turned from my bride and as soon as I could I made sure to bury myself far away deep in the old temple halls

Where I could be totally alone

Alone with my miserable self

I try to meditate but I keep losing focus and becoming frustrated

I fall into my hands and I feel as if I might either break out sobbing like a child or smashing every object in sight to splinters

Every time I try to close my eyes and forget about him

He is there 

Pale face with dark hair and midnight eyes

His touch was cold

As if he wished to be warmed

And I wanted to warm him

I wanted to take him into me

I wanted to see into the darkness of him 

But…

I can't hurt him!

I just can't

No matter what!